Title: I wish you understood
Author: Macavity
Thanks to: Iloveplotbunnies for doing an amazing job in correcting my mess.
Ship/Setting: It's Rigsby/Van Pelt centrered, a couple of days before episode 2x18 - the one in which they broke up.
Summary: feelings of isolation in the physical presence of a lover, when the head, heart, and body aren't equally explored.
Sheets crumpled, kicked to the bare end of the bed as I was lying stretched out with my head slightly pressed against the pillow. Wayne's head on my stomach, his hands caressing my skin as my fingers go through his hair. With only some faint light through the bedroom window, we lay there, in silence. Moments passing by, with neither of us saying a word. Thoughts speeding through my mind- about him, about me, about us. My mouth starts to move without knowing what would come out or where any of it would lead to.
"Actually, you don't know me that well, do you…?"
He moves his head up a little, blue eyes looking at me. "Yes I do." he replies, determined.
"You do?"
"Yes, I know you're from a small farming town in Iowa, I know you're the tech savvy one on the team, I know you're superstitious, your father is a football coach and that you're cute."
I smile, lean over and give him a small kiss on his forehead. I know he doesn't understand what I am trying to tell him, or what I am about to;
"But what does that say about me? You know where I'm from and what I do, but you don't know why I do the things I do, and why I want to do certain other things. You don't know which thoughts and memories shape, mold and make me who I am today; the things that make me... me."
He looks at me, now even more confused than when I had started the conversation.
"But you don't know any of that about me, either." he says, in the most innocent voice.
"I don't, but I wish to…"
He comes up close, "then just ask me honey," but before I can even think of the things I want to ask him, he kisses me; on my mouth, on my neck and I knew he didn't understand, and I doubted that he ever would.