Until I Bleed

by brittlebrittle

It was because of him that she was placed in danger and he couldn't take it anymore. She deserved a normal life, where she wouldn't have to worry about hollows attacking her because of her high reiatsu.

TITLE: Until I Bleed
PAIRING: Ichigo and Orihime
RATING: T
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kubo-sensei's bleach.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:Okay, I love this but I hate it. Is that even possible? Um, just keep in mind that Ichigo knows some kidou that can make a human being forget anything that he wants them to forget, okay? I was in an angsty mood when I wrote this and I wasn't going to publish this outside Livejournal but hey, why not. I'm putting everything else here. X.D Enjoy!

_.

The sound of heavy rain echoed throughout the empty room as a figure stood in the middle of the area. Her eyes watched the silent form that sat on the bed as her lips were pressed together tightly as to not say a word that she would probably regret.

A moment of silence fell down on them, like the hard rain outside and finally, her lips pulled apart to ask him, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

More silence greeted her and she quickly but quietly made her way towards the bed, sitting beside her friend. She slid on the soft comforter, her small legs moving underneath her before she rested her hands on her thighs.

"It's the only way," he answered. He stayed immobile as she looked up at him, her violet eyes filled with sadness while her heart felt heavy. He looked horrible, sitting there and looking down at his hands as if the whole world had come to a devastating ending.

"There's got to be another way, Ichigo," she whispered, trying to reason with him. She silently reached for one of his hands, pulling it from his lap to hers. Her small, delicate hands held his callous one, not knowing what else to say to make him change his mind. "Don't make her forget everything that she has ever loved."

He swallowed thickly, his eyes never straying from his knees. He blinked once then twice but no words came as the rain outside came down harder and lightning flickered across the sky, lighting up the dark room for but a tiny moment.

"She loves you and she needs you," the shinigami said to him, looking down at their hands. She had never noticed how large his hands were but now that it was resting against one of her legs and both of her smaller hands held it gently, she realized just how much Ichigo had grown in these years that she had known him. "You need her."

A soft laugh escaped his lips and it made her look up at him quickly, her black locks brushing against her pale cheeks. It was hard to see his facial expression due to how dark the room was but she could see a soft smile on the corner of his lips as lightning dashed across the sky again, lighting up his room.

"She doesn't need me," he murmured, bringing his free hand up to his face as his fingers gripped his orange bangs. "She needs, no, she deserves a normal life. A normal life without me endangering her every second... It's because of me that Aizen wanted to use her to get to me. It's because of me she had to witness bloody battles and my death not once but twice. Not only that but now, now I can't evenprotect her properly. It's because of me that she's hurt now. I couldn't keep my promise to protect her..."

"You know that's not true. Nobody saw that hollow coming, Ichigo. Not even Inoue and you know better than anyone that she's the best at sensing reiatsu."

Her words didn't console him as he let out a shaky sigh, his hand going over his eyes as if he was trying to hide from her. He looked so distraught and it made her feel so helpless to see him this way. Ichigo was a strong person, determined and powerful. He was always the person to tell her it was alright or everything would be okay because he was there and he'd take care of whatever mess they were in.

...But this time, he was the mess and he couldn't fix it himself.

"Ichigo, listen to me," she told him as she rested one of her hands on his, her fingers warm against his skin. She gently pried away his hand to see a tear rolling down his cheek and it made her eyes soften. "Ichigo..."

"Damn it, if only I had gotten there sooner. If only she wasn't involved with me, she wouldn't have powers that bastards wanted for their own! She wouldn't have such powerful reiatsu that hollows want so badly... It's because of me that she's always in danger and she's wrong..." he trailed off as he opened his eyes to look at his best friend.

His eyes were red, tired from everything that had happened and probably from silent tears that he let no one see. Dark bags were under his eyes from no sleep and it made her pull down his hand so she could hold both as she looked into his broken eyes.

"I'm no hero," he choked out, his voice shattering as he spoke what he believed. "I'm not some hero that saves everyone... I'm no one. I'm just some boy that pretends to be strong but in the end, I'm afraid of being too weak to save everyone I care about."

Rukia's lips turned downward into a frown as she pulled her hands away only to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders, her cheek resting against his ear. Her fingers entangled themselves in his hair as she held him while his body shook but no sobs came.

"Ichigo, listen to me..." she trailed off as one of her hands rubbed his back soothingly while his hands gripped her shoulders, holding onto her. "If you make her forget, all those memories... everything will be gone. She will never know that you existed."

The sound of rain came as she tried to figure out the best way to tell him that she would forget him and not only that but also her love for him.

"Shinigami and hollows... Soul Society, Hueco Mundo... now... everything she has ever experienced will be wiped from her memory. She will remember nothing... Not even that she loved you."

She wasn't able to see it but a broken smile appeared on his lips as he opened his eyes slightly, a small flicker of regret flashing over his eyes.

"I know that and because she loves me... because I love her, I have to make her forget everything that caused her pain, including me."

_.

No messages.

She sighed as she closed her cell phone before pushing it away, not wanting to look again. She buried her face into her lavender sheets as the rain came down harder. She lifted her face up, revealing a pair of light brown eyes that reflected unhappiness.

She didn't know why he wasn't replying to her text messages nor her calls. She was worried about him. Worried about how he was feeling after certain events had taken place. She knew he was probably beating himself over what had happened and that made her feel even more horrible than before.

"Inoue!"

She screwed her eyes shut as the scream went through her mind. It was full of despair and his horrified expression didn't make things better. She should have been concentrating on other things then him. She should have felt that hollow appearing behind her before it's teeth went into her skin, piercing flesh and blood spilling from her wound.

"INOUE!"

Eyes opening slightly, she remembered vaguely how he was running towards her, eyes full of horror, his feet pounding against the ground as he pulled out his shinigami badge, read to unleash his wrath onto their enemy. He had no trouble of disposing the enemy but she had been stupid.

"Inoue! Inoue, can you hear- Inoue!"

Her vision had blurred as she felt him pick her up and hold her tightly, one of his arms around her back, the other holding her hand as she gave a weak smile. That weak smile had broken him as he placed a hand on her cheek, everything falling still.

"God... I can't... Just hang on, Inoue! I'll get you help!"

She should have been more careful that night instead of thinking about how happy she finally was that Ichigo returned her love. They had been going home from one of their dates, both living the normal life they both wished for but that beautiful night had turned into a bloody one and everything good had shattered.

Looking at her shoulder that had been wounded, she smiled a bit to see that the injury was still there but it had been bandaged well. She had been too weak to heal herself but Ryuken had done a good job of taking care of it.

"Take it easy, girl. The hollow took most of your reiatsu when it attacked you so it would be best to let the wound heal on it's own. I hope you understand."

She had understood but Ichigo was the one that she was more worried about. He had stayed by her side but no words had been exchanged. It was that night of her release that he had walked her home and when she had told him she was sorry, he had shaken his head, telling her it was alright.

He had placed his hands on both of her cheeks before pulling her forward, kissing her lightly on the forehead.

"I should be the one that's sorry."

Orihime sighed heavily as she sat up, her lips pinched together tightly in a small pout. It wasn't his fault that she got hurt. It was hers but like Ichigo, he always made sure everything came down on him not anyone else. It frustrated her.

That had happened a few days ago and he still hadn't returned her calls or text messages.

_.

As the rain came down harder and the sky grew more dark, he stood there in the middle of the street, gazing up at the balcony of the small apartment that she lived in. His bangs were plastered to his face, his black kimono clinging to his muscular frame. His sword seemed heavier on his back then before and he could feel his heart breaking with each painful beat it took.

This was for the best.

Swallowing thickly, he took a step before jumping up to the balcony, one of his hands grabbing the railing so he could pull himself over. He wiped the rain from his wet face as he stood in front of the door that led to her bedroom, where he could see her sleeping silently as if she had never got attacked.

Placing his hands on the window, he rested his forehead against it, closing his eyes. The glass was cool against his burning skin and he decided to stand here for a few seconds before sneaking in. What he was fixing to do would be the most hardest decision that he had ever done before and he didn't know how he was going to do this without hesitating.

This woman was his everything and soon, he would be nothing to her. Just a boy that was in her classroom. No one special. Just that one boy that had a scowl darker then anyone else and who acted like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

Opening his eyes slightly, he realized he couldn't hesitate no more. He needed to get this over with. With those thoughts, he quietly slid the door open, closing it behind him softly only to hear a soft click. He quickly made his way to her bed, water dripping from his clothes to her floor.

He stood in front of her, watching her sleep peacefully. Her head was at the end of the bed, her side-bangs brushing her cheeks while her lips were parted slightly. Those lips that he had only had the chance to kiss a few times.

His eyes followed down her slender neck to the white tank top she had on. It clung to her ample form, hugging her breasts and flat stomach while a pair of teddy bear pajama bottoms covered her lower half. She was hugging one of her pillows to her large chest, a bit of drool escaping the corner of her mouth as her knees were bent slightly, her toes curled.

It was amazing because even in sleep, she could be breathtaking.

Screwing his eyes shut, he tried not to think about how heavy his heart was now or what he would feel like after this was all over. This wasn't about him. It was about her and her safety. This was the best thing to do for her and if she ever knew what he was up to, she would probably hate him but then again, after this she wouldn't remember him nor any feelings that she had harbored for him.

_.

She couldn't remember falling asleep but as she awoke, her eyes heavy and her throat dry, she realized that she had. She blinked furiously, trying to wake herself up, one of her small hands raising to her to rub the sleepiness away.

"Hey."

A squeak came from her as she jumped, looking up to see the boy she loved standing right in front of her. His eyes were soft as he placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb caressing over her soft skin. He didn't say a word as he sat down on her bed as she moved towards him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders tightly. Her chin rested on his shoulder, her eyes shimmering with tears as she clung to him, not wanting to let go.

"Kurosaki-kun, where have you been?" she asked, softly, her heart beating painfully because she had missed him so much and not knowing where he had been, not knowing if he was okay or not had hurt her. "I was so worried."

"I know," he responded, his arms wrapping around her smaller frame. His fingers entangled themselves in her messy hair as he held on, knowing that this moment would not last. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

She pulled away, their noses barely touching. She searched his eyes, her hands holding his cheeks as silence enveloped them.

He was the one to break eye contact as he glanced down, his throat thick and his heart growing unbearably heavy. His chest hurt as he felt her gaze on him and he wondered how the hell he was going to have the strength to do this.

"I need to tell you something," he suddenly said and it made her blink in confusion as he looked back at her, her hands still on his face.
"What is it?" she asked, giving him a smile and it made the situation all that more difficult. How could he do this when she smiled so innocently at him?

"Everything that we've been through, you've been there. When I was lost, you found me," he whispered as he placed one of his hands over hers. "When I turned into the thing I hated the most, you helped me. You never left my side when I had lost my powers and any time I was in danger or I needed help, you were there... helping me along the way. I never realized this until later but you've always followed me even if it put you in danger."

He swallowed thickly, ready to pour out his feelings, knowing that she wouldn't remember any of this and that made it all that more harder to admit.

"Inoue, I know I've never said this... maybe because I was afraid to. Perhaps I've always felt this for you and just never acknowledged it. I wanted to keep you safe... maybe even from my own feelings," he confessed, a warm smile appearing on his lips. "I know plenty of times you've said you loved me and that will never change but I want you to know that... that I love you too. More than anything and I'll do anything to keep you safe."

"I know, silly," she said, smiling.

He took a deep breath before cupping her cheeks in his larger hands just like she had done. His thumbs caressed her soft skin as he swallowed thickly knowing that this was it.

"I love you so much," he felt himself choking on his words and realization flickered across her surprised eyes, realization that something was off.

"Kurosaki-kun...what-" she was cut off as his lips neared hers and they touched for an instant, his fingers going into her hair, gripping them tightly as he knew this would be their last kiss.

'I'm sorry.'

Pulling away, he rested his forehead against hers. "I wish I didn't have to do this."

"Do what?" Orihime asked, now confused. He wasn't acting himself and it worried her.

"...but because I love you, I have to," he murmured, looking into her eyes. "Because I love you, you are going to forget everything that has happened and live a normal life."

As she opened her mouth to protest, a white light suddenly appeared around them like floating ribbons. Her eyes went from left to right in horror as they enveloped her, wrapping themselves around her body but not to harm her. They grew brighter and the last thing she did before her eyes grew empty was looking at Ichigo who had a sad smile on his face.

As the ribbons faded into nothingness, her eyes slowly closed and she fell forward. He held her in place, his arms wrapping around her again as she slept, her memories fading of what they had been and what they could have been.

He held her for a long time, his body shaking as tears spilled down his cheeks. He was a man, he never cried but this tore his heart into two. He hadn't cried since his mother's death and he felt as if this situation, even though no one had died at his hands, hurt more then anything he had ever experienced.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, closing his eyes, his eyelashes wet. "This is for...the best and when you wake up you won't remember me or that I love you with all my heart."

He hugged her closer, opening his eyes as determination flickered across his irises. "But always know... I'll always be there watching over you. No matter what."

I'll always be there watching over you. No matter what.

I'll... watching over you. No matter what.

Watching...you. No matter...

you... what.

No matter what.

_.

Four months later, everything is peaceful. Birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Fluffy clouds float through the light blue sky and you can hear laughter. It's a beautiful day and everything is okay.

It's their senior year and it's two weeks from graduation. He's the third person in the top ten of highest grades in his class. She's number one in hers.

He hasn't met up with her once because they have different classes. He made sure of that. He's made sure that his friends don't tell her what he did and that it stays between them. It's weird not going to her house after school or meeting up with her after a hollow attacked.
Rukia comes every now and then to check up on her. She always tells him that she's doing good and has no faint memory of him or her. He apologizes to her, of course, saying he was selfish but she agrees that it was probably for the best because now Orihime can live a normal life without hollows suddenly appearing and attacking her.

Ichigo lets out a heavy sigh as he pulls the strap of his bag over his shoulder before heading out. Every day he thinks of her, how she's doing and if she's seeing anyone special. He hasn't talked to Tatsuki since before he wiped her best friend's memory because she's angry and thinks that Orihime should have had a choice.

He doesn't pay attention to where he is going and all of a sudden, he bumps into something soft and stumbles backwards a bit due to the collision. The person he bumps is clumsy because she falls backwards right onto her behind and lets out a whiny "owww".

He looks down to see that it's not just anyone but her. Her hair's gotten longer, her skirt is short and she's wearing thigh highs. Her lips seem to glitter and it takes everything in him to not kiss her then and there.

"Are you alright?" he asks, hoping she's not hurt. He's done everything in his power to make sure that she's safe. Memory wiped or not.
"Oh, I'm okay!" she exclaims, getting up and dusting off her skirt. "I'm sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going and-"

"It's okay. I wasn't paying attention either."

He bends down to pick up her bag that she dropped and gives it to her while she thanks him. She flushes under his intense gaze and he clears his throat, not knowing what else to say. His chest hurts too much to really say anything and he thinks maybe he should get the hell out of there.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Inoue Orihime! I'm in... class A-2 and-"

"I know who you are," Ichigo says immediately and then he curses inwardly because that makes him seem like a stalker. "I mean, you're number one in your class.. I'm Kurosaki Ichigo," he introduces, feeling like he's doing something wrong.

He needs to get away. He wants to know her again. He wants to touch her again. He wants to tell her he loves her again.

"Oh! Well, Kurosaki-kun, I better go. Tatsuki-chan is waiting for me!" she says and it makes his lips twitch uncomfortably.

"Alright then," he says, knowing he should leave.

As she runs the opposite direction, she turns around and calls out his name. He looks at her confused as she smiles brightly before saying, "Have a good day, Kurosaki-kun!"

Not really thinking, he waves back as she runs off, hair flowing behind her and it makes his hand clench into a fist as he drops it, feeling sick at his stomach.

She has forgotten everything about him and this is the first time they've met up in a couple of months. He didn't realize just how it would effect him and now that he has, he regrets ever removing the memory of him and the love that they shared.

Even with that regret, he turns around to go home, knowing in the end that it was for the best.