Even Our Emotions Have an Echo

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: I haven't exactly figured out where I'm going to go with this. There's many Post-LMR fics out there, but few are told solely through the eyes of Meredith, and I'd like to try that route. We don't give Mer enough credit. A lot of the stories have similar plots so bear with me as I try to figure out something different, but equally compelling. Feedback please. It helps me write :)

I feel my heart beating wildly in my chest. I can feel Derek looking at me as Finn says my name. Shit. This shouldn't be hard. He chose Addison. He is married, and Finn has plans, plans that include me. I should grab Finn by the hand and let him take me home. That's exactly what I should do, but I had no idea what I will actually do. My thoughts are muttered. I can't think. I can still feel Derek looking at me, and still I can't breathe.

I look both men in the eye, compose myself, and simply say "goodnight." I turn on my heel, pick up my dress, and follow Izzie, George, and Alex to the car. I can hear both men cry out my name. It takes all my strength within me not to turn back around, and make the obvious rash decision. No, I refuse to go that route, not again. Not tonight. Tonight is the time to be a friend. It is the time to be there for Izzie. I admit I find it sad that I am using my friendship to Izzie as an excuse to not stay at the hospital and deal with the dilemma I created for myself.

Alex, and George drive Izzie home in Alex's car. I get into my truck and follow them home. In the car I break down. What just happened? What does this all mean? Would someone find my underwear? Would Derek tell Addison? Tears run down my face and I try my best to focus on the road and not ram into the back of Alex's car. That is the last thing I need tonight.

What I need is to be with my friends, my family. I have been so consumed with my own pain that I forgot what was truly important in life. Men are fleeting. Derek had already made that clear, and Finn could very well do the same. I have to ignore my own pain, even if just for the night, because that's what family does.

I pull into the driveway of our home and try to compose myself. I pull down the car mirror and attempt to conceal the evidence of my emotional breakdown in the car. I look myself in the eye and am honestly sickened with the person I'd become. Sure I could blame Derek, but I allowed myself to become this way. I truly am the dirty mistress. Before I could claim I didn't know, but tonight I knew all too well. But I also know it felt so good to be with him again, too good. Regardless, in this moment I realize that something had to change, something within me. I had to regain some kind of control in my life. No longer will I allow myself to fall into this downward spiral of emotion, tequila, and knitting. There has to be something else. There has to be something better.

I slowly get out of the car, and close the door behind myself. It is a cool May night. The crispy Seattle air feels so good in my lungs. Finally, I can breathe.

I walk into the house and I can still hear Izzie sobbing. Poor girl. I can't even imagine how she would be able to cope. She lost Denny so quickly. She never saw it coming. I never saw it coming. One minute you're planning the rest of your life with the person you love. You don't ignore a single detail of the future you two will share, then he's gone, and your left with nothing but memories and a broken heart. You're left alone to glue yourself back together anyway you can.

I walk up the stairs and I see Alex holding on to Izzie. I realize how much Alex loves Izzie. He's holding here and smoothing her hair back from her face. God, Izzie looks like a princess, a beautiful, tragic, princess.

I clear my throat to let them know that I am in the room. Neither of them moves. I hear George in the next room on the phone, and a few moments later he joins us. George sits next to me on the floor. He puts his arm around me as I silently begin to cry. For Izzie. For Derek. For life. Izzie is in so much pain, and there's nothing any of us can do to help her except be here for us when she needs us.

Izzie eventually falls asleep in Alex arms. Alex puts her down in here bed. He looks torn as he finally lets go of her, as if he didn't want to let her go. George and I get up and take the pink gown off her sleeping broken, sob wrenched body. Alex adverts his eyes.

"Is it alright if I sleep on the couch? I want to be here in case she needs anything," Alex meekly asks.

"I think we have it from here. You should go home. Get some sleep," George replies. I can see in Alex eyes that there is nowhere else he rather be, and George could tell as well.

I go into the hall and grab him a pillow and blanket. I hand him the linens.

"It's going to be ok. She's going to be fine," I say trying my best so sound confidant.

"That's just what people say when they are trying to make people feel better, but thanks," Alex responds as he descents down the stairs.

I go into my room, change my clothes, and then return to Izzie's room. George is fast asleep on Izzie's left side. He's holding her close to his body. Quietly I climb into the bed. The house is silent minus the sounds of Izzie and George's breathing. I allow these sounds to lull me into a deep sleep. I am exhausted and I have a feeling that tomorrow will be equally exhausting.

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I'm awoken by the sound of my alarm from across the hall. Regardless of my inner turmoil, or the state of the world around me, work is my one constant. Being that I always had to go, and it was always a pain in my ass.

As I step into the shower, I try my best to not become overwhelmed by the day that lay ahead of me. I will take it minute-by-minute making good, sound, responsible decisions. I know that is a lot easier as I stand in the confines of my shower. I know the next minute entailed conditioner, and the minute after that a towel and comb. Shit. Who am I kidding? I'm absolutely terrified of going to the hospital. I will have to say something to Derek. Finn deserves some kind of reasonable explanation about last night. I have nothing to say.

Then Burke and Christina. I haven't even spoken to Christina since prom last night. I needed to talk to Christina. I hope that Izzie is still asleep. Hopefully, she would sleep for the good portion of the day, but it was only a matter of time before she woke up and had to deal with the reality of Denny's death.

Quietly I get ready and sneak out of the house. I know I said I was going to become more family centric, but I needed some me time. I would see them at the hospital. I get into my car and drive the long way to work. Along the long way is a park, a beautiful little park. My father used to take me there when I was a little girl. I park my truck and climb out. The morning is somewhat cold, but there's an obvious hint of warmth in the air. I lie on the grass and take in the silence. Beautiful silence surround by the beauty of nature.

I allow my thoughts to race through my head all at once. Finn. Divorce. The hospital. My mother. Dr. Burke. Knitting. Christina. Sex with Derek. Izzie. Addison. For the first time in a long while I allow myself to feel. I'm not trying to avoid my emotions or bottle them up, but rather deal with them. I have to deal with them. I look at my watch, about forty-five minutes later, and know I have to go to work. I take in as much as my surrounding as I can and get into my car. This would be the last bit of silence I would have for the rest of my day.

gagagagagagagagagaga

I walk into the cool exteriors of the hospital. I try to fight off the feeling of impending dread. I advert my eyes to the ground. I can hear people whispering as I walk by. Once again I am the center of Seattle Grey hospital. I'm the intern who screwed the married attending in an exam room. I can take it.

I walk into the locker room and begin to change into my scrubs No one else is here yet. I've been in the hospital for 15 minutes, only forty-seven hours and forty-five minutes to go. I go to put my hair up and drop my hair tie on the floor. I turn around and bend to pick it up. I hear someone come into the locker room, and I soon feel their presence behind me. I turn around and see Derek standing behind me. He grabs me and kisses me. I freeze.

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