Okay…so I was in a really horrible mood when I decided I would write this. I give my sincerest apologies to anyone unfortunate enough to have come across it…

A Reason to Stay

Tai looked down at the note in his hands and his eyes grew wide with shock as the words smacked him square across the face, the shaky letters carving realisation into his heart. He was suddenly aware of the dark living room's ominous silence and, at that moment, every passing second became heavy, weighing him down, every second from then on was precious...

He had been sitting on the wall when I finally found him, surrounded by people as always. I don't know how long we'd been friends but I still found it difficult to approach Tai. It had always been different when we were all out together, just the few kids in our group, but recently it had become difficult even on those occasions.

I've always been an introvert kind of guy but, now more than ever, I've found myself slipping away from everyone. It's ironic – as I become the owner of the crest of friendship, I lose the ability to be close to people.

So there he was, surrounded by classmates, on the wall. I watched him as he cracked jokes and laughed and I remembered how close we'd been, me and Tai, after it happened. He's the only other person who'd been there that day. He'd held me in his arms while I cried; he'd been there for me through it all and, for that, I would never forget him. He had been my anchor, keeping me grounded; stopping me from floating away – without him I don't know how I could have survived. I saw him laughing and cracking his jokes and I was glad to see that his life had regained some normality; he deserved that, at least.

I let myself get lost in the crowds after that and was swept into the school. I stopped by the familiar locker and I was pained to know that it was empty when it should have been holding my brother's school books. I couldn't believe it had been half a year already. I no longer cried when I thought about him, hell, I still half-expected to see him walk through the door every day, laughing that I'd fallen for his big joke. This was never going to happen though…My brother was gone.

I never thought I'd be in this situation at 16 years old - brothers aren't supposed to lose each other until they're in those dusty retirement centres. Our parents are even more devastated than I am, if that's possible. They blame themselves. No, it would be too difficult, too painful to blame themselves so they blame each other.

Tai was out the door, in a matter of seconds, and racing down the street. His heart was pounding hard against his chest; with each beat threatening to burst open his rib-cage. The sky was cloudless and the moon lit the whole way to Matt's apartment building. 'Please, god,' he thought desperately to himself, 'please let him be here.' He pushed the door, as he reached it, to find that it was locked. "Damn it!" He yelled, slamming his palm against the hard wood in frustration. He rammed the door a few times with his shoulder to no avail. He didn't have time for this. He buzzed up to Matt's apartment. No answer. Maybe he wasn't here after all. He retreated a few steps and turned. He stole a quick glance at the building and adrenaline flooded his body – there was a figure on the roof.

I didn't stay at school the full day. I only stayed long enough to clear my head and to see the people I care about and the people my brother cared about. I spent the rest of my day in the local library, writing. I wrote letters.

The first letters I wrote were to my parents, saying all the things I wish could say but know I can't. I didn't hold back anything. The next one was for Tai. It was harder than I ever thought it could be. Trying to say everything that was on my mind but a part of me understood that he already knew how I was feeling – he'd imagine losing Kari and he'd know exactly how I felt – which only made it more difficult.

Thinking about it, my brother's death must have been hard on Tai too. Maybe it had even been harder for him, I mean, he saw it happen – he even tried to save him, I think. I know deep down that Tai felt responsible and that makes me want to puke: I don't want to see Tai hurt because of my mistake. If I hadn't run off, that day, the accident would never have happened.

I had been mad though. How would you feel if you walked in on your brother kissing your girlfriend? If I had stayed I would have torn him apart so I chose, instead, to leave – I didn't know he was going to follow me! How could I possibly have known? Tai had been there too. He had been more shocked than I was, I mean, it was his little sister of all people – I'd half expected him to come down on my brother like a tonne of bricks.

I was half way across the road when I heard his voice behind me, calling my name, getting closer. I didn't want to look at him. I was crying and there was no way I was going to let him win and see me like that. "I hate you," I had screamed as I ran faster, away from him. As such, I never saw what happened next but boy did I hear it: the car horn; the screech of brakes applied at the last minute; the thud, the smash and an unsoundly crack. The next thing I heard was the high pitched scream of a woman in the street.

The memory is a little hazy after that. The whole world seemed to have gone silent and there was only me, Tai and the lifeless, blood-stained heap that had once been my brother. My whole body had gone numb; I couldn't even answer the paramedics when they arrived with their simple questions and hopeless attempts to resuscitate the broken shell of a body. Tai had been there, though.

'Damn it,' Tai whispered to himself as he realised how close to being too late he was. He raced back to the door and, without thinking, put his fist through the glass panel. He felt around hopelessly for a few seconds before he found the lock and turned it, letting himself in. He punched the 'up' button on the elevator a few times and the tiny number 18 lit up – it was on the top floor. He shifted from foot to foot impatiently as the 18 blinked out and the 17 lit. It was taking too long and before he'd had time to think, he was on the stairs.

So I'm standing on the roof, like a crazy man. But I'm not crazy, my brother had loved to come up here. He told me once, when we were younger, that the night sky made it easier to think and it was only up here that you could see the stars – way out of the range of the city's lights. I can feel myself starting to well up. Since he's been gone, my life is so different: Kari, my girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend now, won't look at me and I can't say I blame her; my parents have been anything but parental, all they do is yell at each other and cry; and Tai…

Tai has been there for me through it all but now even he is fading from my life. I pull myself up onto the wall and swing my legs over the edge and pull the two crests from beneath my shirt: Hope and Friendship; two of the things I'm lacking the most in my life.

"I miss you, Matt," I whisper into the night, hoping beyond my own capability that he can hear me, wherever he is. "I miss you every day and I'm so sorry."

His lungs were aching and he was ready to drop but Tai refused to stop moving: he had to get to TK. Although exhausted, he was taking 2 stairs at a time and he soon reached the top floor and in a matter of seconds he was pushing through the door to the roof. Immediately, he could see TK. His blond hair, so like Matt's, was blowing in the wind. He walked over to the other boy and, without saying a word, pulled himself up onto the wall beside him.

"So, you think you can skip town without a proper goodbye, do you?" Tai said gently, looking at the blond boy. He was stunned by how much TK resembled his older brother in the moonlight. He had the same, sad blue eyes and he was wearing the exact same, lonely expression Matt had owned when Tai had first met him.

"I'm sorry Tai," TK, groaned, looking down at the ground, a long way below them. "There's just nothing left for me in Odaiba, anymore." TK turned and looked into Tai's face and was surprised to see that his usual, jovial charm had been replaced by a blank air of regret.

Tai's heart was beating fast. "I miss Matt too, TK," he said after a few seconds. "But I'm sure he wouldn't want us to forget to live our lives for him." TK listened to Tai's voice intently and his eyes filled with tears. Before he could stop himself, he was wailing. His head found Tai's shoulder as he continued to cry. Shaking, Tai pulled him closer. "As long as we remember who he was, he'll never really die." He was suddenly aware of the tears in his own eyes.

"Tai," TK said, sniffing as he sat up and freed Tai's arm, "do you think he can see us?"

"I know he can," Tai said and, without any thought, he laced their fingers together. "You know, I'll always be here for you, TK," he continued, "And…I'm coming with you. That is…uh…if you can't find a reason to stay here."

TK laughed quietly but he knew that Tai was serious. He looked at the older boy through teary eyes and kissed him. Tai let out a heavy sigh. He was finally in a place he wanted to be…he never knew that place would be with TK but he certainly wasn't disappointed. TK pulled the blue crest of friendship over his head and set it down tenderly on the wall beside him and he finally let go of Matt, allowing his only brother and idol to finally rest.

He leaned his head back on Tai's shoulder as they watched the stars as they glittered and burned in the sky. I love you, Matt.

AN: Whatever, I know it was long. Sorry if it sucked lol. Anyway, let me know what you think…if you managed to read it all without getting bored or annoyed. :P :P