Heh-heh! Soon I will get Sam. It's all in the planning, baby! I will become the ultimate assassin, and I will get Sam! Ooh, I've got to savor this moment…

I'm Carly's brother, Spencer Shay, and I'm sitting here in this cramped locker, silently lying in wait for Sam. Carly told me this was her locker. Its amazing how little stuff there is in here! I found a book about theoretical physics! There's a pink lunch bag, and a carton full of eggs. Since the locker area below Sam's was demolished when Sam stuffed a fat nerd through his locker (don't ask) the whole rooftop of the bottom locker was torn apart, and I could stand. Sam keeps some things down there too. I can't see them though, 'cuz its way too dark. I can only see up to where my belly-button is, and that's good enough for the Spencer Shay, because he is going to do some butt-kicking today!

Hmm… the trio is supposed to be coming here, right? I heard the bell a few minutes ago… I wonder where they are scuttling. I grab my blow-tube dramatically, and inhale. Ooh! I hear footsteps, that means teens are coming through the halls. If only I could replay such moments in my head… I can see it now. As soon as I nail Sam, I'm gonna jump out the locker, spin around, do the Spencer-Shay twirl, and celebrate with spaghetti tacos!

Ssh,Ssh! I hear someone! Let's listen, shall we!

"Well good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Benson!" A voice said. Wait, that sarcastic and lazy voice sounds like…Sam? Mr. and Mrs. Benson…that must be Carly and Freddie, I mean, since their dating and all.

I must say, when Freddie told me he has was dating Carly, he sounded excited, but I felt liked he was…disappointed, sad, unsatisfied. How I know, you might ask, and trust me, it may be hard to believe, outside the layer of charm, good looks and my somewhat spazzy-self, a true artist can tell/feel emotions. I didn't know why, though. Wasn't dating Carly step one in the "Benson Master Plan?"

I'll stop, because their still talking.

"Sam!"

"Stop."

Hmm…the first was a feminine voice, definitely Carly, the next one must have been Freddie. They sounded more like they were joking, not as though they were being annoyed. Once again, an artist can tell.

Aw…the bell rang. I heard Carly's voice again.

"Ooh, second bell, see you after class."

I heard her footsteps become gradually fainter and fainter, until I didn't hear them anymore. I didn't hear Freddie or Sam walk away though… are they still there?

"Yeah, Savor it."

Yep, they're still here. That was Sam who spoke, though.

"Savor what?"

That was Freddie. He seemed curious…jokingly curious.

"The love, the Carly love."

Was Sam…jealous? I mean, sure I know both Sam and Freddie share a… interesting chemistry. One day their clawing at each other's faces, Sam hurting him the most, and the next day they laugh like the best friends they are. People in the past (my girlfriends to be specific) have told me I'm clueless; that I can't see very much in detail. They told me I'm usually oblivious to problems that occur right under my nose. (How is that possible, anyway? I mean, aren't problems usually too big to fit under your nose?)But trust me, my friends, I've been more aware than anybody could think possible. I always seem to look at how Sam and Freddie react to each other, rather than how Carly and Freddie react to each other.

Hey, their speaking again.

"Heh, jealous?" Freddie asked. My breath hitched in my throat. What would Sam say? Would she say yes? Would she say no? C'mon, spit it out Sam!

"Gross." She said.

Phew. Well that was certainly Sam-ish. Perhaps she just speaks with her outer layer, not with what she actually feels inside. Wait, why am I thinking this? Shouldn't I be celebrating Freddie's accomplishment in dating Carly? Well, at least Sam didn't say yes. Imagine the havoc that would cause. Their still some distance away, aw man, I think there's a locker print on my ear now, and it's starting to tickle…badly. Look, their talking.

"Then what's your problem?

"Not my problem…yours."

Hmm, Freddie seems determined to shed Sam out of her wall, or why she said to savor the Carly love…or something. Sam seems…eager to get away? Was she nervous, was she thinking? Was she shy? Wait…listen…No,no,no! their getting closer! I'm not ready yet! Stop!

"W-wait!"

I freeze. Their speaking again.

"Go to class crutchy."

Ha. I smirk. Even when Freddie is crippled, and with crutches, she still manages to insult him. Now hush.

"What 'problem' do I have?"

Ooh…intense. Man, I finally get to get my ear off the locker wall. 1…2… and 3. OW!!! I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my scream. That hurt! Well, their closer now, so I can hear them better. What is Sam going to say?

"You want the truth?"

"let's hear it."

My eyes widen. Was she going to tell him something that Freddie might not want to hear, but that I might want to hear, and that if she tells him he's going to overreact, and Carly is going to get mad? Wow, I need to breathe. Okay… it sounded like Sam was deciding on whether or not to tell him something…but what? Freddie sounded into it as well. What if she tells him something that might…dare I utter it… break their friendship? Please let it be no…

"Remember two years ago, when I dated Eric Moseby; kid with the big nose?"

"Sure, Noseby Moseby."

Heh, Heh. Sam told me all about Noseby Moseby. He had a nose the size of big hotdogs…if that made sense. I remember Sam kept threatening him on killing him if he didn't leave her alone. Did I mention his glasses made him look like a Cyclops with 2, huge eyes. He had buck teeth, and if didn't know any better, I would have mistaken him for someone who stepped out of a life-time swirly. *shudder* I do NOT want to remember those days. Still, what about Noseby Moseby? Why was he in this conversation?

"Uh huh, and remember how he tried to get me to be his girlfriend for 6 months, and I kept saying get away from me, or I'll kill you? And then he bought me a subscription to the Bacons of the World club, and BOOM I thought I was in love with the guy?"

Well, that's a nice way to put it.

"I'm listening." Freddie said.

"I was never in love with him! I was in love with the foreign bacon that kept showing up at my door every month…like a beautiful greasy dream."

Really? Wow, Sam never told me that. I do remember her brining packs of bacon into our house and for the next week or so, the apartment smelled like…what was it called Olivia, Baninian, no it was Bolivian Bacon, there we go! Man, one piece of that baby and there is no going back to being a normal being. But, as Carly says, I wasn't exactly born normal, so I really had nothing to lose when I tried the bacon.

.Gee. Sam's is like, literally inches away from me. I can hear the lock turning for its combination. I'm doomed. I didn't load any paint bb's. This was not how The Spencer Shay's unfortunate doom was to end! The Spencer Shay was supposed to defeat the Blonde headed Sam first! What has the world come to! It will take a miracle to save me now!

She stops. Heh, the good lord has yet again saved me from my impending doom. But nay, it is Freddie who speaks this time! Praise him for stopping the blonde headed Sam…and…eh, I'll stop with the drama. So basically, Freddie is talking.

"Uh… I doubt bacon can make you think you're in love with someone."

Exactly as I was thinking. I mean, I have never tried it, right? Not to self: find some Bolivian bacon, think of pretty girls. Still, was Bolivian bacon that powerful? Aw man, Sam is still fumbling with the lock. I shrink away as much as I could. Now might be the time to load any bb's I can find in my shoes. What? I don't have pockets, and a good assassin hides his belongings in the most strangest of places. You should be glad I'm not hiding them in my mouth…or something. Wait…Sam stopped fumbling, and there's no noise. Is she going to speak?

"You ever had Bolivian bacon?"

"No…"

"It changes you…"

Huh. Sam speaks the truth. I've got to tell Freddie to try some of that Bolivian bacon! It's like a small portion of paradise…in a sack. Nonetheless, it does in fact change you. You think Sam always loved bacon? Well guess what…wait…she did still like bacon. I mean she like, LOVES bacon now. I've seen her eat it out of our trashcan one time, and truthfully, it didn't gross me out or something. I actually stood there and wondered how Sam could reach that far in a small container.

I'll be quiet. They're speaking again.

"Well, I didn't buy Carly any foreign bacon. I saved her life!"

Well, wouldn't that be like Carly's bacon, then?

"And that's Carly's bacon."

Hey! Stop stealing my thoughts! But still, Sam is really sounding like she's jealous, or feeling like the third wheel. I mean I've had my suspicions but I think Sam-

"She's not in love with you, she's in love with what you did."

Hey! You interrupted me! No fair! Now I can't remember what I was going to say… but still, I look through the small lines of Sam's locker to see a glimpse of Freddie's face. Despite the small bandage on his forehead, he looked like he was deep in thought. Was he taking Sam's advice seriously?

"You just can't stand the idea of Carly and me as a couple!"

Well, not to be mean, Freddie, but I kind of don't either. All right, I admit. Personally, I think Sam and Freddie are better than Carly and Freddie. I know both of those two kissed. See? Told ya I'm more aware than I look like. Still, did I mention heir chemistry? I call both of their names together, "Seddie" it sounds pretty cool. I guess Carly and Freddie would be "Creddie" but it doesn't sound as smooth enough, though. I've seen them come into our sanctum holding hands, and I remember slightly cringing. They just don't look right. Wow. This is the first time I actually thought about this. AW, they're talking again.

"Very true, it makes me wanna puke up blood…"

…Well that's very nice to know Sam. I'll try not to mention "Creddie" to you. I just got new shoes, and last time I checked, blood on your shoes was NOT the new fashion trend.

"…Still, what I said is true; and you know it!"

I turned my eyes to Sam, who had a knowingly-finger pointed at Freddie, who stood slightly taken aback, but then he huffed and said one sentence.

"Whatever. I gotta get to class."

He turned on his heels and walked off, not looking back. Probably thinking about what Sam said. Speaking of Sam, putting all that mambo-jambo love-things apart, my sweet-sweet victory awaits, on the floor will be gold and white carpets, embroided in them shall say: The Spencer Shay: The Ultimate Assassin. Well, I've loaded my blow-tube, and again, I grab it and squeeze my gun. Taking a breath, I curl myself together. Now all I need is a super-cool-ultra-epic quote to say, and victory will be rolling on the floor around me. Hm…let's think. A quote…quotes…quotes… WAIT! What was that movie called? The Glimmering, no, The Bright, no, The Shingle…wait...it was called The Shining! What was that quotes… oh ya: "HEERRESS JOHNNY!" Yeah, yeah, that will do nicely. But to add for the effect, I'll say my name instead.

Oh boy, the irony of this moment is just so good. I hear Sam fumbling with the lock. Her footsteps are heavy, and I can practically feel her, inches away from not only me, but her loss in Assassin.

She's opening it…she's opening it… AHA!

Her face is surprised for a moment, before I screamed.

"HEERE'S SPENCIE!!!!"

Just as I was about to raise my gun, nearly shaking from excitement, the locker door slams in my face. I hear her walking away. I groan, as she hit me on the forehead.

"Ugh..I gotta stop saying witty things before I blow!" I hear myself speak, the sound echoing through the locker walls.

This whole thing wasn't a total loss though. I saw Sam's face before she slammed the door. She looked mad and sad too, as if there was no hope. I know she could have slammed the locker door harder if she wanted to, but instead she gave a smaller push. Freddie's face too. He looked thoughtful, and he stared at Sam so intently, as if her advice on his love life could mean life or death. I smile, knowing it's really obvious to me now.

Again, I may be Spencer Shay, older brother of Carly, her legal guardian, and known around Seattle as the wacky, loud and spazzy 26 year old, but there is one thing they forget about Spencer Shay, let alone know about. They think I'm oblivious, but truthfully, I'm not. I have figured out things before, and once again I have as well. I'm actually sort of disappointed I didn't see it sooner.

Whatever the two don't know, Sam and Freddie both, somewhere deep in their heart, like each other, maybe more than "just friends". They probably are not going to admit that, since their stubborn, shy teenager ways won't let them.

You want to know how I amazingly figured that out, myself?

Sam's face told it all.