A/N Hey guys this is my first fan fiction so i hope you enjoy.

Prim was destined to die. Whichever way you look at it, I volunteer for her, cause destruction so she gets killed by a bomb. Or she goes into the hunger games and is probably a bloodbath. In some ways I think the second one is the nicest. I may know that now, but it still doesn't make the pain I feel go away and it doesn't help me move on.

It doesn't bring her back.

All I can think is why? Why would anyone want to hurt one hair on that innocent little head? Karma is cruel, it took away my precious little sister the one ray of sunshine in… well everyone's life. But of course I know why. I know why karma did this. Why you may ask. Well that's simple, it was to punish me.

I was greedy. I tried to keep two people, two opposites that could have been friends had it not been for me. I led them on and kept them as close to me as possible up until the point where I knew I had to choose, but couldn't. So they chose for me. Both decided to be selfless and leave me with the other, both tried to awaken me from my dead state. Both of them I pushed away until they were both gone and I. Well I was left all alone. They may have loved me once and maybe I really did love one of them maybe I still do but it's too late, there gone and the fire in me has finally extinguished.

I didn't believe in karma or fate or destiny. That was until now.

Prim was destined to die. I thought I was destined to save her, but she couldn't be saved. So really I was destined to be alone.

It's what I'd always planned. Wait until Prim was all grown up and escape to the woods, the one place where I was truly happy. Maybe Gale would have come to, he always said he would but I knew better. He'd meet some giggly, annoying head over heels in love with him type girl and marry her, they'd start a family and I would be all forgotten about. Little did I know he wanted me. But no marriage and kids was never my plan, either I was too afraid of the reaping or just overcome with the feeling that I would be responsible for those lives. Both if I'm being completely honest. I've been responsible for so many lives I've lost count… Glimmer, Marvel, Rue, Cato, Mags, Cinna, Madge, Boggs, Finnick, Prim, all those others that I don't even know the names of… You may as well throw myself in their too because even though I'm not dead physically, I am mentally.

What I'm truly trying to say is this 'I've accepted it'. This is my fate. It's my punishment for killing all those people. I may not have actually watched them die and take their last breath but I know that they died because of me. Because I was the damn mockingjay and I started the war with those stupid berries that I never should have taken out of my pocket. I know it's selfish to say this but I think even if I hadn't rebelled I probably would still be here today. Peeta would have sacrificed himself and I'm ashamed to admit I eventually would have let him, I mean if my choice had been to go home back to district 12, back to Prim and Gale, or die I would definitely have chosen the first. But then again it wouldn't have mattered I would still end up alone. Like always. Even if the war had never happened the way it did, it still would eventually come around and then I would still have been the mockingjay. They said I was chosen, ironic really because if snow hadn't chosen me as his big 'celebrity puppet' I never would have agreed to do it. If he hadn't used me as his own personal little entertainment for the capitols enjoyment it never would have come around to bite him back in the ass. I suppose that's why I did it really, to get back at him. I always tell myself that I did it for the good of Panem but really that's a lie. District 12 was gone, Gale's and my family were safe, had it not been for Peeta's capitol imprisonment I don't think I ever really would of gave in. So yes, because Snow made me a 'celebrity' I stayed one to help punish him.

I'm still amazed that I'm such a big 'celebrity' still even though I haven't been to the capitol in over 6 months. Not since I came back with Haymitch. Mostly I just sit around, a mute, who cries all the time. I never used to cry. Some days when I look in the mirror I catch a glimpse of the ghost of the young girl who loved hunting with her best friend and loved her sister more than anything even if she did always suffer hardship that wasn't right. I'd still swap places with her any day. But she went away a long time ago and I doubt I'll ever get her back. She barely existed anyway. Greasy Sae told me that Gale got a fancy job in District 2 and even Peeta is still a big 'celebrity' now. They've all moved on with the triumph of a fairer Panem whereas I've stayed stuck in time, dwelling in the past with what ifs and what could have been. Yes the hunger games may be over now but that doesn't mean I can just forget about them despite how hard I try.

It's funny really if you think about it. How everything ended up just being a game. I always thought I was just a piece in everyone's games. The Capitol's games. Snow's games. Coin's games. All these players and I was their winning piece. From the moment I volunteered for the hunger games my life changed. I changed. Because when that arrow was released I finally realised what I'd tried so desperately to hide. Everyone was a piece in my games.

And I was the biggest player of them all

A/N Thanks for reading i hope you liked it. I will try to be updating at least once every few days but i'm sorry if i miss a few deadlines, i'm super review and follow and i hope you continue reading my story.