hello:D i had a random spurt of inspiration and homework was making me depressed. so i wrote this. Chelsea said she liked it so i put it up here. -Ashley

Prologue

Roxas' p.o.v.

I sit in my room, knife in hand. There is no real reason for me to live… Since he is not here. He gave everything to me. I still remember his last word before he faded away.

'I wanted to see Roxas. He…was the only one I liked…. he made me feel, like I had a heart.'

Of course this was when I was a part of Sora. I watched him leave to who knows were from the back of my others mind. I clench my eyes tight to block out the image of his body fading away. He always said he cared about me. I thought he was delusional. I mean we couldn't feel after all. But know, this feeling in my chest that I never thought I could have is getting unbearable.

At first I was scared. I halfheartedly brought the blade to the skin on my arm and pressed. I knew I wasn't going to get far like that. I pushed a little harder. Under the blade my skin turned red but nothing happened. I was just about to give up when I saw a tiny amount of red pool at the thin line. This time with renewed vigor I put the blade to my skin and pulled it across slowly. It hurts, but… it's worth it, the burn is just what I have been waiting for. Watching the red pool and then drip was like nothing else. The blood. Oh. It's beautiful. Right now I don't even care about the pain, all I want is to watch the blood drip down. Like watching my pain flee my body. With this I can momentarily forget him.

I don't need anything else.

Yeah. I pause my thought to watch the blood continually flow. I think I can make a habit out of this.

My life continues still after Axel's has stopped. Day by day I go through the same routine. I wake up every morning, go to school, come home, and then sleep. The only thing that pulls me through each day was the time when I can wash out my pain with a more bearable pain. As I sit on the bus I think about my life and what it has come to. I'm nothing. I'm useless, what I have become is worthless. My thoughts make my insides squirm, but I don't stop. I don't even try I'm afraid of what I will find when I do.

I walk through the park on my way home examining the falling orange leaves as I pass by, safely on the sidewalk. I disregard the Green grass and benches holding people I know nothing about, leaving them all behind me. I wish I could leave the memories of axel behind just like those people. No matter how hard I try the memories of him just wont fade. Sometimes I think I'd rather not forget about him. That I'd rather relish the fact some one actually cared about me. I laugh at the thought then pull my sweatshirt closer to my body as the cool fall air sends a chill down my spine.

I come up to my house and go in. no one is home, as usual. I make my way up to my room. It's dark inside. I lay there, on my bed, memories of nothingness flooding my brain.

"Why did you leave me?" I jump up suddenly yelling into the darkness. The tears welling in my eyes and then streaming down my face fogging my vision. If I left this life, no one would miss me. Fresh tears glide down my face as I realize when I say it now, it is the truth.

I sit back down on the edge of my mattress. I can feel how tense I am; my fist clenched on my knees my head hanging low. I just sit there focusing on nothing but the pain that is consuming me.

Soon habit kicks in. I reach for my bed stand to reach the object that would pull me from my pain. I don't even think about what I am doing until I feel the pain. Then I sit and watch the blood. Just as beautiful as the first time I saw it running down my pale skin. At that moment I am flawless. I don't want it to stop. I continue creating more and more deep wounds all over my body. Relishing the pain and gazing at the blood. It was all enough to dazzle me. I continued to watch the blood flow until my thoughts clouded over and I became woozy. That's when I passed out, lying on my bed, covered with deep cuts surrounded in blood.

review please. contructive criticisms. this is kinda my first fanfic, yay. and they usualy aren't this depressingXD

it will probably take a while for the next update. sorry. i'm realy slow.

thanxs for reading:)