A/N: I own nothing of Lost or the characters and no copyright infringement is intended. This was written as a Christmas gift to my best friend :) Merry Christmas!
It was Christmas Eve and Benjamin Linus had spent another long day cleaning up after other people and now it was time to go to his depressing home where his father would undoubtedly already be passed out, drunk. He would never understand why people though of Christmas as the most wonderful time of the year. To him it was a horrible time...or, to be more specific, it was just like every other time of the year.
"Merry Christmas Ben!"
He was at his front door when he heard the voice and turned to see Olivia, the school teacher, waving to him. He smiled and waved back; she had been the teacher back when he had been a child and Olivia had always treated him well. That was why he spent extra time cleaning her classroom each day.
"Merry Christmas to you too," he called back, waiting until she had walked out of sight before entering the house.
As expected, Roger was passed out drunk on the sofa. Ben retreated to his room and changed quickly out of his work uniform into jeans and an old shirt before heading into the balmy island night to join what he considered to be 'his people'. No matter how much he disliked Charles Widmore or how much the older man's disdain stung, Ben still preferred being there to being at home within the Dharma village.
Once free of the sonic fence, Ben finally relaxed as he made his way into the jungle. Though it was dark he knew the way from memory and so it surprised him when his foot caught on an unexpected vine and he found himself sprawled on the ground. Looking around as he got back up on his feet, he saw that he was spared embarrassment since there didn't seem to be anyone else nearby who had heard or seen him.
He finally reached the camp and approached the fire that everyone was sitting around. Ben had expected that; it was a nightly routine that everyone gathered around the fire to talk while dinner was cooking and stayed until they were ready to go to bed. Unfortunately Ben's work schedule meant that he usually missed those dinners but he preferred working a later shift whenever possible so that Roger would already be passed out by the time he got home. It avoided the inevitable fight that would otherwise take place but still he thought it might be nice to at least share a meal with Richard and the others every now and then.
"Hello Ben," Richard said, smiling and giving a little wave while holding the bundle that was little Alex on his lap. "You're just in time."
"In time for what?" Ben asked, looking around warily and noting that, as he expected, dinner seemed to have been finished without him.
"Richard has decided," Charles said, "that we are going to celebrate Alex's first Christmas."
Ben's head went back and forth between Charles who was obviously not happy and Richard who was all smiles. "Christmas?"
Richard laughed and shifted the baby in his arms slightly. "Come on Ben, you know very well that it's Christmas Eve. There's a tree in the recreation center and Dharma threw a Christmas party two nights ago."
"Of course I know what day it is," he said, realizing that the words came out harsh when Richard's smile faded slightly. "I just didn't realize you wanted to celebrate Christmas since it's never really come up before."
"I guess having Alex here just made me want to do something. She only gets one first Christmas."
"All right, now that Ben's here let's eat," Bea said as she came over to the group carrying a large pot that Charles helped her hang over the fire to keep the contents hot.
"We waited for you, thought that it would be nice to eat together for Christmas Eve," Tom said, passing out the stack of bowls that he had carried.
Glancing at Charles, he was surprised to see the older man giving him a slight smile. "It is Christmas," he offered as explanation.
"Thank you. It smells wonderful," he said as Bea handed him a bowl of food.
"It's boar sausage stew," she told him. "Not exactly a Christmas goose but I'm proud of it."
"It's delicious, Bea," Charles said after his first bite.
Richard put Alex in her crib while they were eating but about halfway through the meal she started to cry. "I'll get her," Ben quickly said, setting his bowl down and hurrying off to Richard's tent where Alex's wooden crib was.
"Hello there little one," he said as he picked her up. It only took a few seconds for him to figure out that she was crying because her diaper was wet. "Let's get you out of that, shall we? I bet you'll be much happier when you're warm and dry, won't you?"
Alex just continued to cry as Ben found the cloths that Bea had cut into diapers and put Alex on the old table that now served as a changing table. Once the wet diaper was off of her, Alex calmed down and by the time Ben had finished cleaning and powdering her the tears had stopped and she no longer resembled a beet in his opinion.
"Everything ok?" Richard asked as he stepped into the tent.
"Everything's fine, Richard."
"I'll leave you two alone then." Richard turned to leave when Ben called out.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course?"
"Do you think that she...knows who I am?"
Richard frowned and shook his head. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"Do you think she knows that I'm the one that stole her from her mother?"
"Ben, she's still a baby. She's not old enough to realize who anyone is."
Ben nodded his head, finished pinning the diaper and then wrapped her in a soft blanket to head back out. "Thank you for holding dinner until I got here. It was nice to eat with the rest of you."
"You're welcome."
The babe in his arms now sound asleep, Ben walked with Richard back to the campfire and sat down. The bowl that he had left was gone and Bea brought over a new bowl.
"That others got cold; this is good and hot."
"Thank you."
"Can I hold her? While you eat."
"Of course."
Ben handed the bundle to the woman and felt a slight twinge of jealousy that anyone but him should get to feel the warmth of her body and the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. Unfortunately he did need help but since he had to leave her there all day while he worked he just wanted to hold her and love her every minute that he had there in the camp.
"I want to read something," Richard eventually said when everyone was done eating, pulling out a book, "since it's Christmas Eve."
Bea had returned Alex to him and Ben stared down at the baby who had woken up with a yawn and was reaching out to grab his finger with her tiny hand. He recognized the words Richard began speaking as The Night Before Christmas and he smiled a bit as he'd been expecting something more solemn.
As he listened and gazed at Alex he hoped that she would one day have a real Christmas, complete with presents and Santa Claus. He wanted her to have the childhood that he didn't get to have.
It took several moments for him to realize that Richard had finished reading and everyone was watching him. "That was nice Richard. I think Alex enjoyed it very much and so did I."
"It's nice having a reason to read it again."
"Well, goodnight," Charles said, standing up, "and have a merry Christmas, Benjamin."
"Thank you, Charles, and the same to you."
"Leaving us already?" Bea asked.
"Yes, I think I'll retire before someone drags out an old fruitcake from Christmas' past."
After Charles was gone the others began to stand up as well. "We should all probably try and get some sleep; no doubt Dharma will be up bright and early to open presents," Tom remarked. "Goodnight."
Soon it was just Ben, Richard and Bea sitting by the fire. "I have a gift for little Alex," Bea said, reaching into her pocket. She offered Ben a tiny plastic nativity scene. "I know it's not much but I want her to have it for when she's older."
"Bea, that means so much. Thank you."
She just smiled and nodded as Ben took the ornament from her. "Well, I'll be heading for bed too. Merry Christmas Ben." Leaning down she kissed the baby's forehead. "Merry Christmas, Alex."
After she had gone Richard sat and poked at the fire with a stick. "I wanted children once," he said after a time.
"Oh?" Ben looked up from Alex in surprise. "I had no idea."
"I had plans to start a family..." He shook his head sadly. "But that was a long time ago and what matters now is you and Alex."
"We're both very lucky that you're here to care for her."
"Thank you Ben. Anyway, I have a couple of gifts for you. Well, one is for you and one is for Alex but I think she's a bit young to open it."
"Gifts?" Ben stood there with his mouth open for a second before closing it. He hadn't gotten a gift since Annie had given him the wooden doll. "I mean, I-"
"Come on, you can put Alex in her crib." Richard walked off, motioning for Ben to follow him.
Once Alex was put down, Ben joined Richard who was sitting on a cot holding out a small box. "Sorry there isn't any wrapping paper."
"That's all right." Ben accepted the box and sat down in a chair just a few feet away. Opening the lid, he found an old book and carefully removed it from the tissue paper that had been put around it. "It's a book of nursery rhymes. Richard, thank you."
"I thought it would be nice for you to read to Alex at bedtime and when she's old enough she can read it herself."
Bed nodded and placed the book back in the box. "This means a lot. It looks like its very old."
"It is."
Seeing that Richard wasn't going to offer any further information, Ben let it drop. "I don't want to risk it getting damaged so can I leave it here with you?"
"I'm not worried about it getting damaged, Ben."
"I don't want him to find it."
"Oh. I do understand. Of course you can leave it here but it is yours and you're welcome to it anytime." He reached under the cot and pulled out a small paper-wrapped package and offered it to Ben. "The nursery rhymes were my gift to Alex. This is for you."
Pulling the paper off revealed a leather journal. "Thank you. This is very nice."
"I figured you might want somewhere to write your thoughts. Merry Christmas Ben."
"Merry Christmas," he said while trying to swallow the lump in his throat.
"I've got some brandy; care to join me?"
He almost said no but remembered that he didn't have to work the next day since Dharma was giving all non-essential staff – and the lowly "workman" was definitely non-essential – Christmas day off. "I'd love to Richard."
Richard went over to the desk and picked up the bottle to pour into two glasses. Handing one to Ben he said, "Here's to family and to Alex. I hope she grows up to be as intelligent as her father, though hopefully not as stubborn."
"Hmph," Ben said though he had a slight smile. "I suppose you have a point though. I just hope she grows up to be as patient and knowledgeable as her Uncle Richard."
At that Richard nearly spit out his brandy. "Uncle? When did I become Uncle Richard?"
"You are the one person on this island that I trust with her safety."
"Charles would never hurt her, you know."
"He called her an 'it' and said that I should have killed 'it'. How am I supposed to trust him?"
"He was angry because you went against his orders. He was in shock when you brought Alex back here – hell, Ben, we all were."
"I don't trust him and I never will so please don't ask me to."
"All right, it's ok Ben. I'm not going to let anything happen to Alex. I promise you that."
Ben nodded and took another sip of his brandy. "So what are you going to do tomorrow for Christmas?"
"Take a day off from trying to stay a step ahead of the Dharma Initiative. Maybe take a look around and see what can be scavenged."
"They still haven't figured out how you walk through their fence have they?"
"I'm sure Horace has figured it out by now."
"I suppose I should head back there."
"You're welcome to stay the night in camp. There's another cot in the storage tent that I can bring in here and set up next to Alex's crib."
"Believe me, there is nothing I would rather do but if my father wakes up and finds me gone he'll be suspicious. More so if he catches me coming back home in the morning."
"You're an adult, Ben. You're allowed to stay out at night."
"You don't know my father. He won't let it go and I can't risk anyone finding out that Ethan and I are part of the 'Hostiles'."
"Just tell him that you spent the night watching the stars. He knows you're interested in astronomy so he'll have no problem believing that. Stay here with Alex so you can be here with she wakes up on her first Christmas morning."
Ben thought it over and walked to the crib to watch Alex sleeping. "All right, you win. I'll stay here tonight and leave in the morning."
"Why don't you read to her while I go get the extra cot?"
Before Ben could respond Richard was gone, so he picked up the book and flipped through it. "Let's see..." Picking a nursery rhyme out, he started to read aloud.
I saw a ship a-sailing,
A-sailing on the sea.
And, oh, but it was laden
With pretty things for thee.
There were comfits in the cabin,
And apples in the hold;
The sails were made of silk
And the masts were all of gold.
The four-and-twenty sailors
That stood between the decks,
Were four-and-twenty white mice
With chains about their necks.
Quickly he shut the book. "Well that's hardly something to be telling a child," he said though Alex remained asleep.
"Here it is, if you can just help me unfold it and then we'll get you some blankets and a pillow."
Setting the book down, Ben helped Richard get the cot set up and soon it was ready for him to sleep in. "Have you actually read any of these nursery rhymes?"
"Yes, I've read them. Why?"
"Some of them seem rather...inappropriate."
"I know that some of the words now have different meanings then they did when the rhymes were written but-"
"Four and twenty white mice with chains about their necks?"
"Ben, they're just nursery rhymes. I'm sorry; I didn't mean for it to upset you."
He took a deep breath, not meaning to get angry with Richard. "No, I'm sorry. I do like the book and I know that Alex will love it when she's older. It's just that I don't know how to be a good parent. I know how to be a lousy one but...I'm afraid I'm going to fail and she's going to hate me."
"She is just a baby. She's not making any judgments about you based on what you've done or said or read to her tonight. Besides, it's not like there's other kids on this island for her to compare notes with in rating you as a father."
"I know."
"I'll be here to help you and so will Bea. She's wonderful with Alex. We won't let you be a lousy father."
"Thanks."
Richard opened a trunk and pulled out a set of blue pajamas. "Here, I picked these up the last time I left the island in the hopes that you'd eventually sleep here with Alex."
"Why?"
"You going from Dharma to here to be with Alex and then going back to Dharma isn't leaving you enough time to sleep judging from the bags under your eyes. I think you should stay here and sleep more often, then head back in the morning. I'll have another tent set up tomorrow for you and Alex."
"But why the pajamas?"
"I wanted you to be comfortable. It gets cold out here at night."
Ben smiled as he sat the pajamas on his cot. "Thank you Richard. For ever thing."
"You're welcome. Try to get some sleep; I'm going to take care of a few things and talk to the people that are on guard tonight."
He nodded. "Goodnight Richard."
"Goodnight Ben. And goodnight Alex."
After Richard had left the tent Ben leaned down and kissed the baby's forehead. "You always listen to your Uncle Richard little one. I never thought I could love you as much as I do and I know that he will always watch out for you and keep you from harm. Merry Christmas Alex. One day I promise you that Santa will come bring you presents, and we'll have a Christmas tree and bake cookies and sing Christmas carols."
Alex made a gurgling sound and opened her eyes to look up at him. She smiled and Ben knew that it damned well was a smile and not gas like Charles always insisted.
"I think you slept through your Uncle Richard's reading of The Night Before Christmas so how about if I tell it to you? I bet you'd like that. It can be our tradition." He picked up the book Richard had read from earlier which was lying on the desk, then scooped Alex up and sat on the cot while holding her so she was resting against his arm and watching him with wide eyes. With his free hand he turned the page and began reading.
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.
Her eyes had fluttered shut again but Ben continued reading the story, wondering how he would explain to her about snow as it was unlikely the island would ever see any. He knew that he had time to figure that out though. If he was lucky, he wouldn't have to start answering questions until her fourth Christmas.
Ben smiled to himself as he continued the tale while watching her slumber. Christmas no longer seemed like such a bad time of year after all.