"Wake up."
I blinked blearily, once again I was here… again. "Hello catalyst…" I replied, I figured after the third time of trying to get a different end for this… disaster I'd screw with it mentally before I went and jumped head first back into hell. Actually perhaps I should explain what I mean by that? My name is Commander Jane Shepard, the Lion of Elysium for what that's worth, N7 graduate and the first human spectre. I also happen to be in a never ending closed time loop, at least that's what I understand it to be anyway. No matter what I try, everything I do seems to lead back to this very spot, I can't avoid ending up here for some reason. I've been tempted to let the bastard kill us all but… I'm an N7 and I'm a soldier… we never give up, but I can't help but worry that someday I might just give in and let the little bastard have his victory.
"You know?" It replied, surprise evident in its reply. The worst thing about this bloody stupid thing and yet simultaneously my only saving grace, is that it never remembers that we've met before, of course neither does anybody else which just adds to my torture, hell I can't even show any proof of what I've experienced to Asari, a people who procreate by joining their minds with those of their partner! I'd almost swear that if it weren't for the fact that it has as much clue as I do for why I end up looping back in time that it had deliberately planned this situation in such a way as to force me to eventually kill my self just to end the loop. After all I've tried taking each of the choices it gave me and there was no difference and I refuse to take the easy way out.
"Yes, I know exactly what you are. You are the master AI that controls the Reapers… simply put I'm here to go back to where it began for me again." I called back at it, jumping to my feet, "and yes we have discussed questions of how and why is this possible a couple of dozen times and quite frankly, I'm so tired of this but I'm still going to jump in and 'sacrifice' myself to resolve this." The ghostly figure of the catalyst is still standing there as I drag myself up onto my feet, so predictable, still I wish it would do something to surprise me at least.
"You will find a solution to your own dilemma, or perhaps a solution will find you. You are evidently quite unique if you've managed to resist ending yourself. You know what you must do." The catalyst said, its tone remaining even and unchanging as it spoke in its multilayer voice that hinted at its origins. "Yeah… thanks." I replied before dropping my pistol and sprinting down the white metal of the walkway that lead to the crucible's firing chamber that was bathed in the green glow of whatever energy the crucible channels. The pain of falling into that firing chamber isn't something I'm ever going to get used to, still at least it won't take long.
For as long as I've been looping I've longed for something different to happen, something that was radically different but nothing has ever happened. Only things that are slightly different even only ever are variations on what I've already done. I guess if there is one thing I'd hope for, no that I want with all my heart is for somebody, anybody to do something completely different but I guess that's as forlorn a hope as me escaping this looping mess without having to take everyone with me. This should be about where I black out now though?
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"The commander! She's waking up!"
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I remember the first time all too well, I was confused. Actually confused doesn't even begin to describe how I felt, especially when I heard Anderson's low bass voice. There he was standing right before me alive, not a scratch on him at all. He was a little shocked when I said that I saw him die, simply put things didn't turn out too well but after that I shut up about it all, after all I didn't want to be stuck in a mental asylum even if this it was a dream… though the more I traveled and interacted with people the more things seemed to be actually real and not just the dying dream of a soldier.
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Propping my self up from the bed, I fell into the act. "What happened? That was one hell of a dream."
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I remember taking up a hobby a couple of times, drawing, writing, a second language, the piano as well. I've gotten very skilled with all of my extra time… although somehow no matter how hard I try… I still can't improve my dancing. I guess nothing is ever going to improve that.
Still…
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"With the beacon blown up, Shepard. This isn't going to look good to the politicians and with Saren on the march with an army of Geth…" Anderson said grimacing.
"Things will not be looking up for anyone especially if he succeeds at what ever he's doing." I replied to Anderson confidently, whilst a little bit of myself died as I said it knowing that I'd have to do all of this again.
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…Even though I'm looping and can never seem to catch a lucky break carrying this impossible burden…
…I'll triumph because even after all of this…
…I'm still here…
Author note:
I hope you enjoy this one shot, I wrote it to get it out of my head and stop it distracting me from what I've been focusing on. However I am tempted to expand on it and if anybody understands the title then I think it's safe to say that you one, know what inspired it and consequently know the awesomeness of what inspired it as well as two, know what the title of the related expanded piece would be.