Ellie
Tonight was another sleepless night. I paced the halls of Tommy's compound, I couldn't wait get my own room because I could pace without the fear of waking Joel up. I walked through the mess hall and down the road to the dam. I haven't been sleeping well since we got back from the Fireflies' in Salt Lake City, Joel had given me his word that everything had gone down the way he said, but I couldn't help to feel worthless. Our entire journey; everything I had done, it all amounted to nothing. My mother had said that I was meant to do something great, and I believed her. But why did this happen then, why wasn't I able to make a difference? Just as I got into my thoughts I felt a pat on my back, if I weren't so distressed my first instinct would have been to reach for my gun, but I was so caught up in my thoughts, luckily it was just Tommy. "Hey, kid. What are you doing walkin' around so late?" He sat down next to me; I was still pretty scared when he popped out of nowhere.
"I can't sleep." I said honestly. "I've been having problems sleeping ever since we got back…" He just kind of chuckled, watching the water.
"Yeah," He said. "I'm sure. What's up with you, you seem awful down lately." I sighed wondering if I should really tell him what's wrong. He was just Joel's brother, what harm could he do? I looked down over the river.
"Joel told you what happened with the Fireflies?" He nodded.
"It's a shame. He was really convinced something could be done with this damned sickness."
"We both were…" I muttered. "I just feel so useless. The one thing everyone thought I was good for, the only person it ever saved was me. Not to mention all the people it killed…" Tommy shook his head.
"That's not true. You're not the only person it saved; I'm surprised the old man even survived long enough to come across you. He was slowly starting to lose steam with his old age, y'know?" I understood that Joel and I became very close during our journey, but even if what Tommy said was true; was it worth it? Tess was dead, so were Sam, and Riley. All from this "Damned sickness." I wasn't sure why I was feeling this way; maybe it was true, maybe it wasn't
"It doesn't matter." He said. "Either way, you've done a hell of a lot more good than bad." I appreciated his help even if I didn't believe it. "So a little off subject here, but your birthday is in two months, have you put any though into what you might want?" He asked. I honestly didn't. Another birthday was not my main focus while I was questioning why I'm still alive. "Not really." I said.
"Well you should make up your mind soon, and get some rest while you're at it." He said, getting up and walking back. "Goodnight." He said. "Night." I said.