hello friends! :) SO this is my very first time writing a fanfic, and of course it's dedicated to my fav fav fav otp :")))) pardon me if my english isn't very good or if the story isn't too good or well-developed, i tried my best man :/ also i wrote this for 5 hours straight, started at 2am lmao. also i realised i uploaded this on Hoshino Katsura's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! x)
i DO NOT own -man & it is the absolutely amazing goddess Hoshino Katsura who invented such a beautiful world! this story however is 100% original from ME :* (of course if u exclude the adapted parts)
NOTE NOTE NOTE: i mixed their personalities a bit, some of which Hoshino has appointed them to have and some that was from what I imagined them to be! and, this is shonen-ai so there are hints of sexual activity SO BE WARNED! lastly, the story is gna b a mix of romance, comedy and sadness. as it was set in the 19th century whereby homosexuality was considered a taboo, they obvly struggled to find their place in it (read to see how i fit such plot into this one-shot lmao). strange how there are so many fanfics on yullen yet nobody really addresses how they can be so open in such an era. its just me i guess, i think a lot lol
the story takes place when allen first joined the order and kanda refused to shake his hands. enjoy loves
"Tch."
"Don't worry, Allen. Kanda is just feeling sore after one of his missions." Lenalee assured.
"Ye-yeah..."
Kanda on the other hand, stormed right back into his room, feeling his usual hot-temperedness already subsiding. He was the type of person that gets irked by everything, but he was quick to cool off - yet he never showed signs of it. With his mind already cleared, it was once clouded again by the newbie's face.
"What the fuck?"
And his rage came marching right back.
"Why did his annoying face - how did he dare to - what is he - ..."
Despite all these ranting and incomplete thoughts running through in his head, his stoic expression remained unchanged.
He decided that staying in his dorm wasn't going to do anything, so he headed out to the cafeteria and eat some soba, since it was dinner time anyway.
He plopped himself at his usual seat, with nobody in his sight. He sighed mentally and proceeded to slurp on his delicious noodles.
Unexpectedly, a finder was headed towards him. Just feeling a presence approaching already pissed Kanda as it was intruding his perfect peace, but he decided ask what was wrong before the finder gave the details himself.
"Hello Kanda, there is nothing wrong. I'm the finder that accompanied you just now. Just wondering if it's okay to sit with you? It's my first day here!"
"Seriously." He thought.
"Fuck off."
"Wh-what?"
"I said, fuck off."
The finder seemed rather offended, and he touched Kanda's shoulders to get back the eye contact they had (because he was about to give him a piece of his mind - bad, bad choice my friend) as Kanda was back to eating his noodles.
Kanda bolted right up, and a repulsed look was scribbled all over his face as he looked at the finder in disgust.
"Don't you dare touch me. I don't wish to associate with powerless people like you; the ones that weren't chosen. And I hate repeating, yet this is my third time. Fuck. Off."
(as much as i wish to apologise for making him such a bitch, this was how he kinda was in the beginning. also fun fact i disliked him in the early episodes but now i looOooOooOooove him ok continuing)
Stunned, the finder slowly backed away as he was at loss for words despite having a lengthy script in his mind just 10 seconds ago.
Again, Kanda felt another presence. At this point he was so sure he was going to unleash all the unpleasantness in the meanest way possible, and he was preparing himself as he slowly chewed on his food.
"I don't think that was the right attitude. How you treated him wasn't right."
It was a gentle voice in a stern tone.
"Tch. Who are you to-"
Kanda glared, realising it was the boy that made his heart beat a little faster just now.
Somehow then he too couldn't really speak up.
With his face still expressionless, he said, "I don't even know his name."
"His name is Toma, and I think you should apologise to him."
Strangely, his voice was like a melody to his ears. But Kanda had his poker face on anyway. Clearly, he wasn't paying attention to Allen's words anymore, but instead he realised his face was getting slightly red from the intense gaze.
"Hah. As if I would apologised." He quickly recollected himself. "Sorry, but I don't wish to interact with cursed ones like you. I would rather you stay as distant away from me if possible too."
"Just what are these feelings?" He thought.
A week into The Order, Allen, being the loveable and sociable adolescent had already befriended everyone in it; except Kanda. It was pretty obvious and Kanda was sadly affected by it. Firstly, he couldn't walk down the halls without hearing the name "Allen" being said because everyone keeps talking about him. That made him pretty much unable to concentrate on not being concentrated on the younger boy. Secondly, he knew that Allen didn't think highly of him, and as much as he wished he didn't cared, he did.
"What is wrong with me... How am I liking someone of the same sex?! And I don't even know him!" Kanda was flustered at this point.
(welcome to the closet hehehe)
It could've been the fact that he spent literally his whole life fighting akuma that just by having a pounding feeling already got Kanda crushing, but a boy? It just didn't occurred to him.
Kanda enjoyed casting people out of his life, but for people to outcast him... The thought of being this different scared him a little. He didn't want to be seen as weird, he just wanted to be left alone. And as much Kanda was seen as someone cool and manly, he had a very expressive mind and it seemed that he found another side of him which he intended to hide even from himself.
"Well.. Since I don't even know him personally, I'll just approach him. And hopefully he's a dick so that I can stop having these fucked up thoughts."
He zipped back his trousers and headed to the toilet to wash up.
He showered and spent a usual 40 minutes in it as he pampered his long blue silky hair and soaped his body. Feeling fresh, Kanda felt ready to get over this mental hurdle of his.
"You sure are slow."
The white-haired boy stood right outside his stall, wearing nothing except a towel draped over his lower body.
Kanda's eyes widened, and he just stared at Allen. Suddenly, he felt his face turning extremely hot and he looked up at the mirror that was just roughly 10m away from him, and he looked like he could be served in a salad with his colour matching a juicy tomato (hahahah forgive me for this super duper weird comparison HAHAHAH i had to because he issa meal). The fact that he knew he was blushing because of Allen made him blushed even harder.
"Tch." He hastened his walking speed as he barged out of his stall.
"Is he okay..? Perhaps I intruded his personal privacy?" Allen wondered.
After Allen's shower, he decided to apologise to Kanda for making him feel uncomfortable. However, finding Kanda was like finding a needle in a haystack. He searched every nook and cranny of The Order, which obviously took a very long time, until Komui announced he was looking for Allen.
Allen proceeded himself into Komui's office and he unexpectedly found Kanda in it too.
"Allen, you'll be working with Kanda for your next mission. I heard you both didn't click very well but that shouldn't matter if it's for work. So before you two whine, NO WHINING! Okay~?"
Komui immediately stood up and ushered Allen and Kanda to leave his space - because he wanted to get back to his telephone where he was listening to some good o' gossip from a bunch of aunties he met while accompanying Lenalee to purchase his coffee beans (how helpful).
And it was just Allen and Kanda, all alone together.
"Um.."
Kanda was already two feet away.
"Wait!"
Allen paced and held Kanda's wrist.
"Don't touch me."
"I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable just now."
"Is sorry all you got?"
"What?"
Kanda's urge to run his mouth about his emotions were quickly recollected and he kept silent.
"Do you dislike me, Kanda?"
"Why do you even care?"
"Actually.. I'm quite hurt. I'm sorry if this is going to come off weird - it probably will seeing the type of person you are but, I do feel hurt that you dislike me over my cursed arm. I hate to admit but I couldn't stop thinking about your hatred towards me."
"Tch. Pathetic."
"Will you really not want to be friends with me ever?"
Kanda noticed a hint of sadness in Allen's big grey eyes.
"'The type of person you are...' Do you even know me?"
Kanda fished out a brown bag from his coat and tossed it at Allen and walked off.
Curious, he opened the bag and what laid inside were freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
Grateful, Allen called out Kanda's name as he raced towards him. Kanda was aware of that, and so he slowed his pace and a smile accidentally creeped in though he felt his nervousness accelerating.
"Thank you, I really appreciate the gesture." Allen exclaimed, accepting the visual apology.
"Whatever, once you eat it it's gone forever."
Allen smirked.
"What's so funny?"
"You."
"Tch. How the hell am I funny?"
"The way you try to mask your emotions." Allen nudged him playfully as he noticed Kanda's face turning red once again.
Kanda really wanted to give him a big smile, but his concerns held that captive.
"Don't play with me."
"C'mon~" Allen giggled.
"Ah. Fuck. This was the personality that made everyone like him? It's so annoying...yet so...damn it." He thought.
"Tch, just scram."
"Well, alright. I won't go against your wishes. Anyway I'll be seeing you again in 30 minutes for our mission! Thank you for the cookies! Also they taste delicious!" Allen was oh so grateful for them as he cheerfully munched the sixth piece.
"You better be. I spent days with Jerry learning how to fucking bake - something I never thought I would do, and it turned out to be for you." Kanda answered him with his mind. He learnt baking with Jerry because he couldn't cope with everything; hence he decided to try something completely new, not realising his efforts were driven towards wanting to please and impress Allen upon overhearing a conversation on Allen's appetite and how he was really craving for cookies then.
A few weeks passed and the little moments they had spent with each other had developed into deeper feelings.
"Allen!"
Still being a rookie, the amount of mistakes he did really pissed the very experienced Kanda off. This was their third time working together and Allen still wasn't adjusted to Kanda's style.
"Idiot! You don't just charge without making a fucking plan unless you got a death wish."
"We don't have time! You can stand here and 'plan' while I'll go and get the Innocence."
"Fine, and if you fucking die it's none of my business."
"I won't die."
"Tch. Fool."
Explosions occurred, but it didn't shock Kanda. However, he was horrified to see a Level 2 coming out of the battlefield! And he was perfectly fine!
"Allen!"
He rushed to where the last explosion took place, and he saw Allen lying helplessly on the crushed ground.
"What did I tell you! And at your level you're not fit to fight a fucking level 2!"
"Kanda...innocence..."
"As if I would care about that!"
Kanda's face was filled with worrisome and hurt to see Allen like that.
"Don't worry...I'm parasitic type...I won't die..."
"You won't die from akuma poison but you will die from being stabbed across your stomach by that motherfucker!"
"Oh...that..No wonder it hurts so bad. Heh."
Without a second thought Kanda bit his flesh for blood to come out and gave it to Allen in hopes that it would cure him quickly.
"Kanda...what are you? How is it...I'm feeling better?"
However before Allen questions were projected to Kanda, Kanda was at the battlefield upon the Level 2 entering the scene. With the sharp blades of mugen, the Level 2 ceased to exist in a matter of seconds and a green fragment was all that was left.
"Got your fucking shiny cube."
Kanda gently picked Allen up and silently headed back to The Order.
"Kanda...I'm fine already. You can let me down."
"Shut up, I just want to."
"Want to what?"
Kanda glared at Allen, who was sneering away.
"I liked that expression, by the way. How your face articulated how you felt about my near death experience."
"You were about to die."
At this point even though Kanda knew nothing about love, he felt that Allen wasn't really talking to him, but rather...flirting? But that word didn't exist in Kanda's vocabulary, so Allen was just...being somehow annoyingly adorable to him? And it was making him turn red again. Thank goodness it was dark.
"Say...I'm asking this to you as a friend. How do you know when you're in love with someone?"
"How would I know?"
"Well Kanda, to me it's simple. When you feel your heart racing, your body temperature rising, your soul filled with nervousness and excitement and all you think about is that person, it's pretty obvious you're in love with them."
"And your point is?"
"I'm in love with someone from The Order."
Kanda's heart sank. He still believed that despite whatever Allen said, it only had effect on the opposite sex.
"Tch. Lenalee?"
"She's cute, but no. I'll only see her as my sister."
"The fuck? Then a finder? But I don't recognise any female finders."
"You don't even acknowledge the finders, let alone recognise them. But, what made you think I was referring to a female?"
Kanda was puzzled.
"Huh? Don't you only date the ones of a different gender?"
"Well, who said that?"
"Nobody I guess. But I never heard of same sex relationships. Isn't it a weird thing?"
"No. It is not. Sadly, it isn't accepted but it's not a weird thing. Love is love."
"So... you like a guy?"
"No you idiot, I'm in love with the walls. Of course it's a guy!"
At that point Kanda was feeling intense, he never believed it was possible for Allen to like him ever and at that time he had him in his arms.
"Tch. Whatever. What made you tell me anyway? Aren't you afraid I'll judge?"
"Very weirdly, no. Despite the absolute rudeness that comes out from your mouth, for some reason I just felt that you'll understand. I didn't tell anyone else in The Order."
(allen got that gay radar on mhm)
"How am I suppose to understand? It just confuses me so much. It's so fucking tiring."
"I had my questions too, but why question something that cannot be answered or changed?"
"Because it's fucking wrong and disgusting."
Those words really hurt Allen emotionally. He felt a lump in his throat as he refrained himself from tearing up. But the tears still flowed.
Kanda saw what he'd done and he felt instant remorse, but he just couldn't bring himself to face reality. All he wanted was to hide from his identity.
"Put me down, please."
Arriving back at The Order, they hurried back to their dorms after the huge awkward silence on their way back.
It had been 5 hours since that incident. Kanda couldn't sleep as he was fully aware of what he had done. He knew he had fallen in love with Allen, he felt wronged for it but he felt even worse for not accepting it.
Kanda strolled out of his room and down the hallways. He was pondering whether or not to confess. But first, he had to know who Allen liked.
Walking his usual path he unconsciously found himself outside Allen's door again. His heart raced.
"It's 3am. If Allen isn't asleep, then I won't ask. If he's awake, I will ask."
Kanda used fate as a decision maker.
The door creaked opened, and sharp sniffs quickly softened.
"Allen..?"
Silence.
Kanda felt bad for intruding, but he could not ignore the sounds he just heard.
He lit the candle in the room and under the dim fluorescent light he could see Allen's face completely suffocated under a pillow.
"Allen."
"Go away..."
"Allen." He cooed, as he deepened his voice.
"I guess I'm really disgusting after all."
That stabbed Kanda's heart. How could he inflict how he felt about himself to someone going through the same situation?
"Oi!" Kanda shook Allen, and dragged his upper body out of the bed. Allen didn't resist, but he plopped his head on Kanda's shoulder because he did not want Kanda to see him cry.
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. You're right."
"Don't let my fucking words hurt you. Why do you let me define who you are?"
"I guess because you actually mean something to me. I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"What...what do you mean?"
"It means you're someone important to me."
In such gloomy context, Kanda's heart leaped.
"Elaborate."
"I can't."
"Elaborate."
"You'll hate me."
"I won't."
"Kanda...Tell me something about yourself."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Your views on homosexuals, and perhaps the one you're in love now if any." Allen muffled shyly.
"Honestly, I don't know. I really don't. I don't think it's disgusting. But for me.. I can't believe it."
"Do you mean you're...?"
"I guess. I can't help it. Fuck."
"It's okay, I will never judge."
Kanda couldn't believed he just opened up to someone about his sexuality. He felt the big burden that was weighing him down vanish.
"So, Allen. Who do you like?"
Allen looked up.
"Well, it's pretty embarrassing to tell you..."
Kanda was pretty confident.
"It's um.. Lavi."
As much as Kanda tried to maintain his poker face, he failed as disappointment was seen overtaking.
"What's with that expression?"
"Nothing. It was just...unexpected."
"Well, what did you expect? You?"
"Fuck! No, no way."
"Why not?"
"How the fuck would I know?"
Kanda stomped off, feeling embarrassed about the whole situation.
Just before he reached for the door knob, he felt a tight warm hug from the back.
"Heh. I was just joking. Who else could it be?" Allen giggled.
"Tch. Don't fucking play with me."
Kanda was facing the door and his blood was pulsing intensively, he was afraid it is another prank but the words itself already had such strong effect.
"Don't let words affect you huh..." Allen whispered.
Allen forced Kanda to face him, now face to face.
"Obviously, you idiot, I like you. And I love it when your face turns hot red when I'm around. I lied just to see your reaction, which satisfied me greatly by the way."
"D-d-don't fuck with me."
"Aww, are you stuttering?"
Allen gleed.
"Y-you.."
Kanda was feeling frantic, he didn't know how to react and his mind was just going in all sorts of direction. He turned back to open the door, only to be slammed back by Allen.
"Since you're here...why not let's play? It'll be a secret if you want."
"This is too fucking unlike you, Allen."
"You just never knew this side of me."
Kanda knew what he meant, and he already started to feel blood going down there. Despite a million thoughts flooding through his mind, he decided to ignore all of it; ignore all the criticism he might receive for going down this path and to accept who he really was.
"Tch. So you think you won huh?"
Allen was surprised by the 360 degree change in Kanda's tone; from nervousness to pure seductiveness, but he soon too was pleasured in the best way possible.
"Hey did you hear about Kanda and Allen?"
"Yeah, it's so fucking disgusting honestly."
As Kanda and Allen quietly walked down to the cafeteria the next day, they were greeted with hateful stares. Apparently, they were too loud that night and someone actually found out about their doings, and the news spread like wildfire.
"Tch. Since it's already like that."
Kanda grabbed Allen's hand and kissed it as they sat down on one of the seats - in front of everybody. Of course, everyone gasped and were completely unprepared for what their eyes had to see. But really, does it matter what others think when you're in love? Love is love.
The news didn't just went about the building, but the neighbourhoods and towns too. Soon, people jeered at them on the streets, and the reputation of The Order declined significantly.
"Ha! A holy organisation with gays? What a disgrace!" said the ignorant.
"Kanda, Allen. You are just teenagers. You'll get over this stage soon. So for The Order's sake, stop flaunting such atrocities!" barked Lvellie. The news had become so widespread that even that German boss had to come down to settle it.
"Heh. How about fuck no and fuck you?" Kanda smirked.
"Kanda! I'm so sorry about his behaviour I truly am!"
"Komui, don't apologise to this bastard."
"Get out of this building! And come back only when you've learnt to stop being such a disgrace!" Lvellie raged.
"As exorcists we will fulfil our duties to protect, but I don't see how being an exorcist can dictate how we should live our lives. I respect your decision; Kanda and I will never come back."
As they were walking out, Komui rushed towards them.
"Oi, I admire your bravery, and I wish you all the best! This is your home, I will always welcome you two with open arms!"
"Thank you, Komui." They both smiled.
And so, Kanda and Allen walked out the gates of The Order, freed and finally together after the hardships.
"Kanda...about your blood..."
AND IM DONE 33 MORAL OF THE STORY IS YULLEN IS THE BEST CUTE SHIP EVERRR AND WE SHOULD ALL ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR THEIR DIFFERENCES THANK U AND HAVE A NICE DAY
also im sorry if the development isnt very strong and like ya know no yaoi :/ im trying to keep it as short as possible for a one-shot (coz im the type that cant concentrate for long) but still i hoped this made u aww-ed! it did for me hahaha i was like GAHHHH while i was writing this pfft such trash lmao
do leave me a like & a comment if possible because ya girl spent lots of time on this;))