Enjoy this cringe

It's all on me. I'm the reason he got away.

That thought echoed in Shimizu's head, like it was on replay. No matter the circumstances or how much her friends protested against that claim, she was to blame.

This morning, Shimizu and Dazai were assigned to chase down a taxi driver that's been kidnapping young women and using them for revolting purposes. The freckled-girl was initially hesitant to do so, but with encouragement from her friends and her desire to be more useful, she eventually agreed to it along with her superior, coworker... and crush Osamu Dazai.

Together, they gathered clues and were able to deduce the taxi driver. During their confrontation, Shimizu, using her ability Broken Ring, gained the upper hand and it looked like the duo were about to emerge victorious, but the taxi driver overpowered her quickly and ran off, probably where they won't find him next time.

"Hold... s-still!" Shimizu ordered, who has tackled the taxi driver on the ground and was holding his hands to make sure he wouldn't escape.

"Tch! You goddamn Agency rats..." the taxi driver mumbled in frustration.

Dazai waved his hands casually. "Well that was easy," he chirped.

Shimizu sweatdropped. She knew she shouldn't have let her guard down at that moment, because the taxi driver broke one of his hands free and pinched the girl's hands in order for her to let go of his other hand. Once she realized what was happening, the taxi driver made a mad dash and the duo were unable to stop him.

If I had been stronger, I-I would have... I would have...!

Shimizu began shaking tremendously, hugging her arms. Her heartbeat began to run at a rapid pace, her breathing became erratic and shaky. She rocked back and forth in her seat, trying to calm herself down, but the sheer amount of over-contemplate thoughts multiplied in her head, worsening her state.

What if... what if thanks to my incompetence, w-we fail in capturing the taxi driver, and he succeeds in his revolting deeds? If so, the women of this city will continue to be endangered... the Agency will be labeled as useless and we might be blamed for this catastrophe... w-we will lose our jobs... ! A-All-All because of...! Because of..!

At that point, it felt like a dumbbell was inside her lungs. It was so heavy and so solid. Her shaky breathing quickly turned unto quick little gasps, desperate for air. Tears poured out of her eyes like a broken faucet, and blurriness swarmed her vision.

It's all my fault...

Her arm reached out, attempting to call out for someone, but her voice came out as gasping. She fell to the floor, now body shaking violently than ever. The freckled girl couldn't do anything to soothe herself and assure her doubts, so she just stayed sitting on the ground, head lowered, arms hugging and shivering like the room was at a blizzard's temperature.

Someone... help...

The brunette was suffering from her mental and emotional state, she didn't hear the knock on the door in front of her. "Shimi-chan?" The voice of Osamu Dazai called out to her behind the door. "Is everything alright?"

Shimizu couldn't mouth a word. The freckled-girl didn't want him to see her like this, but it was too late. She felt so surrounded, so cold...

"... Shimi-chan.." Dazai's voice grew softer. "... I'm coming in."

The door clicked open. She heard two steps come in, then they stopped. Then, she heard footsteps coming closer and sounding louder, until a pair of khakis appeared in front of her, and she felt a warm, soft hand on her lowered head.

"... Is this about what happened a while ago?" Dazai spoke in a soft tone, knowing the fragile state that his subordinate is in at the moment.

Shimizu was still shaking, but she managed a head nod. She sniffled, and lowered her head even more, ashamed. "I... I... " she wheezed, but she couldn't finish her sentence, which turned into gasps for air.

In an instant, she was pulled into Dazai's chest, his hand gently rubbing the top of her head and the other hand wrapped around her back. "There, there," he reassured soothingly. "I'm here, right here."

Dazai couldn't bear to see his coworker beating herself up like this. It reminded him so much of Atsushi, and he was willing to do everything to make sure that his subordinates would find the courage to face their insecurities and grow out of their low-self esteem habits.

Shimizu's violent heartbeat steadied. "Now breathe," Dazai instructed gently. "Breathe slowly."

She inhaled, exhaled, repeated this process slowly, until her breathing came back to normal. She then looked up at Dazai, tears still streaming down her face. "... I'm sorry..." she whimpered. "It's my fault that I... that he got away.."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Shimi-chan," Dazai assured. "What matters is that you did your best, and you were as useful enough as it was."

She wanted to accept his soothing and comforting words, but she knew that she was forgiven too easily. She averted her gaze. "I know, but... I-I just wished that I was stronger. Strong enough to hold the enemy down. I'm not as strong and courageous as you all call me. If only I..."

She was interrupted when she felt Dazai's hand lift her chin up firmly, forcing her to look at him through her tears.

"Stop that."

Shimizu stared blankly at him, tears still streaming down. "You can't continue to pity yourself like this," Dazai lectured. "It's simply just too much of a burden for you to carry. Look what it's done to you. Just look at you. It's why everyone can't grow easily... it's why you're like this. It's not good for your health, especially. So please, stop pitying yourself over things like this. It's never too late to make things right, no matter who's to blame."

If there was one thing she loved about Dazai, it was how he comforted his coworkers and that he was a man who chose his words carefully and was more expressive in a firm and strict way. Shimizu then realized that it would be useless to continue pitying herself, and if she were to continue this, then she would never be free from her anxiety attacks. She felt her heart flutter and grow warm at Dazai's words, him by her side and comforting her. She hasn't had anyone else for a shoulder to cry on since Taiko, but in all honesty, Dazai takes the cake.

She smiled warmly, sniffling. "... Dazai-san... th-thank you." she spoke with a shaky voice.

Dazai's serious expression was then replaced with a warm smile, making him no happier than seeing that he did a good job comforting his coworker. He pulled Shimizu a little closer and hugged her tighter, gently rubbing her head.

"Anytime, Shimi-chan," he assured. "Whatever happens, I'll be there to assure you the best I can."

This is like the worst oneshot ever