Wash's eyes lit up at the sight of the stegosaurus, perched on the shelf amongst a myriad of tigers, swans, elephants and horses. Its scales were a cheerful shade of sky blue with lush green spikes following the ridge of his spine. He was perfection in plastic form, right down to his large, roundish feet. Well, large in comparison to the rest of him, his entire body length measuring just a few inches. The pilot had always harbored an interest in the history of Earth-that-Was with a particularly inexplicable soft spot for the gigantic reptiles that once roamed its surface. Despite their size and roughly armored exteriors, he honestly just found them cute, moreso than beagles, fluffy kittens or even the baby goslings bred for juggling on Paquin. The collection of scaly critters that littered the console of whatever ship's helm he occupied were more than simply decoration; they were pets of sorts. Friends even, considering the dinosaurs and the black were the only two things that had always stuck with him on his haphazard journey around the 'verse thus far.

Of course, mildly abashed by his strange predilection for the creatures, he would never flat-out admit this to anyone. Pilots were often accepted to have eccentric hobbies for passing the time spent at the wheel so generally no-one made a fuss. If asked he'd cite his historical interests, offer the person a brief snippet on where dinosaurs fit in and mention how cheerful they made the panels look. Depending on his mood he'd also perform a mini-drama with them a la his shadow puppet endeavors, or perhaps would let the dinosaurs do most of the explaining themselves. Generally this went well enough, and he had only received bodily injury due to his hobby on one occasion; Wash figured this was a pretty decent track record considering the multitude of grumpy mercs and captains he'd sailed with.

Wash plucked up the little fella and carried him to the register. After sailing with the crew of Serenity for a few months now he was fair certain he wasn't going to get beat up over his dinos, and his collection had been tragically lacking a stegosaurus for quite some time now. He payed three credits for the little beauty and tucked him away into the pockets of his khaki cargo pants before stepping out of the little novelties shop and onto the crowded spaceport street. They were stopped over on Beaumonde for fuel, supplies and to give their new mechanic Kaylee a chance to work her magic, scrounge up a few bargain parts and get Serenity running in top-notch shape. This state of affairs left Wash with 36 hours to spend his cut from the last drop. His first mission accomplished, he decided it nigh time to head for a joint of local color.

Wash's favorite tavern in Beaumonde was far from the most noteworthy: a smallish establishment nestled away between a junk dealer and the eastern end of the spaceport's landing pads. What it lacked in scale it made up for in quality however. The joint served some of the finest exotic liquors served this half of the 'verse. Wash never quite understood how he did it, but even with his general lack of people skills, the self-named Mr. Universe sure knew how to pull all the right strings.

For reasons entirely unknown to Wash, Mr. Universe had been one of Wash's close friends throughout the four years spent in flight school. Wash was a bit of a dork, sure, but he liked to think he had some social suave. Mr. Universe, on the other hand, preferred the company of a computer terminal or a radio transmitter to that of a human being. Wash took notice of him on account that he was his only peer who managed to rack up consistently higher run scores and overall grades, and consequently invited him to go out on a personal one-on-one asteroid course with two of the university shuttles, eager to witness the slick flying the flight records indicated. A month of excuses later, Mr. Universe admitted to Wash that he had hacked the scores – and bought his silence by offering up his abilities whenever needed.

"Well, well, well," Mr. Universe chortled, sliding up behind the corner of the bar Wash sat at -- literally sliding, in point of fact. Mr. Universe took to zooming about in his favorite chair while serving drinks and doing management-y things, a high-backed leather computer chair that spun and wheeled about pleasantly. As Wash recalled it, Mr. Universe had spent the majority of school splayed out in that very same chair while he browsed the Cortex, and he often wondered if his friend had grown permanently embedded into the fabric of the seat. "Look who we have here! Been awhile, hasn't it? You've come just in time! A couple weeks later and I wouldn't've been here, you know."

"Why not?" Wash asked over top of his drink, a fruity, nuclear orange concoction of sorts, "Don't tell me you're tired of your stint in the hangover business already?"

"Was never really into it in the first place," his friend replied, his voice dropping several decibels as a smug smirk crossed his features, "You know perfectly well I'm only here 'cause a bar is the best place to stash my equipment and Beaumonde's got a lot of satellites that are great for boosting the signals – but no longer must I be so limited! I've gone and snagged myself an entire rutting moon, in an electron cloud on the edge of the rim no less! It's going to be absolutely perfect, man."

"A moon?" Wash's eyes widened as he took a sip of his beverage, "Ai ya, how'd you obtain that kind of coin?"

"My usual," Mr. Universe grinned hazily, "Being the pirate that I am gets me more than top of the class, of course."

Wash scowled at him, slamming his drink to the table, trying to look stern and menacing. Or, rather, putting it down particularly hard. Okay – putting it down kind of harder than usual, so that the tiny flowery cocktail umbrella inside the beverage fell askew of its previous position. But it was still stern.

"You're feng le, you can't just cheat you way through life! I mean, yeah okay, I suppose you can, but sooner or later it's going to come..." Wash caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to watch the sleek form of his ship's first mate enter the tavern and head for a table near the far wall, "...back. To bite you. In the pi gu."

Wash watched her a moment, unable to resist the view. Speaking of pi gu, ai ya, and her legs. Why can I never not look at the legs?

"That is the one part of this joint I will miss," his friend stated solemnly after a momentary pause in the conversation.

"What?" asked Wash, his attention snapping back to Mr. Universe.

"Seeing women around," he said impatiently, glancing in Zoe's direction, "There is the occasional beauty who wanders through and all, so sight seeing is certainly a perk. But I've actually got that all taken care of too. I've designed myself a woman to stay with me out on the rim."

"You've des-- what?" Wash repeated, his eyebrows furrowing in mass confusion.

"A lovebot," Mr. Universe grinned dreamily, a faraway look in his eyes, "Got her all planned out. Would you like to see a preliminary model render?"

Wash took a moment to compile this information internally. A robot, in place of a flesh and blood woman? Wash couldn't imagine having such a desire – in sex and most certainly love, he thought half the joy came from pleasing the other. The concept of turning to a whore or even a Companion for fulfillment had always seemed alien to him, let alone something that was equipped with all the moving parts but none of the human emotion. He shook his head, mystified, "No, no thanks. Er-- another time perhaps."

"Anxious to get to your own lady, then?"

"What?" Wash found himself uttering for the third time tonight, feeling a bit out of sorts, as anyone who attempted to engage Mr. Universe in conversation was bound to, "I have a lady?"

"Doesn't seem your usual type – wasn't it always the sweet little things or the play girls that went for a flyboy like you?"

"Oh, you mean her," he tilted his head in Zoe's general direction, trying to appear nonchalant, "Yeah, not my lady. She's the first mate aboard Serenity, the supply ship I signed onto a few months back." Not for a lack of trying, though, Wash thought with a sigh. He'd been smitten with Zoe the moment he first stepped aboard Serenity - or more accurately, the moment before he first stepped aboard, when she threw him up against the hull and frisked him for weapons. Wo de ma, what he wouldn't do for a repeat of that incident. Sadly however, Zoe seemed to have determined he was harmless. Irritating and worthy of an evil eye, perhaps, but harmless and unworthy of a second frisking.

"You never were terribly great at subtlety," clucked Mr. Universe, curling his index finger around his chin and leaning his elbows on the countertop, shooting Wash a sympathetic look. "No way could you get a minx that fierce to bed with you," he stated matter-of-factly.

Wash rose to the bait, partially because some part of himself that seemed to lack an instinct for self-preservation reasoned that it was a good idea to go talk to Zoe -- she already seemed to despise him, so how much worse could it get? -- and mostly because he wanted to terminate the conversation. Gulping down the last remnants of his beverage Wash stood and pushed his hands into his pockets. His fingers curled around his stegosaurus and he grinned broadly.

"You're on." Though it may be a bit of a long-term project...

*******

"Arrr, a newcomer to our midsts!" growled T-Rex, stomping over to Stego with an air of authority, "What do you have to offer us... in exchange for your life."

Stego hung his head, or rather, was lifted up and tilted closer to the console, "Ah Mr. T-Rex sir! I bring you nothing but my shame and an offer of peace, for I wish to reside with you in your little residence of... residers. Please."

"Inadequate! Your life it must be then! RAWR!"

"...Wash?"

Wash spun around in his chair, T-Rex and Stego still in hand.

"Oh – Kaylee! Hello," he smiled, "Need to get at the main drive control lines, I presume?"

"Yep!" she beamed at him and brandished a bundle of neatly packed wires and data chips, "Picked 'em up for only 15 credits, near good as new!"

He whistled admiringly, "Crazy good find. Let's get those under the console so they can help run our girl all smooth-like, hao de?"

He placed the dinos back with their companions on the console, turned his chair aside and slid under the panel with Kaylee. An hour later they were covered with grease and dust, laughing.

"You did not!" Kaylee exclaimed as they sat up, giggling, "Ain't no way you'd be sittin' here were that the case."

"No, it's true," he insisted, "I delivered the pick up line with Mr. Stego here."

"What'd she say?"

"Nothing, actually. She just gave me a look, placed some coin on the table for her drink, got up and left. The look wasn't of the traditional laser-beam-eye variety, though, so I'd wager that's a good sign. Not sure what variety it was of, though."

Kaylee giggled again and patted Wash's hand reassuringly, "Don't worry, no way she can resist you much longer. You're so nice!" She didn't remove her hand from his, and grinning conspiratorially added, "Know what? Bet yer a good kisser too."

Before Wash could respond she had leaned forward and placed her mouth over his; she smelled of engine grease mixed with sweet strawberry and--

"Pilot!"

*******

Zoe had felt uneasy about Wash from the first instant she laid eyes on him, and despite Mal's recommendations she refused to trust him. Near a month later she had absolute faith in his flying, had accustomed herself to his presence and even caught herself like to laugh at some of the feihua that came out of his mouth. Any ease she lacked now she attributed to his obvious attraction to her. More recently, however, she'd come to admit the unease wasn't just and the attraction was mutual. It'd been a good long while since Zoe'd been close to a man in any capacity other than the camaraderie she and Mal shared and she preferred it that way. That and she'd reasoned a flyboy like their new pilot was bound to have a little fox in every port. Her inexplicable desire for such a man irritated her and she couldn't shake it.

Yesterday at the bar she'd been mightily embarrassed to have a grown man wooing her with a plastic dinosaur and generally did her best to ignore him, but something about his persistence and the general absurdity of it made her want to simultaneously kiss him and clock him one. At the very least, after three months she'd come to recognize his sincerity for what it was. Maybe this was more than an itch needing scratched? There was only one way to be sure.

She found her feet taking her on route up to the bridge, her combat boots clicking measured steps out on the grid of the passenger hall, up the stairs...

...and into the scene of Wash mouth-locked with Kaylee.

"Pilot!" she spat out as she felt anger flush up to her cheeks. Liu kou shui de biao zi he hou zi de ben er zi, he had to be more'n a good ten years older than the girl!

The pair fell apart quickly, Kaylee looking sheepish and Wash positively horrified.

"If you'll stop sucking face with Kaylee long enough, Cap'n wants her down in the engine room. We need to get off the ground within the hour to make the rendezvous with our contact on Boros."

"I--" Wash began, but she didn't give him a chance to finish, turning heel and heading back down the hall. Kaylee gave him an apologetic look and hurried after her.

"Gorram xi niu immature man with his gorram dinosaurs..." she muttered under her breath, trying to calm down and convince herself it was no big loss.

"Zoe!" Kaylee called out, jogging to catch up with the older woman, "Hang on a sec."

Zoe stopped and turned to face Kaylee, her expression once again measured and calm. She liked Kaylee well enough; the girl seemed impossibly sweet and brought all manner of cheer to the ship. She wasn't angry with her, or even necessarily with Wash – more with herself for almost falling into the trap that he represented.

"Yes, Kaylee?"

"Wash really has a shinin' for you..." she began bashfully, her big, round eyes shifting first to the floor and then up the meet Zoe's.

"I reckon there's many he does," she ground out in a flat tone, raising her eyebrow, "That all?"

"Nope" Kaylee shook her head, "Not no more. He's been wantin' you somethin' fierce, just you."

"That why he was slobberin' on you jus' now?"

"Slober--? Oh, no!" Kaylee blushed, looking somewhat embarrassed, "He seemed to be gettin' all lonely and discouraged, so I reckoned a nice, solid peck would lift his spirits. He didn't do any kissin' back, though. Honest."

Zoe almost smiled despite herself at Kaylee's manner. She didn't rightly know how a girl who'd come on the ship way she had could still be so gorram innocent, but she was certainly the textbook definition of naivety.

"It's alright, Kaylee," Zoe hesitated a moment, uncharacteristically awkward, "You just... get on along to the engine room."

*****

Wash sat slumped over in the pilot's seat, eyes fixated out on the black, stegosaurus in hand. From the anger he'd mostly definitely read on Zoe's features, she probably thought he had taken advantage of little Kaylee, thought he was a child-molesting hun dan and never wanted anything to do with him, ever. The thought depressed him, so he took the time to commune with his other lady love, Serenity. She was a solid ship and he'd learned to appreciate her; he hoped Zoe wouldn't get what she'd wanted all along and convince Mal to chuck him off the ship on account of what she'd mistakenly witnessed. Mal didn't much care for shipboard romance, he knew, and also seemed to have taken on Kaylee as some sort of baby sister -- not a fun mix in his situation. He knew Kaylee meant well, but lao tian ye, why'd she have to choose just then to plant one on him? Hearing familiar footsteps behind him he spun his seat, fearing the worst.

"Zoe," he said by way of greeting, standing, "I--"

Again, he didn't get a chance to explain himself, only this time because she'd strode up to him, snatched Stego from his hand, flung it across the room and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, frightening the sound right out of his throat. Looks like I'm going to get a beating anyway, though perhaps not in penitence for my dinosaurs. His eyes locked with hers; he'd never seen them up close before. Ta ma de they were even more gorgeous than he imagined. The dark pools of her irises were specked with flecks of gold and creamy-brown, sparkling dangerously in the starlight from the cockpit windows - she was close enough to feel the warmth of her breath on his skin, it made his hairs stand up on end as though electrified. Though if one must undergo a thrashing, this is certainly the way to do it.

What happened next made Wash's head spin worlds more than a crack to the temple ever would: Zoe tilted her head forward and overtook his mouth with hers. For a moment he thought his heart would stop. He stood there paralyzed, disbelieving that those luscious lips were really, finally pressed flush against his own. Moments later he was responding, his instincts taking over where his mind froze up, his lips parting beneath hers followed by a heated duel of twisted tongues, parting and crashing back together like waves of a brewing storm--

And then all too quickly, it was over. She pulled away, her hand shooting up to caress her upper lip.

"Yuck."

He blinked, a variety of confusing emotions settling in – a feeling of emptiness now that she was not upon him, euphoria over what just occurred and confusion over what she just had said. It took him what seemed a near eternity to find his voice and when he did, all he could do was repeat after her.

"Yuck?"

"That gorram lip ferret near chafed me."

He stared at her, incredulous. Though this wasn't quite the pulverization he expected, it still stung.

"You kiss me and you say yuck?"

"Well," she said, smirking and walking towards the hatchway out of the bridge, "Come to my bunk later without the bristle and we'll try again, shall we?"

*****

When Kaylee arrived in the engine room, she found no Mal waiting for her. This confounded her some, as what needed to be done to Serenity's engine was not readily apparent – she had installed all her new parts prior to heading up to work on the bridge wiring and gotten the place neatly squared away. Puzzled, she sought him out, eventually running into him on the cargo bay catwalk.

"Cap'n! You wanted me for somethin'?"

Mal blinked, "I did? News to me. For what?"

"The engine? Zoe said..." she trailed off, comprehension dawning on her face in the form of a wide, sunny smile.

"Somethin' the matter I should know about, li'l Kaylee?" Mal asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Nope," she grinned, "Everythin's shiny, cap'n!"

----------------------------

Chinese translations (in order of appearance):

ai ya - damn
feng le - crazy
pi gu - ass
wo de ma - mother of god
hao de - okay
feihua - nonsense
liu kou shui de biao zi he hou zi de ben er zi - Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey
xi niu - cow sucking
hun dan - bastard
lao tian ye - jesus