365 Glass Beads
Even as she closes her eyes and lays her head against the blood speckled snow, she doesn't cry.
Maybe it's because she's already used up a lifetime of tears, or that she's just so tired, tired of all the pain and the heartbreak. Maybe it's because she knows that her tears won't change a thing.
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Maybe it's because she's already dead inside.
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"Aren't you going to kill me?"
She looks up into his dead, empty eyes, and all she can see is the red.
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"It's almost like you're eager to go."
His voice is so cold, she realizes, and so taunting. As if he thinks he's above everyone else. Maybe he is. Sasuke-kun's always been so perfect.
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Too perfect.
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"Sometimes I want to go."
Her voice comes out a whisper.
"Sometimes I don't. But still. Seeing you now—"
A bloody red smile.
"—Makes me happy."
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How ironic, in a sick, twisted way.
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"Happy?"
He says, as his lips curl into a sneer.
And Sakura knows, as she drowns in those red eyes, that for him, happy is just a pretty word. Something fragile, like porcelain, that he can just watch as it shatters into a million tiny pieces.
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No, happiness is something that Sasuke no longer understands.
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"How can you feel happy, Sakura, when you're about to disappear?"
His eyes cut her like shards of glass, but she does nothing but smile with those red lips.
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"How can I not be happy, Sasuke, when you're here right now, when you're alive, and I can touch you?"
She reaches out, reaches out with her scarlet, trembling fingers, but stops before her hand brushes against his cheek.
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No, she can't stain something so perfect with her flawed, tainted blood.
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So she stares at him with her glimmering eyes, stares straight into the crimson red, and locks this moment into her heart, like a secret.
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Our secret, she thinks, wishes.
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And, buried in the melting snow, they remain like that, staring into each other's eyes, for what for what feels like forever, for what she wishes was forever.
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But then again, forever, without Sasuke-kun, will always be a lie.
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"I'm still going to kill you—"
His lips twist into a sideways smirk.
"—And I'm going to like it."
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Sakura lets her outstretched fingers fall to her side, watching as her blood slowly colors the snow crimson.
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How beautiful, in a sick, twisted way.
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Just like our sick, fucked up lives.
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"I know."
Her words are so soft they're swept away in the wind.
"But I'm used to it. You've been slowly killing me for a while now. Ever since you left."
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As a line of blood trickles through her parted lips, she remembers, with a bittersweet smile. She remembers cold stone benches and wide eyes and silver tears on moonlit nights.
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"Sakura…thank you."
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"But between the two of us, you're probably hurting more, huh, Sasuke? It's been killing you for a lot longer than it's been killing me."
She bites her lip to keep from crying, but she can't stop the tear from slipping down her face and mingling with all the scarlet blood.
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Such a bittersweet taste.
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She's crying again, he realizes, watching as the tears streak down her cheeks. I've made her cry again.
And even after all the killing, and the hatred, and the bitter, bitter tears, even when he's supposed to be laughing down at her dead body as her corpse is buried in snow, he wants to glare and tell Sakura to stop crying.
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Some part of him still hates watching her cry.
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"Do you ever wish that things could have ended up differently?"
Her voice is thick with tears.
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As he stares down at his pale hands, Sasuke remembers.
He thinks of red clouds and bitter laughs and bloody tears that bleed from crazed, crimson eyes.
He thinks of soft sobs and sparkling tears and how pink her hair looked as it spilled across the cold stone.
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So many sick, twisted memories.
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"Never."
Always.
"No matter how much you wish things could be different, you're still going to die."
He glares down at the ground, at the blood slowly seeping into the snow.
"What I need now is payback."
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A pause.
"Do you ever think of us?"
He tries to look at her, but her eyes are hidden in the shadow of her pink hair.
"Or are you already so lost in your hatred?"
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"Huh, Sasuke-kun?"
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Still Sasuke-kun?
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How cute, in a sick, twisted way.
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"Do I ever think of you?"
A cruel, cruel laugh, but even to him, it sounds fake.
"Never."
Almost always.
"Team 7 is dead."
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She smiles up at him, with her crimson lips.
And Sasuke pretends, as he closes his eyes. He pretends that the blood smeared across her mouth is just bright lipstick, and that the red seeping from her shirt are just rose petals scattered across her chest.
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But it doesn't change the fact that she's still bleeding. Dying.
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"Don't lie to yourself."
And as she looks up, looks up from the scarlet snow, he sees a fierce glint in her green eyes.
"Naruto's said it to me, and I'll say it to you."
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"I hate people who lie to themselves."
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"Sometimes–"
For once, his voice is a soft whisper.
"–it's so much easier to just block out the truth. Sometimes, it's so much easier to lie."
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"I've always been so good at it. Lying."
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Silence.
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Then,
"For me, right now, as a dying wish. Just…just for a moment, don't lie to yourself. If I've ever meant anything to you, if Team 7's ever meant anything to you–"
Her voice rises into a scream.
"–then tell me!"
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"What's going to happen now?"
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She sounds so scared.
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"I don't know. But wishes are just wishes. This–"
He pulls out his katana and stabs it into the tainted snow.
"–is reality."
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She stares at the blade in icy silence, then looks up and watches the falling snow.
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"So you're still going to kill me,"
She says, with closed eyes, as she lets her hands rest limply against the red stained ground.
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The perfect corpse, dressed in red.
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Sasuke says nothing as he leans down and puts his face level with hers, then closes his eyes, locking all the bittersweet memories away into his stone heart.
All the giggles and screams and flashes of orange and pink and blue.
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All the glass beads.
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"I get it now,"
She says, as she clenches a fistful of snow in her hands.
"what it's like to be alone. Remember, all those years ago? You taught me how painful solitude is, back then. But we were young, we were naive. We thought our dreams would come true, that we'd never see all this death. We thought we'd stay young forever."
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"But that might just be me. You've always been the one who sees the clearest, huh, Sasuke-kun? You were always the one who had to grow up fast. Makes me wonder…what good am I? But, we're not little kids anymore. We've seen our dreams break. We've seen it, all the death. All the loneliness. All those sad nights, all those tears. It seems like such a waste…but, I get it now. And I just want you to know, before you kill me, that…"
She smiles.
"I know your pain."
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She opens her eyes again, for the last time, and they're so bright, so green, that he can't help but falter.
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"You're still wearing them."
With a red, trembling finger, she points down at his foot, at the bracelet that sparkles as it catches the sunlight.
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On his ankle, strung through a piece of black thread, rests three glass beads, with the colors of orange, then pink, then blue.
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Orange, and pink, and blue.
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He watches as the sun filters through the beads, and the orange and pink and blue blur together and spill across the snow, like stained glass.
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Just like the day she first gave them to him.
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It's sunny that day, four years ago, as they lay sprawled across the grass, with their hair tangled together in a mess of blond against pink against black so dark it's tinged with blue.
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Sasuke looks annoyed, and Naruto keeps complaining about his growling stomach, but Sakura is the happiest she's ever been in her entire life.
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Just her and her two boys.
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Let's freeze this moment and keep it forever.
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"Why are we watching the clouds? Only lazy asses like Shikamaru ever do that."
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"Shut up Naruto!"
Sakura scowls up at the sky.
"I thought it would be nice. Anyways, I have something to give you two."
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A light laugh, like silver bells.
"Look!"
She says, as she pulls out three bracelets and a handful of glass beads.
"Bracelets! I'll make them for us. They'll be special."
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She smiles as she grabs three glass beads and slips them through a thread of string.
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Three glass beads.
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Orange.
"For Naruto."
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Pink.
"And me."
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Blue.
"And Sasuke-kun."
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"But Sakura-chan I'm a guy! I can't wear this!"
"Shut up and put it on!"
She shoves the bracelet into his hands, then grabs three more orange, pink, and blue beads and a piece of thread.
"Or put it on your ankle or something, if you don't want anyone to see. Just make sure you wear it."
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Naruto dangles the bracelet from his fingers, watching the sun cast orange and pink and blue patterns across his hand.
"Look! They make patterns in the sun."
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"They're glass beads, idiot."
"You know what, you bastard–"
"Guys, calm down. We're a team, remember? That's why we're wearing these."
She points at the glittering bracelet she had strung through a piece of string, then tied around her neck.
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Another laugh.
"So we'll be Team 7 forever and ever, right?"
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"Right, Sakura-chan!"
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"Hn."
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"Why are you still wearing it? I…I thought you had gotten rid of yours a long time ago."
"I thought I had too."
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"Look,"
She says, as she grabs the necklace hanging from her throat and rolls the three glass beads in the palm of her hand.
"I always keep mine here. Right over my heart."
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"H-here. You should have this. As a parting gift."
She fumbles with the pouch at her hips, then pulls out a small, satin bag with a yellow drawstring on top. He can hear the jingling of glass beads as they clatter around inside.
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She's loosing too much blood, he realizes, as he watches her pale face. She's dying. Dying.
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Her hands begin to shake as she opens the drawstring bag and lets the glass beads spill out across the snow, like little drops of gold.
"Take it. It's red–"
She picks out a scarlet bead from all the glittering glass and holds it between her fingers.
"–for Itachi."
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"So hold him in your heart. Forever and ever."
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I think forever and ever is too late for me, Sakura.
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He doesn't move as she grabs his cold fingers, then paints a heart in the center on his hand with her blood.
"Makes sure to wash off all the blood before you wear it."
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And she places the glass bead in the center of his glistening, scarlet heart.
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"See? We're still the same. Orange, pink, and blue. And for you, now red. Naruto and Sakura and Sasuke. Team 7."
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"I'm not the same person anymore, Sakura. I'm not blue, I'm black."
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She thinks for a moment, as she looks down at all the glittering glass
"You're still blue, Sasuke-kun, just a different shade. A darker blue. Navy blue."
She grabs another bead and holds it up, and even though it's covered with spots of her blood, it's indigo.
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Her emerald eyes flutter close.
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A pause.
"I still love you, you know."
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Even if you've changed.
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"I know."
A whisper.
"Sakura…thank you."
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She feels a burst of warmth flood across all the numbness, and the pain, and she thinks to herself,
Maybe he's trying to save me.
But by then, she's already drifting in nothing.
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"Looks like you're awake."
Light brown eyes.
"Tsunade-sama? Wha…what happened? I'm, alive…?"
"Alive and staying alive. But I've still got a lot to heal. Stab wounds, bruises all over, and three shattered ribs. You're lucky that no pieces punctured anything. Looks like you took a chidori to the chest. That damn Uchiha."
"Where am I?"
"The Leaf Hospital."
"But how did I get here?"
"You were carried in by a hawk."
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"A hawk?"
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"Stop talking. You need to be healed."
She feels a gentle hand prodding at her ribcage, before she lets out a hiss of pain and the world around her disappears in a shower of stars.
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So she closes her eyes and drowns in the black, like it's an escape.
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When she wakes, she feels a warm hand clutching her own, and for once, she isn't cold.
The first things she sees are a mess of blond and blue blue blue eyes.
"Naruto?"
"Hey Sakura-chan! How are you feeling?"
"Like shit. But I'll live."
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"Sasuke-kun saved me, you know."
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A wide grin.
"He's part of Team 7. That's what teammates do."
"Yeah, it is."
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She smiles as she reaches towards the bracelet hanging from her neck and rolls the glass beads in her hand
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But there aren't three glass beads, she realizes, as she presses them to her lips. There are four.
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There's orange, and pink, and blue.
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And there's indigo.
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Two years pass.
But the next time she sees him, he's bleeding.
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Blood slips from his spinning eyes, down his face, his arms, dripping from his fingers.
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And he's there too, with his blue blue blue eyes.
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Her two boys.
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She watches them, as she pushes herself to her feet, and through her tear filled eyes, they blur together into a swirl of black and gold.
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The air flares with swirls of wind and lighting, and thunder explodes from the sky.
And she shrieks their names, as they run towards that damned black and red cloak, and there's another piercing scream, before the world dissolves into a white haze.
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And everything washes away.
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She hates prison cells, she realizes, as she lets the bars behind her slam shut.
The sound is loud to her ears, but the silence is even more piercing.
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"I'm not going to let you die."
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He glances up at her, then looks away, and the silence still remains.
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"You and Naruto took out Uchiha Madara. You ended the war. You'll come out of here alive, I promise. I'll make it happen."
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The only sound is the rhythm of their slow breathing.
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"Maybe it's time for me to just give up."
His voice is soft.
"I've been searching for something, revenge, redemption, peace, but even after everything, it's not out there. I think it might be right here."
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"In Konoha. Maybe it's finally time for me to stay."
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She smiles, then asks,
"Why did you give me that indigo bead, two years ago?"
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"So that you'll remember me, both of them, the old me, and the new me."
She grins as she comes up and sits next to him, and they both stare down at the sunlight spilling in from a small window.
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Two hours pass before she leaves.
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Everyday, she comes into his cell and gives him a new glass bead, until he has a small pile at his feet, lying in that small patch of sunlight.
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Each time he takes a bead and rolls it in his fingers, she beams.
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Because after all this time, he's still kept them.
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365 glass beads later, he squints as he steps into the sunlight for the first time.
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A laugh, and a bright smile.
"See, I told you I'd get you out—"
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She stops as he spins her around and grabs her shoulders.
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And then kisses her.
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It's just like falling back in love with him, she thinks, as she stares up at his closed eyelids. Over and over and over again.
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She can taste sadness, on those lips, and a trace of bittersweet, mixed with pain and heartbreak and regret.
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But it's Sasuke.
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It's perfect.
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So she lets her own eyes drift close as she savors this moment, the flavors in her mouth, the smile pressed against her lips.
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This is how she remembers it, this memory, locked inside her heart.
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With a kiss, a tragedy, and a handful of glass beads.
So, my first Naruto fanfic. I was totally inspired to write this after reading some of Alucardzar's stories. She's my amazing beta reader and this story would die without her.
So please review? I'll love you forever!