And on this fantabulous 6th of June of the year 2012 (although I'm late), I post this for Kanda's Birthday! So Happy Birthday Kandy ;D

Warnings: Cursing/insults (including Japanese ones) and sexual haikus.

Ugh, lame title is lame.

Disclaimer: I don't own the D. Gray Man

XxX

Bursting Fool

Lavi will never fail on harassing Kanda. Even while he uses the bathroom, much to Kanda's discomfort.

XxX

It was nine in the morning when Kanda needed to use the potty.

"Baka! Hurry. The. Fuck. Up!"

Kanda enunciated each word with a rather obnoxious knock to the bathroom door. But Lavi, ignored them. Instead he calmly bent down as he went to search under the sink, he smirked when he found what he was looking for. Yes, Yu-chan's supply of hair products. He reached for a bottle under the sink, casually checking the label before setting in down on the sink's counter.

"Baka usagi! You've been in there for fifteen minutes already! What are you doing in there!"

Kanda kneeled on the floor and tried to peer under the door to see if the idiot was actually using the bathroom. Seriously? Who takes this much time just to piss?

"I'm using the bathroom, Yu-chan. What else would I be doing?"

Kanda glared at the other's feet through the small crack between the floor and door. "Uso tsuki!(1)" he cried angrily. "You are no where near the toilet."

"But I am going to the bathroom."

"No, your feet are by the sink so you're lying!"

Kanda could hear Lavi's impatient sigh through the crack beneath the door as he watched Lavi's feet turn and position themselves in front of the toilet.

"There. Now they're in front of the toilet," he said smoothly. Finding it very amusing that Kanda was peeking under the door.

Kanda sighed and raised his head, settling his back against the bathroom door, facing their apartment. I officially regret moving in with this idiot he thought bitterly. "How long are you going to take?" He started to squirm.

"Not that much longer Yuu~."

"Fuck- Don't call me that! But hurry up!. I really need to go."

Inside the bathroom, Lavi checked himself in the mirror; "Gotcha boss" he chuckled, replacing the lid of the small green bottle before reaching for another one, this one blue.

"Say Yu, wanna hear a haiku I wrote in my creative writing class?"

"NO."

"Awww, it's about Yu though!"

"No Lavi! You can tell me after I use the bathroom." Oh yeah, Lavi could definitely hear the desperation in the other's voice.

"Okay so it goes like this," he heard a frustrated groan through the door and he tried hard not to snicker, "Remember 5-7-5 'kay?" This time he received a grunt, "Bursting geyser boy. Brilliant surge of hot white. His mighty penis."

A few seconds passed...

"What the hell Lavi! Seriously, what the fuck are you doing!"

"Going to the bathroom."

"Bullshit! Let me in I have to go!"

"But I'm still going to the bathroom." Lavi sighed again while he eyed his hair. Yu didn't know that all his screaming was making it harder for him to style his hair the way he wanted. And he obviously couldn't let him in or do it out there without being caught red-handed with his styling products. Yu would skin him alive if he found out Lavi touched his stuff but he wanted his hair to be soft and shiny like Yu-chan's. Man what a hassle, doesn't Yu know about sharing is caring.

"Oi! What's that smell?" Kanda demanded suddenly.

"Citrus, I believe."

"Ii kagen ni shiro!(2)"

"Calm down. I farted so I sprayed some aerosol but I'm almost done" the styling man retorted.

A pause, a deep breath, then, "Hurry up! If you don't get out right now I will beat the shit out of you!" Kanda threatened, banging on the door a few times for emphasis. Damn that baka usagi! He really needed to go, he was ready to burst. He clutched on the door and tried to focus all of his discomfort into hate, against the idiot red-head inside and the bathroom's stupid lock.

"Nope, Yu won't," Lavi replied, grabbing a comb and quickly whisking it through the top of his hair. Now for finishing touches.

"Hey Yu," Lavi called out when he noticed that Kanda made no noise after a minute had passed.

"Yuuu..." Still nothing. Did he leave?

"Are you done yet?" Lavi jumped when Kanda's deep voice growled or rather whimpered out.

"Ahh well, no. Still in here" Lavi laughed sheepishly. "But guess what! I have another haiku for Yu!" He beamed.

After no response he decided to say it anyway, knowing full well Kanda was still next to the door, "Thick atmosphere air. The weight presses two in one. Naked ass, hit raw."

"Really Lavi. Fuck you, I hope you die."

"Awww, but I made that one up on the spot."

Kanda snarled while pinching the bridge of his nose, "Iyarashii.(3)"

"Ya know Yu-chan, if you need to go that bad, find a tree or use a bottle." Then he added as an afterthought, "But no sink please. And well, if you need to take a dump then pop a squat I guess."

"Kuso kurae!(4)"

"Well that's just gross Yu-chan."

"Kutabare!(5)"

"Can't. I'm using the bathroom."

Kanda finally had enough. He tackled the door, pounding it with both fists along with thundering screams of rage.

"Lavi you bastard! Let me in RIGHT NOW!"

"Patience is a virtue, Yu-chan," the red-head chided which in turn he received an "I will kill you!". But when the pounding stopped he examined his hair carefully and now finally satisfied, he screwed the caps back on the bottles of hair products, placed them in the exact order it was in, flushed the toilet, and opened the door.

Kanda had his fist raised when Lavi peered out. His red hair was stylishly spiked more towards the right, it was not like his usual messy hair do, it even had a nice clean shine to it. Then there was his black-green bandana to finish his look.

At that, Kanda scowled.

"What were you really doing in there," he demanded while he shoved the red-head out of his way.

Lavi grinned. "Going to the bathroom."

With that, Lavi patted Kanda on the ass to which he spun around to try and smack the redhead. Lavi reacted quickly and grabbed the other's face with both hands and planted a smooth sweet kiss on the tempered male's lips. Before Kanda could make any protests Lavi pulled away and pushed him into the bathroom shutting the door.

"Say Yu," Lavi spoke after a few moments of silence.

"Go away," was his answer, which Lavi thoroughly ignored. He pressed his lips to the door and said, "Big phallus object. In places never once been. Rips ass, now bloodbath."

Lavi finally burst when Kanda shouted out, "Hentai (6)!"

Fast and hard that left him panting and flushing red.

Oh yes, he burst out laughing.

FIN~

This is what I give for his birthday... Poor Kanda. But wait til Lavi's birthday. Hehe there will be pay back ;)

Definitions!

1) Uso tsuki: Liar

2) Ii kagen ni shiro: Stop messing around

3) Iyarashii: Disgusting, indecent, lewd

4) Kuso Karae: Eat shit

5) Kutobare: Go to hell, drop dead

6) Hentai: Pervert

Take care!