She wasn't at all looking forward to this.
Katara had been pacing the green and gold rug in their house for so long, an indent was being made in the rug. Her mind had been no more calm, going over and over again in her what had happened, what was happening, and what was about to happen. Her stomach felt like it was performing a gymnastics routine in her torso. For the past there hours, the water bender had been pondering how exactly she was going to describe what needed to be said. The speech had been revised several hundred times in the past hour, waiting for him to get home from his several weeks in Republic City.
But staying silent was no longer an option, not anymore. It had already been put off long enough. She had been given a deadline, and today was the day.
She had taken off the betrothal necklace that Aang had made for her and was twirling it in her fingers. It was an exact replica of the one that used to be her mothers, except for the fact that it had considerably less wear-and-tear than the former. The blue ribbon shown bright, complementing the soft blue waves which twinkled the sign of the water tribe. The water bender sighed mournfully: this was going to tear him apart.
The thing about the whole ordeal that surprised her the most was the distinct lack of regret. Of course there were lingering feelings of shame and heartache, but Katara wouldn't have taken anything back. She hated the fact that it made her feel pretentious.
Light footsteps on the porch made the antsy water tribe girl jump. A fist curled around the betrothal necklace as her lungs inhaled shakily.
"Katara?" asked a soft baritone voice. It was late, too late for any reasonable person to be awake. He probably wasn't expecting her. The water bender rested her chin on her fist and leaned against it, preparing.
"Katara?" he repeated, rounding the corner and entering the main living room. Upon seeing her, his eyes instantly lit up. He dropped the glider in his hand and ran to her. His tall frame wrapped her in a warm, innocent hug, and the pointy bristles of his beard tickled her as the air bender buried his face in her neck. "Oh, I've missed you so much," he breathed, the emotion in his voice left the water bender speechless.
The avatar pulled back, still keeping his firm hands on her shoulders. "I didn't expect you to still be awake! I didn't want to keep you up." The thoughtfulness of his sentence made Katara smile subconsciously.
"I had to see you," she whispered, putting a palm to his face. Her cerulean saucers gazed into his large brown ones; it was easy to see that the child-like wonder was not lost in his twenty years. His smile was so expectant and full of pure joy, it almost crushed her.
The air bender wasted no time in pulling Katara in for a kiss. Though she tried to mask her feelings of opposition, she did her best to not give any obvious clues that something was wrong. Not yet anyways.
Her stomach churned.
The water bender pulled back, hoping Aang wouldn't question the kiss' premature ending. "How was the trip?"
Just when she thought the Air Bender couldn't be any more excited. "It went great!" he enthused. "The progress with the council for Republic City is running smoothly. The city should be fully functioning in a few years!"
Katara's brow furrowed. "A few years? You told me we could move there in a year tops."
"I know," he grimaced. "But plans have changed and we've decided to go with a grander scale plan."
The water tribe girl struggled to remain hopeful. "So when will we be able to move to Republic City?"
Once again, Aang winced. Katara sighed.
"Aang we've talked about this," she stressed. "We can't keep jumping around from Earth Kingdom village to village. I don't know about you, but I need some stability. I want to settle down."
The avatar looked at his fiancé and sighed. He turned his back to her to sit on one of the mats that lined their one-bedroom hut. Katara had brewed some tea, and he took a slow sip of it.
"I've been doing all I can to make the progress run as efficiently as possible," he uttered. "But I can't sacrifice the quality. I owe it to these people to create a place for many generations."
Katara laughed to herself at the nobility of his answer.
"But please, Katara, enough about work," he pleaded. "Just sit with me, please."
Her stomach tightened but she agreed, laying her thin torso over his chiseled, pale abdomen. With every breath he took, Katara felt more and more sick. She couldn't continue like this, not with her current state of mind. It didn't make matters worse that they had already started arguing right off the bat, which seemed to be a common occurrence for them. But she couldn't stand the burden weighing on her chest any longer.
As she was about to open her mouth, Aang pressed his mouth into her neck and wrapped his hand around her stomach, causing her to stiffen instantly.
But the Air Bender didn't notice as he continued to kiss her neck, slowly making his way up to her cheek. Katara didn't reciprocate but she also didn't push back, letting the avatar continue to kiss her cheek and neck for a good couple of minutes.
But when Aang began to tug at her soft blue robe, a suggestion for her to take it off, Katara knew she had to say something.
"Aang," she breathed, attempting to keep her demeanor calm. "I need to tell you something."
The soft pecks on her neck suddenly stopped. Katara shifted her position to face Aang, whose expression was that of confusion and a bit of concern. His soft palm found his way to her forearm, where it began to stroke. "What?" His voice was so expectant and child-like, and it broke something in the water bender. He had no idea the news that was about to be delivered. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her churning stomach.
The avatar's eyes filled with more concern with every second Katara stalled. The hand on her forearm moved soothingly to her cheek, and he said in his most honest voice "c'mon Katara, you can tell me anything."
She didn't want to have to tell him; to have to say the filthy words out loud. Half of her was hoping he could use his Avatar-spirt-y-powers to look into her soul and just know. Even though there were no regrets, there was still something so real and devastating about saying the words out loud.
"There's something you need to know," Katara spoke in a low voice. Even though they were the only two in the small home, she still felt the need for secrecy.
"Well how am I supposed to know if you won't tell me?" Aang joked, obviously trying to alleviate the built-up tension.
The water bender's eyes calmly focused on her fiancé's, as the words tumbled out of her mouth.
"I want to move to the South Pole."
A look of relief quickly washed upon the Air Bender's face. "Is that all? Geez Katara I thought you were going to tell me you sold MoMo into the circus or something."
The lump in her throat didn't cease. "So you're fine with it?"
"Well," Aang's brow furrowed, "I'd like to be, but I'm not sure how well it will work, especially with the foundation of Republic City. I need to be there often for the construction and zoning, not to mention the general foundation of the government so…"
"So..?" Katara didn't like how he wasn't giving her a straight answer.
Aang ran a hand over his bald, tattooed head. "So...now's probably not the best time for me."
The water bender exhaled furiously. "It's never the best time for you."
"Yes! Now you get it!"
"I'm not joking, Aang!" Katara's gaze became fierce, almost desperate.
"Look, I'm sorry sweetie, but I have a lot of responsibilities as the avatar. You know that more than anyone."
Katara stood up and walked to the edge of the room, facing the wall. She tried to hide the tears in her voice, "maybe I didn't phrase it the right way." She turned abruptly, revealing a pained expression stained by many nights of tears. "I am moving to the Southern Water Tribe."
There was a pause. "Katara," whispered the avatar, who was still sitting next to his cup of tea, "where did this come from?"
It felt like someone had reached inside of her, grabbed ahold of her heart, and was squeezing it with all their might. She pushed away tears with the palm of her hand. "I guess it's always been there," she said, smiling internally, remembering the time she first had this epiphany. "I just needed someone to remind me of it."
There were no words said for a long while, and Katara knew Aang was processing what he had just heard. C'mon Avatar, you're not stupid. Figure it out! she silently screamed. But nothing was said. Instead, the monk's eyes ventured to the green and gold satin rug that lined the floor. She mentally pleaded with him to just say something, so that she knew that he knew. Finally, when the air bender did lift his head to meet her gaze, his expression was not one of understanding, but of indifference.
"And I'm assuming the person who reminded you isn't me."
It felt as if part of the ferocious burden was suddenly lifted, so much so that a slight gasp escaped from her lips. Slowly, Katara's head shook to affirm his suspicions.
"Well, whoever it was, I'm just glad that they helped you to find yourself. I only want the best for you," he said, smiling.
Wait. Smiling?
Katara's brow furrowed. "Aang I don't think you understand-"
"What's not to understand?" the air bender asked so innocently, he resembled the twelve-year old boy she had been found in the iceberg.
The water tribe girl groaned and threw her arms in the air. "Why do you have to act so innocent?"
Aang's eyes flashed. "What?"
"You act like you're so perfect and naive. Never having any bad thoughts about anyone or anything. So kind you didn't even kill the Fire Lord when everyone was telling you to," Katara complained. She knew it was a selfish complaint, but it needed to be said.
"What does this have to do with anything?" The avatar was upset, but not angry.
"You get so caught up in helping other people that you've been neglecting me!" The bubble finally burst, and by Aang's expression, it seemed to come as a genuine shock. Katara sighed and began to massage her temples. "When we first started dating, I was captivated by your kindness and compassion for others. I was happy to accompany you to the ends of the world and help out with whatever needed to be done." Her hand fell from her temples and pressed against the wall, stabilizing her. "But as the years passed, I felt like I was being less and less helpful in areas that I knew I was needed. You stopped involving me, and I became irrelevant, simply reduced to the title of 'Avatar's Girlfriend'. That's when I got the idea to return to the Southern Water Tribe and assist my father as chief while Sokka helped out here on the Council. I knew my services could be of great use there, but you never had any of it."
The Avatar looked like he had been struck in the chest by lighting. "I didn't want you to go alone. The journey to the South Pole is very dangerous and I know that if people found out I wasn't with you they'd-"
"They'd what? Attack me?" she asked angrily. "I don't know if you've notice, Aang, but I'm one of the most powerful water benders in the world!"
The Avatar threw his hands up in defense. "I'm sorry, okay? Is that what you want me to say?"
Katara balled up her fists. "Yes...no...I don't know!" When she realized, by Aang's expression, that shouting was only scaring him, the water tribe girl took a deep breath. "I just know that I need a break. I need some stability, and I think returning to the Southern Water Tribe will offer me the balance I need."
It was then, that Aang stood from his seating position, and trudged in the direction of his fiancé.
"You know I can't go with you," he whispered, taking her hand in his. Katara nodded slowly. Aang sighed.
"There's another thing," Katara continued, so quietly that the water bender almost wished he couldn't hear her. But with a slight nod, she continued, "Zuko is coming with me."
If Aang had looked confused and concerned before, he was bewildered and furious now.
"Zuko? Why on Earth is he going with you?"
He still doesn't get it, does he? Katara thought. "He's going to help me with some business there."
"Doesn't he have some Fire Lord duties that he has to do?" Aang was angrier now then he had been the whole night.
"I guess he thought this took precedence."
"This doesn't make any sense," Aang grumbled. "Shouldn't we have discussed this first?"
Katara's eyes flashed. "Oh, now you want to discuss?"
"Yes!"
"Well, there's nothing to discuss!"
"Oh, I think there is!" Aang let go of the water bender's hand, emphasizing the seriousness of the situation.
"What is there?" Katara said, growing more emotionally-unstable with every word. "I already told you I decided to go to the Southern Water Tribe!"
"But why?"
"To help my Dad!"
"But why Zuko?" Aang was practically screaming.
"Because I'm pregnant, you asshole!" Katara cried. "And Zuko's the father!"
The silence that followed that exclamation was chilling. When Aang was yelling about Zuko, Katara mentally begged for silence. But now that the sheer ferociousness of the silence engulfed them, the water bender wanted to shout or cry or do something to break the soul-crushing quiet.
But the worst part about the whole silence was the eye contact Aang held with Katara. Every time she tried to will herself to look away, his look of pure betrayal and disbelief dug deeper into her chest like a stake. A single tear crawled down her cheek, but she dared not cry. She couldn't give him the satisfaction in thinking that she regretted any of it. Finally, just when she couldn't bare his wide eyes any longer, the air bender whirled his body around and struck the wall in one fluid punch of emotion. The impact made Katara gasp, and she expected him to continue assaulting the wall. He would never go so far as to hurt her, but she knew he could sometimes take his anger out on inanimate objects. But instead, the Avatar just stood there, fist unstirring from its indent in the wall. His breathing came long and heavy; Katara could tell he was holding back a sob. She reached out a hand to touch his arm, the way she used to whenever he had been riled-up before.
"No," he said belligerently. The water bender let her dainty hand fall to her side. More agonizing silence.
Taking one deep breath, Katara knew she had done what she had meant to do, and it was just as unpleasant as she had pictured. She wanted to just say that she was leaving, go to the South Pole to see her Dad, and leave it at that. But of course, Zuko had to be the honorable one.
"You know moving to the South Pole won't get rid of your problems," Zuko said, pulling the water tribe girl against his torso as they lounged in the living room of his hotel suite. Katara groaned and pulled his arm around her shoulder, planting a gentle kiss on his hand.
"To tell you the truth, I don't even think he'll agree to let me go," she sighed. "He's always been so over-protective about my safety."
"That's why you need to tell him the story." Zuko's voice rumbled in his chest, igniting a melodic sensation through the water bender's back. "The whole story."
"I know, I know," Katara mumbled, pressing the Fire Lord's hand against her cheek. "But it's not going to make it any less painful."
Zuko ran his thin, firm fingers through her hair, twirling them amongst the chocolate locks. "I can talk to him if you really don't feel comfortable about it."
She sighed. "No, he needs to hear it from me."
"Hey." The water tribe girl shifted her position to face her handsome fire bender. "Everything's going to be alright." Zuko reached a hand up to stroke her cheek as Katara leaned into his hand. "Once you tell him, it will just be you and me and little—"
"Izumi."
He unleashed a genuine smile as his golden eyes dropped to the water bender's stomach. "And little Izumi."
She beamed as Zuko leaned down to stroke her barely-protruding belly, wondering how she had deserved all of this love and affection. Her love for Zuko was so strong it scared her, which is exactly what happened when she had reconnected with him that night many months ago. The way he had taken such and interest in herself and her well-being made her burn in a way she had never felt before, a good way. Looking at him now, she couldn't help but blush and think to herself "why hadn't I come to this conclusion sooner?"
Katara let the tear that had traveled down her cheek reside there to remind her of all the nights she had cried herself to sleep, wishing that she wouldn't be alone, or wishing she could finally go home. She had said before that she wanted to settle down, and a one-bedroom house in the middle of the Earth Kingdom was no place to raise a child. The decision had been made. Zuko had given her a place to meet so they could be on the next ship to the South Pole first thing in the morning.
"I need to go," said Katara, choking back a sob as she grabbed her pre-packed bag from next to the door frame. Zuko had given her a place to meet so they could be on the next ship to the South Pole first thing in the morning.
"No," Aang murmured, removing his fist and revealing a rather large indent in the green wallpaper. "Please."
As tempting as it was for the water bender to just continue out the door, she arduously turned to meet his gaze one last time, his expression the look of pure misery.
"I just…" he whimpered. "I just want you to stay."
Their eyes met for a while, and tears began to run somberly down the air bender's face. Katara clutched her bags tighter and took a step towards him. The Avatar met her halfway until they were only about a foot apart. Slowly, Katara reached in her pocket and pulled out the sapphire betrothal necklace and pressed it into him palm.
"Good bye, Aang," she whispered. With that, she turned and ran into the welcome arms in the darkness.
She ran and ran until she couldn't hear him call her name anymore. Panting, she threw herself at the trunk of a tree and began to cry. But when she did
she realized there were no tears left to cry.
Hey guys! Thanks for putting up with me and my laziness. But I saw that Zutara Month 2k15 was going down and I figured I better do something for it. So here you go, I hope you enjoyed it. I had to take a step back from after writing this, it was just so angsty ;)I'm going to try and contribute more for Zutara Month, but I'm really not sure. Maybe if I can just get off my lazy butt, I will.
And if you're worried about my other fics and whether or not they will be continued, never fear, I have not abandoned them! I was just taking a bit of a break! The Psycho Shipper should be back in full swing soon!
Thanks for reading and as always: review/follow/favorite!