Like A Father Loves His Daughter, a ncis fanfic

This is a song fic from the song Zoe Jane by Staind, an excellent band :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the one scene that I stole from the show, season 5 episode 100 Requiem

A Father and his Daughter

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express."

Joseph Addison

Well I want you to notice
To notice when I'm not around
And I know that your eyes see straight through me
And speak to me without a sound

I sat on my lounge with my left arm wrapped around the shoulders of my wife, while my right was gently rubbing her pregnant stomach. Shannon was starting to doze off when she realized I was staring at her not the game we were watching, she turned to say something to me but stopped when she caught my gaze. I stared into her eyes and felt a flood of emotions flowed through me: love, joy, pride, gratefulness, peace, bliss and excitement.

I tore my eyes away from hers and looked at the enormous stomach under my hand and said, "I think the baby will be a girl, a gorgeous baby girl that looks just like you." Shannon smiled at the comment.

"Oh really? I'm betting on a boy, with your eyes and a mixture of your hair and mine." I knew she was just teasing, she really couldn't have cared what the baby was and really I didn't care either but the idea of a baby girl that looks like her, I just loved the thought.

"You know, we haven't discussed names yet, maybe we should now." I said thoughtfully.

"Alright, I've always liked the name Brody for a boy and Megan for a girl."

"I've always loved the names Christopher and Kelly."

"Hmmm…Kelly Gibbs. I like the sound of that." Shannon said with a smile on her face

…...

I stood staring at my wife. Covered in sweat, pushing as hard as her strength would allow, trying to bring our child into the world. The sound of a baby's crying filled my ears. I looked away from Shannon to the doctor holding my child.

"It's a girl. Wanna cut the cord, dad?" Dad…wow that sounds weird. I thought as I walked to my baby. The doctor handed me a small pair of metal scissors and I cut. After doing so the doctor handed the baby to the nurse get cleaned up.

The doctor said, putting a hand on my shoulder, while I watched the nurse clean my girl, "She's beautiful" With that the doctor left. The nurse walked towards me with the newborn in her arms bundled in a pink blanket.

"Here she is." She whispered handing the baby to me, I nodded thanks and walked to Shannon's head staring at the small wonder we had created; she was tiny, no longer than from my finger tips to my elbow, she had a tiny nose, tiny mouth and her hair had a light red tinge. She was perfect and she was ours, she was part of me and a part of Shannon, our Kelly. I kept staring at Kelly unable to look away when she yawned in her sleep, my heart melted and I knew then that I would do anything to protect her.

…..

When I walked out this morning
I cried as I walked to the door
I cried about how long I'd be away for
I cried about leaving you all alone

Whenever I got deployed it broke my heart. The sadness in her eyes when I walked out the door. Every time I got a letter from Shannon she told me of how Kelly would cry before she went to sleep and would ask for me daily. Shannon didn't know how to explain where I went all the time after being at home for so long. I cried when Shannon wrote to me telling me that Kelly had been having nightmares; that I wasn't ever coming home.

…..

So I wanted to say this
Cuz I wouldn't know where to begin

To explain to you what I have been through
To explain where your daddy has been

When I was home I made sure that she knew that I loved her more than anything. But she would often ask me where I went. I sat there trying to find the right words to explain to a child that I killed people who in their turn were trying to kill me. I knew that one day I would have to explain to her, but how do you explain everything from watching your friends die; both in your arms and being shot down in front of you, to being, in a sense, a killer yourself. How do you explain the fear of not knowing if you will come back to see the family you cherish so much. How do you ruin a child's innocence? Your own child's at that.

…...

Sweet Zoe Jane...
Sweet Zoe Jane...

I never had the chance to prepare her for her life, never helped with problems at high school, never helped her pack for university. Because I failed her, I failed them both. I should have been there to protect them. Even after years I can still hear her voice ringing in my ears, the last time I saw her and Shannon before they were killed.

"Don't go daddy, please don't go." She begged and begged me on the verge of tears. But I went, because I had to and they died and I never saw them again. Except in my memories.

…

I want to hold you
Protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all of the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
The way that a father should love his daughter
Here I stand seventeen years later, on the balcony over looking my team as they talk, play pranks on each other, flirt (in the case of only two), and throw balls of paper at one another. I smile at my family, a much different one to the one I lost long ago, but one I love all the same. I have had many relationships since Shannon and I will always love her, she was my first wife, my first real love but I have loved since and I have moved on. But the memory of Kelly still hurts, to lose a child is the worst feeling that any person can experience. Losing her is one of the reasons that I'm so protective when a child gets involved in any of our cases, no-one should ever have to go through the pain that I have gone through; or why I'm so protective of my team. I never want to have to lose another family member again. It's been twenty six years and I still love her just the same as when I first held her tiny body in my hands, I'll always love her more than anything in the world. She was and always will be my Kelly, my baby girl.

Sweet Zoe Jane...
Sweet Zoe Jane...

So questions? Comments? This was my first fic so constructive critisism is always welcome :)