Okay so you know the novel or something called "Footfall"? It's where aliens that are literally elephants except with 2 trunks that have fingers that invade earth by using an asteroid called the Foot.
What if everything was the same… except the asteroid was called the Ass?
Ladies and gentlemen… I present to you…
Assfall
A fanfic by insrtewapanesenemhere
It was the 90s or something, I don't give a fuck. It doesn't matter what time we are in as long as there are enough nukes for everybody involved. Suddenly, up in the sky, in the stars, a fucking spaceship crashes on Utah (Not bloody Kansas, fuck that state). The United Statians of the United States of America send a friendly message to the alienses. However, motherfucking death rays keep shooting everywhere, killing everything in sight. The Americans the Soviet Unioners of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics know what must be done. They must shoot ten thousand nukes at the invaders. The extraterrestrial elephants die a death.
The Fithp literally cannot believe this. The human herd didn't immediately do battle with them, and now they aren't surrendering after this show of force, instead irradiating their own land?!... No matter. It is time for The Ass to land. The Ass is an asteroid that they occupied later to serve as a springboard for the invasion of the entire earth as well as a resupplying station. But now, they must literally throw it at the planet for the natives to give in.
While the Fithp are too busy steering The Ass to its designated location, the United Statians are too busy fighting mutated Mormons crawling out in the hundreds of thousands from Utah. And holy shit the Mormons are fucking crazy. They're literally killing and devouring everything in sight.
However, while this is unfolding, The Ass drops in the middle of the Indian Ocean, destroying everything that is East African, South Arabian, Indian, Indonesian or Australian. Millions of elephants crawl out from The Ass, but what they didn't count on was humans being cunning. The Chinese, willing to take the mantle as the Hero State that destroys the alienses since America is having a problem with its mormons, shoot hundreds of nukes at the invaders. Most are shot down, but some still manage to hit the extraterrestrial elephants, killing thousands of them. What the Chinese didn't count on, however, is the fucking deathrays. Fuck those obnoxious fucking things that keep destroying anything that is of the military. PISS OFF.
China, angered by the rays of the death, Summon the dragons from its mythology. Those Dragons fly to The Ass and shit on it, killing every single Fithp.
The aliens have been cleansed, everyone is happy, a round of sex is initiated and millions of mutated Mormons fucking invade everybody on Terra, leading to an even more golden age.
The End
I hope you enjoyed this.