It was a quiet Sunday morning when the Joker woke, his cocooned slumber was abruptly disturbed by the sound of harsh coughing, followed by a gut wrenching splash. He groaned, rolling over to find the left side of the bed which his Harlequin usually occupied, completely empty. With the Joker's brain finally registering what was happening, he growled and grabbed her pillow, throwing it at full force towards the closed en suite bathroom door.
"Shut up! I'm tryna' sleep here!" He yelled.
Suddenly there was silence, swiftly broken by the sound of the toilet flushing. He narrowed his eyes dangerously as the bathroom door slowly opened with a lasting creak. Harley stepped out, her face deathly pale and her eyes surrounded by a darkened shadow. "You did this! So don't you dare yell at me!" She shouted, pointing down to her almost full term stomach, barely covered by an over-sized tee which read the words 'I just came for the food.' Which now lived up to it's saying since it was stretched over a 8 ½ month grown bump.
"You look like shit." Joker commented, taking in her appearance. Her blonde coloured hair was pulled up into a high messy bun, with strands sticking to the base of her neck and forehead, caused the exertion of throwing up in the bathroom. Her eyes were tired, filled with unbroken tears as she slowly walked back to bed, rubbing the pregnant tummy she'd been struggling with from the beginning.
"I hate this." She muttered, easing herself down carefully onto the mattress.
The Joker rolled over to face her, propping himself up on his elbow. "You and me both, I want this home invader out so I can have your body back."
Harley shot him an instant glare. "Ha! You think you're touching me after this? Not happening."
"Listen here Harley, I've been patient, god I've tried, but the only thing keeping me going is the thought of touching you without that blimp separating us. As soon as it's out, you're mine." He growled.
In truth the Joker had been patient, despite his early reaction of finding out the Harley was indeed pregnant.
He remembered that day clearly. He was standing over the basin, trying to scrub the taste of second day old whiskey out of his mouth with his half chewed toothbrush when he cast his eyes down towards the bin. He smirked at the sight of a pair of ripped fishnet tights that leaked over the top. Safe to say, the Joker was the one who ripped them. Upon further inspection he saw a white stick, carelessly shoved down the side. Curious and quite frankly bored of brushing his grill. The Joker dived into the bin, fishing around for the object that peaked his interest. And when he found it and took a closer look. His heart stopped.
Two blue vertical lines which spelt the end of life as he knew it greeted him. The Joker jumped back, throwing it in the sink like he'd just been given an electric shock. His mouth moved up and down, trying to yell Harley's name, but instead no words came out. But luckily he didn't have to, as moments later, Harley walked through the door, littered in affectionate bruises and swollen lips.
"Puddin', come back to bed. I've got a good idea that'll get that mouth clean." She whispered, her husky voice dripping with lust. He ignored her, only acknowledging her presence with a sharp glare. A growl left his snarling lips before he reached out and grabbed her wrist. Before Harley had time to protest, she felt his hand behind the back of her neck, forcing her attention down to the object sitting in the sink. "Shit." She whispered again, but this time instead of lust, fear was heard.
Joker released her neck and stepped back, still not speaking a word as he clenched his fists together, trying to calm his erratic breathing.
Harley raised herself up and backed against the opposite wall, furthest away from him "Look, Puddin', I was gonna tell you. I was, It's just you've been in a really good mood lately and I didn't want to-"
"I knew they'd gotten bigger! I fucking knew it!" Joker finally yelled, pointing at her chest. "How long!? How long have you known Harley!?"
"Weeks." She admitted, not being able to lie to him. "I was gonna sort it Puddin'. I know how you feel about this and I'm not ready. I was gonna fix things." Harley explained looking up into his eyes which darkened after her every word.
"You were gonna get rid of it? Something that's contains half of me? That is, if it's even mine!" He shouted, tensing his neck angrily.
Harley gasped at his words, her apologetic expression quickly turning into an angry one. "Yours? Of course it's yours, you idiot! Do you really think I'd do something like that? I love you for Christ sake!" She yelled. J opened his mouth to fire back a response, but she raised her finger to silence him. "I knew this would happen. Don't you even think about blaming me for this, you're the one who refuses to pull out!"
The Joker released a breathless laugh, but it held no humor. "Ever heard of the pill sweetheart? Or is that brain emptier than I thought?"
"Well I forgot okay? It's no wonder when I'm too busy pandering to your every need, that I actually forget to think about myself!" She retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Don't." He snarled. "I look after you, I always make sure you have everything you need."
Harley paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "And can you do that for whatever's growing inside me?"
"It's a baby Harley, not fucking E.T." He replied, mimicking her deep breath. "We can't have this, I can't have this. It needs to go, and we're gonna fix this right now." And without another word, he grabbed her wrist roughly and hauled her out of the bathroom.
The Joker took her to their doctor on the payroll, to get things cleared up and sorted out, leaving no trace behind. But as soon as the Joker saw the little blip on the machine, everything changed.
He cast his eyes down to Harley laying on the cot, with a shine coating her eyes and as the realisation sunk in. All the 7 stages of grief struck him at once. First came shock and denial, which in all fairness started before they reached the clinic, but that was swiftly replaced by pain and guilt, after all it takes two to tango. Soon came anger and bargaining, followed by depression, reflection and loneliness, somehow convincing himself that he was the only man to ever go through this destructive news, but that was an added symptom of being a drama queen. The upward turn came next, despite earlier feelings he actually began to grow accustomed to the idea, a little mini-me running around the place, besides he already had the Hyenas. That stage fell into the next, working through the idea of having his own ankle biter copying his every move, looking up to him, wanting to become him. Hope and acceptance followed. The reality of the situation didn't seem so daunting now. Harley would do all of the hard work naturally, as she should and J would just reap the benefits. Teaching the kid his way of life, raising it up in his own image. To take over his legacy, to become the heir to the throne.
Before Harley had even finished wiping the gel off her still flat stomach, the Joker grabbed her now bruising wrist and pulled her off the table. He backed her against it and raised his finger in a scolding like manner. "It's your responsibility. I don't want anything to do with it until it can walk and it's out of nappies. I won't hold your hair back when you puke, I won't run around different stores to get you some ridiculous craving, that you will no doubt have, and I certainly won't be letting you off the hook with the household duties."
Harley looked up at him with wide eyes, tears threatening to spill over her lash line. "Puddin' I can't do this on my own." She whimpered, raising her hands up to run over his arms. "We do it all together or not at all."
Now here she was, 8 ½ months pregnant, laying in bed while the Joker heading down to the kitchen in search of some pineapple chunks and curry sauce. She smiled to herself as she heard him rattle around inside the cupboards. Her hand wandered down to the growing bump that had been and blessing and a curse during these painful months. Unfortunately the morning sickness hadn't stopped since the first time she stuck her head down the toilet, and her backache had gotten worse since she was nearing the end of her pregnancy. But it would all be worth it, once she saw the face of her newborn baby. Harley rubbed her stomach in a soothing motion, beaming down at the bump. "See how far Daddy's come? You've done a good job in there, you've already got him wrapped around your little finger and you're not even out yet." She giggled.
Suddenly a booming voice interrupted her mindless chatter. "Me bringing you food means nothing." Joker rumbled, stepping towards her with a bowl full of curry sauce and pineapple chunks. Harley reached up and took it from his hands, not being able to wipe the stupid smile that crossed her face.
The Joker smiled back, shuffling onto his side of the bed, nursing an ebony black cup of coffee. Harley turned at him with a scowl. He smirked ather reaction. "Just because you've got a bun in the oven, doesn't mean that I have to suffer."
Harley stuck her tongue out at her green haired tormentor, before placing a piece of curry soaked pineapple on her tongue. Her eyes soon rolled to the back of her head as a deep groan vibrated through her lips.
"I remember when you used to make that sound because of me." The Joker grumbled, taking scornful sips of his coffee.
Harley snapped her eyes open and nearly spat out the contents of her mouth in laughter. "Oh Pud, your time will come again."
"I thought I was banned from your body?" Joker asked, raising a brow suggestively.
"Keep this up, and maybe I'll consider lifting it." She replied. Holding his eye contact, Harley dipped her finger into the sauce and slowly ran her tongue across her finger, dragging it up and then quickly flicking the end away.
J shifted uncomfortably at the sight and produced a mixture between a groan and a growl. "Stop that."
"Stop what?" Harley asked, repeating the action again, but only this time slower. The Joker quickly reached across and jerked her hand away. She giggle madly at the sight of his fiery blue eyes trying to tame themselves.
"Don't tease me Harley. You know I hate it." He scowled, releasing her wrist.
Harley held her hands up defensively, still not being able to hold back her laughter. "Sorry, sorry." After her giggles stopped, and her bowl was almost finished, Harley shuffled closer to the Joker and rested her head on his shoulder. "What do you want it to be?" She asked, curling her legs around his lap.
"I'm hoping human, but a mutant would be cool." J answered, hiking her legs up further.
Harley instantly smacked him on the chest, trying to hold back the smile creeping up onto her face. "I'm serious J! Boy or girl?"
"Mmmm…" He hummed in thought. "Since you were a child at the scan and threatened to cry if we found out early, I've kinda lost interest. It is what it is, and either way, it'll inherit my brains, good looks and natural talent. Because if it inherits yours, I'm afraid we'll have to do the decent thing and put it down."
"Ha, funny." Harley said, rolling her eyes sarcastically. "I can't decide if I want a chubby little boy or a chubby little girl."
Joker shrugged. "Doesn't matter, it's ours. Half you, half me. What better combination is there?" He smiled, moving his hands to cup her face. "I am proud of you, y'know? Carrying my precious cargo can't be easy."
"It's easier knowing that you've got my back in case I wobble." Harley beamed, adoringly.
"Yeah well, if I'd left you to do it on your own, you would of killed it by now. Plus, watching you lug around is pretty hysterical, especially when you're cross." He laughed, pinching his eyes closed.
"Oh, that's it, laugh it up clown. I'll be the one laughing when you're elbow deep in baby sh-" But before Harley could finish her sentence, J clamped her lips shut with her hand. "Don't poison my kid with your foul mouth, it's my job to be the destructive parent, not yours."
"Why are you getting all the fun jobs? I carried this thing for nearly 9 months, you can't call dibs on everything!" Harley snapped.
"Fine, fine." Joker grumbled. "You can be the fun one every second Sunday of the month, but the rest of the time, that little squid is mine."
"That's fair." Harley agreed, casting her eyes down towards her bump. "We need to think of a name Pud, we can't keep calling it, well 'it'." She looked up at him before he could reply, she spoke again. "And before you even mention it, we're not calling it Geoffery."
The Joker paused at her words, taking a hard blink at her. "Who the hell's Geoffrey?"
"That blonde product of incest… erm, in Game of Thrones?" Harley stuttered, snapping her fingers together in thought. "You know the one."
"Geoffrey? You mean Joffrey you twit." J corrected. "I'm marking this one down as general stupidity and not baby brain."
Harley huffed, cross her arms over her bump, she glared at him. "I think I know what he's called, you're the twit. It's Geoffrey."
"Wrong." Joker insisted. "I really do hope the poor kid doesn't take after you if that's the state your brain is in."
Frowning Harley reached over to the bedside table, letting out a breath of struggle as she grabbed her phone. "Fine, I'll google it if you don't believe me."
"Be my guest." J smiled, watching her thumbs tap away furiously against the phone screen. After a while he leant into her to check the page she was scrolling down. "So?"
Harley suddenly pulled the phone out of his sight and snapped the lock button. "Look, it's not important. Don't stress out the baby."
Joker chuckled, rolling his head back in laughter. "It said Joffrey didn't it?"
Harley turned her head away sharply. "Whatever. It's not happening."
"Why not? The kid had understandable goals. Quite an inspirational character, apart from myself of course." Joker said, now resting his hand on her thigh, inching closer to her stomach.
"I'm not naming our baby after a character from Game of Thrones. This isn't even up for discussion." Harley said firmly. "I want something I can shorten and use to make into something cute."
"Well, how about we wait until you've squeezed it out. You'll think of something Harls, I have complete faith that you'll produce the most embarrassing, soul destroying name you can think of. After all you call me Puddin'."
"You complain now, but Jonny told me about the number plate order for the new car." Harley giggled.
"Yeah, well, whatever." He muttered, frowning that his right hand man had betrayed him. Joker removed his hands from her body, in an attempt to slide out from under her. But just as he was about to escape from her clutches, she gasped.
"What? Harley what's wrong?" He asked, turning back to her. Not being able to mask his terrified eyes, Joker cupped her face and searched her features for any sign of discomfort. "Is it the baby?"
"Chill, it's fine." She smiled. Removing his hands with her own, Harley brought them down to her bump. "It's just kicking. Our baby's kicking."
The Joker's fearful blue eyes turned into joy when his hands made contact with her bare stomach. Although the baby had kicked before, he'd never felt it. He didn't want to, but now, so close to the end of her pregnancy, the Joker wanted to make the most of the last few weeks before it was all over. "The little bean's kicking up quite a storm in there."
Harley arched her back, trying to get into a more comfortable position. "Yeah, right in the bladder." She sighed.
The Joker laughed, placing both his hands flat against her, he rubbed up and down. "This ankle biter's got your moves Harl, but daddy's strength." He beamed.
Harley looked down, her heart swelling at the sight of the Joker, the most feared man in the whole of Gotham, cradling her baby bump, talking to the movements inside. "I love you." She suddenly said, feeling a stray tear run down her cheek.
The Joker raised his head and exposed his grill in a wide smile. "C'mere." He murmured, removing one of his hands to place against her cheek. He rubbed away the tear and slowly captured her lips in his. J's mouth moved slowly in time with hers, whilst never taking his other hand off her stomach.
He pulled away suddenly and rested his forehead against hers. Despite the tender moment, he suddenly burst into laughter.
"What is it?" Harley asked, becoming consumed by his infectious giggles.
"I just can't wait for you to pop like a balloon." Joker smiled, patting her bump gently.