Title: 100 Random Themes (also known as what happens when I'm bored, need a Kaze Hikaru fix, and bug the hell out of my friends to give me random words…what can I say??)
Series: Kaze Hikaru by Taeko Watanabe (usual disclaimer follows...none of the characters are my creation...)
Characters: Nearly all are mentioned. Main ones though would be Sei and Soji!
Rating: T
Spoiler Warning!!
1. Arm
He would always notice the gracefulness of her small hands and when his eyes traveled up and away from those fingertips to those pale arms (still scrawny despite all the training) he would flinch when his gaze finally rested atop her shoulder, knowing the scar that resided there…the scar that should have been his and not hers…
2. Baby
It was his sister's child he knew—it was his sister's and not hers—then why did his heart fill with heaviness when Sei picked the infant and cradled it to her chest as if she'd been born to play this role?
3. Cover
Sei gently touched the winter blanket one last time before standing up and closing the shed doors behind her—winter was over—there would be no more excuse to sputter and hide behind when they would awaken in each other's arms…again.
4. Dog
He was as good with animals as he was with children, with anyone really until he was asked to become the Oni to save them all.
5. Eyes
Lately, his eyes had a harder time catching hers—not because she would turn her gaze away from his but because he did.
6. Festival
He still remembered clear as day that little girl that had called him the child of bushi, recognizing him simply because of his tears…he sometimes wonders what she's doing now and whether she still looks like the porcelain doll she did back then.
7. Girl
She's a girl, she wants to be treated like a man but that doesn't mean she wants him to ever forget that she is indeed a girl—what was so hard about that?
8. Horse
Whenever he hears the word horse now his heart clenches with a jolt of fear and embarrassment as he scans the crowd for Sei and wonders 'oh god, is it that time already?' before having to shake his head and remind himself that a horse can be just the animal too and why oh why did he have to learn about the other kind of horses?
9. Injury
The one true injury he had never even thought of protecting her from was her own heart that had fallen for him years ago and been broken years later as he continued to blindly look away.
10. Jar
Why did he always feel like he'd been caught with one hand in the cookie jar when Saito comes out of no where and gives him that look that means he's too close to Sei or something?
11. Knife
Knives had never meant anything more to her than what they were – a cooking utensil, a potential weapon – that is, until she heard the story of the other woman who fell in love with Soji and slashed her own throat when she realized that she would never be first in his heart. Sei wonders how that girl could have been so selfish to injure such a pure heart and pushes the knife away from her before walking away, ignoring Soji's confused pout.
12. Love
It could have been love if it had been a different time, a different place, a different era, a different life—but it could have been love—the thought leaves him frozen and stuttering for days much to everybody's confusion except for Saito whose grumbling worsens.
13. Mouth
The first time she woke cuddled in his arms, she screamed bloody murder, the second time—she stayed, warm and feeling safe (something she'd stopped feeling when that bastard took her family from her) and watched as he smiled in his sleep and wishing for all the word, that time would stop and she could stay where she was…forever.
14. Needle
Sei's good at sewing and word has gotten around to the entire camp much to her dismay because it's simply too much and don't real men know how to take care of themselves?—apparently not and Soji's the first in line. It's only after a month of repairing his clothes and socks and god—she doesn't even want to think of what else she's touched of his—that she finds out he's just as good at sewing as she is.
15. Onion
She's learned by now that she cannot cry in front of the men and when the need becomes overwhelming she volunteers to cook and peel the onions—as many as she can get away with—blaming the scalding hot tears on the horrible vegetable and nothing else.
16. Pebble
They spend an entire afternoon watching the clouds and end it with a lesson on how to skip stones in the calm un-rippled water…its been awhile since she's felt so free and childlike and wonders if he feels the same.
17. Rainbow
'After a rain shower, a rainbow will appear' Saito starts awkwardly as he holds her loosely in his arms, 'after your tears…it will as well', or so he keeps hoping… that the boy's heart will overcome all the storms and keep shining, just like Sei's always done.
18. Saddle
There's something about the way he reaches to her and grabs her arm to pull her up behind him in the saddle—maybe it's the way his eyes will finally look at her—without the witty banter, the shying eyes, and blushes that reaches his ears—but really looks at her.
19. Tongue
He's got a rough tongue, her forehead is still tingling from the sensation, and her heart feels like it will never ever be the same. She knows her dreams won't.
20. Umbrella
It was strange how he would always forget to bring an umbrella during rounds and would just give her that hopeless little smile as he dripped (looking like a drowned rat really) to her side once she'd caught up to him. He never offered to carry it, just hunched closer to her until they were shoulder to shoulder and finishing the rounds together, bickering about the new sweets he'd discovered and waving her worries of getting a cold away as he jumped into the nearest puddle, dragging her with him until both were sopping wet and the umbrella was useless really...just another excuse than anything else.
21. Vulture
Saito is jealous of Soji but he can handle that, after all Sei's heart clearly belongs to the man—what he cannot handle are the other vultures who simply don't get the fact that Sei's off limits.
22. Web
The tangled web they're all trapped in, keeps weaving itself tighter and tighter around all the players and Sei wonders how long she's got until the spider comes and everything becomes revealed.
23. Reincarnation
The words spills from his mouth before her eyes close for good and the tears that blind him now make him realize he should have said them before because there's no guarantee that they'll find each other in the next life…or is there? He takes her hand in his, just in case and bends to whisper in her ear that she should wait for him—because he'll be joining her soon.
24. Gift
There's something about the way he smiles when he's with her that makes her feel like she's been given the best gift of all.
25. Air
There are days when it's all he can do to feel like he's getting enough air in his lungs—he knows that there's something wrong with him, that his body is slowly dying—that's not what scares him though…it's the thought that soon he won't be able to hide it and she would know.
26. Lint
She's patching his winter hakama again and flicks off a piece of lint almost mindlessly, glaring at him as he comes to sit next to her chattering about how cold it is and how his hands are numb from all the snow ball fights he played with the neighboring children…its all she can do to keep from sighing and rolling her eyes…and falling even more in love with this ever lasting idiot.
27. Music
Finding a bunch of the men gathered around a closed door is not that surprising, having them wave him over and hush him before he can speak is quite another matter all together… they push him to look through the crack and all he can see is wood and darkness but in reality its not what he sees that's important…its what he hears…humming, a melody really…it's the brat's voice and Soji's?…Hijikata blinks and his grimace trembles into a smile for a second before pushing himself upright again and glaring at the men. For Kami's sakes—don't they have better things to do? He shoos them away but mentally files the memory and hopes that his barking of orders didn't disrupt the little bit of peace Soji had found in the child.
28. Trees
When he cannot find Kamiya, he looks to the sky and sure enough he'll find her perched on a branch staring blindly into the clouds—or was it the wind that she was looking at?
29. Fire
Fire is deadly warmth and so are the men who surround her, deadly with their katana skills but warm to their cores and it's why she loves all of them—the disgusting, uncivilized lot.
30. Cats
He used to describe her as the kid that's spirited like a puppy but now he's realized how wrong he was—cause when she moves now, it's with a feline's grace and he cannot make himself look away.
31. Sake
Sake and Kamiya-kun are a dangerous and heady combination—one that Saito dares not mix, it's what got him into his predicament in the first place.
32. Blanket
She wraps the blanket around her shoulders tightly, staring blankly ahead—Soji has left her behind, the disease finally taking his last breath away…they've removed his body hours ago—his warmth is still here though and she cannot make herself leave it to cool away…
33. Closet
Hijikata is not a coward but, he winces as something pokes him in the back, he really had no other choice but to "retreat" into the closet as he waits for that thing to leave the camp—another hour of dealing with all that flirting targeting him while Soji laughed his ass off would have driven him MAD!
34. Wing
At times when Hijikata screams himself hoarse from yelling at the new recruits and scaring them witless, its all Sei can do to keep herself from laughing at the thought that the man really does sound like a crow.
35. Roof
She climbs the roof one morning and stays there an entire day—ignoring the worried voices calling her name out—it's the anniversary of a great man's death and she can still hear his raucous laughter carried out with the wind and feel the heat of the flames flickering her face or maybe that's just from too many tears dried out stiff on her sunburned face.
36. Waterfall
Akesato-san is one of the few remaining people who sees the girl behind the façade and also the one to see it crack and wither away, leaving a waterfall of tears when the girl's heart breaks just a bit more…
37. Curtain
There's a curtain of mystery that shrouds Kamiya-kun, one that no matter how good his intuition, never reveals a hint of what lies behind it.
38. Bath
Sei has often wondered about Saito and his habit of taking baths fully dressed when she comes towards him—the habit had ceased a couple months ago but had dramatically reappeared due to what she had no clue—she could only offer him a dry towel and wring her hands with worry over the fact that he might one day truly get sick.
39. Cherry Blossoms
The very same day Sei disappears onto her rooftop, Soji is no where to be found as well—he left bright and early to visit a cherry tree blooming out of season—it looks exactly like he pictured it, a grand and dignified Bushi and miles away, someone else is crying the tears he no longer allows himself to shed.
40. Surprise
She doesn't know how they got a hold of this information—her first glare is for Soji but he looks just as shocked as well so her eyes turn to Saito in disbelief and sure enough the slightest of smirk quirks his lips just a bit as the men all break in song and hand her some sake to "celebrate" her 17th birthday on its actual day and not with the new year like they'd done in the past.
41. Document
There have been rumors surviving years of history and yet no document, no proof that she had ever existed at all and yet she had, hadn't she?
42. Telephone
Years and years later, when the legend of Okita Soji and the Shinsengumi have grown while those who knew of them personally have all passed away, a young girl picks up her father's call and her heart stops for an instant as a voice that she knows and yet doesn't is on the other end and for a moment the feel of the phone leaves her hand to be replaced by the katana's heavy weight.
43. Door
No one could slam a door quite as fast as Sei in a temper unless it was Soji placing another foot in his mouth.
44. Racecar
As far as Saito can tell, the way his heart races in his chest when he sees her again is much faster than those foreign cars just recently imported and suddenly the chaos of the Meiji era and all the losses and all the deaths suddenly seem to make sense again as she turns, recognizes him, and smiles.
45. Shell
She'd never been to the beach before this—the Meiji era, the era of Peace—was the only reason she was able to now. She wrinkled her nose as her toes sank deeper into the sand, the warmth of it spilling over as each grain tickled her bare skin. Something flashed and caught her eye and delicately she bent to reach for it, making a face at how restricting women's garment was and how she still wasn't used to wearing it after all these years…the shell resides in her hand for a moment, broken and perfect at the same time and when she brings it to her ear as instructed by Saito—only then do the tears start to spill—because its not the ocean she hears, it's the wind.
46. Blood
The color of blood had never scared her as much as it did now, as it dribbled down from his lip, past his chin and the coughs wouldn't stop and his eyes screamed 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry…i'm so sorry…'
47. Wok
The wok is a gift, a gift to cook and make meals but her heart isn't into cooking and probably never will be…
48. Silk
The silk kimono that Soji orders her to pick up is breathtaking in its beauty and design and her heart crumbles just a bit as she watches the store owner pack it away carefully before handing it to her… she wonders how she could have missed him falling in love and is bewildered when she finally arrives back to camp to find that he's signed the two of them off (and yes it is okay with Hijikata-san) and as he waits patiently as Akesato-san helps her put the garment on to celebrate the summer festival one last time before all hell breaks loose.
49. Purse
There was something about the way she pursed her lips when she was deep in thought or the way that she would lick the sweat off her upper lip during practice that totally made him lose his concentration.
50. Key
The key to his heart is to not show how truly she has fallen for him and fallen she has, enough that she will follow him to their deaths because life would be utterly empty without him in it.
51. Rough
Whenever Soji remembers how Kamiya-san thinks of herself as the rough-neck shogun of bankyu it makes him laugh just a little because really, it is just like Kamiya-kun to worry about such things and it shows him how truly innocent and naïve she continues to be when it comes to men and their ways.
52. Hands
His hands were large, warm, and calloused—big enough to cup the entire side of her face as he cradled her to his chest—yet not big enough to hide the tremble that made his finger shake as he whispered to her how stupid she was for having taken the blow for him.
53. Black
He'd never been called half the names he suddenly was called on a regular basis since Sei joined the troops—still the one that continued to ring in his head was the day she called him a black founder before storming off in a huff.
54. Bamboozled
He'd readily admit to the fact that women were cunning, however, he was still quite taken aback at how Sei—such a young girl—had so readily bamboozled him just by wearing a dress.
55. Appearances
Saito was a spy—appearances were an essential key in gathering information—he was aware of their power to hide, to deceive, and to reveal… so why? Why was he still so taken aback when the answer stood right in front of him in female garment, donned all pretty and risking discovery just to be at Okita's side?
56. Charming
She'd never seen Soji be charming on purpose (that idiot was much too good at placing his foot in his mouth) and wondered with a pang of heart what he would be like at his miai (formal marriage interview).
57. Defeated
Sai had never thought she'd see the day when Saito bowed his head in defeat and she cursed her thoughtlessness at not having hidden a weapon within her female garments—really it was breaking something inside of her to see Saito lower his katana but more so than that, it scared her. And it was all her fault.
58. Deep
Nothing hurt more than the slap of his hand and the coldness of his eyes and the harshness of his words, of knowing that not only she had committed treason but that she had betrayed him as well—seppuku was nothing more of a scratch that would bring her peace when compared to the deep wound that the memory of the afternoon still burning in her right cheek created deep within her.
59. Horrible
It was truly, horribly hard trying to keep a straight face when she saw vice captain Yamanami and knew his love for her friend but as horribly hard as it was for her, she knew the cost of revealing her happiness to him would be. And that was probably more horrible than the rest of it.
60. Journey
She thought she'd already lived through this particular journey, thought she'd already said her goodbye's for good but she was wrong and she hadn't realized how hard it would be to say farewell again to her woman-side just to be by his side to the very end.
61. Noisy
It was funny to Sei; men thought women were noisy creatures always gossiping about this and that but men really were the worst, they could never shut up and some of their topics of conversation…well… they definitely did not have to hurt their brains that was for sure…and as painful and embarrassing as it could be, she sometimes prayed for her horse to arrive early so that she could be near Akesato-san and have the good kind of 'noisy'.
62. Patience
He has all the patience of a saint when he is around children because he is like a child himself, he does not, however, have the patience for idiocy or anything that could lead her to harm—she never realized that his lack of patience with her was him being overprotective—Saito-san knew however and would bite his lip to keep the comments from spilling past his lips out how obvious it all was.
63. Secret
Saito only lost his patience with the man when Soji hid his blushing face and stammered "…you knew?" as if his love for the boy had been a secret well hidden—or so he thought—it didn't even compare to the loss of temper when he realized that the idiot only became aware of his own feelings for Kamiya-san the night before.
64. Fever
Being at his side that night, she'd felt the heat roll off of him and it had comforted her—it had been her constant, her proof that in the inky darkness filled with harsh breathing, screams, and silent blades licking blood off fallen enemies that he was still alive—she had no way of knowing right then, that his heat was a symptom of a fever that was bringing him closer to death with every move he took until he dropped and her heart stopped beating for that one unbearable moment.
65. Hurts
He smiled and hid the hurt behind it, covering it all away with a childlike ease and innocence that worried Hijikata-san…because he was one of the few who still remembered the smile Soji wore before all of this, before all the blood and all the deaths—and how that was truly innocent and this was just a pale masquerade compared to it…and he wonders how much longer that smile can hold and how much more it can bear before Soji breaks completely and becomes the oni he always jokes of being.
66. Memory
Sei wishes she had no memory at all, that all the knocks to the head she's received would just wipe everything away because every time she closes her eyes, she still feels the flames licking her body and still feels the katana blades striking her brother and father as if it had struck her instead and its slowly driving her mad.
67. Morning
Come morning, the men will usually be watching the young boy, carefully acting as if they're all asleep… they worry though they try not to show it too much…but they can't help it with how the lad will wake up three out of four mornings sweating and kicking and crying for someone. All of them want to take that pain away, know that they cannot, possibly only one man can and he's gently snoring away but it still doesn't stop the ache they feel as they watch Kamiya push the covers away and place a trembling hand on his forehead before leaving the room entirely. At least, they think to themselves as they close their eyes again as the door is shut quietly, he did not scream nor cry. This time.
68. Punish
She knew in her heart that the vice captain had only good intentions but really, it was the worst punishment to take her away from Soji's side and make her stay—safe—while he went off to do who knows what.
69. Bubble
Their love for each other was obvious, swirling, colorful yet transparent while changing every second as they grew and matured together yet remaining delightfully childish…Saito sighed…much like the bubbles they were blowing together into the sky with the neighborhood children. Their love was just as fragile and it worried him.
70. Shower
It wasn't like she was expecting to be showered with his attention, she just…she just…she just really wished he would give her even half of the consideration and care that he gave Captain Kondo…but who was she kidding, she thought morosely as she wiped her cheeks free of tears. Why would a blade of grass capture the winds attention when there were colorful kites to keep afloat?
71. Star
If he could wish on a star, he'd wish to go back in time and be just that much faster so that he could have saved the good doctor and son so that Kamiya-kun would have never become who she is now and he would have never seen her again…yet when a falling star was pointed out to him eagerly with her tugging on his arm…it hurt too much to wish for it.
72. Argue
They argued like children would, hiding their true feelings and acting out as if there truly wasn't a care in a world when perhaps they cared so much—too much—and it hurt too much to be aware of it.
73. Alone
Sometimes she thought he just really didn't understand—how could he just say to leave, to go and return to her former life—when she was completely alone without a home to go to if she didn't have him?
74. Question
She was always filled with questions and when she wasn't asking him, she would ask Saito—calling him as a child would call to a brother—and it was sweet really if it wasn't so annoying to always be answering questions but when he said this much out loud, Kondo-sensei dissolved into laughter while Hijikata-san grumbled something about pots and kettles, leaving Soji completely baffled once more.
75. Voice
His voice was enthusiastic when he spoke to children, soft when he spoke to women and the elderly, strong when he spoke to the men…but with her…it was everchanging—and sometimes, she really hated the tune.
76. Unlocked
He had never wanted to know and understand what he was feeling when it came to her, he had always known it would have been too much—too dangerous—too frightening because of the consequences and yet when they became unlocked and kept being thrown straight in his face, he'd been helpless… just as he was now, staring down into her sleeping face and unable to do anything except trace her cheek with a trembling finger.
77. Dizzy
Once, he caught her and held her way above him, spinning her in the air and just that once, she realized what it felt like to fly with the wind holding her steady—it had been dizzying and beautiful.
78. Harsh
Nothing was harsher then realizing time and time again, that he truly wasn't even in the race to capture Kamiya-kun's heart, Saito contemplated as he watched the boy leap into Soji's arms in tears, possibly because there had never been a race to begin with.
79. Scared
Sei realized with the passing of time that she'd lost her fear of death, of blood, of being discovered yet she never was able to recover from her greatest fear—of finding herself completely alone.
80. Understand
Whenever she thought that she understood the darkness that hid behind his smiles, a new chapter of his life would be uncovered and bared for her to discover—whether it was from the vice captain or another person that had been by his side years before she'd stumbled into his life—it just took one of them to make her realize, she really didn't know anything at all.
81. Distracted
Yamanami-san had never known what it was like to be distracted—in that head over heals—heart in throat—I love you—I need you—way until he met Akesato-san, heard her laugh, and got bullied by the young woman into getting his clothes mended.
82. Disapproval
Hijikata-san disapproved of many things but strong-willed and courageous women were definitely not one of them, especially if they were pretty little creatures ready to distract him with— certain private—activities.
83. Enchanted
Saito was still puzzling over what exactly in Kamiya-san had enchanted him and won him over so quickly (knew in part that it must be the young man's spirit, after all he wasn't as oblivious as some) but when the young man in question ran to him and looked at him with such a cheery expression (Ba-bump anyone?) he decided it didn't really matter after all. Some things were better left not understood.
84. Uneasy
He'd thought (foolishly according to Saito) that he would feel relieved once Kamiya-san was Yamanami-san's assistant, but not having her by his side where he could personally keep an eye out on her, he could only feel uneasy and wish to be back where she was as soon as he could…and really, he insisted in an internal monologue, it was only because she got into so many messes when he wasn't there…and that was all.
85. Return
Since the reassignments in troops, Sei would pray for his safe return each time the first troop went out on their nightly rounds.
86. Towering
His first memory of Kondo-sensei was of a towering oni that had made him lose bladder control and yet that terrifying image had been shattered in the next moment when the oni showed his dimples.
87. Toothless
Soji's sister would always remember the sunny disposition her younger brother had and that toothless grin that would make her want to give him the entire world—she'd always wanted to protect him and if she had known that sending him off to become a bushi would lead to this (her hand tightened on his cold one, her shaking becoming his, her tears rolling wet warmth on her cheeks and she wanted to close her eyes, she wanted to close his, she wanted to wipe the blood off his mouth but she couldn't she just couldn't let go of his hand and oh god oh god oh god why him? Why him?) she didn't know if she would have had the strength to continue with her husband's plan.
88. Yield
He'd fought for so long—it had started with a fight against hunger and sharing the limited amount of food with his family and had evolved to a fight to prove himself worthy of Kondo-sensei's care to then fighting for ideals and his country and now? Now it was a fight against his own body, one that he would lose no doubt—but he didn't know how to not fight, so fight it he did. Yielding, was simply not the bushi thing to do.
89. Float
She loved the warm summer days where she wasn't on duty and could sit and watch the men's laundry float with each passing breeze while hearing the children laughing at whatever Okita-sensei was up to now; all of the sensations of those days would make her wonder if this was what peace would feel like…and the answering smile that would light his eyes as he called her over to join their games told her that peace probably would be like this.
90. Artistic
Sei hadn't known that there would be a time when the use of katanas would become banned and the way of the sword would become an art, cleverly disguising the deathly dance that had been her life. It was the death of an era just as it was the birth of a new one, she simply wasn't sure what would be left for her and all those other honorable men now that their lives had been stripped from them.
91. Nauseating
After a year by his side, she was used to his sweet tooth and his bad habit of describing his…ah…well…excrements but really, did he have to do it when she was already nauseated by the beginning of her horse arriving early?
92. Brat
Soji had never been a brat, a baby definitely, but not a brat, now Hijikata-san who would pointedly glare at Soji if he dared use his birth name where others could hear him and hid his liking of Yamanami-san by picking fights could be considered a brat…however, (Kondo-san smiled at the two as Hijikata-san yelled at Yamanami-san to take a pouting Soji with him) he supposed he couldn't talk as he was also a "baby amongst the babies of families".
93. Intensity
She's never realized how intense the training would be until she was throwing up, sweat dripping from her every pore, and tears she was trying her hardest to keep unshed were slowly mixing with the sweat and that… that ONI of a vice-captain was telling her to get up because he wasn't done with her quite yet.
94. Underwear
Sei had seen plenty of things she'd never EVER wanted to see in her life time and had thought quite foolishly that nothing could top all that she had already seen (full frontal anyone?) but then, she made the mistake of searching for Okita-sensei when he'd run off (again!!) to be with the children. How the hell could she have known that he would be in the middle of showing the boys the right way of how to put on their loincloths? She was scarred…scarred for life and no amount of hitting him would put her world back where it should've been nor would it make the heat in her cheeks go away whenever he came near her. God. That idiot!
95. Odd
He kept telling himself that there was nothing odd with his growing need to have her by his side, after all she was his responsibility and had been ever since he'd help her avenge her family, and there was nothing odd about that.
96. Grudgingly
Hijikata-san could grudgingly admit (after an entire bottle of sake or more) that Soji had been a really cute kid when he'd been little and that yeah, he had been a little jealous of the attention Soji had received from his best friend, Kondo-san…so what?
97. Reiterate
How many times would he have to reiterate himself until that thick headed idiot got it into his brain that he had a rival in love when it came to Kamiya-kun and no, no he wasn't doing this because he was acting as Kamiya's "older and over protective brother"!
98. Tolerance
She had a better brain for politics than Okita-sensei but that didn't mean she always understood why everything had to be a certain way—the longer she stayed within the troops, the more she realized that seeing the world in terms of black and white, in terms of right and wrong was just too simplistic. And as naïve as she knew herself to be, she no longer believed tolerance would help the human race at this point.
99. Oozing
She knows its real love when part of her still wants to hug him despite the god awful smell that's oozing from him due to the fact that he's knocked over the urinal; she manages to curb the want (which she's quite proud of) and yell at him instead to go take a bath!
100. Muster
He mustered his last ounce of strength—not to breathe—but to grasp her hand in his.
The End!