Sam stared down at the sheets of pure, blank white paper laying on Carly's kitchen counter, next to the computer. No one else was in the apartment. Spencer was on a date with this new girl he'd met at Groovy Smoothie the other day. He seemed to really like her. He'd be out late, Sam just knew. Carly was over at Wendy's house studying. Carly would be out late too. Sam pulled her cell phone out of her pocket of her jeans, and reread Carly's text message that Carly had sent to her before Sam had arrived at the Shay's apartment.
From: Carly
Hey Sam. Studying at Wendy's tonight. Will be home late. Probably around 10. Spencer's on a date with that new girl. He'll be home late too. You can stay at the apartment. You will anyway (: There's ham in the fridge for you, and you can pick the lock. See you later. XOXOXO.
CB: 206-625-7889
Jul 25, 6:23 pm
Sam smirked at the message. Carly knew her too well. Sam's eyes darted to the door. Freddie wasn't going to come in here. He didn't like to come over when Carly and Spencer weren't there. Oh yeah, something about "invading their privacy" or something. Oh please, Sam thought. She didn't have to worry about him. She didn't have to worry about Gibby. He was babysitting Guppy tonight while his mom was out clubbing. Sam shuddered at the thought. Melanie wasn't home yet. She was coming home for a week tomorrow. Sam took a deep breath in, and picked up the black pen that was next to the papers. She pressed the pen down to the paper and began writing.
Dear everyone, (Carly, Spencer, Melanie, Gibby, Freddie, and everyone else.)
I'm sorry I had to do this. But life is just so hard. Life is a beautiful thing if you know how to treat it and live it right. If you don't, you'll end up like me. Broken, battered, and eventually, dead. I have never wanted to make any of you upset (with the exception of Freddork), so I hope you won't be after this. Please, move on. I was a bad influence on your lives anyway. I was holding you back. From your hopes, dreams, and ambitions. Now you're free. Free to fly. Free to live. I'll watch you all. I'll watch you grow to be just what you wanted to be. Carly, you'll be a successful business woman or teacher, happily married to whomever you may choose. Most likely Freddie, and I'll be happy for you. Spencer, you'll be a big artist. You'll see your name in lights! And you'll have a wife and beautiful kids. You'll smile your biggest smile when you hear them call you daddy. You'll be a great daddy. Melanie, first, I know this is going to be pretty hard on you, seeing as I'm your twin sister and everything. But it's okay. You're gonna be fine. Now, you are going to be a hugely successful lawyer. Melanie Puckett, inc. Or whoever's last name when you get married. Not if, when. You will get married. You're beautiful. Gibby, you've always been special. In a good way, trust me. You'll get married, either to Tasha, or another hot woman. And they will love you for you. You'll be... a dancer, a cook, or an athletic trainer. Whatever it be, it'll be big. You will be extraordinary. Freddie, well. I've got a shocker for you. I've always been in love with you. Yeah, I said it. I love you, Fredward Joshua Benson. I do. I know you never did, and never will love me. That's fine. You're with Carly, and you're happy with her. I know you didn't really classify me as a friend. More of an enemy, a menace, or a monster. But you were a best friend to me. You were, and always will be a huge part of my life. But really, I'll always love you, even after this, alright? Now, I got all of that off my chest. Wow, it's kind of a relief. So, I'm sitting here, writing this in your apartment, Carly and Spencer. There's been good times in here. That's something I'm going to miss. I'm going to miss Ridgeway (not Ms. Briggs or Mr. Howard), Principal Franklin, iCarly... just everything. Even crazy Mrs. Benson. But, there are some things we have to sacrifice in life, and I've chosen to sacrifice those things for my, and your happiness. Don't get me wrong, I feel sorta bad for doing this to all of you, but I deserve it. I mean, I was never nice anyway. I always yelled at people and beat them up. That's why no one ever liked me. But it's just... I'm the one no one ever needed or wanted in their life. I'm the one who was never meant to be here. I was even a surprise to my mother. It was only supposed to be Melanie, but no, I had to be born too. You know that person that they mention in books? The one that's there, but is never really named? The screw up. That's me. I can't deal with the pain. You guys probably didn't even know what I was doing to myself all this time, huh? I've been cutting myself for three months now. Almost overdosing on pills for seven. Doing drugs for a year. Oh, and smoking for two years. See, I told you I was a screw up. So now I'm done. I'm done hurting. It's come time for me to go. Goodbye my best friend. Goodbye my mentor. Goodbye my sister. Goodbye my hilarious good friend. And goodbye my almost lover. This isn't a Disney movie. It doesn't end happy. This is reality. And it's time to take off the training wheels and grow up. So goodbye forever. I'll always love you all. I don't want you to remember me as Samantha Lauren Puckett. I don't want you to remember me as a menace. I want you to remember me as I really am. Just remember me as Sam. I'll see you down the road.
Love always,
Sam.
Sam set the pen down gently next to the inked papers and stepped down from the red stool that she was sitting on. She then walked over to the fridge and peered inside of it. She reached for the ham that was sitting on the top shelf and set it on the counter, closing the fridge with her hip.
"I can at least enjoy one more good thing before I do this," Sam said to herself. She scarfed down the ham in five minutes, most likely. Sam lightly smiled to herself as she remembered the time that Freddie had timed how fast she could eat a ham. Three minutes. Sam walked over to one of the many cabinets in the Shay's kitchen, and grabbed three fatcakes. She ate them even faster than she ate the ham.
"Alright, it's time," Sam whispered. She walked over to where the note she had left was, and glanced at it one more time. Was she sure she wanted to do this? She took a confident breath and nodded to herself. Yes, she was going to do this. It was now or never. A few silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she walked over to the door and flung it open. She attempted to close the door quietly, but it ended up slamming shut behind her. Shit, she thought, I hope no one heard that. Too bad that someone did. The door across the hall opened and Freddie stepped out, closing the door silently behind him.
"Sam?" he asked. He noticed the few tears that were still evident on her face and became concerned. If there was one thing he had learned about Sam over the years, it was that Sam Puckett did not cry. She just didn't. If she did, something was very wrong. Sam became aware of him staring at her face, and she immediately turned away.
"Hey, Sam, what's wrong?" Freddie questioned lightly.
"Freddie, please, just go back inside of your apartment and leave me alone," Sam said quietly.
"Sam, you just called me Freddie and you said please. Really, what's wrong?" Freddie asked again, slightly harsher this time.
"I said leave me alone," Sam mumbled. She crossed her arms across her chest, and looked down as she started to walk away. Freddie grabbed her and turned her back towards him.
"Sam! You need to tell me what's going on, really," Freddie said, raising his voice.
"No, I don't. So leave me alone!" Sam practically screamed. With that, she pulled out of Freddie's grasp and ran down the hall, heading towards the stairwell. Freddie scrunched his eyebrows, confused. He did the only thing he could think of. He followed her. He opened the door that lead to the stairwell, and saw a flash of curly blonde hair from above him. She was going up. Where is she going? The only thing that's up there is the roof, Freddie thought to himself. He shook the thoughts out of his mind and ran up after her. Once he got to the top, he opened the door that lead out to the roof. He could make out a dark figure sitting on the edge of the roof, with their feet dangling off. Sam. Freddie walked over to her and stood behind her.
"What're you doing up here Sam?" Freddie asked, sighing. Sam didn't flinch. She was expecting him to come after her. She looked straight ahead and answered.
"Something I should've done a long time ago Freddie." Freddie shook his head, still not understanding.
"What are you talking about Sam?" Freddie questioned. Sam stood up, and turned around to face him.
"Don't you get it?" she asked, her voice soft.
"Obviously not," Freddie said, looking down at his hands.
"You're so oblivious to everything Freddie! Do you know anything about me?" Sam asked, anger flaring up inside of her, for no apparent reason.
"Yes, Sam, I do. I've known you longer than Carly," Freddie said, still confused. What was she trying to get at?
"Really? Then why do you love her Freddie? If you've known me longer, why do you love her? Did you know that I'm in love with you? Did you know that? Did you know that I've been smoking for two years and doing drugs for one? Did you know that I've been taking pills and almost overdosing on them, on purpose, for seven months? And did you know, that I've been cutting myself for three months? Did you know all of that? No, you didn't! So don't even say you know me, because you don't! And don't try and stop me from what I'm going to do," Sam choked out. By the end of her rant, she was hysterically sobbing. Freddie stood there, mouth open in shock. He let what Sam had said register through his mind. She was slowly killing herself, and she was in love with him. And what was she going to do?
"Sam... you- you're in love with me?" Freddie whispered.
"Yes, you idiot. But you don't love me, you love Carly," Sam sobbed. Freddie took a step closer to her, and grabbed her by the shoulders. Sam looked up at him with tear filled eyes.
"What?" she spat out. Freddie didn't say anything. He just pulled her closer and crashed his lips against hers. It just felt so right with Sam. He did love her. Not Carly.
"Sam, I do love you," Freddie said after he had pulled away. Sam wiped her eyes.
"No you don't Freddie. You're dating Carly. You love Carly. Don't say it to make me feel better. I- I um, need to do this. It's now... or never. Bye Freddie. Love you," Sam said, as she took one step backwards. Freddie widened his eyes in realization to what Sam had been talking about this whole time. She was going to commit suicide. She was going to jump off of the roof.
"Sam! No, you can't!" Freddie yelled. Sam shook her head and smirked.
"I have to Freddie. I have to. I'm sorry," she said, taking another step back. Now, her heels were haning dangerously off of the edge of the roof. One more step backwards, and she would fall. Freddie stepped forward.
"Sam, stop!" Freddie, said his voice wavering as his eyes brimmed with tears. Sam shook her head and looked down. Freddie was right in front of her now. She looked up, and pulled him into a kiss. Right at that moment, they heard noise from below them.
"She's gonna jump!" a young man yelled. The voice sounded all too familair. Sam pulled away from Freddie.
"Spencer," she whispered to him. This time, they heard a girl yell.
"Hey, girl, you can't jump! You can't throw away your life!" Freddie looked at Sam.
"Carly," he whispered back. Sam glanced down, and saw Spencer and the girl he had been on a date with, Carly and Wendy, and a few other people who had started gathering around. Sam took a heavy breath in. She had just wanted this to be quiet and easy.
"Fuck," Sam muttered to herself. Freddie smirked at her.
"What're you gonna do now?" Freddie asked, thinking he had gotten her. Thinking she wouldn't do it now. Oh, was he wrong.
"I'm gonna jump," Sam said.
"No you won't. Carly and Spencer are there now," Freddie shot back. Sam turned her head to look at the people below. She raised her voice a few octaves and yelled down to them.
"I'm not going to jump! I'm up her with my boyfriend. I'm sorry that I scared you guys like that. Guess I shouldn't stand that close to the edge. I'm sorry, you guys can calm down!" Everyone below sighed in relief.
"Oh, thank God. Yeah, don't stand so close to the edge, girl!" Spencer yelled up. He motioned to his date, Carly, and Wendy to go inside with him. They shuffled toward the entrance of Bushwell Plaza while, everyone else walked away. Sam thought of the note she had left. It was only a matter of mere minutes before they would find it and realize that the girl on the roof was Sam. Freddie shook his head disbelievingly.
"Wow Sam," he said.
"Goodbye Freddie," she whispered. Then, she stepped backward.
"No!" Freddie yelled. He fell down to his stomach and reached out for Sam's hand. Surprisingly, he caught it.
"Let me go Freddie!"
"No, Sam! Get back up here!" Freddie screamed. Sam flailed around and wriggled out of Freddie's grip. Then, she fell to the ground below. Freddie saw her hit the ground. He saw her neck crack. He saw the crimson blood pool around her. Freddie had just watched his best friend, and the girl he loved, commit suicide. He had just watched her fall off of the fucking roof of the apartment building he lived in. He had just watched Sam Puckett die. Tears ran down his face as sobs racked through his body. He ran down the stairs as fast as his legs would take him to his floor. As soon as he got there, he heard a scream from they Shay's apartment. Carly ran outside, screaming, when she saw Freddie.
"Freddie! Oh my God, where's Sam? What the hell happened to her? And why are you crying? Oh my God. Freddie, what happened?" Carly asked shakily. Spencer, Wendy, and Spencer's date ran out after Carly, and looked at Freddie, shocked.
"Carly, I- I need to go. I need to see her, before they come!" Freddie sobbed.
"Before who come?" Spencer asked, now aware of the situation.
"The police, the ambulance, all of them!" Freddie yelled, and then took off down the stairs. They all followed closely behind him. Freddie pushed out the front doors and looked to his right. He almost gagged when he saw her up close. Sam looked like death. Ironic, huh? She looked like death, and she was dead. Freddie broke down on his knees and collapsed on top of Sam. Sobs shook his body and he was getting covered with Sam's blood, but he didn't care. As soon as Carly came outside and saw, she screamed like bloody murder. Ironic, yet again.
"Oh my... oh my God!" Carly screamed. Spencer shook, and pulled out his phone an dialed 911.
"Oh God, Carly," Wendy started and they all turned to her, "she was the girl on the roof." Carly widened her eyes.
"But- there were two people up there. A girl and a guy!" Carly said, shaking her head. They all turned to Freddie. "Oh my God, Freddie, did you- did you see her die?" Freddie sat up slowly, and he was a bloody mess.
"Yeah, I did. I tried to stop her. I kept trying. And even when she first jumped off, I grabbed her! But she got out of my grip and fell. Carls, you don't understand. I'm neven going to get the image of her falling and hitting the ground out of my mind. Never," Freddie whispered out.
"Oh Freddie, you will," Carly said, looking down. Freddie stood up, and faced Carly.
"No, Carly. This isn't a fantasy! It's reality. And reality will let you forgive, but it won't let you forget." Freddie broke down again and fell on Sam. "Sam, why?" The police, the ambulances, and everyone else arrived.
"Son, you need to go," a tall police officer said to Freddie.
"No! I can't leave her! Please!" Freddie screamed. They started to pry him away from her, and Freddie kissed Sam's cold, dead lips one more time before they pulled him away completely. Freddie stood off to the side as he watched, with Carly and Spencer. Wendy and Spencer's date stood behind them. Freddie looked up at the building.
He said, "I'm thinking of jumping." Carly and Spencer turned to him.
"No!" they both said sadly. I must be tired of life. I must be tired of something, Freddie thought.
That night, Freddie slept over Carly and Spencer's. He would dream about Sam, and then wake up, and then dream again. It was always the same dream.
Freddie was standing on the roof with Sam. She glanced up at him.
"Will you catch me if I'm falling?" she whispered lightly to him.
"Of course," he whispered back.
"I don't know Freddie. You love Carly," Sam said, venom clear in her voice.
"Sam, I'll catch you. I love you," Freddie said. Sam pursed her lips in a thoughtful way, and then stepped off of the edge of the roof. Freddie looked on in shock. He ran over and tried to catch her, but he was too late. He could see the sadness in Sam's eyes as she fell, and then she hit the ground. He had failed. She had asked him if he would catch her if she was falling and he didn't.
"Round here, she's slipping through my hands," Freddie whispered to himself.
Freddie snapped his eyes open. It was the fifth time he'd had that dream that night.
Freddie was older now. He was married to Carly. He had a job. Oh, and Sam was right. Carly was a teacher. And she was happlily married to Freddie. Sam was right about everyone. Everything she said had happened. Maybe it was fate. But, Freddie never forgot Sam. Never forgot about that night. He still had the whole night clear in his head. It replayed over and over, all the time. Freddie remembered something that Sam used to say.
"Sleeping children better run like the wind, out of the lightning dream."
No one ever really got what she meant by it. She used to say it when she was upset, or when others were upset. Even though no one really understood it, it still made them feel better. Freddie tried to shake Sam out of his head. He didn't want to think about her all the time. She had made it very clear in her letter, she hadn't wanted what she had done to be a burden on them. Yet, for Freddie, it still was. He couldn't shake his thoughts of her.
Round here, she's always on my mind, Freddie thought to himself. Round here, we're carving out our names. Freddie shot up, and ran out of his apartment, ignoring Carly's questions. He ran to the park, and into the woods behind it. Then, he ran to Sam's and his 'secret place.' They had made it when they were little. Before Carly came. And they went there after she was in their lives as well. He walked over to the one tree that they always climbed, and he pulled himself up onto one of the branches. He sat on it and looked to his right. There, he saw Sam's and his name carved into the tree.
Sam and Freddork = Best friends for life.
Freddie smiled lightly to himself as he saw his old nickname. Sam was the only one who had called him that. He hadn't heard it in years.
"Freddork," he whispered, somewhat in spite of himself. He ran his fingers lightly over the words. He remembered the day clearly. Sam had carved it, and then she pushed Freddie out of the tree. Freddie jumped down from the tree, and walked a little farther through the woods, until he got to the graveyard where Same was buried at. He walked to her grave, which he knew the way to by heart. He knelt down in front of her grave and looked down.
"Hey Sam. How's it going? I miss you a lot. I know I just talked to you the other day, but I wanted to tell you, that I'm coming to see you honey. I really am. It's time," Freddie said. He dug in the long grass for what he was looking for. He grabbed the gun, and pointed it at his temple. He laid down next to Sam's grave and then pulled the trigger.
Right as he pulled it, he whispered, "I can't see nothing, nothing, round here..." And then he slowly dropped the gun next to him, as the blood trickled down his forehead. He felt sorry for doing this to his friends and family, especially Carly. But he had to. He had to be with the one person he really loved.
Because, round here...
FIN.