Chapter One: Recovery
The Burrow had been almost silent for months. The Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry had moved back there after the war to recover. Everyone had their own way of doing so, which was why it was so quiet. Mr. Weasley spent most of his time at the office, away from home. Mrs. Weasley had trouble getting out of bed most days and Percy spent his time comforting her. Charlie and Bill spent their time obsessively de-gnoming the yard. Fleur often sat silently off to the side on the back steps, watching. George slept on the couch mostly. He couldn't go in his own room, and found it unbearable to be awake anymore. Everyone took turns sitting with him, but that never seemed to do any good. Ron and Hermione spent their time sitting in corners together, sometimes silently and sometimes whispering quietly to one another. Ginny wandered around the house and the village near the burrow. She was never still, she found it unbearable to be so. Harry sat on the front porch, staring out at the countryside.
Harry hadn't talked much since they came back and everyone had mostly left him alone. Every once in awhile, Hermione or Ron would go sit with him and pester him to open up, but he never did. He just stared straight ahead.
After about three months, the Burrow started to liven up again, and people started to go back to their lives. Mrs. Weasley got up and started cleaning and cooking again. Mr. Weasley came home at reasonable hours and spent less time alone in his workshop. Percy returned to his own home and his own job at the ministry. Charlie went back to Romania and Bill and Fleur went back o their seaside cottage. Ginny stopped wandering the village and mostly kept to her room. Ron and Hermione even started talking above a whisper.
Harry pretended that he couldn't hear them discussing their plans for the future. Ron had already planned to go work in the joke shop with George and Hermione began discussing travelling to Australia to find her parents. Even George began to return to normal. He had gotten up off the couch and began talking about going back to the joke shop.
Harry was the only one who couldn't seem to find normalcy. He couldn't understand how everyone seemed to be transitioning so seamlessly. He still couldn't make himself talk to anyone much except Ron and Hermione. He tried to act normal by going inside more often, faking smiles at meals, and offering to help Mrs. Weasley around the house. But, he could feel everyone's eyes on him. He knew they would whisper about him because they would suddenly stop when he would enter a room. He tried to find this same sense of normalcy that everyone else had found, and when he couldn't, he tried to fake it.
When everyone else had gotten back into the swing of things about four months after, Hermione and Ron finally approached Harry with no intentions of backing down without getting something out of him.
"Harry," Hermione said quietly from behind him. He turned to see them both in the doorway. He turned back out toward the countryside on his spot on the porch. "Can we talk?" Harry nodded slightly and the two of them sat down on either side of him.
"Are you doing okay mate?" Ron asked, "I mean, I know its been rough and it should be, but we're starting to worry about you." Harry looked at both of them and tried to smile. But he could tell they knew he was faking it.
"It's just taking me some time to get back to normal," he said. Hermione sighed and looked at him with sad eyes, which made it impossible for Harry to even look at her.
"We've been talking and we think that if you talked to us it would help you get some closure. That's what helped for us," Hermione said.
"I don't know what to say," Harry said, "I feel like I'm in daze and that this whole thing is an awful dream that I can't wake up from."
"Just start there," Ron said, "Just say whatever is on your mind. Pretend we're not here and say whatever you usually think about when you sit on this porch." Harry took a deep breath. He knew they were trying so he owed them a crack at it as well.
"I see their faces," he said, "All the time. When I'm awake or asleep. Its like they're burned into my mind."
"Whose faces?" Hermione asked when he didn't go on.
"Everyone who died," he said, "My parents, Sirius, Lupin, Tonks…Fred. I can't get them out of my head."
"You miss them," Ron said simply, "I see Fred a lot too. He's in most of my dreams anymore."
"I don't think it's that," Harry said, "I know I miss them, but I think it's because I feel like it's my fault."
"I knew you were going to say that," Hermione said suddenly, "Harry, it was not your fault. They died for the war. They died because of Voldemort. Not you."
"I know," Harry said, "I know that the whole thing was bigger than just me. I just can't seem to shake the feeling."
"Well just know that no one blames you," Ron said, "It'll pass." Harry nodded. He started to feel better already.
"Anything else?" Hermione asked. After a moment of hesitation, Harry nodded.
"I feel like they're still watching me," he said.
"Who?" they both asked.
"The death eaters," Harry answered, "Any that escaped and are plotting a rebellion. I know they're out there and I know they'll start their rebellion with revenge against me."
"Almost all the death eaters are in Azkaban now," Ron said, "The only ones that I know of that escaped are the Malfoys and they won't hurt you. And if there are any others, there can't be more than 10 and we can take them!" Harry laughed at Ron's confidence. It was the first time he had laughed in months.
"We're safe now Harry," Hermione whispered and linked her arm through his. Ron placed his hand Harry's arm. "We can stop worrying. We can stop fighting. We can finally live our lives without fear. Especially you." Harry smiled at her and leaned on her shoulder.
"You guys were right," Harry said with a smile, "It feels better to talk about it." They sat there like that quietly for a moment, staring out at the hills, locked in each other's hold. "Do you guys want to go inside?" Harry asked, "We could play a game of exploding snap or something?" Hermione jumped up and pulled them both inside after her, excited to be with her best friends again. Harry felt better than he had in months. A few nagging feelings of guilt and paranoia still lingered, but as Ron said, with time, they would pass.
A few days later, Harry was in the living room, shining his new broomstick when Ginny walked into the room. She stopped dead at the sight of him, alone on the couch. His eyes widened at the sight of her and he dropped the shining rag.
"Hi," she said awkwardly.
"Hi," he said back almost a little too quickly. For a moment, they stared at each other. Ginny took a breath as if to say something, but Ron and Hermione walked in and she shut her mouth.
"Hey guys," Hermione said suspiciously as she and Ron joined Harry on the couch.
"Bye," Ginny said quickly and practically ran from the room. Harry looked back down at his room, embarrassed to be caught in such an awkward moment. One last thing he needed to do to get to normal was to talk to Ginny.
"Are you guys going to talk soon?" Hermione asked. She always knew what Harry was thinking.
"I don't know," Harry sighed sadly. "I thought that when we got back, Ginny and I would be close again, just like before I left. But now, its like we're drifting even further apart. I wanted to give her space to mourn and recover on her own. But now, I fear that I waited too long."
"Not talking to each other won't help mate," Ron said and Harry smirked at him.
"I'll get to it," he said, "She's obviously not in a hurry to talk about us." The three of them were quiet for a moment before Hermione took a deep breath and turned back to Harry.
"Anyway Harry," she said, "Ron and I came down here to talk to you about something. I think that it's about time for me to go find my parents in Australia. And we both think it's best if Ron is to go with me. I don't know where exactly they are and am going to need some help."
"I think that's a good idea Hermione," Harry said and took her hand, "I know how much you've missed them. They will be very happy to see you…once you've given back their memories." Hermione looked a little surprised by this and gave Ron a look.
"You're going to be okay without us?" Ron asked, "I know you're doing better but I can stay if you don't want to be left alone."
"I won't be alone," Harry said, "Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are here, George is here…and Ginny."
"Yeah, Ginny will be here," Hermione said suddenly excited, "Maybe that will give you guys a chance to talk." Harry laughed slightly.
"Yeah maybe," he said. He secretly did not feel especially confident about his talk with Ginny. As sure as he was about what he wanted, she hadn't given him any sign of returning the same feelings. He hadn't shared that with Hermione and Ron, and now he didn't plan on it. He knew Hermione needed Ron to go with her, and his relationship with Ginny was not something he wanted to prevent Ron from going. Hermione kissed Harry on the cheek and Ron clapped him on the back before they both got up.
They spent the next few days planning their trip. Harry sat quietly by, avoiding Ginny. He tried to plan out what he was going to say to her once Ron and Hermione left, but couldn't come up with anything. Hermione tried to walk him through what he should say as she and Ron finished up some last minute packing, but Harry got so flustered every time he thought about it, she gave up.
When they had finished packing, said goodbye to everyone else, they pulled Harry aside before they left. "Don't worry about what to say to Ginny mate," Ron said, "Just wing it!"
"Just say how you feel and it'll be fine," Hermione said. Harry nodded nervously. They hugged goodbye, and Ron and Hermione disapparated to Australia, with promises to return as quickly as possible. Harry ran back up to Ron's room where he knew he wouldn't be disturbed. He didn't have the strength to talk to Ginny just yet. But he knew he couldn't avoid her forever, and he didn't want to. He fell asleep agonizing over what to say.
The next morning, Harry went downstairs, determined to find Ginny and talk to her as soon as possible before his confidence wavered. He found her in the backyard chasing a snitch around on her broom.
"Hey!" he yelled up to her. She floated down in front of him and put her broom and snitch on the ground.
"Hey," she said fairly stoically.
"I was wondering if we could talk," he said. Ginny nodded slowly but didn't say anything.
"I just want you to know that my feelings about you haven't changed since when we were last together," he said, "I know you may not have waited for me, but I needed you to know how I feel."
"You couldn't have told me this a few months ago?" Ginny snapped. Harry was slightly taken aback at how angry she sounded. "I know we all went through a lot and everything, especially you, but it's been like you can't wait to get away from me."
"I just didn't know what to say," Harry said, "I didn't know how you felt."
"You would've if you would have come and talked to me about it," Ginny snapped again.
"I didn't know if you waited for me," Harry said, his voice rising slightly, "How was I supposed to know? You didn't come to me either!"
"You broke up with me remember?" Ginny yelled, "You had to come to me first." Harry was dumbfounded at how badly this was going. He thought she wanted him to wait to talk about this.
"Are you saying you don't want to be with me?" Harry asked at a lower volume.
"I don't know Harry," Ginny said quietly, "I just really don't know. I did wait for you though! I didn't expect you to come to me right away because I know you've been to hell and back, but it's been months and you've completely ignored me! I've been left completely alone to deal with everything and you abandoned me completely when I needed you!" She was yelling again. Harry could feel eyes from inside the Burrow watching them now and dreaded the moment he would have to re enter the house. But his own temper started to rise.
"What about my feelings Ginny?" Harry yelled now angrier, "I went through a lot in case you forgot! I needed time!
"I know that," Ginny screamed back, "I didn't expect you to come running to me as soon as Voldemort died! But it's been months! Its like you expected me to sit around and wait for you forever, like you owned me or something!"
"Ginny, I'm sorry-" he started.
"No," Ginny snapped, "I don't want an apology. I just need some time to think, now that I finally know how you feel!" With that, she stormed past him and back into the house. Harry stood frozen in the yard for what seemed like hours before finally heading inside. He headed straight up to Ron's room to write a letter to Ron and Hermione. He hoped Hermione would have some advice like she always did, because Harry didn't have a clue on how to fix this.
He waited for a letter for days, and when one did finally come, Hermione seemed just as shocked as he was. And she offered no helpful advice. Harry threw the letter aside in frustration.
He tried to find Ginny over the next few days, but she refused to talk to him, and when he would try anyway, she would threaten to hex him. Harry feared that he had lost her forever.