Open Your Heart
Author's Note: Yes this fic bears a very similar name to one of my other fics, and that is actually for a reason. This is like another version of "Open My Heart", except its set after Season 3A after Derek left Beacon Hills. Its based upon the 3B spoilers somewhat.
ooOoo
One
Derek could only think of getting far away from Beacon Hills, the town that had only ever brought him pain. Okay, so it hadn't been only pain. There were still people he cared about there.
Derek's fingers tightened on the steering wheel. Even within the depths of his mind he found it hard to acknowledge feelings for others sometimes. He'd learned not to get too attached to people over the years, and that's why he'd left without saying goodbye... to anyone.
He tried to focus on the void within himself, letting any feeling for those faces slip away. Stiles flashed through his mind again. He'd been letting Stiles get closer lately. Maybe it had been knowing that Jennifer had lied and used him. Wasn't that how it always was?
Stiles was a lot of things, but a manipulator wasn't one of them. Even when he tried to hide his feelings behind sarcasm or a cool indifference Derek wasn't fooled.
It wasn't only Stiles, Derek also had a certain level of feeling for Scott. Scott really surprised him sometimes with how much he cared about others. He was the alpha Derek should have been.
Should have been...
Derek was the alpha no longer. He no longer felt the alpha's fire within him. It was strange to feel its absence, to know it was no longer there. It was almost like wanting to tap into this power he didn't actually have. Yet hadn't he done it to save the one person he couldn't lose at all costs?
He looked over at his younger sister, gently dosing in the passenger seat of the SUV. He allowed himself a small smile, inwardly reminding himself not to get too attached to anything. It can be snatched away in an instant. He'd saved her, but what if he hadn't been able to?
Derek's mind went immediately to those he'd failed to save. Erica had been so young, so full of life. Sure she'd been cocky, but she was his pack, like his sister in so many ways. He'd given her the bite. He'd done it for power, because he didn't want to fail as the alpha. Looking back, he'd probably been doomed to fail from the start.
Scott had been right. You don't just make a pack for selfish reasons. How had Derek been any better than Deucalion in a sense? He'd given a bunch of troubled teenagers a curse for his own gain. He would never forget holding Erica's lifeless body in his arms, looking into those lifeless eyes, before using his fingers to gently slide the lids closed forever. He'd buried her himself, and yes he'd mourned.
Boyd was buried next to her. Derek had killed him with his own claws. He hadn't meant to do it, but he'd never be able to forget those last moments, Boyd's face as life slowly left him.
Stiles had been there then too. Jennifer had stood there in the entrance of loft and simply watched him in his grief. Now Derek knew why. She'd been using him from the beginning. It had been Stiles who shared his grief, who stood strong by him, the comforting hand on his shoulder.
Derek would never forget it, or how strangely right it had felt. He couldn't help thinking now that it shouldn't have been anyone else besides Stiles. Hadn't Stiles shown time and again that he was the only one who really cared?
That's why he had to let Stiles go. He couldn't go further and set himself up to lose someone else. That was the one reason above all others that he had to leave Beacon Hills behind.
In a way it did feel liberating to know he was getting further and further away from his dark past with every mile. In another way it felt like he was leaving behind everyone and everything that held real meaning in his life.
He looked sidelong at Cora again, feeling his heart soar, knowing he still had her. She was enough to numb the dull ache of everyone else he missed, but nothing it seemed would be enough to stop Stiles from swimming into his mental image.
Derek's fingers tightened in frustration around the steering wheel with enough force to bend it. Why couldn't he get Stiles out of his head?
ooOoo
Stiles parked his Jeep in front of the shotty old apartment complex, stepping out onto the pavement. What had brought him here? He'd figured Derek might need someone after all that had transpired.
They'd found Jennifer's body about seven this morning near the nemeton. Surely Derek had heard about it by now? What kept bringing Stiles back here? It was probably that Derek seemed so alone in the world. Everybody needed someone, and Stiles' nature just wouldn't let him ignore that.
Twilight had fallen, casting its orange glow over the nearly empty parking lot. Stiles felt a feeling of forboding as he stepped into the elevator that would take him up to the loft. Something just didn't feel right.
He stepped onto the rooftop landing as soon as the elevator doors swung open, making his way for the loft doors.
"Derek," he called out, banging at the sliding door. "Hey! Open up Sourwolf! I know you're in there!"
No answer came. That feeling of forboding came back. Stiles finally decided to just try to handle, finding that it shifted beneath his hand.
He slid the door back. All the lights were off. The first thing he noticed stepping inside was that most of Derek and Cora's things were gone. The loft was completely silent. He was hardly aware of his heart dropping, as an unushered tear slid down his face.
Derek was gone...
Derek hadn't even said goodbye...
Anger mingled with grief. Stiles choked back a sob, huffing defiantly. How could he? He bawled his fingers into a fist at his side, feeling like he could punch Derek right this moment. This better be some kind of joke!
Derek would come back right? Stiles stood in silence, awash with emotions for several moments. He didn't know why he went over to the couch and sat down on it. Part of him knew Derek wasn't coming back, maybe not ever.
An idea occured to him suddenly. He reached in his pocket for his phone.
ooOoo
Derek pulled out of the McDonalds drive-thru, back onto the highway. They were in a small southern California town named Blythe. It didn't have much, but Cora had complained about being hungry, and Derek had been a little himself.
He bit into his McDouble, thinking they should probably drive a little further that evening, but his sister had other ideas.
"We should stop," Cora spoke, giving him an expectant look. "Derek?"
Derek really wanted to get out of California at least, but he knew his sister didn't like being argued with. They were alike in that way.
"Alright," Derek replied evenly.
He pulled into the driveway of a very shady looking Travel Inn. It was probably the only hotel out here on the edge of the desert. There were only two cars in the entire parking lot besides their SUV.
Derek stepped out, looking at the tiny motel with slight distrust. His thoughts returned to Beacon Hills immediately and his family's old home. That would always feel like home in his heart, not the loft.
He'd gotten distracted with his thoughts until something hit the pavement next to him, his duffle bag. He turned his gaze on Cora pulling her own duffle out of the back of the SUV. Derek raised an eyebrow, walking toward the office with his usual defiant air. He always put on that face for people, especially ones he didn't know.
ooOoo
Stiles should have known that Scott would bring Isaac along. They were tied at the hip these days, but just as well. Isaac was the last of Derek's fledglings.
"Do you know how long he's been gone?" Isaac asked, eying Stiles with a worried frown.
"If I did you think I'd call you about it?"
Scott gave Stiles a look that said he was just as worried about Derek's sudden disappearance.
"He's probably just left town to get some air," Scott pointed out, ever the voice of reason. "A lot has happened. I think if I were in Derek's shoes I might never want to see this place again."
He turned a gentle gaze of Stiles.
"I'm sorry dude."
Stiles shook his head, managing a forced grimace.
"You're probably right Scott," he said in an almost dead voice. "Its good he's gone."
That's what Stiles said, but inside he felt like a big piece was suddenly missing from his life.
ooOoo
Derek and Cora had settled into their stale smelling hotel room. Cora had complained about it, but Derek pointed out that she'd been the one that suggested they stop.
"Whatever," Cora had retorted, making immediately for the bathroom.
It wasn't long before Derek heard the shower running. He decided to check his phone messages. His phone had been off all day. He recalled that it was Stiles who had bought him this thing, always complaining that he needed one.
Why wasn't he surprised that all three unanswered text messages he had were from the hyperactive teen?
Stiles (7:43 pm): How could you do that Derek?
Stiles (7:44 pm): You left without saying anything
Stiles (7:47 pm): Did I mean that little to you?
Derek wasn't sure why an uncomfortable feeling of guilt washed through him at the words on the screen. Is that what Stiles thought? Thinking about it, Derek realized that's probably exactly how the boy had taken it.
He knew he should reply, but what could he say? Everytime he thought about what he would type the guilt jolted him, and he knew there was nothing he could say to make this right.
The last text replayed through his mind, an uncomfortable feeling having settled into his chest: "Did I mean that little to you?"