Summary: Discovering it all on one rainy day was certainly a feat for Sakura …
Warning: An ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (AU) story. This story takes place at the Sakura's world, if you like, but I seriously had written this fic out of the blue without the intention of wanting to emphasise the world they're in.
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One Rainy Day
What day it was I didn't know, but it was a rainy day. There was a hot cup of tea on the table right in front of me; the hot steam danced freely upon the surface and disappeared as it rose into the cool air. I was garbed in these new and unfamiliar clothes: a nice, frilly pink dress and a matching bonnet. The bonnet was on Mokona; I remembered putting the bonnet there on his head, much to his great delight.
Fye was sitting on a couch not far away from me, right next to the fireplace. He was reading a book; a maroon heavy-leathered book. Kurogane was nowhere to be seen, he must be around somewhere. I didn't want to bother myself to go looking for him, he had strictly told us not to bother ourselves about him.
Then, there was Syaoran-kun.
I could sense the odd feeling was coming over me as soon after I gazed at him.
Syaoran-kun.
He had his back on me, and he was gazing out of a window. Soon after realising what he was doing, I turned my gaze and cast it out of my own window right on my left.
It was still raining, and I sighed softly. Mokona stirred sleepily in my lap, but I didn't look at him. Something got to me.
Raining.
I turned my gaze back at Syaoran-kun.
The whole thing felt somewhat … familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it.
Then … I remembered.
It was raining when I finally woke up from that oddest slumber and saw him hovering. I saw the smile for the first time, but yet the deepest of my heart stirred: I felt like I had actually seen that same smile many times before; it felt oddly familiar.
As soon after I asked him who he was, there was a slight change dawning upon his face. Was it disappointment? I couldn't really tell.
And then, he told me everything I needed to know about him and myself.
Hime. Sakura-hime. I knew who I was exactly, but something always niggled at me. Stop calling me that was the exact sentence that would always be flung here into my mind every time he addressed me as Sakura-hime. Up until this world, I knew he was here as my guardian and I was his ward, and it seemed to me that he wanted us to stay that way as we go through this formidable journey to find and retrieve the fragments of my memories.
But the feeling to be always right next to him was always there. Being just his ward felt strangely … unsatisfying.
Somehow, I wanted to be something more. Something strange was stirring at this very bottom heart of mine, it was yearning for something. I couldn't explain this feeling, I really couldn't. I wished I remembered him from my past but I couldn't. Every time I tried, I felt as if something was blocking my view from my memories of him.
I could tell that we were perhaps the very best of friends; because if we were not, then why was he doing this for me? I knew I had a brother, but in spite of him, Syaoran-kun was here with me, not Touya.
Something was wrong there.
We could be more than just best friends, but I never knew that … not until I get all of my feathers back. Because if we were more than just that, then I could finally find the real reason behind this strange, stirring feeling.
I wanted him to tell me; but I couldn't find a way to tell him to do just that. What if we were just friends? What if maybe it was just me?
At this time, I was getting drowsier and drowsier. The tea and cake were laid untouched, and the rain just couldn't seem wanting to cease. The tip tap sound of the rain was lulling me to my sleep.
It was dusk, finally.
How long had I fallen asleep, I didn't know, but when I opened my eyes, I noticed straightaway that I was lying on my back.
I was back in my own room, and it was dark.
Stranger still, it was still raining. Was this some kind of … premonition? I was again reminded of him as the rain continued to fall from the heavens.
Syaoran-kun.
I was still dressed in my dress; clearly one of the men had carried me up here. With Mokona's help, I finally had managed myself to lit a candle and the darkness in the room was chased away by the light.
Syaoran-kun.
It was happening again. The feeling of wanting to know his whereabouts and to be with him always was nagging me; a few seconds later, I couldn't help sighing heavily, I gave up to that feeling.
I must see you.
I walked out of the room into the dark landing, and once I was outside, I heard a very loud snore. It must be Kurogane's; nobody in our little group could make ourselves be heard loud enough except him.
I found his door easily, for his room was right next to mine. I was thinking about knocking at his door, but I stopped myself. Thank heavens the door didn't creak, and as clichéd as this might sound, I found him in his bed; sleeping. I could tell, because I heard his soft snore right away.
For one moment, I just stood there at his doorway … not knowing what to do next.
Well, you wanted to see him so there you have it. He's sleeping. Leave before he realises you are checking on him.
But instead of turning away, I closed the door behind me. It was dark, for I had left the candle in my room and his candle was not lit.
There was just the moon beam.
I moved closer, just close enough to touch him … if I had stretched my hand and reached out for him, and then I would. I was convincing myself that what I was doing was not wrong; after all, I was just checking on him, to make sure he was fine.
But the craziest thing was: I realised that I didn't want to do just that. I wanted to do something more.
Would touching him bring those memories back to me? The memories I had with and of him?
My fingertips were only inches away from his cheek when I started to back away. I was scared if he might be woken up from my touch and that would be embarrassing.
Maybe he was right about that unspoken rule. That we should remain to be the guardian and the ward. If he doesn't want to defy that rule, then I must not too, I thought half-determinedly. I must not act shamelessly.
But what was so sinful, I just didn't have the time to find the reason why, for the next thing I knew, he was stirring.
"Hime."
I froze.
He sat up bolt straight with his back on the window. I couldn't exactly see his face at the moment, so I couldn't see the expression upon his face.
My position however, was not helping me. I knew that he could see my expression clearly at the time. And I – I was scared.
"Is something wrong?"
The pure concern in his voice melted my frozen composure at once. I shook my head at once, and started to back away a few more steps.
"You don't have to back away like that. Is something bothering you?"
I shook my head again. Then I flashed a smile, but the smile faded away rather quickly. Perhaps realising how very inconvenient it was to converse in the dark, he got out of his bed and started to the room desk to lit the candle. And it was strange that I didn't take that chance to leave the room. Instead of leaving, I just stood there watching him.
The candle was lit in no time at all, and the room was no longer lingering in the darkness. This time I could see his figure very clearly, and … an appalling thought came.
He looked magnificent. Throughout the time we had been together in this journey, I had never actually looked at him from this light. Syaoran-kun looked so magnificent. The urge of wanting to be held in his arms was swirling like crazy. If before this I'd always seen it as protection and comfort, but now I was seeing and wanting it to be quite … different.
What was happening?
He turned around to face me.
For the first time (I couldn't remember if I had ever reacted like that before in his presence), I blushed. The temperature rose rapidly in my cheeks and I just couldn't seem to keep looking at him. And I knew just then that I was embarrassed of my thoughts, and of the way I was looking at him. I looked over his shoulder instead, out of the darkness behind the window.
"Er – is something the matter?"
Confused. He sounded confused. He was just as confused as I was.
"Nothing." My trembling voice failed me.
"Okay," he replied, nodding his head in pure consideration. I started to turn around when I finally realised he hadn't asked me of my reason being in his room. Had he forgotten about it?
I looked over my shoulder. He was still watching me, and his expression was unreadable at this time.
"Syaoran-kun?"
"Hime."
Somehow I felt that the question was better left unasked.
"Good night," I told him instead, reaching for the knob.
"Good night, hime," I heard him reply.
Why aren't you stopping me? I thought all of the sudden. Oh good heavens, I'm acting and thinking like a lunatic.
Appalled, I quickly opened the door and bolted out of his room due to this newfound consciousness. It scared the life out of me. This feeling was getting out of hand …
Syaoran was my guardian, and I was his ward.
I convinced myself that there was nothing more.
"Hime?"
I whirled around, realising that I was only halfway on the track to my own room. And I was too busy trying to convince myself that he was only my guardian, and I was only his ward.
"Yes?"
I was feeling somewhat … in high spirits.
"Would you like to have a supper with me? Considering that you had actually skipped dinner – well, supper, then? Fye left some puddings – I think that is what they're called."
My stomach felt queasy as he smiled down at me, I knew it was not due from skipping dinner. It was queasy, yes, but in a good way.
And despite that about half of my memories were still missing, I did realise and remember something.
Nobody had ever made me feel like this before. Syaoran just did; and even with the missing feathers, I was sure it must have always been him. Nobody else had made me react like this before. No one.
Memories were not important, feelings were.
"Supper it is, then, Syaoran-kun."
And as we walked down the stairs together, I couldn't help but noticing that I might have finally discovered the reason behind this funny arrangement (on why he was going with me instead of my brother) … and behind this strange desire to be with him always.
My brother must have known about this. That was the only possible reason why my overprotective brother would relent and let me in Syaoran-kun's hands.
That I was in love with Syaoran-kun.
That must be it.
Someday, when I finally get all of my feathers back, even if I'm wrong about our past, I'll make sure I am right about this. That I have loved you long before this journey started.
And outside, it was still raining.
I had disentangled it all on one rainy day.
Author's note: So, what do you think? This is my first PUBLISHED TC fic, I have many others but I have decided to publish this one because it's a one-shot and all.
Review, please! ;)
