If She Says No…
He doesn't know. He doesn't know how he'll keep going. The lightness and relief he had experienced realizing that Rachel was his future was quickly dissipating, leaving behind the jittery fear of rejection he had hope to avoid.
If She Says Yes…
Etta James' voice floods into his head, flowing through him- "At last…" He'll have finally succeeded at doing the right thing, for the first time. Kurt could plan the big day, and Mercedes could take her dress shopping. He'd have to face her ferocious fathers, but it would all be wonderfully worth it knowing- at last- his love was there to stay.
If She Says No…
Graduation looms ahead like a dragon guarding some unknown treasure- an abyss of questions with no answers in sight. He could always stick around Lima and take over Burt's shop, but where was the joy in that? How would he ever be able to live like that, after having the most beautiful thing in his life gone? Soon it would simply be him, facing his own fears and making decisions for his future…
If She Says Yes…
They'll get a place downtown. Or, that's always what Rachel said; back when she would lecture him about his great future in New York. Some days he would believe her; others, he'd shrug and half smile to let her know he'd consider it. Either way, he knew that he would be okay, better than okay in fact, so long as she was by his side. He could see her on stage, single spotlight shining on her face- the bright star guiding him through life. The future was theirs, and the decision making would be shared.
If She Says No…
Other women would be like dull rhinestone jewelry from Dillard's, compared to the brightest and most flawless diamond ever cut. He didn't even think he could do anything with those women, because nothing could be like what it was like with her. The rise, the fall- every breath, ever murmur was worth that look on her face- was worth knowing it was him making her soar like that. And how could he do that with any other woman? It was easier to contemplate solitude.
If She Says Yes…
They would never be separated. She'd rub her thumb in circles on his palm, innocently enough, but enough to make his knees melt. Her eyes would sparkle, her cheeks would flush, and he would almost lose all control in the moment, knowing that their love was special, and being a part of something special makes you special, right? With Rachel, he believed that with every ounce of his being. Nothing could make him leave her.
If She Says No…
He'd let go. What would be the point in making an effort when the person you love won't be there to see? His resolve, his confidence would fall away and be replaced by lethargy, apathy. Food would stop tasting good, flowers would lose their fragrance. The sky's blue would be hazy, and no matter how hard he tried, nothing could matter as much as it should, because the most important thing was gone. She was gone.
If She Says Yes…
Every day would be his; the world would always be his oyster. Opportunities would fall at his feet like rain drops, and the sun rays would be warm on his face no matter what. She would light up his house and his heart and his efforts would be tripled because he knew they would benefit her. He knew that she would appreciate what he did, whatever he attempted, and that she would never let him feel inadequate. She would never let him remember that he had come that close to becoming a Lima Loser.
If She Says No…
He only wants her children. He couldn't forgive himself if he brought a baby into the world who he didn't love completely, wholly, and irrevocably the way he should love its mother. That's why he knew he'd just avoid the issue completely. He knew what having a father meant; knowing the truth about his father had only made him more vulnerable to his doubts and fears.
If She Says Yes…
He would want a girl. He would want a tiny, perfect, irrepressible source of joy in his life that would love him without question, and need him. A boy would be wonderful, but a little girl, a little her would mean that he would always have physical proof that they had shared something special, something inexplicably perfect.
If She Says No…
He'll sing about her. He'll tell the world how much he loved her, loves her still and he'll never stop.
He'll always have the memories; the way she moved when he touched her, the way his heart jumped each time she sang for him.
And he'll go see every show. He'll applaud, watch premieres and matinee shows, no matter what the cost. Just seeing her face as she finishes performing is enough; he can see that primal pleasure she always experiences after giving people a piece of her soul, singing and acting.
And If She Says Yes…
They'll sing every song together.