Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right

I, Alex Russo, never got anything right, at least, not the first time. As confident and sure as I came across, I knew that the only reason I could ever get anything right was because Justin was always there to fix my mistakes and give me another chance.


I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win

And even though, on some really deep level, I knew that he was the reason I was still a wizard, why I could still be reasonably normal, I never really stopped to think of what I was doing to him. I'd always bite off more than I could chew, both with magic and with boys. Too many times… I'd taken Justin's protection for granted. I couldn't see how I was playing with his emotions.


You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

I don't know when the feelings for him started. I imagine it may have been on the vacation to the Caribbean. When I realized that I would be lost without him, that I wouldn't be able to get by. And from that time on, I cherished every moment with him, whether he knew it or not. Whenever I was with him, I felt like I could do anything, be anyone I wanted to be.

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

So why did I hide behind my cold and uncaring demeanor? Why couldn't I tell him how he made me feel? Why did I have to push him away again and again?

I wish I could tell him I'm sorry for everything. I didn't want to be this way… but the world doesn't take too kindly to a sister loving her brother in that way.


And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again

If only things were different. If only I didn't have to lie to myself and to him about the way things really are. If only the world could see the love we have for each other and could look past our genetic similarity.

How different things would be if I were just some girl he wasn't related to…


Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

But if he wasn't my brother, and if he wasn't there to be my safety net, and if he didn't fix my every mistake, would I have felt the same way? I know I wouldn't.


I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me

I never wanted him to know. Because even though I tortured and nagged and teased him all the time, I knew he would hate me even more if he could see how I felt about him. How I wanted him, needed him more than any sister ever should need her brother.


I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

Still, there were so many things I wanted to tell him before he left for college. How I wanted him to go to a college with an arts program, because I could never pursue anything other than art, but at the same time I could never stand to go somewhere where he wasn't. I wanted to tell him that my teasing and pranks were just my twisted little way of showing him I needed him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him.

But I can't.

No matter how much I want it, I want his happiness so much more. And I know that this little piece of information would shatter his world, and bring our reality crashing down. For once, I, Alex Russo, have to do the responsible thing and think of the consequences, because for once, the consequences are too devastating to the one person I care about more than myself.

So I act cold.

I'm sorry Justin. I never meant to be this way.