Disclaimer: Touya and Jin are Yoshihiro Togashi's, but he rented them out to me so I could use them as pretty little sex bunnies. Hiei too, but he's not here.
Author's Notes: I think this is clear by the tone of the story and some of my references, but in case it's not, this story is set in Puritan New England, and Jin and Touya are humans. Touya is still unnaturally cold though. This story was inspired by the Music Video for 'So Cold' by Breaking Benjamin. It's a great song, and if you can listen to it or watch it before or after reading the story, I highly suggest you do so. the mood is a bit different, but essentially based in that song. Now, Happy Reading! Go lick mommy's spatula, silly!
Jin shuddered, taking Touya's icy hand in his. "Yer so cold, Touya. But, somehow, ye feel livin'. How can it be so?" Jin asked quietly, squeezing Touya's frigid hand.
Touya cast his eyes away, shamefully. "I wish I could give you warmth. You need it now more than ever. I have condemned you. Why do you still want me? Does not my cold only make you feel worse?"
Jin looked downwards, at the mud kicked up by his every step. "I can't let'ye go. Cold, condemning... but ye got yer own sorta' warmth, and somehow, vindicating. I don' blame ye."
Touya felt tears flow down his cheeks at this. Jin should blame him. It was entirely his fault. Touya felt sweat crawl down his skin, even as he shivered in the January freeze. He squeezed Jin's hand tighter.
It was strange. Jin's skin was cold, but beneath... a strange, fiery warmth, that Touya wished he could taste.
"It's alright. It's all right," Jin said, squeezing back.
"It's not."
"Yer so defenseless, Touya. All bottled up and cold, yet so weak. Le' me take yer hand this final time." Jin stopped, wanting to take Touya's other hand and hold his small friend, but he was shoved ahead by the minister and town headsman behind him.
"Another few hours, and we'll be out of this swamp, and camp for the night," the headsman said to the minister, looking hatefully at the swamp. He had never liked going in. The thick fog filled the air. The sun's light was blocked, yet the fog seemed to have an eerie, twilight glow to it: all gray, the color washed away. Twisted, stunted, desolate trees arose from thick, squelching brown mud: here and there the mud thinner, or even watery. Here the mud rose to the thighs, later it would be waist high, and later, it would be knee high, later only a few inches deep.
Were they out for any other reason then all would now be complaining loudly about the distressing appearance and hateful clinging mud. Especially the women folk. But for this... Silence reigned supreme, even the insufferable sound of their feet pulling in and out of the mud seemed distant, and the calls of the few swamp animals dreadfully close and horridly eerie. The only talking were the occasional words between the captive and the accuser. Odd that the condemned would identify with the condemner. The damned with the damning, the sinner with the magistrate.
"Jin... I'm so sorry. So Sorry!" Touya sobbed, holding his free hand over his face, in shame.
Jin clucked. "Touya, stop this! It's all right. It's all right."
"No it's not! It's not right!" Touya said. "I should be the one in your shoes! They told us we'd be free here, in America. But we suffer here as bad as in England, perhaps worse!" The last words were whispered to Jin, by a man so broken.
"Don' say such thin's!" Jin growled. "It'll be better! Not fer us, but fer them! It'll be better!"
"And what do we care for them Jin? They only trapped me into condemning you! Why don't we run? Tonight, we can go, hide in this swamp and then leave! You can take me back to Ireland with you, we can be safe!" Touya pleaded quietly, tears still straining down his cool, pale cheeks.
Jin stopped and turned to face Touya, anger deep burning in his blue eyes. "How dare ye! I'm no coward! I'll take what I deserve! I sinned and I'll repent the way the minister tells me! If that's death, so be it!" And then Jin punched Touya.
Touya whimpered, putting a hand to his face where Jin had punched him. "Move along!" the headsman said, shoving Touya and Jin forward. Jin turned and marched ahead, ignoring Touya, who followed, whimpering.
"Jin... I'm sorry... again... I'm such a fool! I didn't mean to insult you! If you're the sinner, I'm the one who needs forgiveness, but I deserve it none," Touya said. "Call me a wretch, tell me I'm not fit to be the Lord's creation. Tell me I'm hell-sent."
"Oh, Touya, must ye be so melodramatic? Ye give yerself more pain than Dante can account fer. We're all fools, Touya, it's just life. Just don't speak such ways. Sinner I am, possessor of one of the seven: Pride. My Pride makes me submit ta' my punishment, like a god-fearin' man I am. None of us are fit to be the Lord's creation, but he makes us anyway. We've all got our demons. But we got our angels too. Ye gotta' look fer'em sometimes, tha's all." Jin took Touya's hand in his again. It was as frigid as before, and shook slightly with fear, and desolation.
"Jin... I can't take this. It's so hard. Why does the Lord forever try us mortals?" Touya muttered, grasping Jin's hand carefully.
"Ta' make us stronger."
The headsman scowled. Once again, the two men had taken one another's hand. Such shameful behavior. Nevertheless, in wouldn't matter much longer. God had given him the might of justice, and he would readily rid his village of the sinners. Already one was convicted, soon... The other would be found... For the sinners spread their vile taint; that was one reason why they had to be eradicated.
"Jin... When we reach The Valley tomorrow... and it's time..." Touya couldn't continue past the choking in his throat. Seeing Jin tied up such as he was, chained and locked... It was a nightmare. And more horrific, that it was his fault, no matter what anyone else said.
Jin nodded. "Don' be there, Touya. It'll only hurt ye. I'll miss ye, but, don' come. I'd never be able ta live with myself if I knew ye witnessed such a thing."
"It's a good thing you won't be alive then," Touya said caustically. Jin let it pass, knowing Touya needed to say such things, in order to combat his grief. Jin knew Touya didn't mean it.
Touya glanced at Jin shyly, before setting down his pallet next to him. "Thank the Lord we're out of the swamp." Touya said, trying to be grateful, and do as he'd been preached, but right now, things were too bleak, and the preacher didn't seem at all comforting. Leaving the swamp just meant they were that much closer...
No one slept easily, and all rose gratefully with dawn's light. A meager breakfast was passed about, and Jin, Touya, the Preacher and the headsman once again led the way to The Valley.
Jin took Touya's hand once again. "By yer cold, one would think ye were the one tha's dead, and not the one accompanyin'," Jin said, squeezing Touya's hand all the same.
"As cold as the Reaper, to serve the same purpose." Touya muttered mournfully.
"How's that?" Jin asked, startled.
"I'm walking with you to the place of your..." Touya squeezed his eyes shut against a new torrent of tears. He shook his head violently. "And I'm the cause."
"No, yer not." Jin reassured once again. Touya only shook his head silently in refusal. They continued to the pass leading into The Valley in silence; occasionally squeezing one another's hands for assurance that they weren't dead. At least, not yet.
"Murderer!" a woman whispered, glaring at the two men who only seemed to lead the procession. "And look how flagrantly he behaves, holding the other's hand! Disgusting, the way they act! I only hope the other does something worthy of demise as well! Putrescence such as theirs mustn't be allowed!"
Another woman nodded. "I heard a rumor that the two are lovers! And it was because he saw the other with a woman that he killed her. Poor Goody Smith!"
"Lovers?! Two men! Sinning filth! May they both be Damned!" a third woman said, shocked and appalled.
The first one nodded. "Yes, that's what I heard. I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, but especially now, seeing the way they touch with no need!"
"Yes, I suppose knowing he's going to die has made the first one bold, but of the other, no other explanation could be found!" The third woman said.
"Maybe there's something we don't know." The second one wondered. The three hushed a moment, wondering what they might not know.
"Jin, I can't leave you to them!"
"Touya, ye can't be watchin', so ye'll have ta' be leavin' me!"
Even Jin couldn't hide his fear anymore, and Touya could feel Jin's hand shaking in his. But Jin was brave, and too proud to be dissuaded and too compassionate to let Touya suffer such a sight, though it would comfort him to hold Touya's cold hands.
"You're shaking, Jin! I can't leave you to them! Not when it's my fault!" Touya cried softly, silently, looking at Jin with pleading eyes.
"Touya. We're at the pass. Ye should wait here till the villagers come back. Ye shouldn't be comin' any farther." Jin looked at the pass; it was foreboding. But it could be no worse than what lay ahead.
Touya took a look around and shivered. "Jin, I can't-"
"DAMN YE, TOUYA! DON'T YE BE KNOWIN' HOW IT HURTS ME TA TELL YE TA STAY WHEN I WANT YE WITH ME SO MUCH! NOW STAY DAMN IT!" Jin yelled, letting go of Touya's hand and shoving him away.
Touya landed in a heap on the ground. "Very well." He scrambled up and moved to the side, out of the way of the others.
The headsman scratched his head. "We can't leave you here alone. Goodman Johnson, stay with him, if you will." A man, grumbling, pulled away from the procession, glaring at Touya and sitting on a tree stump. The procession continued onward, leaving them two.
"Ye know you're denyin' a good man of watching a sinner get his dues! If it weren't for ye, I'd be out there now."
Touya tried to ignore the man as best he could, holding his hat in his hands, nervously fingering the brim. It would take the group about an hour at the pace they were going to get to the site, and then another 15-30 minutes would be spent discussing the trial, its outcome, and the punishment. Then they would do it. He cringed, thinking at the fate's bitter ends.
"Ye get this man convicted, gave me the first real excitement I'd had in ages, that I was gonna' see a real execution, and then ye get all afeared and make me stay behind." Goodman Johnson growled.
"Don't. Please, Goodman, be quiet." Touya asked, holding his hat tightly.
"Why should I? Your sinnin' friend is gonna die and you're keepin' me from watchin'. But its no matter, after all, I'm sure they'll catch ye before long, and I can watch ye get your head lopped off. I just hope your sinnin' don't spread to any of us pure people like me and the other village folk."
Touya threw his hat down. "Not another word!" He yelled, turning to face Goodman Johnson abruptly.
"Struck a nerve did I? Not surprisin'. No self-control, have ye? None of ye filthy sinners do. Characterizes' ye better 'n anything else, it does. No restraint, even among us civilized folks."
"Civilized nothing! Look at yourself, so eager to see the death of one you once called brother! You vindictive bastard! We did nothing to you!" Touya yelled.
Goodman Johnson rose angrily, "Your friend killed that women, Goody Smith! Did he have any restraint or guilt then!? Why'd he do it, Touya? Because ye were makin' the act with her! He was jealous, weren't he, Touya? Ye two sinners are lovers, and God will punish ye both, but he chose Jin first! But ye'll get your due, ye unnatural filth! Not only was your heart belonging to another when ye acted with Goody, but it belonged to another man! There's two Sins right there, major ones!"
Touya looked at Goodman Johnson a moment before turning and running through the woods. "So long, ye sinnin' filth! Go bathe in your immorality!"
Jin trudged miserably before the others. He missed Touya, but he wouldn't make him suffer through watching him be put to his end. They came to the clearing where it was to be done. He was chained once again to a pole at the side. The headsman began to formalities necessary before an execution, while the preacher said his blessings over Jin, shaking his head all the time.
"I know. What use in blessin' a sinner? Still... I'm glad I asked and ye decided ta try." Jin told the Preacher.
The Preacher looked at Jin a moment. "I suppose. Do you yet repent of your murdering?"
Jin shrugged. "In a way. I feel sorry fer Goody Smith. But at least she goes ta' heaven as a martyr, right? So I'm glad I had a hand in that, for she'll be given a high seat in His Kingdom, though I wish my hand could have done somethin' else. Mostly I'm just sorry fer the ones I'm leavin' behind. I hope they don' mourn long. I don' want anyone else in anymore pain."
The Preacher looked confused, and shook his head. "At this point, I don't know if you'll go to Hell or purgatory when you die. I honestly say go in grace. I can't call you a good man. But something stops me from calling you evil, or even bad. So Go in Grace. You'll need it."
"Thank ye, Preacher." The Preacher walked away. Jin lost himself in his final thoughts, before the headsman came and undid his chain from the post.
"Come on, Jin. It's time." The headsman lead Jin up to the gallows platform. Jin stood proudly as the headman slipped the noose around his neck and tightened it.
Touya pushed through the crowd best he could, "Let me by, excuse me, I need to get through!" People groaned or huffed as he went by but he didn't care. Nothing mattered at this point but getting up to the platform before it was too late.
The Headsman read the final words to Jin, the last formalities.
"Wait!" Touya finally pushed through the crowd and climbed up on the platform.
"Touya! I told ye to stay back at the pass!" Jin said, looking concerned.
"I know." Touya cried. "Jin, I love you! I don't care who knows it, or if it's a sin, I've tried to stop to follow God's good will, but I can't, I love you, even if it is a sin. Jin, please tell me, do you love me? Can you say it back to me honestly?" Touya looked at Jin frailly, his hair disheveled, clothes torn in places, his face coated in small scratches from running past brambles, and his skin even paler than usual, as he panted before Jin, his eyes desperate.
"I do, Touya, no matter if it's a sin ta' love another man." Jin replied, the beginnings of tears finally coming to his eyes.
"Thank you. Then I won't let them kill you!" Touya embraced Jin, kissing him shyly, while the headsman and townsfolk watched in shock. Touya pulled back and cut the noose.
"Touya! I told ye I'd take my punishment!" Jin growled, but still he held Touya desperately.
"I know, and I won't take that from you. But I WON'T let them kill you! I'll kill you before they kill you, I'll do it before they do it!" Touya kissed Jin again.
"Yer so cold, but yer lips 'er warm," Jin mumbled.
"I'm so sorry for all I've done to you Jin, and for what I'm about to do. I can never be forgiven, but I won't let them kill you!" Touya unsheathed his belt knife and thrust it through Jin's throat, killing him instantly.
"You see, God! You can't let either of us go to heaven, and you can't send either of us to purgatory because we've both committed a Great Sin! So we'll be together in Hell for all eternity! I've been cold as death since my birth, and now I'll be colder than it – Even in Hell's Infernos, I'll be cold as ice, for you saw fit to make me cold! Damn him, and Damn me! I'm sick of your game, God! Bless these townsfolk, your children, and Damn us forever! It's All right! It's All right! Amen, Amen, Hallelujah!" Touya yelled it, looking heavenward in a bitter triumph, before taking his knife and killing himself, to the astonishment of the townsfolk.
"If he weren't a demon, he were surely possessed," the third woman said.
"I told you they were lovers!" the second exclaimed.
"Just what they deserve, Hell and Damnation," the first said resolutely.