11111

Illaria Kysi was looking forward to her day off. The Asari Matron had been working on the Citadel for nearly a century but the last few months had been more frenetic than she had ever known. The reason for this was the latest addition to the known galaxy; Humanity. A first contact scenario could be complicated enough but the Turians had chosen to make it ten times worse by deciding that the best first impression would be from the barrel of a gun.

Still the worst was over, a peace treaty was signed and the humans had set up an embassy on the Citadel. Of course that still left a small mountain of paperwork for Illaria's office but at least they didn't have to worry about an unknown alien race invading the galaxy. As it was the humans were trying to be diplomatic. They had set up an exhibition showing off their culture in one of the wards. Honestly Illaria was impressed by the gesture; it was a clever way to counter all the media inspired anti human hysteria that the news networks had been broadcasting for months.

Feeling as curious as a giddy young maiden the Asari decided that she would see this exhibition for herself, and she was not going alone. A human from their embassy, a male called Stephen offered to act as an unofficial tour guide. He was very nice, she thought, and rather easy on the eyes. In truth, she had been trying to think of a way to stroke his hair for almost a week now. The only thing she did not like about him was his rather strange, and at times downright sadistic, sense of humour. Whether that was a human trait or just an individual one she did not know.

They both agreed that the first stop would be the cinema. They passed various stalls selling merchandise, including a number mentioning a human festival called Easter, which was celebrated around this time every year in the Human calendar. Stephen tried explaining it to her, but what edible eggs had to do with a human getting brutally executed was just confusing.

When they reached the cinema, the Illaria grinned. She had been an avid film watcher since childhood and now she would get a chance to see the works of an entirely new species. There was a long list of titles on the screen, with a brief synopsis of each when you highlighted them.

"You choose," she said, "what do you think would be good for my first ever human film?"

Stephen looked through the list, then found one his all time favourites.

"This one, defiantly, it's a classic."

Illaria looked at the title; he did not highlight it.

"Alien," she read "what's it about?"

"It's first contact story, of sorts." Stephen smiled, "Best not to read the description, the less you know the more you will enjoy."

"A first contact story, really?"

Illaria was intrigued. There had been quite a few Asari films made about that idea before their actual first contact. Most of them were fairly ridiculous, the 'aliens' tended to just be Asari painted a different colour with prosthetic foreheads, or puppets if it was for a younger audience. Most of the plotlines also tended to be the same. It was this reason that lead Illaria to ask the question that she would kick herself for later.

"Is it a romantic comedy?"

Stephen looked stunned for a moment. At the time Illaria assumed it was because she'd guessed correctly. Then he smiled.

"Yes... yes it is"

"Oh good," said Illaria, then she looked at the age rating. "Adults only, I hope that means there's lots of sex in it."

Stephen made a very strange coughing sound.

11111

One hundred and seventeen minutes later Illaria left the cinema, feeling like she was about to throw up.

Moreover, the monster she was with was laughing his stupid head off.

"Oh come on!" he eventually said. "It wasn't that bad."

She would have gladly killed him now if it were not for the fact that she really did not want to be alone right now.

"NOT THAT BAD?" the high ranking administrator squealed, "IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE!?"

She was already getting flashbacks. It started off well enough in a grimy, slow sort of way then...then it went badly.

"The egg, then that thing came out of it..."

"That 'thing' is affectionately known as a Facehugger," Stephen cheerfully added.

The Asari stared.

"Who in their right mind would call it... no, never mind. Are all you humans this masochistic with your so-called entertainment?"

"The other people in the theatre didn't seem to mind."

That was true enough. The young Salarian with the broken horn who sat next to them seemed to find the biology fascinating. Illaria was almost certain she heard the words 'feasibility study', which gave her terror a completely new angle. As for the Krogan sitting behind them (in between loudly slurping his drink and munching on a bucket of something called 'pop-corn') he loudly exclaimed that he had seen worse back home. Hopefully that was just bravado, hopefully.

"That Salarian was insane and the Krogan... was, well being a Krogan." Illari shot back, "And even they jumped when that other thing-"

"That's called a 'chestburster', just for the record."

"Oh thank you, that helps so much. I am never having children now, just so you know. Then it runs off and grows even more horrifying."

"Well babies always grow up, besides it adds to the climax. You enjoyed one bit of that at least."

She glared at him. "One pair of revealing panties does not nearly make up for that collection of nightmares!"

"Okay, okay," said the man who was trying to stop smiling. "I'm sorry."

"You better be," she snapped. "I'm not going to be able to sleep for a week!"

"Alright, let me buy you a drink as an apology, come on."

The traumatised Asari nodded grudgingly, a stiff drink did seem like a good idea. As they passed the souvenir stall however Illaria's fear, which had been beginning to settle, turned into a near hysterical panic attack.

Stephen other the other hand looked at the wares in awe.

"Wow! Facehugger Easter eggs! They look so realistic!"

As for the hyperventilating Asari, she couldn't help but think that they should have let the Turians finish the job.

11111