A/N Hey there! I'm new to 'the office' forum, so if this isn't what you expected, I humbly apologize. This is going to be a (series? You decide (: ) one shot from Micheal's point of view. Sorry if I overdosed on the runoff sentences and dot dot dots, but I am picturing this as if he Is actually talking to you, complete with the dramatic pauses and over-emphasis :D please, enjoy, and remember, Reviews make it easier to be green. Kermit the frog, RTW!

Key-

Underlined- Dwight

Regular- Michael

P.s.- If you have seen The Princess Bride, then kudos to you, my friend. :D

Cheers!

LadyM

Relationships... aw... man, that's a tricky one...

Relationships are inferior. Needing to have a relationship insinuates that you cannot survive on your own. Metaphorically speaking, The world is like a wild jungle- and the people are like African pot-bellied pigs. With a mate, they can thrive. Without a mate, a puma may just sneak up and eat their family. Me? I am the puma.

… No-one asked you, Dwight. God.

You know what the hardest part of a relationship is? The other person. Take... Dwight and I for example. He's tall and creepy, and he smells like yams. All the time.

But do I turn him down? No.

Do I run in the other direction screaming, "Dear God, what is that thing?"? No!

What is that? What, did you make that up?

….It's from the princess bride, Dwight.

That is a false title- Married princess take on their husbands surname. Unless they are queen.

Dwight, I'm talking about the movie. What, you've never seen it?

…

No! God, you don't know, "my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die,"?

That was a very good Spanish accent. More on the Brazilian side, but-

No, out. Just... go polish your potato gun or... something.

God, I don't know... I just, Who hasn't seen The Princess bride, okay? It's an American classic!

...

You know... when I was a boy... I used to live next to this girl, Patty Lee. And... pshaw, she was... fine. She would wear her hair in these two pigtails, every single day. And every single day, at the bus stop, I would go up behind, and just... yank em! Just, give em a little tug.

And she used to give me... this look, a glare, if you please, But I knew... I knew she enjoyed it, secretly. So one day, here I was, Just sitting on my old tire swing in the front yard when she came up behind me, saying

"Michael, Michael! Give me a push!,"

So I let her get on, and when she had swung twice or so, I said,

"Okay, Okay, now push me!,"

So I got on that old swing, and I waited. I waited and I waited... not too long. About, oh... two hours or so... But she never... came back.

Anyway, do you see what I mean?

In the princess bride, Buttercup was a real brat at first, but Wesley, he just kept comin' back for more, and do you know what he said every time she tried to boss him around?

"As you wish,". And, Voila, true love for life.

But real life... it isn't like that. God, these days you go to a bar, buy someone a drink, hold the hair out of their face while they vomit in the bathroom, and Hey! You've got prince charming!

Relationships are just... being there.

Being there, like I am for.. everyone. You see, people don't always realize they need my help, so I... am always there for them.

It's like... I am a guardian angel, leading a blind orphan from tumbling down Victoria falls.

Do I ask for reward? No.

Do I ask for any... kindness, in return? No. Because relationships are not about... glory. They are about being there for each other, for the pure sake of it. I do, As they wish. For Dwight, For Patty lee...

…

It's kind of a cruel thing, really.