Hey... It Really WAS a Dream!
by Eponymous
Something was bothering Spike, and
it wasn't the gut wound he'd
recently received. That in
itself threw him, since, if something was
going to bother him, it really should
have been the gut wound. When
one gets a humungous gut wound,
the first and only thought one
typically has is, 'Dear God, this
humungous gut wound!' Not that
Spike actually knew this from experience,
but it stood to reason.
Instead what was bothering Spike
was a strange warbling buzzing noise
from a few feet away. Let's
see, where had he heard this before? It
sounded familiar. It almost
sounded like...
"Will you never learn to hum on-key?" he muttered.
That earned him a sharp blow to the
gut that made his eyes bulge open.
More out of shock at there being
a gut there to take the blow than
anything.
Standing above him, as he'd expected,
was Faye. As he'd not expected,
however, it was a teenage Faye.
Some ten - scratch that, sixty years
younger than she was the last time
he'd seen her.
"Uh, Faye. You're looking...
young," he said, with uncharacteristic
confusion in his uncharacteristically
high-pitched voice.
"Oh, you're awake," she said.
"Took you long enough. You've been in
and out of it for days."
"In and out of what? Where am I?"
"The hospital, where else?"
"Erm, well, I seem to remember this
gut wound in a penthouse on
Mars... And a spaceship before
that... If that helps." His head
hurt. Also his voice was cracking,
which only made it hurt more.
Faye took a good, long look at Spike.
"Okaaay," she said slowly, so as
not to provoke a psychotic episode
or anything. "Tell you what, why
don't you look around the room,
tell me what you see."
In response, Spike let his eyes wander
around the small hospital room.
"That's a facewasher," he said,
pointing to a coffeepot. "That's a
washing machine," he said, pointing
to a television. "And that's a
thermometer," he said, pointing
to a phone. "So really, the only
thing I don't know is... is why
the hell is my voice cracking?"
Faye let her increasing look of disbelief
give way into a derisive
smile. "Well, you see, as
a boy gets older, a bunch of things start
happening to his body. His
voice starts to crack, and he starts to
get hair in places-"
"I know what puberty is, Faye!" Spike
snapped. "Why am I going
through it again?! And where's
my freaking gut wound?!"
Okay, that sounded significantly less cool than he remembered being.
Faye, however, didn't notice.
"You want a gut wound, I'll give ya
one," she said, and grabbed a mirror
from his nightstand. She made to
smash it for a weapon, threateningly.
"Or are you gonna quit your
whining?"
"The mirror," Spike said urgently.
"What?"
"The Mirror!"
Faye was startled enough to just
hand him the thing. He looked in it,
cautiously. There he was,
Spike Spiegel, age 13. His hair was
shorter, his skin was less than
smooth, and he hadn't even grown any
stubble in all the time he'd been
unconscious.
"It... It really was a dream..." he said in a high-pitched whisper.
"Must've been some dream," Faye muttered.
"It was! I'm not even sure...
I can't remember... Who are you,
exactly?"
"I'm Faye, I thought we'd established that."
"Yes, but who is Faye? What's
your last name? How do I know you?
What's your blood type, favorite
food, three sizes-" blow to the gut,
"Sorry, reflex. But who are
you to me?"
Faye sighed. "I'm your classmate.
We go to the same school. They
sent me over to keep watch for everybody."
"Are we good friends?"
"Is the Pope Buddhist?"
"I don't know! As far as I
can remember everybody on Earth converted
to Waffleism in 2052!"
"Waffleism?"
"Don't ask."
"Well, it's not 2052 yet Spike, not
for another fifty years or so.
You're in Tokyo General Hospital,
where you've been for the last
week."
"Oh... Hey, wait a minute!
I was in a coma, wasn't I? Why the hell
did you hit me in the gut like that
for? I return from the abyss of
living death and the first thing
you do is hit me?"
"Spike, technically you were only
in a coma for about three minutes.
The rest of the time you were just
too damn lazy to wake up. You
talk in your sleep, you know that?
You oughtta thank me for taking
it upon myself to smack you conscious."
"Oh. How-"
"AHEM?"
"...Thank you for smacking me concious."
"That's better. So, anyhow, this dream of yours, what was it about?"
"Er, lessee..." Spike tried to get
a handle on the details, as they were
already slipping away, "Uh, it was
the future. You and I were both
bounty hunters, and we were traveling
around the solar system in a
spaceship called the Bebop."
"Bebop? Like the jazz subgenre?
Makes sense. You ended up in here
after a freak harmonica accident."
"A What?"
"They told me not to ask, I didn't
ask. So who else was in your
dream? If you put me in there,
chances are maybe some other people we
know were-"
Spike's face took on a look of stark
terror. "Faye, do we know a
blond guy named Andy?"
"No."
"Musashi?"
"No, why-?"
"Wyatt Earp?"
"No, what does-?"
"Do we know anybody, anybody at all, who enjoys horses or stew?"
"No, damn it!"
"Thank God."
"I'll get on it as soon as I find
a way around that whole pesky 'I'm an
atheist' thing. So come on,
who else was in your dream?"
"Oh, well... there was a dog named
Ein... I think he was a welsh
corgi..."
"Ein was a welsh corgi? Man,
you must really have it in for that
guy."
"Ein is a person?"
"Yeah. Computer guy, I used
to steal his lunch in grade school. I
dunno, I guess he does have really
thin eyebrows..."
Spike interrupted, something more
intriguing having come to mind.
"Faye, there was also this little
girl named Edward Wong Hau Pepelu
Tivursky the Fourth. Who's
she?"
"Oh, I don't think she was based
on a real person. Most likely she
was a manifestation of your repressed
id."
"How can you be sure?"
"Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivursky
the Fourth is your middle name.
Parents went kinda nuts when they
filled out your birth certificate."
On that note, a pale, white haired
man in a green shirt and trousers
wandered out of the bathroom, pushing
a cart and muttering to himself.
Spike thought he seemed vaguely
familiar, though he could no longer
remember quite why.
"There is nothing to believe in in
this world..." the man muttered,
"A beast with no fangs must be put
to death... I am the only one who
can kill you... I am the only
one who can keep you alive..."
"Er, Faye, who is that guy?"
"Oh, him? He's just the orderly."
"Yes, just... the orderly," the man
said, half to himself, half to his
imaginary friends. "He did
not die for me, he died for... the
Order... heh, heh... Yes,
I am... the orderly. I do... bedpans.
Heheheheh..." The white haired
lunatic wandered off.
"Huh," Spike said.
"So who else was there?"
"Well, the only other person on the ship was Jet."
"Doesn't ring a bell. Describe him."
"He was my bounty hunting partner.
Bald, bearded guy with scars on
his face, wore this sleeveless getup..."
"Sounds like a cross between our Home Ec teacher and Gene Starwind."
"Gene Starwind?" For some reason
the name brought feelings of...
ridicule.
"Hello? You *are* the president
of the Outlaw Star fan club,
remember? Which prolly explains
the whole space bounty hunter thing,
come ta think of it. Let me
guess, was your love interest a meek,
kindly young woman with a mysterious
secret?"
"No, I'll have you know she was a
really cool, tough, deep-voiced
blonde woman."
Faye looked at him... oddly.
"What?"
"Deep-voiced, blonde woman," she repeated, slowly.
"Yes, what does that-"
Suddenly Julia ran in, the same age
as she'd been in his dream, and
flung her arms around him.
"Spike!" she effused. "They told me you
were awake, oh thank god you're
back, we missed you so much..." She
babbled for another minute before
being interrupted by a portly, dark-
skinned doctor who appeared in the
doorway.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Spiegel? We
have some forms we need you to sign
before we can release your son,
don't we nurse?"
"Yes, Doctor," said the nurse beside him.
"Don't worry, honey, I'll be right
back!" Spike's mother said, and
headed out again.
Silence adorned Spike's hospital room for a time.
"....faye...." Spike finally said, wide eyed and pale.
"Yeah?"
"...i have serious issues..."
"Ohhh, yeah."
SEE YOU TEENAGE OTAKU WITH OEDIPAL ISSUES...
Cowboy Bebop was created by Hajime
Yatade and is the property of
Sunrise and Bandai Entertainment.