Dedicated to Forwood-loving peeps. I disclaim, because I don't own TVD.
XXXXXX
He wakes up sweating, nervous, and with the memory of the pain of the first time he turned into a werewolf haunting him.
It's been two weeks, and it still hurts. It doesn't stop hurting. He meant what he said to Caroline—things weren't okay. And honestly he didn't think they ever would be again.
He couldn't do this forever, he couldn't pretend it wasn't going to define his life. It already had.
Tyler Lockwood was a werewolf, and would be until the day he died. Sure, it might only happen during the full moon . . . but it would always be there, deciding when he could do certain things, stopping him from having control over his life. If it hadn't been so serious he would have said that the werewolf curse was an awful lot like this mother in that way.
It didn't even matter what he decided to do with his life, or what was supposed to happen next, because he quite honestly had bigger things to worry about.
Life wasn't the same anymore.
XXXX
He can't do it again.
Every night he would lie there, completely awake, trying not to think about what was coming. And every night, the next transformation got closer and closer.
He hasn't really talked to her about it, but he needs Caroline to be there.
He's afraid she won't be, so he hasn't asked her, which may make him silly, but it also might just make him afraid.
He's so afraid, all the time.
The nightmares never seem to stop. They hurt.
He's tried everything. He's tried drinking way too much before passing out—which actually makes the dreams more vivid—and he's tried not going to sleep at all.
Apparently insomnia doesn't suit him.
Instead he's afraid to go to sleep and tries desperately to stop it from happening, but he eventually loses that battle every single time.
Fourteen days. It's been fourteen days, and he's halfway done.
He hasn't told Caroline about the nightmares.
He can't.
He wonders when it all got so complicated, when it got to the point at which he started to feel so damn much.
It was easier being a dick, being a douchebag without concern for anything or anyone. But those days are long past, and that guy is gone.
It's funny, almost, because it hasn't been that long, and the rest of the world doesn't even see him anymore. It's like he's not even there.
The only person who does is Caroline.
He doesn't mock people just for fun, fewer offensive and bitchy comments leave his mouth, and he's nicer. Or maybe he's just more empathetic, and he has less time to make other people miserable for fun.
He's not exactly ready to get crowned Mr. Congeniality, but he's changing.
The same things that used to mean everything don'tmean anything anymore.
'Normal' doesn't even exist anymore.
XXXX
"We need to get out." Caroline says from her comfortable spot on his bed.
It's weird, because it's Caroline, she's on his bed, and there's a slim to none chance that he's getting laid tonight.
Tyler smiles slightly. "And do what, exactly?"
"I don't know. Something fun. Or, even, something just incredibly normal."
He swears sometimes it's like she reads his mind. It's freaky, but it's a product of who they are now, things are different. They are different.
"What's even normal anymore?"
Caroline glares at him. "We—we'll figure it out."
Tyler smiles slightly. "You do that."
"Tyler—" He turns around and she throws a pillow at his face. He catches it, of course. But then she's suddenly right behind him, pushing him down onto the bed, and he whips his body around so that he's face up in the process. She lands on top of him, her hair falling down like a waterfall on each side.
She looks down at him and they share a look. And they practically drown in each other, until suddenly Caroline starts to giggle. "Sorry, Ty." And she lifts herself off of him, sitting back down beside him.
"It's fine." It's not, but he's not going to say that. He sits up. "So what are we doing?"
Caroline's face breaks out in the sunniest, happiest smile he's seen on her face in a while, and he can't help but smile in response.
"I have a plan!" she announces.
"You always have a plan. You're Caroline Forbes, it's like your thing."
"This is true." She bounces off the bed and turns around to face him. "You'll just have to wait and see. I'd get some sleep if I were you."
Tyler just stares at her. "Are you crazy? It's 6 o'clock."
Caroline places her hands on her hips. "Do you trust me?"
He does. "Reluctantly," he teases.
She rolls her eyes, and it makes him laugh.
"Go to sleep, silly." And she socks him playfully before kissing him on the cheek and disappearing.
He sits there for five minutes before moving. Then he moves his hand up to his cheek.
Things really have changed.
XXXX
The dreams are never quite the same, but the same themes are always there.
Founder's Day. Car Crash. Killing Sarah. Turning for the first time.
And then for some reason he always dreams of being submerged in water.
He knows how to swim, well in fact, but for some reason he dreams that no matter how much he tries he can't get his head above water for more than a moment or two.
He feels like he's drowning, and when he's awake sometimes he wonders if it's some shitty metaphor about how he feels overwhelmed in the waking world.
But right now he's just drowning.
The water overcomes him, and he's pushed back down under.
He can't breathe, and he's fighting so hard. The pain is awful.
He struggles to get his head above water, but for the first time he wonders if he even cares.
He's heard that if you die in a dream, you don't wake up.
Maybe that would be better.
He stops fighting and he feels himself drifting away, but then suddenly he screams.
XXXX
"Tyler—" Caroline shakes him awake. "Tyler!" She shakes him more.
"Care—"he opens his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
Caroline would smack him, but she's way too worried about him. "I said I would be back, we were going to do something normal and fun, remember? And then you were screaming . . . " She looks sad. She's realized that normal can't exist anymore. Never again. She wonders if she'll be able to get through it like Stefan without becoming like Damon.
She shudders. But then she looks back down at Tyler, and strokes his forehead. She doesn't even have to think about what she does next. "Move over."
He obliges and she slides into bed with him, and wraps him up in her arms.
"Caroline, we're not going to do this." He says it, but he doesn't mean it.
She knows that.
"Shut up, Tyler. You need me." She moves his head into her lap, and strokes his hair. "What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Liar. What was it?"
"Nightmare." He says, feeling more than a little resigned. He wasn't going to tell her, but she knows now.
There's something comforting about that.
"This isn't the first one, is it?"she asks, already dreading(and knowing) the answer.
"No. It isn't. Every day since I turned."
"Why didn't you tell me?" She's trying not to berate him, but she's hurt, and sad that he wouldn't trust her with something like this. She wants to be here for him, even when he doesn't want her to be.
"I didn't want to burden you. You have to deal with enough of my bullshit without worrying about this too."
Caroline fights the urge to smack him. He's vulnerable now, and she doesn't want to hurt him more than he's already hurting.
She berates herself now for not noticing. She should have realized that he needed someone—her—more than just once a month. "Tyler, you know you can always share your burden with me. I'm here for you." She caresses his hair at that. "I'm here."
Tyler sighs. "I don't—"
"Tyler, I'm here."
He doesn't want to think about the fact that that makes such a big difference, her just being with him.
He doesn't want to think about the fact that his head in her lap, because it makes him feel weak.
Sometimes he doesn't mind feeling weak around Caroline, and not just because she's a vampire, and stronger than him. It's so much more than that.
"It hurts, Care."
Caroline just sits and waits for him to continue.
"Becoming a werewolf . . . it just replays over and over in my head, and then I see other things, and I feel other things. I remember how awful I was to Vicki, how cruel I've been to just about everyone, and I'm ashamed. And then I remember the pain."
Caroline fights the urge to cry. Being a vampire hurts her, and sometimes she wonders if "living" like this is worth it, but she's not a quitter. And neither is Tyler. And she wishes he could remember that. "I'm so sorry, Tyler."
Tyler struggles to keep the tears from flowing. He's so afraid. "The worst is the drowning."
"What?"
"I'm in water, the waves make me think it's an ocean. They overcome me, and as much as I try I can't be okay. I can't keep my head above water."
Caroline just continues to stroke his forehead.
"This time was different." He can't believe he's going to admit this to her. "I wondered if I should just give up. You know, sink or swim. I wanted to sink, because it was easier, and I thought it would make the pain stop."
"It won't." Caroline sighs. "Tyler, please. Never stop fighting."
"Sometimes I want to."
Caroline moves his head slightly so that he staring up at her. "Tyler, you have me, here. You can do this. You have friends and family, you have a life to live. You have to keep fighting."
Tyler moves his head back. "My mother isn't exactly the warmest person, my uncle is gone, and Matt hates me."
Caroline outright ignores the part about his mother and Mason, because she really doesn't want to get into that right now. "No, he doesn't. You just need to stop being such a douche and make things right. Your friendship is deep, and it means something. And you have art. I've seen your drawings, you have something worth doing." Caroline stops herself from repeating that he has her.
"Care—"
"Tyler, please." She tries to think of a way to put this. "And I need you."
Tyler stares up at her. "You do?" He's surprised, because most of the time this friendship feels onesided.
"Of course I do, silly!" She tousles his hair. "I need you."
At that the walls break down, and Tyler begins to open up completely.
Fears, regret, shame.
He tells her everything.
And when he falls asleep, she's there, lying there next to him.
And the nightmares don't come back.
XXXX
The next morning Tyler wakes up and feels a body at his back. He turns slightly and carefully and sees Caroline sleeping there peacefully.
Thoughts from the night before come flooding back at him, and instead of making him cringe, or feel embarrassed, they make him smile.
And then he realizes that he ruined her surprise, and he feels guilt.
But he also feels lighter of spirit, and happier than he's been in a while.
He just stares at Caroline.
And as he falls back asleep he tries to think of a way to make things up to her, to thank her for everything she's done, and everything she is.
But he also wonders why he never realized how beautiful she was. He's called her hot before, but he's never called her beautiful. His last thought before sleeping again is that maybe he should.
XXXX
Two days later Caroline hasn't left him at night, and the nightmares haven't returned.
He realizes that he needs to be able to sleep alone, but the idea is too scary.
Three words echo through his mind. Sink or swim.
He has to decide.
It shouldn't be such a hard decision, but it is.
He can give in, or he can fight. He's so tired, but at least when he fights he has Caroline.
Oh, damn.
He's falling in love with Caroline, and it's possibly the most exhilarating, terrifying, amazing thing he's ever felt.
XXXX
"Where are we going?" Caroline asks. She kind of knows, but she's trying not to think about it, because she doesn't want to ruin Tyler's fun.
"Caroline, patience," he replies.
"Are we almost there?"
"Are you almost done asking me that?"
"You tell me. You're the one who knows how much further we have to go."
At that they're both smiling, and they can feel it, though neither can see the other's face.
Tyler's hands are covering Caroline's eyes, and she swears she wants to melt into him.
There are kinky thoughts playing through her mind right now, and she can't seem to make them go away.
She wants him.
"We're here." Tyler releases her and it helps a little, except now she can fully see, and she wants to cry.
"Tyler, what is this?" Caroline's emotions are all screwy, and him being so sweet is going to kill her.
"You wanted to do something fun, and I know you love to dance."
"You hate to dance." He'd once referred to it as 'not pretty.'
"But you love it. So I have here a portable stereo, your favorite snacks, a picnic blanket, and I—um, don't have a bunny for you or anything. You're on your own."
This is romantic, Caroline realizes. Therefore, it's dangerous, and she has to tread with caution. She hugs him tightly. "Thank you. Let's dance."
Suddenly Tyler is really uncomfortable. "Do we really have to dance?"
"It was your idea."
"But it sounded better in my head."
"Too bad, we're doing it now."
She presses the play button on the portable stereo and grabs him, pulling him a few feet away.
It's a bouncy sort of song, so they actually have a lot of fun. And Tyler isn't nearly as bad of a dancer as he claimed to be.
It's all fun and games until four songs later when there's a slow song. They stare at each other for a moment, until Tyler holds open his arms and Caroline steps into them.
They start out actually dancing, and eventually they're just swaying back and forth in each other's arms.
Caroline has a scary urge to bite Tyler so she turns away suddenly, pulling out of his arms and pushing him away. "I'm sorry."
It's probably even worse because he's a werewolf, and he doesn't smell like she should want to bite him.
But he's Tyler, so she does. She has no idea why that makes such a difference.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." She disappears.
He opens the food. There are sweets and other random things, and he realizes that he's completely gone on this girl. He's whipped, without her even trying.
She comes back and she seems perky and happy again, and so he smiles.
"Food."
"Food."
They eat, and stare up at the stars. "That looks a bit like a rabbit." Caroline giggles.
"Does it make you hungry?"
"Little bit," Caroline says, smiling.
"I think that's a shooting star, make a wish."
They both make wishes, and they're surprised at themselves. They don't know it, but they've wished for the same thing in a way: each other.
"Care, thank you. For everything." Tyler says.
She smiles. "Thank you, Tyler. Honestly, I was floundering, but I found purpose in you. That means a lot."
Tyler and Caroline both reach for the stereo to change the song at the same time. They bump heads. "Ow."
They share a smile and a laugh.
A nice, comforting silence falls over them, until Tyler finally decides to break it.
"I chose swim."
Caroline looks at him. "Does that mean what I think it does?"
"Yes." He smiles slightly. "I can't live my life like this anymore."
"Tyler, you're going to be okay."
"I hope so."
Caroline reaches toward him, hesitating before touching his face. Tyler grabs her hand to stop her from pulling away.
"Caroline, thank you, for everything. For being here, with me."
Caroline rolls her eyes. "Tyler, shut up."
Tyler narrows his eyes, drops her hand and cups her face. "Caroline, I—"
Caroline closes the small distance between them, intending to kiss him softly, but instead instantly seems to sink into him, and then she's pressing him back down onto the blanket, and they're both ignoring the discarded food, ignoring the song they were listening to, ignoring everything but each other.
Caroline pulls her head back up. "Tyler—"she says tentatively. "Right now, why me?"
"Why me?" he asks back. He knows it's annoying to answer a question with another question, but somehow he realizes both need answers.
"Because you understand me, and when you look at me I feel . . . special."
Tyler smiles at that. "Because you're here for me, and no one has ever put me first, mostly because they all hate me. Because when you smile your eyes light up, and you sparkle. Because you're so incredibly beautiful. Because—" Caroline cuts him off with a kiss.
"No one has ever put me first before either."
"Matt—"
"Matt was in love with Elena for most of our relationship." It doesn't even really hurt anymore.
Tyler reaches up and wipes a strand of hair away from her face. "I don't do this, Caroline. I don't do relationships, I screw things up, I'm selfish, and mean."
"On the outside, maybe. But here—" She points to his heart. "You're beautiful. You're afraid, and you make mistakes, and you're misunderstood, and your parents have done everything in their power to screw you up. But you're better than that."
Tyler pulls Caroline back down and rolls her around underneath him. "And you're deeper than anyone else has ever bothered to know. You're—different. In a good way."
Caroline smiles. "We're both different."
"We're a vampire and a werewolf, I dare you to find two people more screwed up than we are right now."
"Maybe that's why we can do this. Why we can be friends, and . . . whatever this is . . . "
"I'm falling in love with you," Tyler is shocked to hear himself say those words, because it's not the kind of thing he says. And even if he does, he doesn't mean them.
But this time he does.
"Don't you think it's a little soon?" she teases.
"No," he says in all seriousness.
He leans back down and kisses her again. "I take it back."
"What?"
"It's not swimming. You make me soar."
"You're spouting out silly metaphors. Should I be worried that you've been replaced by some other Tyler?" she teasingly asks.
"I can stop, if you'd like."
"Not really." She wraps her hands around his neck. "You make me soar too."
"Now you're just as silly as me."
"But you like it." She kisses him.
"Absolutely."
XXXXXX
I recently marathoned all of TVD season one, and came out of it wanting to write Tyler/Caroline. Is that weird? Possibly. But I don't care, because there's not enough T/C in this world yet. It's weird though, I think because I adore these two to bits,I don't think any fic I can come up with is good enough for them. Certainly not this. But I'm working on it!