Hi everyone! Since I love doing commentaries on badfics, I now took on this one. Let's see how much of a challenge is it. But it can't be as good as good ol' My Immortal.

Also, I hate Twilight so if you're a fan, don't read it. I really don't want to go on a commentary war about how good or bad it is. Also, I read the first book and half of the second one (for the rest I read detailed summaries), so I know what it's about.

And also, this fic is NOT mine.

Hi my name is (FallenHero93 and I'm introducing this crappy fanfic to you) Twila Beatiful Psyco (kinda sounds like her, you'll see why) Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) (ah, Edward fangirls...) n i live in waschington (What, George Washington? Sorry, lame pun) wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els (Hmm...I actually like that) n we r vampires. (Okay, stopped liking. I neither believe in nor like the idea of vampires.) we feest on blood n no1 else noes (oh noes) dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom (Whoa. What careless parents) wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. (And everyone just...allowed you to pack and leave, even though you're probably minors?) yes we r LONERS. (Would've never guessed)

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott, (I don't. Also, Mary Sue) i hav strait (Reminds me of the band Dire Straits) blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. (Kinda cool but unfortunately not possible in real life) i wear lots of blak makup (Enoby dear, is that you?) on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, (Don't fuck me, darling, I'm not a lesbian) edword has dem too and steraphie myers (Bwahaha...Steraphie Myers? Like "seraphim", the angels with 6 wings. But you know what, I don't like her so you can keep misspelling her name) sed hes realli hot ok.) (I think Edward is creepy, not hot, but whatever.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/n looooook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite. (and Edward. Oh, sorry, you haven't met him yet. My bad)

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS (Yeah, go shout his name) he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (oh boy =)) ) (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe (Well, being an atheist means you don't believe there is a being that created this universe (be it God or Satan or whatever), so you kinda fail here) god bles u satan (*facepalm*) u r alwayz in mi heart.) ("You are always on my mind", sing the Pet Shop Boys) so anywey i met him i nda skewl (See, kids? Going to school is good for you, you might get to meet sexi vampores!) n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. (Yeah, go ahead, it's not like you hate her because in the series she's Eddie's love interest *cough*) she waz soo stupid (Considering she fell for Edward...) n she kept fallin out of her seat. edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, (not like your dear mom) i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. (Manipulating Eddie like a puppeteer, are we?) dere were some gay ass (Stop offending gays!) ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes (Haha, I imagine Edward giving them a creepy stare like "boo!") n they iran away. i realy hat cliks (Yeah, I hate clicks too, especially when my mouse barely works) n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, (You think you're cool too, so what's the difference?) i giv dem the middle finger (You gave them the finger? How, dear, did you cut it and send it via mail?) in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob. (Bella&Jacob fans, rejoice!) ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. (Ooobviously) he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice, rosmarie, (Rosalie) jasper n emet all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2. (OMG there's a lonely hateful misanthropic vampire in the town. We must like totally meet her!)

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way. (You don't even know the characters right, that should be Emmett. I don't even like Twilight but I know who they are! Whatever, who am I arguing with?)

when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty (...)

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" (Pedo Carlisle...pardon me, Carlose spotted!) he teasd me seductevly. ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 (Gang bang amateurs?) besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite) (Why don't you give him a Roman handshake? That was also polite in ancient Rome) "nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house (*giggles at the spelling* Give her the keys to Edward's room and she will) n we can talk about it."

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends. (Instant friends - just add vampirism!)

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PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD (...lol nope)