Title: Step, Step, Swagger
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Genre: Humour, Romance, mild!Angst (in later chapters)
Rating: FRT (PG-13)
Summary: Ianto just wants to fit in. This is how Ianto Jones tries to survive his transfer from the destroyed Torchwood One to Torchwood Three. From the coffee-making, to the gruelling process of putting up with Jack's 'harassment' and Owen's... Owen-ness; this is how it all begins. Slight AU because Lisa doesn't exist.
Warnings: Uh, nothing much. Pre-Gwen for now.
A/N: Title from Change by HyunA (4MINUTE), has nothing to do with the fic. This is a very slice-of-life, through-the-years type of story but there's still a solid plot... I think.
"Ianto Jones, twenty-three, joined Torchwood One fresh out of college, graduated high school when he was thirteen, has a handful of B.A.'s and Ph.D's and now he wants to work as our clean-up boy. Kid's got an eidetic memory too,"
Jack grunts in acknowledgement and doesn't look up at Owen who is still going over Ianto's file.
"Seriously," Owen continues, "this kid could be curing cancer or something,"
"You're hardly any older than him, Owen," Tosh rolls her eyes, "And besides, you're a doctor too,"
Owen snorts, "Sure, I'll just find the cure for cancer for, you know, aliens,"
"Where's Suzie?" Tosh asks after a moment of uncomfortable silence.
"I sent her home," Jack shrugs, "She seemed a little tired. Hey, Owen, let me see the file,"
Owen slides it over the table.
"Hmm, he's cute," Jack muses, spraying Chinese take-out all over the table. Tosh grimaces and throws a tissue box at him.
Owen is ready to fall asleep standing and his yawn is loud enough to jerk Jack out of his staring contest with the photo of Ianto.
"Go home, guys. I'll keep watch down here,"
Tosh pulls on her coat and smiles gratefully following Owen who's already half-way out the door.
"Oh, and, guys?" Tosh and Owen pause, "Be nice to the new kid,"
"Sure thing, bossman,"
Be polite, don't screw up, don't die.
In the back of Ianto's mind, he wonders why don't die isn't first on his list of priorities but he pushes the thought back, downing his fourth cup of coffee in twenty minutes. He rubs his hand over the thin layer of make-up that is covering a bruise on his cheekbone, praying that the concealer won't come off during his working hours.
Ianto glances at the clock, 4:00 AM. When Torchwood Three had sent his acceptance form, they had also included instructions on how to enter through the fake tourist centre so it didn't matter how early he arrives.
Shoving his keys and phone in his pocket, Ianto smooths out his suit one more time before grabbing his shoulder bag and a large box. His apartment block is nice, if not a little small and the elevator still smells like the strong perfume his neighbour uses. When he gets to his car, he finds that balancing a heavy box with coffee machine plastered on the side while attempting to get in his car is extremely difficult. Throwing the box and bag into the passenger seat, Ianto starts the engine and pulls out of the carpark.
The streets are almost completely empty and the sun has hardly risen. There are a few people; jogging, picking up the morning paper but the streets are so much calmer than the ones in London and it's almost eerie. He glances back at the box; the coffee machine in London had made liquefied faeces, Justin had said and Ianto presumes that the coffee machine in his new work-place wouldn't be much better.
There's something strange about the Hub when he finally arrives; it's too crowded, not with people, but with machinery and empty take-out boxes. Ianto makes a face and sweeps the coffee cups and plastic plates into a black rubbish bag. He leaves the rubbish bag by the door and begins straightening the desks, organizing the piles of paper. It makes him feel a little bit like a house-keeper but the habit is still fresh in his mind after doing the same things in Torchwood One.
"Wow, the place actually looks presentable,"
Ianto turns around quickly and flings his arm out on reflex, eyes wide with fear.
"Son of a-,"
Looking down, Ianto sees his new boss on the ground with a bloody nose.
"Oh, God! I'm so sorry!" Ianto grabs a tissue box and wipes his boss' face, "God, I didn't mean to!"
"Hey, it's alri-,"
"It's just a reflex, I mean, when I was in college, my room-mate was a bit of an ass,"
"Hey!"
"And he'd wake me up in weird ways and I have an older sister,"
"Hey!"
"And when you have an older sister, you kind of learn to-,"
"Hey!"
Ianto blinks.
"I'm alright, okay?"
Ianto nods slowly and stands up, brushing the imaginary dust off of his pants.
"Uh, well, uh," Ianto tries to sound intelligent, "I'm Ianto Jones,"
Jack grins, "I knew that. I'm Captain Jack Harkness. Nice to meet you,"
"I need to, uh, well, I'll, uh, go set up the, uh, coffee machine," Ianto runs off quickly.
"The break room is that way," Jack raises his eyebrows in amusement, "And we have a coffee machine,"
Ianto fights back the urge to shoot him a condescending look and he walks stiffly over to the break room with the new coffee machine. It takes him a little under half an hour to finish connecting the power cords and once he's done, he gulps down another cup, praying that it would help him do less stupid things like, I don't know, not punch my boss in the face?
"I could go for some coffee right now," Jack's voice filters in between his thoughts and he has to fight to stop himself from throwing the porcelain cup at his boss, another unfortunate reflex.
Ianto's mouth opens and closes in an attempt to reply but he settles for looking away and preparing another cup of coffee.
"You know, you could at least pretend that you're not terrified every time I'm near you,"
Ianto passes Jack the cup, refusing to meet his eyes, "Uh, sorry, sir,"
"'Sir'? Really?" Jack teases and takes a tentative sip, "Hmm, I hate cappucinos but this is actually quite nice,"
"Would you like me to make another cup?"
"No, no, it's fine, Ianto. Why are you here anyways? It's barely five in the morning,"
"I could say the same thing to you,"
Jack laughs and shakes his head, swallowing another mouthful of coffee. Ianto's phone rings and he blinks, digging it out of his pocket.
"Sorry, I have to take this," Ianto gives Jack a tight smile after checking the caller I.D.
Nodding, Jack pretends he isn't listening to Ianto's conversation.
"Justin? I'm at work. Yes, I know it's five in the morning. No, the boss isn't over-working me," Ianto's voice drops to a whisper but Jack can still hear him, "No, he's not shagging me, get your mind out of the gutter. Justin, I will talk to you once I get home, now leave me alone," Ianto hisses, "No, I will not help you play your stupid Zelda game," Ianto shoots a wary glance at Jack who looks away quickly, "It doesn't matter that I've finished it. Justin, Justin, Justin, shut up. Oh, for Christ's sake," Ianto hangs up and drops his phone back in his pocket as if it's on fire.
"Boyfriend?" Jack asks lightly.
"What? No, eugh," Ianto scoffs, "He's the man who'll send me to a loony bin,"
Shaking his head quickly, Ianto realises that he's mouthing off at his boss and he immediately stiffens, "Is there, uh, anything you need me to do, sir?"
"Just wait around for the next hour or so. Suzie and Tosh are usually on time but Owen likes to be fashionably late,"
Ianto nods and leaves quickly.
"Seriously, Harkness?"
"What?"
"You got the new boy to do your paper-work?" Owen looks up at Jack's office.
Jack shrugs with a completely unapologetic smile on his face, "He was bored. He had nothing to do,"
"Well you could've sent him home," Tosh pipes in, "I mean, he did clean the entire place and he's been bringing us food all day. Good food, may I add,"
Shrugging again, Jack stands up, "Okay, okay, stop nagging, I'll go check on him,"
When Jack reaches his office, Ianto is typing away rapidly at his computer, his phone pressed against his ear with his shoulder.
"Hey, there, little Anna, how's it going?" Ianto's smile is wide, "Could you get your mother? Tell her that Yan needs a word with her,"
Jack leans against his doorframe and smiles fondly as Ianto accidentally types in his words on the computer and he quickly deletes the paragraph.
"Hey, Angela! Nah, it's fine here in Cardiff. We get more sun than London," A quiet laugh, "Could you take care of your brother for me? He's driving me insane. He's like my mother. But Angie! God, no, he doesn't fancy me. It's Justin, for Christ's sake. That's like shagging my brother," Ianto makes a face, "Please, don't give me those images. New topic, when are you lot visiting? Don't worry, Justin and I have plenty of space. Seriously, the house is massive, we could fit my entire family in there. I don't live there much anymore, I got an apartment closer to work but I still have a spare key," Ianto catches sight of his boss in the reflection of the computer, "Oh, I have to go now. I'll see you next week? Tell Matty I said hi,"
"Uh, sorry, sir, the paperwork will be done in a minute,"
"Don't worry about that, Ianto. Do you want to go out for a drink with me and the others,"
Ianto stares at Jack. He had heard rumours and Ianto didn't want to be another notch on his bedpost, "I'm sorry. I, uh, have plans," Jack's expression is condescendingly sceptical and Ianto avoids his gaze, "So can I go now?"
"Sure, sure, go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow,"
Jack waits until Ianto has scurried out of the Hub before walking back down to where Suzie, Tosh and Owen are arguing.
"Guys! Guys! Hey, hey, hey, guys!"
Three pairs of eyes turn to look at Jack who is pulling his RAF coat on, "Who's up for a little field trip?"
"Isn't this, you know, illegal?"
"Because Torchwood is a completely legal organisation," Owen scoffs.
"Why are we stalking him, anyways?" Suzie asks as they park in front of Ianto's house, in a car less suspicious than their normal giant, black, could-hold-the-population-of-a-small-country SUV.
"I asked Ianto if he wanted to get a couple of beers with us and he said no.
"So, naturally, we have to follow him around like a bunch of crazy pedophiles,"
"Shut it, Owen,"
"He's coming out!"
They sit in complete silence, even though they know that Ianto wouldn't be able to hear them unless they were screaming.
"Mmm," Suzie hums in thought, "He looks good in that shirt,"
Owen and Tosh raise their eyebrows at her.
"What! He does!"
Jack gives Ianto a minute's head-start before he starts the engine and follows him down the busy street.
"Tosh, can you track him?"
"You know, if Ianto finds out about this..."
"Just do it,"
"Fine," Tosh huffs, "He's about a hundred metres ahead of us, just turned left onto Park Road,"
The drive takes a boring, tedious fifteen minutes before Ianto finally pulls over in front of a crowded club.
"Well, isn't he popular," Owen snorts as Ianto walks up to a large group of people, greeted by many hugs and pats on his back.
"Out we go," Jack opens the door.
"You know, I could recognise you from a mile away with that ridiculous jacket," Suzie laughs quietly as they walk into the club.
"I'm pretty sure anyone could recognise him with his overalls," Tosh provides helpfully.
"They're not overalls,"
"Old Jack Harkness had a farm, ee-aye, ee-aye, oh," Owen sings obnoxiously while pick they a table with a good view of the bar where Ianto and his friends are talking loudly.
"Hey, Yan,"
Ianto looks up and smiles, "Hey, Grace! How you holding up while the others get pissed?"
Grace laughs and shakes her head, lifting her own bottle of beer, "They're all lightweights,"
Ianto pats the seat next to him and Grace sits down.
"There's a guy in the table over there; nice ass, coat's kind of strange though, well, he's been eyeing you since we got in here," Grace teases.
Turning around, Ianto's eyes sweep over a familiar group of four people sitting a few metres away, "Oh, my God, they followed me,"
"What?"
"Those are the people at my new job. Why would they follow me!"
"If you don't want him, I certainly wouldn't mind having him," Grace hums, "The other guy next to army-coat-guy looks a little like a Neandethal, though,"
Ianto chokes on his drink and laughs, "I guess I'll just ignore them. Maybe it was a coincidence?"
Grace ignores him, "So, which one do you fancy?"
"I don't fancy any of them!"
"Yes, you do!"
"They're colleagues!"
"I don't remember that ever stopping you,"
The tips of Ianto's ears go red, "Where's Justin?"
"I don't know, I think he had to pull a night shift, why?"
Ianto shrugs and turns away from the table with his work-mates. The whole outing (a.k.a. Getting completely smashed and taking it out on friends) goes on until one in the morning and Ianto curses silently because it's a work day tomorrow- today, and he has to be in at six-thirty.
"Hey, Javi!" Ianto runs up to a tall, Hispanic man, "You staying at Carson's place?"
"Yeah, just down the road. I haven't seen you all night, how are you in your fancy Special Ops team, eh?"
It makes Ianto feel sick to lie to one of his closest friends, "It's fine, I guess. Boss creeps me out. How's your police-work in New York?"
"Same old, same old, everyone driving each other insane,"
"How about that pretty, little Irish-man, Kevin?"
"Dude, he has a girlfriend,"
Ianto snorts indignantly, "Javi, could you turn around right now and tell me what you see?"
Javier whips his head around casually, "Uh, a creepy old man, Roger, Eddy and Carson drunk, and a funny guy in a coat just ran off,"
"Oh, my God," Ianto moans.
"Persistant ex?"
"I guess you could say something like that,"
Javier pulls Ianto close with an arm around his waist, "Want me to get rid of him?"
"I give you my soul,"
Laughing, Javier presses his lips against Ianto's gently and grins when he pulls back, "I feel like I've sinned,"
"Incest? Yeah, I'm thinking that too. I should get back now, I have an early day tomorrow. Good luck winning Kevin's heart,"
Javier's laugh is infectious, "Good luck with the guy in the coat,"
"I can't believe it," Owen moans, his head in his hands, "I didn't even drink yesterday and the new boy is still perky as ever. We must've got, what, three, four hours of sleep!"
Suzie nurses her own headache, "You're not making it any better,"
"Rough night, last night?" Ianto appears and passes them cups of coffee, a knowing smile on his face.
"Yeah, kind of," Tosh looks guiltily into her cup.
Ianto walks up to Jack's office and offers him a cup. Jack accepts gratefully but grimaces when he tastes it, "Decaf?"
"Why were you following me around last night?"
Jack chokes on his coffee and Ianto doesn't make a move to so much as pat him on the back, "Excuse me?"
"You guys were stalking me yesterday! That's a violation of... of everything!"
"Didn't stop you from snogging your boyfriend in front of us,"
"Look, sir, I'd rather keep my private life private,"
"Sorry, Ianto, it won't happen again," Jack silently wonders why he feels like he's being scolded.
A/N: My first venture out of k!fandom. Sob, my writer's block is killing me. I have so many unfinished Criminal Minds fics, ide. I have a feeling that Ianto isn't very Ianto-ish. Gwen will come in later chapters, I promise, because I do love Gwen. If you squint, you'll recognize people from other fandoms because I have absolutely no imagination. And Gerrie gets my first out-of-hiatus fic!
Oh! And, I haven't really read this over so, I beg of you, please point out any grammar/spelling mistakes. This was written on my iPhone and everyone knows that auto-correct is the biggest pain in the ass.