This is my second attempt at a story! This time, a parody! Well, more like a group of parodies. My first story didn't go too well so I'm going to try again! Please review! I'm likely going to do the rest of the Charlie the Unicorn series and the Llamas with Hats series. I also would like to hear suggestions for more parodies! Oh, and if I put Charlie in here, please, let me know so I can fix it, thank you!
A/N: I own nothing.
Ed was sleeping happily when Envy came along. "Heeey, Edward! Hey Edward, wake up!" Just then, Wrath joined Envy. "Yeah, Edward! You silly sleepy head! Wake up!" "Ugh... Oh god, you guys." Ed groaned. "This had better be pretty frickin' important! Is Central on fire?" He demanded. "No, Edward! We found a map! To Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain, Edward!" Envy exclaimed. "Yeah, Edward! We're going to Candy Mountain!" Wrath echoed. "Come with us, Edward!" He suggested. "Yeah, Edward!" Envy agreed. ""It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adventure, Edward!" He decided to add. Ed replied after a short akward silence, "Yeah... Candy Mountain... right. I'm just gonna, you know, go back to sleep now." "Nooooo!" cried Envy as he flew through the air and began jumping on Ed. "Edward! You have to come with us to candy mountain!" He demanded while continuing to jump. "Yeah, Edward! Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and joy...and joyness." Wrath added. "Please stop bouncing on me..." Ed groaned. "Candy Mountain, Edward!" Envy cried, still jumping. "Yeah, Candy Mountain!" Wrath echoed again. "Fine! I'll go with you to Candy Mountain!" Ed snapped at the two homunculi.
"La la la! la la la! La la la lala laa!" Envy and Wrath sang in unison while leading Ed through a forest. "Enough with the singing already!" Ed snapped, growing annoyed. "Our first stop is over there, Edward." Envy said. "Oh, God, what is THAT?" Ed asked as they stopped in front of a Leopleurodon sleeping on a rock. "It's a Leopleurodon, Edward." Envy replied. "A Magical Leopleurodon!" Wrath added, just so Ed might understand a little better. Of course, he wouldn't. "It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain!" Envy explained. "Alright, guys, you do know that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?" Ed asked. "Shun the nonbeliever!" Envy said. "Shuun" "Shhhhhuuuun-a." The two homunculi began to say. "Yeah..." Was Ed's reply to thier immature behavior. Just then, the Leopleurodon began growling. "It has spoken!" Exclaimed Envy. "It has told us the waaaaay." Wrath said. "It didn't say anything!" Ed insisted.
"It's just over this bridge, Edward." Envy assured Ed. "This magical bridge! Of hope and wonder..." Wrath added, yet again. What is with this kid and adding random things to everything Envy says? "Is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters?" Ed asked while looking at his feet. "Seriously guys, we shouldn't be on this thing." He pleaded. "Edward..."Envy said somewhat randomly."Edwaaaarrrrrd. Edwaaaarrrrrrrd. Edwaaa-" "I'm right here! What do you want?" Ed interrupted, half-fearing Envy would never stop if he didn't. "We're on a bridge, Edward!" Envy exclaimed as if it were some fantastic discovery.
"We're here!" Wrath exclaimed as the group approached a small mountain made of candy. "Well, what do you know, there actually is a Candy Mountain." Ed said. "Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain!" Envy began to say in a sing-song voice while doing weird flips in the air. "Fill me with sweet sugary goodness!" He continued, now kinda teleporting all over the place. "Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Edward!" Wrath urged. "Yeah, Edward! Go inside the cave! Magical wonders that'll behold when you enter." Envy urged as well. "Yeah, uh, thanks, but no thanks, I'm gonna stay out here." Ed declined. "But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Cave, Edward!" Wrath continued to urge. Suddenly, music began to play and Roa, dressed as a red C; Martel dressed as a red A; Dolcetto dressed as a red N; Bido dressed as a red D; and Kimbley dressed as a red Y appeared out of seemingly nowhere and Kimbley began to sing! "Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave! When you get inside you'll find yourself a cheery land; such a happy and joyful and perky, merry land! They've got lollipops and gumdrops and candy things. Oh so many things that will brighten up your day! It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town, it's the mecha of love: The Candy Cave!" Lights appeared and Envy,Wrath, and the chimeras began floating. "They've got jellybeans and coconuts with little hats! Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets! Ride the Candy Train to town and hear the candy band! Candy bells, it's a treat as they march across the land! Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground! Turn around, it astounds! It's a dancing candy tree! In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free! So now Edward will you please go into the cave?" With that, Kimbley jumped into the group of chimeras and they all exploded. "Alright! Fine! I'll go into the freakin' Candy Cave. This had better be good." Ed grumbled as he walked towards the entrance.
"Yaaaa!" Envy and Wrath cried in unison as Ed entered the cave. "Goodbye, Edward!" Envy said. "Yeah, goodbye, Edward!" Wrath echoed. "Goodbye? What?" Ed asked as the cave closed. "Hey! What's going on here?" Ed called out into the darkness. "Hello?" He heard footsteps. "Who is that?" Later, Ed woke on the ground. "Ow...Gah... What happened?" he asked no one in particular. After a moment, he looked at his side. It was stitched up. "AW! THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN' KIDNEY!" He shouted angrily.