Chapter 1 - Is it the beginning or is the end?

Disclaimer – not mine, go with the number of days. I had to pick something.

Props to my proofer who helps me stay on track.

Chanting in her head "Deep breath, deep breath" as she lifted her hand to knock. Kate was certain of only one thing, she wasn't leaving until she got some answers. Castle had been distant, verbally vicious and racing around town in the Ferrari with cloned blonde bimbos. Kate hated degrading other women through negative stereo typing, but there really was no other way to describe Castle's latest string of female companionship.

The door swung open.

"Martha, um Hi – is he here?"

Giving Kate a quizzical look, Martha replied."No."

"Would it be okay if I came in and waited?"

"I don't think that would be the best idea."

Gritting her teeth and huffing out a breath of air, "Is he on a date?"

"Yes."

Kate pleaded with her eyes, "I would really like to wait."

"I'm sorry Kate." Martha began to slowly shutting the door.

Kate wedged her hip against the closing door. "Martha, please don't make me grovel. I can't fix this if he won't talk to me."

Martha searched Kate's face, "I am not sure you can 'fix it.'"

Clenching her fists at her side, her eyes grew bright with moisture, "I would like to try."

Opening the door wider, Martha replied, "I hope I am doing the right thing. Go wait in his study; best if Alexis doesn't see you."

Kate whispered, "Thank you," as she trudged to his study. Slipping out of her coat she settled into the cold warmth of Castle's worn leather chair.

Kate was unsure how she could have dozed off, but the clicking of the turning door knob startled her. She quickly smoothed her hands across her thighs and began to rise to her feet and then she heard laughter. Not one set of laughing but two. Fuck.

Setting her feet firmly on the ground, Kate steeled herself as the light flooded the room and a tangle of laughing bodies tumbled through the door. "Hey Castle."

Castle untangled his arm from around his date's waist, "Becket?"

Hoping her tone was even, "Hi." It came out as a question, not a statement.

Scrubbing his hands across his face and wearily rubbing the back of his neck, "I think you should leave."

"Not until I say what I came to say."

Gesturing to the slightly intoxicated blonde propped up against the doorway, "I have company."

Kate stood her ground, "I see that; maybe you can call her cab."

"Maybe I can call you a cab." He snarled.

The blonde slouched forward to lean on Castle, "I should go."

Castle wrapped a possessive arm around his date. "You should stay. Beckett will be going."

Kate crossed her arms and sat back down, "Staying."

Turning to his date, "I apologize for the intrusion, but perhaps it would be best if we called it a night."

It felt like an eternity waiting for Castle to return to his study. If the study hadn't had open shelves into the living room Kate would have convinced herself that he had left. Castle sat on the couch swirling a two finger scotch, occasionally sniffing, but never tasting it.

Her heart slowed as he pulled himself to his feet. Kate felt the weight of his grief with each step he took towards the study and her.

Her heart quickened as he nudged the door open. His silhouette filled the door way, the lack of internal light made it impossible to see his face. She didn't need to, Kate knew his face was a reflection of his stance, shoulders slightly curled, hands jammed in his pockets and shuffling feet.

Kate managed to squeak out, "Please sit with me."

Castle silently answered by joining her in the accompanying chair.

It was on her, all on her. "I replayed every minute of the past few days, leading up to your obvious distaste for me." Words catching in her throat, "I came to one conclusion, you watched the interrogation of Lopez." It was a statement not a question. "You know I remember."

Silence hung in the air like the smell of burning flesh.

"Yes I watched and yes I know why you lied."

"Yes, I did." As horrible as it was to confirm her lie out loud, it was liberating to admit.

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Kate wondered to herself he knew she loved him? "You know why I did it?"

"You were/are embarrassed that you don't feel the same way and you are too much of a coward to admit it."

Kate began gnawing on her bottom lip, "That's what you think?"

"That is what I know. You can leave now."

"What if you are wrong?"

"I am not wrong."

"You are."

"I would like you to leave."

Kate rose for a moment before dropping heavily to her knees in front of Castle. Resting her hands on his knees, begging him with her eyes to listen, "What I did was cowardly – to lie to you, day in and day out. I've been in a constant struggle with how to move forward."

Squeezing his thighs only to have him curl his fingers around hers wrists to remove them, "With each passing day I hoped you would say it again so I could say it in return. So you knew that I loved you before I told you I lied. It obviously hasn't worked out that way."

His face contorted and he spat out his words like a snake releasing venom, "You don't love me."

"I do. Loathe me for lying, end our partnership over my deceit but…" climbing to her feet and poking him in the chest "…do not..." shouting in a whispered tone through clenched teeth, "...DO NOT tell me I don't love you."

Castle crossed his arms, closed his eyes and whispered, "Get out."

Kate grabbed her coat and stalked out of the study. Half way to the front door she realized she wasn't done, Kate wasn't letting him shut the door.

Returning to face Castle, Kate caught and held his eyes with her own. "Let me be clear. I am not walking out on you. I am not walking out on us. I am leaving to give you time to think. I have had 247 days to know you love me, to picture the future I would like to have with you. And now I am giving you 247 days."