In the Anarchy of The Beginning

The anger wasn't as powerful as the pain of betrayal, which fed into his anger and confusion… why had Nanashi decided on this path? The others also said they were fine with what he chose, likely because they felt the same: Nanashi had to choose against Dagda because he was their friend, right? But no, he wanted to take the Cosmic Egg with Dagda. He would kill them for it too, seeming like he felt nothing as he brought his sword against them. And that pain was considerable too, the pain of death.

At times, Nanashi could be sarcastic with some dark humor. But there wasn't a trace of that right now, just a warm smile and cheerful eyes that were at odds with his half-shaven punk hairstyle. There was no hesitation from him in accepting him as a half-demon. He'd not expected that, not the acceptance and not this charming look from him. No, it just had to be them accepting him as their friend, that's why he felt happy. Although Nanashi like that lingered in his mind…

Asahi was so cheerful and energetic, and so very very dead, being devoured in a blink by Shesha… devoured by Shesha under the disguise of Flynn that was turning green and very inhuman. His mind had gone completely blank except for seeing that. In all honesty, it hadn't been that long that he'd been going around with Asahi and Nanashi. But she was one of the best friends that he'd ever had. Now she was gone, and…

Nanashi changed. He had to be devastated with Asahi's death. Not that long ago, her dad had died too. Nanashi had confided to him then that he felt upset over that death too, and losing a mentor and close friend not that long ago. Unlike Asahi, Nanashi had pressed on. And he was pressing on now without Asahi, except this time, there was a distant and dead look to his eyes. "This world is worthless and rotten."

Thinking he'd misheard, he said, "Nanashi?"

He looked up abruptly. Even his skin had a strange deathly paleness and his eyes were damp. "Um…"

"Man, you look awful," he said, then felt bad himself. "Ah, sorry, sorry, didn't mean to blurt that out. I was just worried about you, I mean," he scratched his head, "I don't really know what to say. You sure you should be pushing yourself like you did today? I think everybody is worried about you."

That ended up with Nanashi crying on his shoulder, which made him worried that Dagda had forced him to keep going today and that's why he looked so dead to everything. But then, Nanashi was dead, only alive by Dagda's power… but Nanashi had accepted him for who he was. Of course he accepted Nanashi as whatever he was.

Nanashi didn't seem like he hated them, even though he was out to kill them. It was heartbreaking… but why was he doing this? Why choose to abandon the world? Did he really think their world was not worth saving?

Being with Him was a joy like the calm glow of the moon, illuminating a vast cosmos of darkness. Wherever He was, he would follow. Whatever He desired, he would do. Everything would be fine if they were together. Nothing else mattered. They had to dethrone the old God first, but he had perfect confidence in Him. Strangely, there was a mystifying sad guilt in Him as they traveled among the stars, along the branes. This would be His triumph, His ascension. What was still holding Him back from this same joy and confidence?

Nanashi had a weird sense of fashion. Well, that might have been obvious from the start with that dark green jacket with all the song lyrics on it. And now he was saying that a classic fashionable suit was boring, preferring to try on the goth girl outfit that came with a pigtail wig. While it was weird, he did look quite cute wearing it. Cute enough that it was a temptation to lend him some money to afford the full set…

He was dying… they should have been able to talk Nanashi out of this… everything was fading….

In the vast field of flowers, He told him to lie down. "This isn't right, this isn't you," He said, putting a hand on his forehead. "I hope this works."

"I trust Your word." He was to give life to all of His creations, something he wished for but something was holding them back. Of course, it would be something with him stopping them; He was perfect, He knew all…

"Hallelujah…"

He was alive?

Hallelujah opened his eyes, finding himself lying in a starlit field of strange glowing flowers. Such a beautiful place; was this Mikado? No, no this was within the Cosmic Egg. Once Nanashi had claimed the Throne of God, the Cosmic Egg had fully swallowed up the old universe to create the new… which hadn't happened yet. A mix of two lives and two identities came together. And by his side, Nanashi with eyes of gold watched over him and smiled on seeing him stir.

Sitting up abruptly, Hallelujah glanced around with wide eyes. "Wh-what just happened?"

"I restored you to yourself," Nanashi said. "I'm glad that worked; I couldn't stand that fake personality of yours anymore."

"You killed us," he said. Out of all that he was trying to straighten out, that was the biggest problem.

With his shoulders sinking, Nanashi closed his eyes. "There's nothing I could say to apologize enough."

The air dimmed as the flowers vanished. They were replaced with a meaty red glow within an organic room. Ahead of them, there was a group of fresh human corpses, including his own. "Um…"

Some information slipped in from his self as the goddess of life… goddess? The current state of the unborn universe was unstable, immediately reflective of Nanashi's moods and ideas. Even if he did not want them, Nanashi's nightmares could take physical form in this place with little to no warning. And this scene nearly always brought out a storm of nightmares. He should be ashamed and repentant that he brought this up, even if it was his own death.

Hallelujah took Nanashi's arm. "Hey, um, sorry, I'm just confused at the moment. I shouldn't have said that."

"He chose me," an almost familiar voice said. He looked up and saw his corpse standing up, covered in blood and sweat. "And Dagda stripped any semblance of personality from me just as was done with Flynn, so I would be unquestioning and fully compliant to His will. That is my joy and peace."

"I didn't realize that," Nanashi said, not looking up. The other corpses were getting up as well. "I fixed that. I didn't realize this was what the result was."

"You did fix it," Hallelujah said. "I really didn't mean to bother you, but… man, this is freaky."

The scene began to blur as Nanashi opened his eyes and looked to him. "You're back, it really is you this time." He smiled, teary at the same time. "You don't have to apologize. After all, I was the one who chose this path. I was given a rotten choice and no time to think, but I should have done something sooner to avoid getting in that position."

While unclear, they were still surrounded by shifting shadows: the corpses, the inhuman mockery of Flynn, a faint silhouette of a bird goddess. The nightmare still lingered. What did he do? He felt like he'd left Nanashi alone at some of these times since his presence just made things worse. But he also felt like he shouldn't leave him alone unless there was nothing else to do. And yet, that betrayal… Hallelujah glanced aside and realized something: his clothes were now covered in blood. Was he bleeding? It didn't hurt, but he didn't like it either. He shouldn't be like this. And as soon as he thought it, the blood was gone.

"You can ask me whatever you want," Nanashi said flatly. Maybe annoyed? Or just bracing himself. "That's why I restored your will, because I got tired of you two doing nothing but submitting to whatever I say." Hallelujah looked back to his face; he seemed to feel guilty about things, maybe wanting the rebellion because he felt he deserved it. "But when I brought it up, Flynn straight away said no to restoring his will. He said he'd be useless and dangerous to me if I did that."

He nearly asked why Flynn would think that, since that was the easier thing to ask. But the answer to that was fairly clear: he and Nanashi were both Godslayers, but in a straight fight, Flynn would probably win because of his weapon. While he thought on that, something formed out in the dark blur. It was a memory of Flynn defeated, utterly empty from two weeks of torture. He only got up from that because Dagda replaced Krishna's controlling will with Nanashi's. Strangely, Hallelujah couldn't find his memory of that incident.

"Ask whatever, it's fine," he repeated.

"Um, so why are you in a dress?" Hallelujah asked, unsure of asking anything else yet.

It worked to make him laugh. Nanashi still had his normal look, but was wearing a checkered green and white dress. "Hey, I'm God now. I can wear whatever I want. You can do the same."

"Hey, I am not wearing a dress," Hallelujah said, blushing at the very idea. "Or a skirt. Call me a goddess or whatever, but I'm sticking to pants."

"You could wear a kilt," Nanashi joked. The flower field appeared again, albeit with a few clouds in the sky. That meant he was calming down, good.

"No," Hallelujah said, glancing over his clothes. How did he look like a goddess without wearing a dress? His clothes shifted to a white suit before he thought, this was something that Abe would have worn. He immediately changed it to something green instead, like Nanashi. "I mean, you look cute like that, but I don't think I'd look good."

"We can change ourselves to however we like," Nanashi said, suddenly wearing black pigtails like that goth girl outfit. But it was no wig this time. His dress had turned white and gold as well, over a body that was much more fitting to that dress. "You can do anything you like, and if not, I can change things for you."

"Your world is going to have weird gender standards," he said, trying to stave off a thought that Nanashi might want to see him in a dress and so he should at least try.

"Nah, it'll be normal to the people of our world," he said, smiling. That didn't last long, though. "Dagda left me a lot of knowledge, but since he abandoned me, I've been having trouble actually making the new world. It'll start off promising, but then get unstable and undo itself."

"What's making the world unstable?" Hallelujah asked. A voice from his goddess self said that it was because Nanashi was burdened with these nightmares, but he'd been unable to do anything to help Him yet.

"I get distracted from the process, mostly," he said. "There's little that can be done now, but I don't think I'm fit to be God. I'm not infallible, for one thing. Sometimes, I can get into the right mindset, but it requires me to sink my human self in the background. That's not easy to maintain; there's a lot that can distract me."

"Well then why did you try to become God?" Hallelujah asked. It was only a part of what he wanted to know, but he didn't want to bring the nightmares right back out.

"I didn't realize that's what I was doing," Nanashi said. "Really. Dagda said he was going to make me a Godslayer, but didn't explain what I'd get out of it. He had my very life at ransom, so I didn't think for a while that I might get anything other than freedom from doing as he said. When he told me we were taking over the Cosmic Egg to make our own world, that was the first time he clearly stated his plans to me. At the time, I wasn't thinking clearly enough to realize that he meant to make me God with that."

"Because of Asahi, right?" Hallelujah said quietly. They were close enough that he'd surely hear it. That was certain when it started to drizzle.

Taking his hands, Nanashi nodded. "You guys all became my friends, but I only knew you that last month. Asahi was practically my sister; she was the last of the group I'd been close to for the past few years. With that group all gone, sometimes my thoughts were paralyzed, and sometimes they were a raging storm. I think you guys assumed that because I was continuing on, I was fine. But I wasn't. Dagda was talking to me nearly the whole time, pushing me on. Since I wasn't in a state to do otherwise, I just followed his lead. When he told me that we could get rid of the old world and make a better one, I didn't see anything worthy of saving about that world."

"Really?"

"Well what would you have saved about it?" Nanashi said, some bitterness in his words. The rain was cold now.

"I was going to remake the Ashura-kai to lead a better Tokyo," Hallelujah said. " I'm not entirely sure how I would have done that, but I wanted to try."

"With Tokyo still trapped underground and full of demons?" Nanashi asked. "And the populations of Tokyo and Mikado were decimated between Shesha, Lucifer and Merkabah's war, the demon plague, and a whole host of smaller threats. It all started with a war orchestrated by humans too, ruining each other to where the demons and angels could exploit us ruthlessly. What could we really do to improve things there?"

"Well there were people still alive, people who didn't deserve to have the world end on them," he said, trying to think of something else. He hadn't thought about if the world was worth saving; he just assumed that was the proper thing to do.

It was quiet for a moment, with the rain getting even colder. "Most of those people didn't mean anything to me," he finally said.

"That's heartless."

"Perhaps it was, after my heart had been broken by too many deaths."

"I can understand that," Hallelujah said, briefly thinking back to the days after his mother had disappeared, before he met Abe. If he'd been asked then if the world was worth saving, he might've chosen the same way as Nanashi. "You really did seem dead that time"

"I felt so disconnected and numb," Nanashi said. "Like it wasn't really happening. I started to realize that it was when you were all dead in front of me, but then Dagda dragged me off to fight Krishna and Flynn. When I woke up the next day to go challenge YHVH, I just didn't care about anything. It did feel good triumphing over the old God, but that didn't last long."

Then they had died because Dagda had led Nanashi to sacrifice them when they rejected the plan to remake the universe. It had been on the night of the full moon, when the Cosmic Egg was ready to replace the old universe with the new. There really had been no time, and Nanashi had not been in a state to make thoughtful decisions. In those conditions, he could have chosen either way.

"Man, that crazy Dagda put you in a really bad spot," Hallelujah said. "But, why pick me for him to revive? You could've chosen Asahi."

But Nanashi shook his head. "No. He phrased it as 'your goddess', so it felt awkward to choose her for that. I know she was jealous of Toki, but she was family. On the other hand, the whole thing with Inanna and Toki freaked me out, so I didn't feel like I could comfortably choose her. Of the group, I knew Isabeau least well. And then Nozomi, she was really nice, at least until she exposed me and Asahi to all the other Hunters as being the ones who released Krishna. I don't know if you noticed, but I never partnered directly with her after that although we still worked with her."

"That makes sense," he said.

"And then neither Gaston nor Naverre seemed like goddess material," he went on. "Naverre was a good friend, and he got better, but he was still a pervert. And Gaston, he was a good friend at the end too, but I wasn't sure why he followed us around as long as he did. And I was bringing my chosen goddess along to challenge YHVH, so I needed someone who'd cooperate in battle more than Gaston. With you, I was most worried about how you'd feel about what happened. I did betray your expectations, and I thought you'd feel strongest about it. But after I hesitated on everyone, I felt like you were my closest friend after Asahi. I didn't have any bad experiences with you, and the most fun times of those two weeks were always with you around. Like the time you showed me and Asahi around the Ginza shops."

"That was a fun day," Hallelujah agreed. "I wish things didn't happen like they did, but now that we're here, we need to make a new world."

"Right," Nanashi said. The rain still fell over them; he must still be bothered by something. "I'm glad you're here with me, but I still wonder if I really made the right decision."

He had betrayed them all. Or rather, been forced into betraying them. Hallelujah felt bad for him. What now? They had a duty to create a new world since the old one was gone. But Nanashi couldn't. In listening to him, there was a possibility now in mind. "We can't go back. But, can't you bring our other friends back? You are God."

"Bring them back?" Nanashi said, thinking it over.

"They could be your first angels," he suggested. "It might take a little while to get everyone to cooperate again, but I'll try to explain things to them."

After a moment more, he nodded. "It would save the last good things of the old world. There are many blank souls here, having left their old lives behind them. However, I feel the presence of our friends still. Working with you, we can change them to angels, as long as I can keep focused."

"You can do it," Hallelujah said. "Although, um, we're giving them life again, huh? Does that mean we, uh…"

"No, this is divine creation," Nanashi said, putting their hands together. "You should know how it works."

"Oh right, this is just confusing since you woke me up," he said. "Let's do this."

Even though he had only been half-human, he still had to slip out of human thought because divine creation wasn't something human minds could accomplish. The power of life was warm and joyful, not like a fire but like being with someone you loved dearly. There was creative possibility, the potential to be anything. Combined with human will, that potential would continue on from generation to generation. It was a wonder that should be cultivated and adored.

Nanashi formed the idea of Asahi as an angel, drawing her soul to them. Hallelujah could feel Him doing so, seeing the memories like they were his own. To help, he thought over his own memories of her. The time he'd met the two of them in Sky Tower, the time she'd tried to wear makeup, how she was always an early bird who went to go wake up Nanashi. And once she'd woken him up as he'd slept in a little. Hallelujah had been annoyed at that, but then she was just so cheerful and energetic that it didn't matter for long.

Shadowy thoughts tried to slip out of Nanashi's mind, of her last moments.

No, that would break creation. The warm joy of life radiating from within, he didn't want to let it go. He didn't want this to fail as that would upset Him. Drawing himself closer, Hallelujah pushed the shadows back with the warmth and life. "We can do this, stay focused."

He made a gasp of surprise as the shadow vanished. "This is your power of life?"

"Yes, let's give it back to her."

"That is what we should do." He focused on Asahi's soul instead, wrapping it with life until her soul finally sparked. She would live again…

…there was Life here other than them! Hallelujah laughed, feeling a heady bliss once again. If he just submitted his will to Him again, this feeling would never leave him. Ever with Him, ever happy to do anything for Him…

Nanashi gripped Hallelujah's hair, soft and keeping him close. "No, I never wanted slaves like that," he whispered. "You are my precious goddess; I want you to be free."

"Then you do love me?" he asked. It had sounded he was the least bad choice from how He'd explained things earlier. It was a bit of human emotions coming out, but it was important all the same.

"I do now." Then He focused back on bringing Asahi back.

Not even a second later, she was there with them. Asahi looked close to how she had, even with her goggles on her head. But a halo of light surrounded her body, extending out to ethereal wings around her. "Thank you, Great Mother and Father, for calling me to you," she said joyfully. "I hope we can create a wonderful world together!"

She had called them Mother and Father? Of course she had; as far as she knew, that's who they were to her. She didn't remember anything of the old world, not of her father there and not of Nanashi's betrayal. But she was with them again and that's what mattered. Right?

Their friends made for some amazing angels, probably better than Hallelujah would have looked. Gaston and Isabeau both looked valiant as they still had their samurai uniforms; they would both make for great guardian angels once there were people to guard. While Naverre still looked and acted goofy, he was much better behaved from before. Nozomi had colorful wings shaped like a butterfly's as a remnant of her time as a fairy queen, though she acted equally to her fellow angels. Even Toki got a fitting form as an angel, although Nanashi hinted that she might eventually become a heavenly angel of death. Since she had been the first, Asahi was unofficially their leader under both of them.

None of the angels remembered the old world. Nanashi said it was better since they could all focus on the new one. Sometimes, Hallelujah wondered if he would rather erase his memories too. Nanashi said that he valued having a confidant who knew both the broader and more personal picture. However, he did not like being reminded of the old world or of the things he'd done there. The nightmares didn't appear as easily as their realm stabilized with the creation of the new world. If Hallelujah forgot those memories, then Nanashi could ignore them entirely. Flynn would be perfectly obedient and never mention the old world. With that, he would be seen as an infallible god.

The new world was a wonderful place, much better than the old one. Forests, mountains, deserts, oceans, swamps, arctic fields, and much more: they were all things they'd only had ideas of before, some Hallelujah hadn't known about at all. Today, he had come across a waterfall in a jungle, one where a bright rainbow constantly hung in the mists. With the faint sounds of birds past the crashing water, along with fresh scents of flowers and trees, it was a place worthy of being called paradise. They hadn't created this place directly; it was amazing what creation could do. He wanted to tell Nanashi about this place, but considered keeping it a secret for himself.

Nanashi should take care of the world, as was his responsibility. Hallelujah wanted to have complete faith in him; that should be right. Yet, he couldn't help but wonder if he might turn cold against his creations like the last God. He had killed them to gain power even after they had pledged their loyalty to him. In a way, they hadn't known him all that well, not enough to guess that he might go with the selfish choice. Or perhaps the easy one, the one that didn't require him to think.

Now, Hallelujah felt like he was facing a similar choice. It wasn't easy to think over these suspicions and uneasy feelings in Nanashi's presence. Being near Him filled him with joy and peace, as well as a desire to do whatever it took to make Him happy. He might even submit his will again if asked. Away from Nanashi, Hallelujah didn't want that. He would wish to be back with Nanashi again, at least until these doubts crept in. But then, didn't Nanashi bring his will back to have someone else around, a second opinion on matters? If that was so, he really should speak up on these doubts.

A crunch on the ground brought his attention to someone else there: Flynn. As usual, he was solemn and stern. He still looked as he did in the old world, but he had an entirely different presence in this one. Despite what Nanashi said, Hallelujah felt Flynn was a much better personification of Death now. "You're becoming more dangerous," Flynn said.

"How am I dangerous?" Hallelujah asked. "My power now is a part of creation; I don't use my destructive powers anymore."

"You've been dangerous ever since your will was restored," he answered. "Now you are plotting against Nanashi."

He shook his head. "No I'm not. I'm thinking about talking with him about something, not against him."

Flynn looked down at him. He didn't seem angry. Somehow, that made him scarier to confront.

Even if Flynn thought of him as a threat, he shouldn't attack unless Nanashi let him. "If you threaten anyone who even thinks against Him, then His rule will be absolutely draconic over mortals. I don't think any of us want that."

"You're a credible threat," Flynn said. "Most mortals won't be, especially in the beginning."

"I'm not going to hurt him if I can help it," Hallelujah said. As he spoke, a feeling of warmth and anticipation came over him. Nanashi was here.

He appeared right between them, facing Flynn. "Don't be harassing Hallelujah. If something about him worries you, tell me first."

"He's going to question you," Flynn said.

"That's fine," he said, turning to sit down by him. "What is it? You've been worried about something lately."

"Well I don't think it'll be a problem with you," Hallelujah said, fighting back the feeling of wanting to apologize already. "But it's something I feel deeply about. We're getting to the point where we could bring humans into the world, which will change it greatly. Many things could happen, both good and bad, even the unexpected. Nanashi, please, never forget to love humanity no matter what happens. If you do, I'll have to leave you."

"Really?" Nanashi asked. "I made this world to be better for humans than the last one. Why would I forget that, especially if it made you leave?"

He smiled, feeling some relief. "I felt you'd be fine, but I had to be sure. I'm a rebirth of the Goddess; that's something I felt that I had to warn you about, so that bad things don't happen again."

"You are the Goddess," Nanashi said, smiling back. "If you feel that strongly about it, I'll make sure to not forget your warning. We'll make sure this is always a better world."

"Work together and I shouldn't need to step in," Flynn said, then vanished to leave them be.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Hallelujah said, "I know he's working for you, but he can be terrifying."

"I won't let him trouble you," Nanashi said.

A pair of hikers stopped in front of the jungle waterfall. Downriver, there was a wooden bridge that had been crafted to blend into the area. There was a well-trodden footpath as well; they were the only signs of people in this place. "This place is named after an ancient legend," the guide said. "It is said that the Great Mother and the Great Father made a promise here to always cherish the world and those who live in it. As a result, people come here in front of Promise Falls to make promises to each other. If you keep the promise, you will become blessed. But if you break the promise, you will be cursed. There are many tales of both in this area."

"It is a gorgeous spot," the visitor said. "Have you ever considered making this a tourist attraction?"

She shook her head. "We couldn't do that. Some people can feel the sacredness of this place, as the Great Mother still loves the falls. She's occasionally seen here, so we keep the place as it's always been for Her sake."

"I see. Beliefs like that hamper a lot of development these days."

Trying not to lose her temper, the guide said, "Many people see some things as not worth losing."

The visitor felt disappointed with that reluctance. He didn't believe in promises himself, unless they were written down in legal contracts (and even then, contracts could be made worthless). But given how romantic the idea was, he could see a place like Promise Falls as a prosperous investment with some work. Spread the legend, make the place easier to access, and especially build up support for weddings in the area… do all that and people would come hoping for blessings and the assurance of a promise backed up with a potential curse. An early investor in this area could easily get a fountain of wealth for a long time.

"Is money all that matters?"

Who had said that? The guide was in his sight, but she was looking over the falls, not saying anything. The visitor glanced aside and briefly caught a glimpse of a person with pink hair near a tree. As soon as his mind realized that yes, someone was there, she vanished. He felt ashamed, like someone who cared about him was disappointed in him. He wanted to forget about it. But while he kept himself from saying anything to the local guide, that question and disappointment seemed burned into his mind.

Unseen again, Hallelujah sent a message to one of the guardian angels. Someone should watch over that man and carefully guide him out of this skepticism. Such feelings rose and fell among humanity over the centuries, along with the materialism the visitor believed most in currently. Maybe it was just the large population in the world now, but this current wave of skepticism seemed worse than usual. What was causing this? She worried that it was a warning sign of things to come.

Another thought came, that she would have been embarrassed at one time to catch herself thinking in this feminine identity. But, Hallelujah had grown accustomed to it. She was the Goddess, known as the Great Mother to the peoples of the world. Mortals and even most immortals didn't know her as anything but that.

Of those who did, though… that worried her too. "I need to keep reminding him of this promise," she said to herself. "Even as humans test him with skepticism, he can't forget to love and forgive them. I should be certain of this, but I can only hope the promise remains unbroken… that everyone doesn't end up cursed should it break."

She headed off, to find some stories of the faithful to help remind him of that promise.