Dear Fanfiction Writers:

These are letters from Each Canon Character to every fanfiction writer out there. thank you...The First is from a Mr. Harry James Potter.

DEAR FANFICTION WRITERS:

Have you even read my life story? I am the boy who lived. THE BOY. I sincerely hope that clears up any gender and/or sexual confusion. But seriously damn, how many girls do you know personally that means give me the full name,physical address, mailing address, phone numbers and emails of the girls you may know that are called Harry? Hmm? Leave a review on my letter.

Also why I am here I may as well set the record straight, no pun intended, in that I am as straight as a ruler, STRAIGHT, DO YOU HEAR THAT? I don't what in god's bloody name gave you the impression that I like men that way, unless you are talking about my actor counterpart, Daniel Radcliffe from your particular movies, while Daniel, may be bisexual or gay, I, Harry James Potter am 100% Straights as a bloody wooden ruler, no pun intended there either. Malfoy I can understand, I've seen all that hair get and grooming, but me?

ME? Come on.

I've seen the folks you've paired me, with...and well, any slash get rid of it, if you'd please, that includes femslashes for my friends, because none of the females are like that out there in this world. The other's that you've paired me with that are opposite sex...

Daphne, Astoria, Tracey or female Blaise, I would never even remote touch a Slytherin, unless the Slytherin in question had red hair. Red hair is a key in the Potter family, My mum had auburn-red, Ginny had red-copper hair, my daughter, Lily, has bright red hair, my paternal grandmother, had medium red hair, my great-grandmother and my 2nd great grandmother both had blood red hair, literally the same color as the blood that we happen to bleed when we get cuts and scrapes. My 3rd great-grandmother, had medium red, my 4th great grandmother had bright red like Lily's, my 5th great grandmother Katherine Anna Potter formerly Weasley, aka Ginny's past live and Ginny's 6th great aunt had red-copper hair color exactly like Ginny.

Back to the pairings you've got me with...other than Ginny? (Raises eyebrows)

1. Luna, serious, these seems to be a popular pairing, and if it wasn't for a bloody breaking the potter curse, I don't date the insane and well, let's just say she's too out there for me, Rolf and Luna deserve because they are both insane have insane personalities, if not for me testing their blood before they got married I would've assumed they were fraternal twins, however, I did discover that she had a ritual blood chromosomal adoption ritual which means she wasn't truly a lovegood, she was born a distant Evans, which had red-hair originally and once she became 18 she physically and permanently turned into a full lovegood.

2. Hannah Abbott, Hah this makes me laugh, she was even more worse than Ginny was even still, when I won the war, sheesh...Besides..I wanted a girl who is my equal in everything power included. While Hannah is a redhead thankfully, I just don't see how it would've worked out, because well, like the muggle tv series, she would be more like Daphne Blake in Scooby-Doo, but unfortunately instead of being rescued, she would be dead instead.

3. Susan Bones, I had to think a bit about this one, while she is a strawberry blonde, and all, it's the um...well, personality that turns me off, because she would be like a redhead Hermione Granger-Weasley whom cares more about her career than love and a family to have.

4. Hermione Granger? Oh Come this is just sick? She's like my sister, and I have a notice from Albus Dumbledore to...he gave me this message, and said and i quote, 'i started being a manipulator in the year of 1977-1978. Meaning when my parents graduated and all. He didn't make them fall in love with eahc other if that's what you were thinking, no they did that on their own surprisingly and all. But however my father's godmother was Minerva McGonagall and once with her memory was restored she gave Dumbledore's portrait a tongue-lashing, it was hilarious, however, My mum and Dad, had a child 1 yr before. 10 months exactly, Sept 19, 1979. Exactly 10 to 11 months before me. She was named Hermione Jean Potter. Hermione was and is my full blood sister, she was obliviated from my parents memory because I wasn't supposed to be born until July 31, 1981. Meaning I was supposed to be born in the same year as Ginny was born. If I was I imagine me and her would've gotten together sooner and the only reason and the only excuse Albus had to obliviate my and Hermione blood parents, was because to make sure the Longbottom Line continued, because I wouldn't have been the boy who lived, Neville would've become the boy who lived and eventually joined voldemort and the learned the dark lord's secrets and then kill voldemort and then well becoem the next dark lord and then another prophecy would happen and me and Ginny would've had to kill neville. ourselves because of our soul bonds. The fanfiction author 'AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter's' story about the story Harry's Hidden Sibling is 100% the truth.

5. Cho Chang: I made the mistake once, I won't make it again. Sheesh.

I believe that is all unless you count the incestual couplings, ew...ew...EWWWWWWW. What kind of sick freaks right that sort of stuff and especially about those other types of folks, like the transgender/transsexual folk, that doesn't even exist in our world, because you can experiement in changing for one day and if you wish to change back and experience each version and all. If you wanted to and I have no desire to. (retches, and vomits up for 10 minutes, wipes mouth off)..(Shudders)...

6. Parvarti/Padma Patil, while i'm not racist, fully, i'm a half-racist, because I see disappointment in my parent's portraits, I would prefer their approval especially Sirius and Remus Lupin's approval as well, in my choice of lovers, so that's the other main reason why I hate these things. My parents however are racists. The only exception to the rule, is an albino child meaning two black parents give birth to a white redhead child. That is the only exception to the rule no other possibilities.

7. Polygamy stories, well, while people do assume witchcraft is a pagan which are technically polygamist, that's the muggles whom practice or try to practice withcraft,or fake witches wizards, like fake seers and all. The true wizarding world marriages are strictly monogamists. While I appreciate, trying to include Ginny and others into it and all, but that's illegal in the wizarding world just so you know. and all.

I believe that is all. That I've read so far...I've appreciated the stories about me and Ginny as long as it ends the right, way and by the way divorces and annulments, don't happen in the wizarding world, only widowment is allowed. No cheating is allowed because our vows, well, let's just say if I ever did or was pressured to cheat and as soon I orgasmed into the one I was cheating with, I would die as would Ginny and the one whom I cheated on Ginny with. So i've decided never to become like the Jerry Springer guests, nor the Maury Show Guests whatsoever. I take responsibility, no matter what, but then again American are known for being irresponsible, I don't know why you all see fit to criticize my life choice especially my romantic life, because one. I would never cheat on Ginny, because you can't cheat because of the magical bonding vows which prevents cheating or if cheating does occurs, it involves death. So either you have two choices if you are magically married, 1. Is Don't cheat... or 2. Cheat and Die. when you do cheat. there are no third choices that allows cheaters to live and to prosper. No matter what.

There is only one girl truly for me. That is GINERVA (GINNY) MOLLY WEASLEY. Besides I wouldn't be a True Potter, if I didn't go for red-headed girl. IT'S IN OUR DAMN BLOOD.

First, i appreciate the authors, whom try to make the stories from au ships to canon ships even though it's a waste of time, go waste your time trying to find the database or internet farm where ever it is at. and then kill the power and hopefully everything and every story erase., But I do appeciate the stories of the canon ships. I especially love other stories like Epeefencer's story 'Harry Loves Ginny and Ginny Loves Harry' off all of those one shots...While I appreciate the one interrupting Dean quite a hilarious, but that part definitely needs to continue. However (blushes), I also love the HBP:What Harry(I) smelled in Amortentia. chapter, that almost happened I actually encountered Hermione she stopped me and actually asked what was going on. I quite imagine if I wonder if I did avoid would have that really happened?

AuthorAndrewCharlusPotter, thank you for trying to fix the au ships and turn them into canon ships...Use your energy in getting a job if you please that would help me more, trust me.

SECOND, STOP WITH THE AU SHIPS, DIVORCES AND ANNULMENTS ARE ILLEGAL IN THE WIZARDING WORLD. ALL WIZARDS AND WITCHES, PURE BLOODS, HALFBLOODS AND MUGGLEBORNS ARE SUPPOSED TO MARRY MAGICALLY NO, IFS ANDS OR BUTTS ABOUT IT. SHEESH. AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE BLOODY GODS AND GODDESSES IN THE WORLDS, STOP WITH THE DRINNY SHIPS (RETCHES FOR 30 MINUTES, WIPES MOUTH OFF. ALSO WITH THE HARMONY AND DRARRY ONES AS WELL AND ANY OTHER IMMORAL SHIPS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF BLOODY GOD PLEASE. DAMN BUGGER SHITE. DAMN.

Sincerely...

Harry James Potter...

P.S...'I know where each of you live in my world, if I kill your alternate dimension doppelganger, because I can't kill you out there.. don't blame me if you end up dead as well, too... hahahahahahaha.

P.P.S. Read this and weep: I for one DO NOT HAVE A MOMMY-COMPLEX WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT ABOUT.