Somewhere In Between

By: Amy Jonas

E-mail:

Category: Gen/Het; Jimmy/Yves Romance/Angst

Rating: PG

Summary: Jimmy and Yves' discussion of their broken relationship takes a surprising turn.

Achieve: Yes, go ahead and take it. Just let me know.

Disclaimers: Not mine. They belong to others.

Notes: This is a continuation to My Immortal but you don't have to read it to understand this.

Notes: Thanks to my tremendous beta, Mags for all her support, fic talk and her 'teacher' looks. Thanks to Mike (Scanner) for all his support and hugs and to everyone in IRC for their encouragement.

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"Dude, ya stare any harder and your eyeballs are gonna pop." Langly said.

"I'm not staring," Jimmy denied quickly, tearing his gaze from the bar and feigning interest in the surveillance equipment they were packing into protective foam cases. Heat flushed through his face when the hacker snorted his disbelief but thankfully Langly didn't say anything else.

He glanced back toward the bar where Yves sat looking like an Angel amidst the commotion of their sting operation. God, she was beautiful. Her shimmering black dress clung to her curves like a second skin; accentuating her olive skin perfectly. Long black hair tumbled down her back in loose waves.

The pain which had settled into a dull ache from their recent break up now flared like a hot, jagged blade in his chest.

He thought if only he could talk to her; tell her how he felt then things would be different. Jimmy wanted to laugh or maybe cry. He wasn't sure which; maybe it was both because when he had the chance to talk to her; he had blown it.

Five days ago the guys had gone to meet an informant. He had been alone at the warehouse doing some research when Yves dropped by unexpectedly. They hadn't been alone together since they broke up and it had taken them both by surprise.

They just stared at each other; the air vibrating with tension and something that eluded him. He ached to hold her and touch her; tell her he still loved her; that he was sorry for everything that went wrong between them. But before he could get the words out, she turned and left.

"Looks like the Black Widow's had enough teamwork for today."

Langly's pointed dig snapped Jimmy from the memory. "Don't call…" He stopped, the meaning sinking in. He whipped his gaze to the bar. She was gone.

Jimmy didn't think. He dropped the delicate sensor and took off, ignoring Langly's shout of protest. His heart beat a crazy rhythm in his chest. He wasn't sure what he was doing. All he knew was that he had to talk to Yves; tell her everything he had been unable to say at the warehouse.

"Yves!" He pushed though a knot of people, searching the faceless crowd for the shimmer of her dress, the swish of black hair. Where? And then he saw it. A wave of appreciative male glances left in her wake. "Yves, wait!" He put on a burst of speed, charging past his startled friends; ignoring Byers concerned question.

He caught up to Yves outside the hotel lounge. "Yves, we need to talk." Grabbing her shoulder, Jimmy turned her around to face him.

Jimmy inhaled sharply. In the soft light she looked impossibly beautiful. Something rippled behind her eyes before disappearing, making her appear both untouchable and vulnerable at the same time. His hand slid from her shoulder to clasp her fingers. He opened his mouth to speak but the words lodged in his throat while a cacophony of emotions swirled and blazed through him. The silence stretched and sizzled between them like a taut wire. It was an instant replay of those horrible few minutes last week.

Another ripple behind her eyes, longer this time. And then it was gone.

"I don't have time for this Jimmy," Yves snapped. She felt a sting of regret when he flinched. She hadn't meant for the words to come out so harsh but after last week, seeing Jimmy tonight was more difficult that she expected.

She tugged at her hand but he was clutching it like a life preserver.

"Jimmy…" she intended to tell him there was nothing left to discuss, nothing left at all but when she saw his face, her resolve crumbled. His face had always been a canvas for his emotions and now - fear, sorrow, desperation, longing and regret - were all vibrant brushstrokes on his face.

A soft, insistent coughing drew Yves' attention. Looking past Jimmy's shining, blue eyes she discovered they had an audience. The Gunmen, Agents Doggett and Reyes and several other people were watching them. Byers coughed again, averting his gaze. Yves had always been a private person and that anyone had been privy to such a private moment made her uncomfortable.

Yves stepped away from the door, intending to leave when she caught Jimmy's eye. He understood her discomfiture and she appreciated the silent apology. What stopped her was the entreaty in his eyes.

She should ignore it but Jimmy was right. They needed to talk. But not here.

"Would you like a drink?" Yves asked; circling the polished bar. She didn't want one and Jimmy didn't normally drink hard liquor but she needed time to consider what she was going to say to him .

Jimmy stood in the middle of the hotel suite she had rented staring at her while 'washing' his hands; one over the other. It was an old nervous habit of his that Yves hadn't seen in years and it unsettled her. What was more troubling was she didn't know why.

"Got an J&B?" Jimmy asked approaching the bar.

"For what this suite cost, I should hope not." Yves' wry tone earned a faint smile from Jimmy. She scanned the selections, taking the closest bottle which she noted was NOT J&B and poured the deep amber liquid into two glasses.

Jimmy took the glass she offered him and stared at the liquid as if held answers only he could see. "I'm so stupid," he said tonelessly.

"You are not stupid," Yves said, her voice firm. She hated when he put himself down; something else he hadn't done in years but this time she sensed there was something more than self-depreciation.

"Maybe this would be easier if I was," Jimmy murmured, sinking onto one of the cream leather bar stools. He set the still full glass down with a thunk, looking at her. "Ever since we bro -" his voice cracked on the word and he dropped his gaze to her slender hand resting on the polished wood surface.

He remembered when he had taken her hand outside the lounge. Her fingers had automatically curled around his and her warmth seemed to flow into him. Then their eyes met. For the space of a few seconds there had been a connection between them; alive and real.

And the words he so desperately wanted to say still hovered on the tip of his tongue, tormenting him with their simplicity.

"All you need is love," Jimmy murmured.

If only it was that simple.

'Jimmy, it's not -"

"I know." His eyes revealed his pain. "Until that day at the warehouse I thought love was enough. My dad tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. I thought OUR love…" he uttered a short bark of laughter that sounded like a sob. "I was so scared of losing you I never…" he clamped his lips together, lowering his gaze.

She watched him wring his hands. Why did it bother her so much? "You never…what?" Yves encouraged despite the voice warning her to leave it alone.

Jimmy stood up and started pacing a tight path from the bar to the couch; struggling with some inner conflict. Yves watched patiently and a few minutes later he stopped abruptly; turning toward her, a determined yet apprehensive look in his eyes. He folded his arms against his chest in a protective gesture. "I never told you about my fears." His voice was soft and subdued.

Yves waited for him to continue but he just stared at her anxiously. Sensing he would talk more freely without a barrier between them, she moved out from behind the bar. "Tell me now."

"The guys used to joke about how we were this real life intellectual odd couple. It never bothered me; I knew there was more to our relationship then that and besides I loved…love how smart you are." He paused; a ghost of a smile touching his eyes. "There's this fire in your eyes when you hack or puzzling out an encryption. It's a challenge and you don't back away from it. It's incredible and I love watching your eyes light up when you find the solution. It's there even when your just talking computer stuff with the guys or even," he grimaced, "Kimmy."

"I've been learning new stuff all the time but I realized that no matter how much I learned or how fast I learned it, it would never be enough." he looked at her with sorrowful eyes. "I was never going to be able to give you that intellectual give-and-take you need like the guys and I knew it was just a matter of time before you…before you realized I wasn't good enough for you."

Yves kept her face impassive as Jimmy revealed his own worst fears and doubts about himself that other people vocalized in jest or seriousness. Jimmy had just solved her problem for her. All she had to do was agree with him. She could leave and not worry about him.

Five years ago it wouldn't have been a problem. She would have lived the lie. She might even have believed it. Not any more. She loved Jimmy more than she thought possible; his pain was her own. She refused to leave letting him believe their relationship failed because of something lacking in him.

"You have it wrong, Jimmy." he watched her with wary puzzlement and it was then she understood why the unconscious return of his nervous habits disturbed her. "When we first met you were so innocent and naïve; blindly following Frohike, Byers and Langly; struggling to comprehend and keep up." When she spoke again, there was a touch of pride in her voice. "I've watched you , Jimmy. In the past five years you've become stronger, more confident and willing to speak up for yourself."

"You grew up and matured as did your view of the world and people. You used to think of the boys as infallible heroes; now you still think of them as heroes but they are also friends who are doing the best they can. It was only natural that how you viewed me changed as well." A small, sad smile touched Yves' lips. "And you realized I wasn't good enough for you."

"No." Jimmy shook his head. She couldn't believe that. Yves was the most extraordinary women he ever met.

"You've changed while I remained the same," Yves murmured.

Jimmy could feel the turmoil radiating off her in waves while her features became expressionless . He wanted to take her into his arms; hold her and comfort her but he also sensed something else that troubled her. Emotions wouldn't sway her.

He stepped closer to her and said forcefully, " You have changed. You've always kept people at a distance, emotionally and physically. You would rather have them distrust you then let them in." He softened his tone. "But you have let people into your life and they love and trust you just as you love and trust them. Me. My parents and sister. The guys. And you have allies too. Mulder. Agents Doggett, Reyes and Scully.

"I know how hard it is for you to trust people, Yves." He held her gaze. "You're an amazing woman and your courage inspires me."

Yves softened at his statement and then she smiled at him. Jimmy stopped breathing. She hadn't smiled at him like that in a long time. It was intimate. Open.

Maybe there was still a chance.

He continued to hold her gaze. He could smell the light, crisp scent of her perfume. He wanted to touch her skin; feel its smooth warmth. His heart was thundering so loud in his ears he was sure Yves could hear it.

"I think what happened to us was a good thing. We both needed to grow and change and I think those changes compliment each other and makes us a stronger couple." Yves frowned and Jimmy would have kicked himself because their relationship hadn't gotten stronger. It had been torn apart. His mind raced as he tried to think of something that would save this. Save their relationship, he amended. Advice his dad had given him popped into his head; advice he failed to heed.

"We would have become stronger but somewhere along the way we got caught up in our own fears. Instead of talking about them we buried them and made assumptions about the other person. We stopped talking to each other and worse, we stopped listening to each other."

His hand trembling, he reached out and touched her cheek. Please," he whispered, "give me another chance to listen to you."

Yves leaned into his touch wanting …

No. She stepped back from him, emotionally and physically. "Communication isn't our only problem Jimmy."

"What else…?"

She turned her back on him and walked to the balcony; unlocked the sliding glass door and pushed it open. The warm evening breeze made the sheer white curtain billow like a tormented spirit. "My father is still out there."

Not waiting for a reply, Yves stepped out on to the balcony and went to the railing. The city lights spread out before her, vast and beautiful and lonely. Despite the warm night, she shivered. She glanced down at the sidewalk. Under a streetlamp, a man and woman stood arm in arm; while a little girl stood in front of them. Even as high up as she was, she thought she heard the child's laughter. The couple leaned into each other and kissed then the family moved on. An ache wrenched Yves' heart. "I can't let him destroy any more innocent lives," she said softly.

"You can't let him destroy your life either," Jimmy said; watching her. She looked so vulnerable and…resigned. He hated what this quest to stop her father was doing to her. It was like a virus slowly destroying her bit by bit.

Yves watched the family until they melted into the darkness. "No," she agreed, turning to see Jimmy standing just inside the door. "I can't."

It wasn't her words that made his blood turn to ice but the look in her eyes. It was flat and cold. "You're going after your father," he accused. When she didn't deny it; he shook his head. "Yves, no. Give whatever information to Agent Doggett. Let the F.B.I. Stop him. It's their job."

He backed up as she entered the suite. "My father is my responsibility."

"God, Yves," Jimmy protested, "you can't keep blaming yourself for everything your dad does. You were just a teenager yourself when you escaped him. There wasn't anything you could do to stop him."

There was nothing he could say that would change her mind. He could see it in the determination in her eyes just as he saw what she was planning to do. Jimmy's emotions swept furiously through him. He couldn't come so close to getting her back only to lose her again; this time perhaps permanently. Tears pricked his eyes.

"What about us," he pleaded desperately. "I love you, Yves. Doesn't that count for anything?"

She softened visibly. "It does, Jimmy. It counts for so much. It's why I'm doing this."

"Yves?" He searched her eyes and saw hope. "I'll go with you."

"No," she snapped vehemently. "Promise me you won't follow me."

"I can help you…"

She looked into his eyes letting him see the truth. "If anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself."

He started to argue with her but the words died in his throat. He couldn't stand the thought of her blaming herself if something did happen to him. "I promise."

As soon as he said the words, some of the tension slipped from her face. She smiled then. It wasn't anything special, mostly a reflex from a release of tension but to Jimmy it was the most beautiful smile. He wanted to take her into his arms and kiss her; the feeling was so strong it was a physical yearning deep inside him.

Her eyes were soft with the same sweet longing. The space between them became almost nothing. She reached up to stroke his face and his body tingled in anticipation of her soft touch. But then she froze, dropping her hand to her side.

He stared at the city lights as she walked past him, listening to the click of her heels on the floor. He was still staring at the lights long after he heard the door close.