Haunting
A/N: Ok, I'm still not over Neji dying. I'll probably never get over it, I just refuse to accept it. I refuse. I loved him and his uptightness and his hair and so I sometimes get very emotional about him. I want him baaaacckk. I wrote this, and I almost cried a few times so, honestly I hope some of you are criers cuz I want to know if it's cry worthy. I'm not much of a crier, so its hard to determine these things myself. Ah, anyway, enjoy.
There were times where Tenten felt Neji all around her. In training, in mundane activities, in her bed. She liked to think his ghost followed her around in her day to day activities, that he was present in even the air she breathed in.
Of course, she never told anyone about that. There were a lot of things she never told anyone about her relationship with him. She never told anyone about how she dreamed of him every night, and how he constantly crossed her mind, and certainly not that she was convinced his ghost followed her around.
Sometimes there were days where the wind seemed to bring his scent to her, and there were days where she would sit in front of their tree- the one he kissed her behind, and would run her hands on the bark and would remember their time so vividly she could almost taste his lips. There were days where Tenten couldn't leave her bed, the weight of missing him was so crushing she would just listen to the sound of rain and cry.
It was a rainy day they'd first made love after all, the thunderstorm making rain pound against her windows, and the atmosphere suffocatingly humid, but Tenten still found that memory so damn sensual.
There were nights where she saw him die over and over again, and she would awake to screams and tears. Sometimes, it was like she was getting stabbed through too, she swore she felt pain. There were nights she'd relive their time together or dream of what could have been. There were nights she was so angry at him, for dying, for stealing her sanity by making her love him. However, by morning she'd regret ever being angry at him and would apologise to his ghost.
Tenten put on a brave face for her friends, who would gaze upon her with pitiful faces, or speak about memories of him. She knew they felt pain at his loss too, especially Naruto, Lee and Hinata, but even the sound of his name could be painful to her, especially when everything around her was so him. She tended to avoid conversing with them.
Time passed, and her friends started to marry and have children. Before long, she found herself watching Sakura prepare to become the wife of the soon-to-be Hokage, Naruto, and wondered what had she done so wrong that she couldn't have those things too. Why she couldn't walk down the aisle to see Neji waiting there like Sakura could for Naruto, or hold a chubby infant that belonged to her like Kiba and Ino could?
She was focused on her career she would tell herself, she was going to be like her hero, Lady Tsunade.
Whenever Tenten would ask for a mission, Tsunade would look at the girl as if she were see-through, but sigh and give into the kunoichi's request. The younger kunoichi would often refuse to make eye contact when she noticed that.
One day, Tsunade finally asked the question."Why are you so determined to do mission after mission, Tenten? You leave the village a lot more frequently than most of your peers."
"I want to be a powerful kunoichi like you, Tsunade-sama."
Tsunade looked down at her glass of sake, took a swig and then looked at Tenten seriously. "You're already like me, Tenten. You just don't realize it."
"I..I don't understand..."
Tsunade gestured for Tenten to sit in a chair, even offering her a bit of sake. She shook her head no, but looked to her idol to continue.
"When I was a young woman, I had a fiancé named Dan. He died in war, and I couldn't save him. I was very distraught, and it took me a long time to deal with my grief. I never allowed myself to move on, and because of that...I missed opportunities I shouldn't have. I spent a good part of my life running from my own personal hang ups when I could have had something real."
"...Master Jiraiya."
Tsunade looked at her hands, refusing to look Tenten in the eye. "All I mean, is that I don't want you to find yourself my age living with so many regrets."
Tenten nodded, and stood. Bowing respectfully, she left the office, flying past anyone walking down the hall. She found herself on the roof of the building, and sat against a wall, breaking into sobs. Ever since childhood she wanted to be like Tsunade, and now that Tsunade admitted she was it didn't feel the way she wanted it to. Fate twisted what she had wanted.
Maybe that's why, maybe Tenten brought the curse on herself by making that stupid wish. She was doomed to live life without any love or family because of it.
How many times had she cried with his face on her mind? How many times had she wished she could run her hands through his silky hair once again? How many times had she thought she would gladly die if she could kiss him just one more time?
How much had she let slip away from her because of it?
"He didn't want to leave you, y'know."
Tenten turned to see Hinata standing in the entrance of the doorway. She wondered how long the Hyuuga had been standing there as she vigorously wiped her eyes. "How did you find me?"
"I was headed to Tsunade's office to give a report on Suna, where I've been acting as delegate since Temari is pregnant. But, I saw you run up here and I figured I knew why."
The gentle girl came and sat next to Tenten on the ground, a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "His choice, it wasn't to abandon you, it was to save Naruto. His dad-"
"I know what happened to his dad, Hinata." Tenten said glumly, not really wanting to discuss it.
Hinata smiled anyway, and continued. "His dad chose his own fate, and Neji finally realized he could make the same choice. He wasn't a caged bird anymore."
"...He refused me." Tenten finally admitted.
"What?"
"Back when we were Genin, he refused me because he figured he would have to die to save you one day, because of his destiny as part of the side branch."
Hinata sighed, clearly remembering the troubled relationship she'd had with Neji back then. "He didn't refuse you later."
"He said Naruto had changed his perspective, and it took him a while, but he realized he had feelings he couldn't refuse to acknowledge anymore. But in a way, he still died protecting you."
"I know," Hinata began, tearing up. "I curse that moment everyday. In fact I curse my childhood kidnapping for starting the whole mess. But I think he felt he'd made the choice on his own, rather than being obligated."
The two sat quiet for some time, lost in thought. "I've never talked to you about his death before." Tenten said, looking at Neji's cousin, who merely nodded. "I see him all the time. It's been years and I can feel him touching me, and holding me and I remember everything about him. I think I'm so worried to lose my memory of him I refuse to let myself heal, because the pain is all I have left."
"I understand."
"I miss him so much, Hinata. I feel like he stole a part of me."
"I always considered him my brother, and I miss him too. Sometimes, I go to tell him something and remember I can't and I just break down."
"It feels better to say these things out loud."
Hinata nodded, wiping away some of her own tears. "I should probably go report to Tsunade now, but tomorrow night, I think we should go to lunch."
"Sure, i'd like that, Hinata."
There were times when Tenten needed to sit on his grave and vent, and there were times where her heart ached seeing his picture. But, Tenten had a good friend in Hinata now, who she could talk to and empathize with. Eventually, she even let herself talk to Lee about the events after so much time. The guilt that came with knowing her avoidance of him caused him pain took a while to get over, even though Lee would never in a million years hold that against her.
She still remained career-oriented, never really let herself have romance, and never got the family she had dreamed of but she had closure now, and that gave her a freer outlook than she'd had in years. His presence still constantly surrounded her, and she often found herself thinking of him, but she was better and more open than before. Letting her wounds close somewhat, allowed her to unlock her own cage, much like Neji did for himself.
There were times she missed him still, and she knew she'd see him again someday, but she could face the day now, and that's what mattered.
A/N: Did you cry? It's ok if you didn't I understand perfectly. Well, I hope you liked it because I kind of fixated on the idea and then spit it out as fast as I could. I honestly didn't even know where it was going to go, my hands did all the work. I have a lot of feelings about NejiTen...
Please leave a review telling me how you feel, i'd like to know how I did! I hope you all enjoyed it, even you criers out there!
Thanks for reading,
MyHikari