Always and Never
A/N: I really felt like writing another story so I got on my computer and let my fingers type. Not as fluffy as I would have wanted but, I'm satisfied with it. Hope everyone likes it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of the characters.
There was nothing really that great about us as a couple anyway. We always fought. He never called, and I never picked up. He ran when things got to hard and I tried to stop the urge to run after him. He always said the wrong things at the wrong time. If he ever just picked a different moment to say what he wanted to say, it quite possibly could have changed the way our relationship turned out dramatically. I always got scared and ended up doing stupid, irresponsible things to get him out of my head, which always led me to do even stupider things because it never worked. I knew what I wanted out of my life and where I wanted to be after college. He didn't even know what state he would be in the next week and couldn't even picture college, because that required some sort of high school degree.
In all ways you could think of we were wrong together, but in every way we fit. I wasn't looking for some perfect, faultless guy back then, and I'm still not now. I just wanted someone that could make me laugh. Someone that wasn't afraid to tell me that I was an idiot for liking a certain book or song. Someone that I could talk to for hours and not really talk at all. I had that with him. I had all that with Jess and I let it go. I let him go. And now look where I am. I'm twenty-five and I'm a successful journalist. Some might say that I have a great life. Some would even say that if he had stayed in my life I wouldn't have all this. But I don't care about my life or my career, because I'm not happy. I don't like coming home to a dark, empty house. I want to come home to music blasting from the walls and a guy lounging on the couch typing on his laptop like if he doesn't get that last sentence down he'll forget it forever. I want to relive my memories with him and I want to have thousands more, because I was never looking for the ultimate, infallible, flawless relationship. I was just looking for another him. And I never found it, because there isn't anyone like him or anyone that could possibly equal up to his standards in my eyes. He's the only one I will ever be happy with and it seems like now it's too late to even try.
I haven't seen him for years, haven't even talked to him. I think I might have seen him once in Philadelphia two years ago, but I started freaking out and ran in the other direction. I know how simple it would be to just ask Luke for his number. I know he has it. I've even seen it, but I never got as far as writing it down for my own copy. I don't even know how he feels about me. For all I know he's dating someone else and he doesn't even think about me anymore. I can't picture that being true but, maybe it's because I just don't want to. He could be a completely different person who hates everything that I am. But I have to try right? I don't want to just waste the rest of my life thinking that I'm the only one that feels this way still. I cant. I just won't be able to. I need to find out if everything that we were could start again or, if it's really time to force myself to put him in the past and try to be happy with someone else. I need to try. All that's left to do is get his number from Luke and I'll know. Sounds so simple. If only that were true.
Hope everyone enjoyed it! Please review and tell me what you thought.