Note: Even though it hasn't aired, this fic takes place after the season finale so it will contain spoilers. This part is from Dean's POV. I will tell you up in this note in each part whose POV it is.
I lay on this bed listlessly with eyes closed tight and the music on low. I'd been like that for about two hours just thinking. Not thinking. And thinking some more.
There was a subtle knock at the door.
"Come in," I replied, not wanting to move or open my eyes.
I heard the door creak open slowly and it lightly closed behind her. I could feel her presence and opened my eyes. Rory. I didn't say anything.
"Hey," she said with a quiver in her voice. Like everything was fine and everything was to be forgotten. She acts the same as she always has. Wait. That's right--she doesn't know I know.
I sit up in the bed and she sits down next to me trying to force out a smile.
"Welcome home," I say quietly without enthusiasm. It's the first time i've seen her in almost two months. Nothing's different.
"Thanks. How long have you been cooped up in the house?" she asked with clear concern in her voice.
"How long are you going to lie to me?" I asked her question with a question, not looking at her yet. I didn't mean for it to come out to bluntly but i've been wanting to ask it for weeks.
"W-what?"
"Before you left, over the entire summer..now."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, still not understanding, which I found hard to believe knowing her intellect.
I finally turn to face her bewildered face.
"You kissed Jess."
As if she had completely forgotten about it, her face subdued as her mouth made an O shape she looked as if she were going to cry.
"How long have you known?"
"A month after you left."
"That would explain the quiet end of the phone conversations."
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry," she said, hanging her head down playing with the zipper on her light jacket.
"No, you're not."
She scoffed, "Don't tell me what I feel."
"How long were you going to wait before you told me?"
She was completely honest in saying, "I wasn't."
Now it was my turn to scoff at her comment.
"Couldn't you at least wait to break up with me before you kissed him?"
"Like that would have made a difference," she said sarcastically.
"Why are you mad? I'm the one who should be mad."
"Why aren't you?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I've had more than a month to dwell on it. I've gotten most of my anger out in that time frame."
"I really am sorry."
I knew she was. I just had to know one thing. Through all the time I had to think about it, I never had an answer or solution to this question that panged in my mind.
"Why did you do it?"
She was hesitant at forming her answer. She turned toward me and made me look at her. I did and couldn't help but keep staring into her eyes. Usually when I am talking to somebody I can't look them directly in the eye for more than seven seconds, but with Rory I could stare for hours.
"How many girlfriends did you have in Chicago?"
I wasn't completely sure as to where this would lead, but I answered her with no questions anyway.
"Three."
"How many girls have you kissed? Not including me."
No longer having a problem with these questions, I simply answered.
"Three."
"Okay, now Dean..you know that you are my first everything. Kiss, boyfriend, love..and in that order."
I didn't say anything so she continued talking.
"I know this is not an excuse, but i've never had the experience of being with somebody else. You have. I never thought I could be interested in anyone else, have feelings for anyone else, love anyone else. All because I was with you. Then, when Jess came to town, that whole dynamic changed for me. The kiss was just a moment of weakness. A lousy, careless mistake."
"Rory, stop." I said calmly, closing my eyes and breathing. I couldn't take all of what she was saying at once. It was too much negative and that wasn't what I wanted to be hearing.
"No wait..this is the good part. I only want to be friends with Jess. He and I may have some things in common but it's nothing compared to what I have with you. I already wrote him a letter explaining that the kiss was a mistake. You have no idea how much I want to go back and erase what I did."
"Funny. So do I."
She let out a breath of air from her nose and tried to hide the smile in her eyes.
"Do you want to be with Jess?"
"No."
"Did you before?"
"Yes."
"And what's so different now?"
Her eyes widened and her head came up slightly as if she were in school and positively knew the answer to the question.
"Before I went away, I wasn't sure of anything. I was so confused and just wanted to get away from everything, which is why I finally agreed to go to D.C. with Paris. The first few weeks I was still completly deterierated and didn't know what to feel or think. Then, you called. You called and it made me so happy and sad and and--guilty."
She stuttered with her words as she felt she was withering to her concluding statement. She moved closer to me and held my hand tight, not taking her striking eyes off of my own. She kept talking and tried not to fumble with her words.
"I don't know if you noticed on the line but I was about to cry. Hearing your voice, I wanted so much to be with you and for you to hold me and kiss me. It made everything so clear and obvious. I may have had slight feelings for Jess at that time before I left, but it was mainly because you and I were going through a rough spot in our relationship. I cannot live without you. And I don't want to."
I don't know what my face was expressing because I didn't know what I was feeling at the time. She might have read me as blank or even stunned, but I have never seen her so emotional in all of the time i've known her.
"I--I don't know what to say to that."
"You don't have to say anything."
"Yes, I do."
"Oh..okay."
I took a breath and looked away, "I think we should take a break from each other."
She seemed disbelieving. She let out a few short breaths and finally uttered a word, "What?"
"I just think it's best for both of us."
"Did you not hear what I just said to you?"
"I heard it...I just. I'm having a hard time believing anything lately."
"But, Dean--"
"I need some time to think about some things."
I was honest in what I said. I didn't want to tell her to leave, so I left. Left the room. Left the house. and left the town. For one night.