Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just like playing with Stephine Meyers world :) so don't sue me please :D
Everytime We Touch
Here he was, as beautiful and perfect as ever. Lying next to me, his golden eyes were closed peacefully as his cold, marble arms wound their way around my waist, pulling me closer, yet not close enough.
We were lying in our meadow, and the soft sunshine of a summer in Forks sparkled gently on his skin, sending multi-coloured rainbows in every direction. It had been only two weeks since school had finished and Edward had barely left my side. Only for Charlie's sake did he leave my house at 10 o'clock each night, saying 'good night' at the door before climbing back in through my bedroom window and spending the night with me in his arms. I sighed contentedly at the thought and tried to move closer to him.
I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
I sensed rather than saw that Edward was looking down at me, and I looked up to meet his eyes – they were a butterscotch shade today.
"Are you OK, love?" he asked me.
I looked back at him, and after controlling my breathing and collecting my thoughts, replied, "I've never been better."
I smiled at him and his answering smile dazzled me, yet again, before he bent his head and scrambled my thoughts once more.
The feel of his cold marble lips moving against mine took me back to the dream I had the previous night.
~*~
We had been in his room at the Cullens' house. I was sat on his couch and he was selecting a CD from his collection of hundreds – "educating my taste in music", as he put it. As a soft melody began to float through the room, he made his way back to me and picked me up from the bed, before sitting down and cradling me in his lap. My dream did no justice to his voice, but it was still the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. It still sent shivers down my spine and turned my thoughts incoherent every time I heard it.
He bent his head, enabling his lips to whisper to my ear, "I love you."
My heart reacted as it always did when Edward was around, and my breathing became erratic. He placed a kiss on my neck and wrapped his arms around my waist; the electricity he caused under my skin ran once again through my body as his kisses continued.
~*~
It was happening again now, my breathing erratic, my body filled with electricity and his lips moving slowly down my neck. I sat up so that he wouldn't have to bend as far, though I'm sure it was no problem for him, and turned around; he followed my movements, and once again, captured me in his arms, and cradled me in his lap. I met his lips halfway this time and breathed in his sent; I couldn't get enough of this.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.
I felt myself losing control, but I was powerless to stop it. I was too lost in his kiss; my breath was coming faster than ever and my heart felt like it was about to burst from my chest. My arms moved up to the front of his t-shirt and my hands locked behind his neck. I knew I was over stepping the line but it was so intense, so right that I knew even if I tried I wouldn't be able to stop.
I pressed myself to him more fiercely than I ever had before, knowing that what I was doing would result in the kiss ending, abruptly. And three seconds later, I was proved right.
Edward froze, a statue in my arms, his cold hands were resting on my cheeks as he pushed my face away gently.
"Bella," he said, his tone disapproving.
"I'm not apologising." I met his eyes with a confident glare, which melted as soon as a crooked grin shot across his face.
"I wasn't going to ask you to, love, but you have to be more careful."
Edward's hands were still on my face. He began stroking my cheeks with his thumbs, causing a blood rush. I groaned in frustration.
"I hate being fragile," I mumbled to myself, though of course, Edward heard.
"Bella," he said again, his voice saturated in disapproval. He knew where my mind was.
"Fine, I'm sorry, sorry for being weak!" I snapped, though in a split second, Edward had cradled me closer.
"You are anything but weak, Bella. You're one of the strongest, bravest people I know," he said, kissing my hair.
I laughed once without humour. "Yeah, right, of course. Next to Emmett, who could doubt my strength?"
Edward chuckled, "You know that's not what I meant, Bella."
"Yeah, OK, whatever. You won't change me, end of conversation."
I struggled to break his hold on me, and though he could've kept me there without even trying, he let me go. I hobbled across the meadow, trying not to trip over my crutches, and sat in the shade of a huge fir tree, wrapping my arms around the one good knee.
I knew this was irrational, I knew he stopped only to keep me safe, and yet, I couldn't help but be annoyed at the barriers in our relationship, and be even more annoyed with the fact that he had the power to change things, to change me, to allow those barriers to simply slip away.
But most of all, I was annoyed with myself. I was weak, weak to resist him and weak to accept this was all I would have with Edward, though it was more than enough.
I heard Edward's exasperated sigh after several minutes, and his voice carried across the meadow; he hadn't moved.
"Bella, please tell me what you're thinking."
"You don't want to know." That did it. I felt a rush of wind blow against my hair as his supernatural nature allowed him to cross the meadow in less than a split second. His cool fingers were under my chin, forcing me to look up.
"I always want to know what you're thinking; you must know that by now."
"Maybe you do, but that doesn't mean you'll like it; you should know that by now."
"Yes, I should, but it doesn't change anything. I still want to know."
His scorching eyes burned into mine and I felt all my defences slip. My bottom lip pouted as I gave him what he wanted.
"Fine. I was thinking about how utterly annoyed I am that we have these stupid barriers between us because I'm so fragile," I sneered at the word, "and I was thinking how I'm even more annoyed because you have the power to change that, but you refuse to."
I felt him turn to stone again, and his liquid eyes froze. I ignored him and continued. "But mostly, I was thinking how annoyed I am with myself. I'm too weak to resist you and too weak to accept that this is all we can have. Don't get me wrong, I know how absurdly lucky I am, I know I don't deserve you, I know I can never be enough for you, but these restrictions annoy the hell out of me."
If Edward hadn't been frozen, still, I'm sure the rush of words that were escaping his mouth now would have started long before I finished my rant.
After denying all of my statements, but one – he was absurdly against me being changed – his words finally slowed. "You are so unbelievably absurd, Bella, what can I do to prove you are my everything, my reason for existence? What can I do to show you that I don't deserve you?"
I simply looked at him, raising my eyebrows.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with the hand that wasn't holding my chin. "Bella, I don't know how I can say this any clearer. I. Will. Not. Change. You. I refuse to steal your life like that."
"I already knew that Edward; I told you. Well, end of conversation. I guess I'm simply going to work on my weakness."
A small growl of frustration escaped Edward's lips and I stared at him. His eyes melted, and in between being dazzled and his lips capturing mine once more, I realised I could not live without him in my life. To think of losing him brought pain beyond any I had ever felt before.
'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss, I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last
Need you by my side.
All was forgiven, my small outburst forgotten, and we were once again lying side by side underneath the sun in our meadow.
I closed my eyes and to let myself think, think of Edward and only Edward.
I thought of how his touch made my pulse race, and made the blood flood my face, every time his cold hand caressed my cheek, my jaw, my neck. I remembered his cheek resting on my chest the first time we had come here, how I had slowly and softly traced the back of his hand, his palm, and made my way up his arm, marvelling at the feel of his skin. I embraced the utter contentment I felt whenever I saw him, whenever he held me, every time I ran into his arms.
Even now, when he's been away from me, from a mere half an hour to three long days – damn those hunting trips – the feeling I get when he comes back, like I had been in pain and it had suddenly gone, is such a feeling, I always think I might burst from satisfaction.
And then you factor in his lips, his flawless, cold hard lips, every time they touch my skin, and my heart skips a beat, and then picks back up at 3 times the normal rate. Even thinking about them makes my heart pick up now. I could sense Edward looking at me, having heard my heart's reaction to my thoughts.
"Your heart's beating so fast. What are you thinking about?"
Well at least this one would be easier to answer than the last time he had asked.
"You," I replied simply. I looked up and saw my favourite crooked smile grace his face, and I smiled too.
'Cause every time we touch, I feel this static
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so?
I can't let you go
Want you in my life
His fingers were running up my arm now as I lay across his chest, soaking up the sun. I sank into his embrace even more than I thought possible. I felt oddly like we were in biology again, watching the film in the dark. Only this time, the urge to reach out and touch him wasn't there, because I was already closer than I thought I ever could be to him. But the electricity was there, and stronger than ever. It actually felt like my body was jumping as each pulse of electricity ran through from Edward's touch, though I never moved. If we had touched in the biology lab, then I doubted that either of us could have controlled ourselves. I would have kissed him there and then, not caring what people thought, not caring that I was shy and that Edward had barely touched me yet.
And Edward, Edward, I knew he had some sort of amazing control but I doubted that if it had been this intense, and especially if I had jumped on him, that he would have been able to resist Whether he failed to resist my blood or my body, I didn't know, but I refused to think of the first.
Edward seemed to guess my train of thought; he began to sit up, which made a small whine of protest slip though my lips. Edward chuckled, but kept hold of my hand as he moved to sit in front of me.
"I didn't think the intensity of that static feeling could get any worse," he said, as he ran his fingers along my cheekbone.
"Me neither, but that doesn't give you permission to move away from me," I replied, frowning.
Edward chuckled again and grabbed me to place in his lap. He leant down and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss and my heart rate picked up as usual. I could get used to having him near me like this, everyday of my life, everyday of forever, hopefully.
Your arms are my castle; your heart is my sky
They wipe away tears that I cry
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all
You make me rise when I fall
Being here in his arms felt so safe, and I knew the only thing that could hurt me in this world would be if he left me, if he finally realised I wasn't what he wanted, I wasn't good enough for him. That would cause pain I doubt I would live through. But here, right now, I realised just how lucky I was to know that nothing could touch me as long as he was by my side.
I knew that one day I would leave him if he got his way. If he stayed with me throughout my human life, then one day I would leave him, no matter how much I wished differently. There had to be a way to persuade him this was the best way, the only way. There had to be a way into the deepest part of his heart, or didn't he want to keep me forever? Was one human lifetime enough for him when it was nowhere near enough for me?
I couldn't be parted from him. Ever.
Tears began to roll down my face before I could stop them, and I blocked the thought off before Edward could read it on my face. I didn't want to fight with him again today, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from noticing the tears spilling from my eyes.
"Bella, love, what's the matter?" he asked, lifting my chin to meet my gaze.
"Nothing, Edward. I'm just thinking, that's all," I answered, but of course he could see through my lies.
"Bells?" His look questioned my answer.
I sighed. Why was it that I couldn't lie to him? I couldn't lie to anyone, but with Edward there was just no point in even trying.
"Do you love me, Edward?" I asked, looking into his eyes as my favourite crooked smile lit up his face.
"Of course I do, Bella, with all my heart. I always will, I promise you." He kissed my forehead and looked back at me, confusion evident on his face, wondering where my thoughts were. "What are you thinking, Bella?"
"Just wondering if that's true. I mean, I believe you, but I'm wondering if there's a part of your heart that neither of us have seen, that you don't know about. I'm wondering if I can unlock it." The tears started again, and even though Edward was still confused as to my thinking, he let it drop – for now – and wiped away my tears with kisses.
I promised myself that the rest of today would be as peaceful and relaxing as it was planned to be; we would simply enjoy each other's company, enjoy the sun and enjoy the long summer that was now stretching before us.
We once again lay down and I closed my eyes, thinking.
I thought about the first time we had come to the meadow, the good times. The times when I realised just how much Edward meant to me, just how big a part of my life he was. We lay together until the shadows of the forest began to creep up on us.
He ran - scaring me silly in the process – back to my truck, and then he kissed me before spending the night in my room with me. I smiled, remembering all of the emotions I went through that day. And then, what happened the next day - meeting his family, playing baseball, and meeting James.
I repressed a shudder at the last thought but settled on remembering, remembering the bad times as well as the good. I honestly believed I would die, and I didn't mind as long as my mother was safe and as long as Edward stayed away from James and got on with his life, with his existence. And then when I thought my life was over, when I pictured Edward's perfect face for what I thought would be the last time, he had come, my angel.
My Edward had saved me, had picked me up from where I had fallen and brought me back from the blackness. And yet of this last point I couldn't be fully grateful, because if he had left the venom, who knows where we would be now, what we would be doing. The one thing I knew, I would be his equal, I would be someone who could stand at his side and not look out of place.
Yes, I was thankful he hadn't allowed it to happen because when I thought back to that moment, I found it hard to believe that I wouldn't have felt some remorse that it had been James who had changed me. In truth, the thought would have disgusted me.
And so my angel had brought me back, and here he was, still at my side, with no signs of moving.
'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last
Need you by my side.
'Cause every time we touch, I feel this static
And every time we kiss, I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so?
I can't let you go
Want you in my life
Here he goes again with his touching, my face, my hair, my cheeks, my jaw, my neck, my eyelids. We stared at each other and at every point his skin touched mine, and it felt as though flames had licked along the surface, burning me, though not to the point of pain, but satisfaction.
His kisses were the same, leaving burning heat in the pit of my stomach, heat that remained untamed because of his supernatural self control, though mine was a different story. I pulled myself closer and knelt up, ensuring he couldn't pull back. He could pull my face away but I was going to do everything I could to make sure it wouldn't come to that. I swung my leg over his body in one of the boldest moves I had ever used around Edward and it shocked me when he allowed it.
Carefully, so that he would let me go this far, at least, I leant down again and stared into the very pits of his eyes before pressing my lips to his, passionately pouring the depth of my feelings for him into the kiss. My heart rate picked up higher than ever, and I dragged ragged breaths in through my mouth. His lips left mine first but only to trail down my neck and back up along my jaw, to the hollow under my ear and then going back to my neck.
I groaned in his ear and as quickly as I had started, he stopped. He pulled my face back to look into my eyes, chuckled once, and then, kissed me once more before laying me back down next to him. I snuggled closer to him once again. I allowed myself to think of the possibility of losing him once more; the resulting pain even from the thought had me cuddling closer to him and shutting that door in my mind once again. I was never letting him go.
'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last
Need you by my side
As perfect as the day had turned out to be, it had to end at some point – for me at least – the shadows once again began creeping up on us. And as I sighed, Edward began to get up.
"Come on, love, let's get you home." He helped me to stand up, supporting me as I put my weight gingerly on my leg – the damn cast was finally coming off next week.
He smiled down at me again, making my heart skip. After pressing his lips to mine, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me easily, so that I was cradled in his arms. I wrapped my hands securely around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder, breathing in his sent as much as possible to prepare myself for the few hours of which he would have to leave me before Charlie went to sleep.
Right there, in his arms, a feeling of complete and utter contentment swept over me in a sudden rush, almost knocking the breath out of me. I snuggled closer to him and closed my eyes. Edward's breath was thick in my hair as he pressed his cold lips to my head.
"You'll need to go on my back, Bells," he whispered.
I lifted my head up reluctantly, and he helped me to clamber onto his back. I adopted a grip that would have any human choking and buried my face between his neck and shoulder. There wasn't really a need to close my eyes anymore. It was hard to believe that I used to be scared of his running, but now I could fully appreciate the way Edward ran, graceful and powerful.
I turned my head and pressed one single kiss to his neck and we flew as one through the forest.
In no time at all we were back at the forest path where he had left the Volvo. He helped me down off his back, never letting me go to ensure I didn't fall on my leg. He held me close and my brown eyes met his golden orbs.
One last earth shattering kiss wasn't too much to ask before he left me for even a short length of time, was it?
He complied with my unspoken wish, and his cool marble lips pressed against mine, making me mould myself to his shape. His hands were at the small of my back, bending me towards him, and his other was tangled in the base of my hair, holding my face to his.
My heart stopped beating, I was sure of it, though I didn't care. I would stay here forever if I could. His lips were hard against mine, but didn't seem to be resisting. His control had slipped, but only slightly.
The passion I felt from Edward now was nothing he had shown me before, not through his kisses, anyway, and he dazzled me now more than he ever had.
The world ceased to exist.
I felt only Edward. I breathed only Edward. I drank in his sent, and I lived for the creature in my arms.
I wanted him….I needed him… Forever.