I've finally left the fixing Paraguay fics behind me and have moved to an interesting time: Season 4, once Harm has left to go back to flying. I haven't actually seen any of these series, so please excuse any mistakes I make.

Harm comes to a realisation about Mac, now what will he do about it?!

"Hey Hammer, it's time for chow!" Tuna's voice came from the doorway, causing Harm to look up from the piece of paper he was studying intently, a pen hanging loosely in his right hand.

"Ok man, I'll be right there." He replied, grinning at his younger bunkmate.

"Who are you writing to?"

Harm sighed and put the pen and paper down, "no-one." He replied. He'd been trying to write a letter to Mac, but just didn't know where to start. Tuna grinned up at him,

"So you've got a girl?!" he said teasingly, "You kept that one quiet!" Harm shook his head,

"She's not my girl, she's just a friend. I just haven't heard from her for a while that's all."

"Alright man, I believe you; thousands wouldn't!" Tuna replied with a knowing grin, "C'mon, we've got pre-flight in a couple of hours – let's go eat!"

It had been 5 weeks since he had left JAG, 5 weeks since he had left his new life to go back to his old one and he was surprised at just how much he missed his life at JAG. If he was honest with himself, the main thing he missed was Mac; the look on her face when they had said goodbye haunted his nights, and thoughts of her permeated through his every waking moment. Leaving JAG, and more importantly leaving her, had been enough to push him to realise his true feelings. Every day he would sit down at a computer or desk to write her a note; even just a quick email to see how she was doing, and found that words failed him. He became the writing equivalent of tongue-tied.

Another summer day

as come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

Just wanna go home

Oh I miss you, you know

More and more he found himself wondering if he had done the right thing. He loved being back in the air again, and even enjoyed the good-natured banter from his younger colleagues. But there was something missing. It had taken a while to put his finger on it, but a run in with the ship's onboard JAG had been enough to send his memory spiralling back to Washington, to JAG and Mac. He hadn't heard from her since he had started his tour. He'd had a couple of messages from Bud and Harriet, but messages from Mac had been conspicuously absent.

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

"I'm fine baby, how are you?"

Well, I would send them but I know that it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

He guessed she was mad at him. And part of him understood. He had left her; not by choice but in her eyes he knew that wouldn't make any difference. The worst part was, he hadn't left her. Not really. He'd left a bit of himself behind without even realising it. He loved her; he just didn't know if she felt the same way.

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I'm lucky I know

But I wanna go home

I got to go home

Let me go home

I'm just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

As he followed Tuna down to the mess, he found himself lost in memories.

"You said you were happy for me."
"That's different you were in love."
"And you're not?"
"What does love have to do with anything?"
"Hey."
"Want me to water your plants for you?"
"I don't have any plants."
"I have so much I want to say to you, I just can't find the words."
"I know."
"Damn you, why am I the only one crying?"

She hadn't been the only one who'd cried. The moment she had left, he had sunk down in his chair unable to stop the tears from falling. The memory of holding her in his arms, even for just a second had stayed with him; the small spark of hope that he couldn't quite extinguish.

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life

It's like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

This was not your dream

But you always believed in me

He was going to write to her tonight. He decided firmly, he needed to hear from her; know she was ok. Suddenly he was shaken from his thoughts by Tuna's voice.

"Hammer?! Hey Hammer are you with us?" He looked at his bunkmate, knowing he had been busted again. "Welcome back to the land of the living man!" Tuna added with a knowing grin.

"Sorry." Harm replied, "I'm just a little tired; comes from having a bunkmate who snores!!" he added with a teasing grin.

"Yeah, whatever. Who is she?" Harm rolled his eyes,

"There's no girl all right?!" Tuna gave him a look that clearly said 'yeah right' as they were joined by Skates.

"Hey guys, did you hear about the JAG?" she asked, reaching over and stealing a chip (I'm sorry, French fry) from the uneaten pile on Harm's plate.

"No, what about her?" Tuna replied.

"She's pregnant. She's being sent back home. They're sending a replacement from Washington. Do you think you'll know them Hammer?" Harm felt his heart start to beat faster, as that spark of hope grew and grew.

"Maybe." He replied non-committally. "Have you heard a name yet?"

"Not yet. I'll keep my ear out though." She casually reached for another chip and noticed the shell-shocked look on Harm's face. "Hey Hammer get your head out of the clouds will you?! Pre-flight's in an hour."

Another winter day has come

And gone away

And even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

Harm completed the trap with skilled efficiency and taxied out of the way so that Tuna could follow him down.

"Nice flying Hammer." Skates said cheerfully from behind him. He glanced in the mirror at her grinning face. "So I'm not too bad for an old guy huh Skates?" he replied teasingly; he and Skates flew well together, he couldn't ask for a better or more loyal RIO.

"No Sir, not by half!" she replied, before adding, "you'll miss it when you go back to JAG won't you?!" She smirked as she met his startled eyes. "Don't worry, I won't tell the boys, that's your job."

"How did you know I was thinking about changing my designator again?"

"You miss JAG." She replied simply, "more than you ever missed flying. There's something missing in your life, although I don't really think it's the job, I think it's something..or someone at the job." Harm sighed. The seat of a Tomcat really wasn't the place for this discussion.

"I haven't made my mind up yet Skates." He replied, "Besides, I'm not sure if I'll actually have anything to go back to."

"Sure you will." Skates said easily, "But who the hell am I going to fly with when you go?!" she added with a grin.

And I'm surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby, I'm done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It'll all be alright

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home

Once he had changed out of his flight gear, Harm headed straight for the deck computer room and nabbed himself a computer. He paused for moment, his fingers poised over the keyboard.



Dear Sarah,

He rolled his eyes and quickly pressed the delete key.

Dear Mac, he started again,

Hi! How are you doing? How's JAG? Things are going okay here, although I've been pretty busy. I'm not sure if my 'old man's body' is cut out for the continued traps anymore!

Bud and Harriet sent me a few pictures of baby AJ, I can't believe how much he has grown! He's beautiful.

Anyway, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get in touch, I wasn't sure you'd want to hear from me.

I miss you Ninja Girl,

Harm

He read over what he had written and paused again, this time with the cursor hovering over the send button. He hesitated, unable to press the button; what if she really didn't want to hear from him? He sighed quietly to himself, berating himself for being such a coward, then pressed the delete button before he could stop himself. Logging off quickly, he got to his feet, and headed out to the one place on ship that he could think: Vulture's Row.

And I'm surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel alone

Let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby, I'm done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It'll all be alright

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home

Thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it. Do you want more? Want to find out what happens when Mac (yes of course the replacement will be Mac!!) comes on board?

All reviews, good and bad, welcome!