The feeling is mostly indescribable.
Inaccurate anyway.
Words can't really put the feeling
To justice.
It's that sick feeling you get in the
Pit of your stomach
You've just seen
Or heard
The worst news you felt you could have
Possibly heard
Even though you know it really could get worse.
Your chest is burning dully
Warm and compressing your lungs
Your throat closes up
And you know you are doing it
Subconsciously
You don't struggle for the air
That you don't have
Because you don't truly want it
anymore.
Breathing and rational thought
Are things of the past.
You miss what was
With such intensity
That you know you, rightly,
Should not be functioning
You still go through the motions
Ignoring how meaningless you know
They are now
You are meaningless
In your own eyes
Despite the ones who continue to
Say different
Because they didn't ever understand
And that was blaringly obvious
The entire time
Your stomach sinks to a new low
Which you tried to sleep off that night
And the morning brings the puking
Release
That should have made your stomach
And heart
Feel better but didn't.
You have to do it alone
No question.
Finally you realize that you
Don't
Want to feel better
Because you know
You deserve the loss.