Crack and OOC warning.
Guilty Gear belongs to Arc System Works and Daisuke Ishiwatari.
Fist of the North Star belongs to Tetsuo Hara and Buronson.
Chapter 1
Chipp is meditating on a log. Wearing a blindfold. With both hands tied behind his back. Standing on one leg. Under a waterfall. On fire. In space.
Now one might think his training is a bit too intense, but for the sake of revenge for his master, nothing is too much for the white haired ninja. Suddenly, Chipp's head snaps up, his calm aura gone. He opens his mouth to speak, but, as there is no air in space, he makes no sound. His lips, however, read as such:
"My NINJA SKIRUSU inform me that the assassin's guild is acting pretty weird lately! If I'm ever going to avenge my master, now's my chance. Before I can go, however, I must complete my training by seeking out the true Japanese masters.
"TELEPORTO NO JUTSU!"
Chipp expands his ki and focuses on the place he wants to go to. His body shimmers, and then disappears entirely.
Chipp reappears on the cobblestone roads of some town. Based on the architecture of the buildings, he is probably somewhere in Europe. The person he wants to see is unlikely to be around, but given his wanted status, he could be anywhere, even here.
Luckily for the white haired ninja, he spots the white and blue uniform of an International Police officer. He might have some information on the whereabouts of the man he's looking for.
"Hey, police-san," says Chipp as he walks up to the officer. "You know where I can find a person by the name of Anji Mito?"
The officer turns around, and Chipp realizes it's that guy from the tournament. What's his name again? Ky Kiske? Yes, his eyes might be a bit more yellow than normal and his mouth might be bigger than he remembered, but it is definitely Ky Kiske. Yup, even though his voice sounds horribly synthesized and there appears to be bolts drilled into his face, Chipp has no doubt that he is talking to the former leader of the Holy Order.
"BZZZZT. CHECKING_DATABASE," responds Ky. "SUBJECT: ANJI_MITO. LAST_KNOWN_LOCATION: THE_JAPANESE_RESERVE_IN_HONG_KONG. STATUS: STILL_LOOSE."
"Hong Kong eh? Thanks for the tip. Get well soon. TELEPORTO NO JUTSU!"
With that, Chipp once again vanishes. Ky's eyes, however, glows brighter and a mechanical whirring sound can be heard from his head.
"FILE_ACCESSED. CHIPP_ZANUFF. BATTLE_POWER_ANALYZED_AND_UPDATED."
Chipp finds himself at the outskirts of Hong Kong. There are a couple of shacks lining the road, and off in the distance he can see the sprawling metropolis that is Hong Kong.
Anji-san probably wouldn't be in the city, seeing as he's running from the authorities, thinks Chipp. He turns around and heads off into the woods with his ninja speed, combing the forest in search of the Japanese dancer.
Thanks to his supersonic speed, Chipp quickly finds his quarry. Anji is strolling through the forest without a care in the world.
"Ah! Mito-Anji-san!" calls Chipp.
"Hey, what's with the super politeness?" answers Anji without much reaction, as if expecting the ninja or something. "You want me to teach you more Japanese or something?"
"Well, that's not what I had in mind, but sure, why not?"
"OK, here's a phrase I think you'll really find useful. Ore wa homo desu."
"Haha, you said 'homo'," snickers Chipp.
Shit, he's on to me, thinks Anji. Don't panic, I can still pull this off.
"Haha, yeah, what a coincidence. You know how languages are like, one word in one language sounds like another word in another language with a completely different meaning! Heheh…."
"Funny how often that happens, doesn't it? So, what does the phrase mean?"
"Yes. Ahem. It means 'I am skilled in a certain area.' The context really gives it meaning. So if you were talking about fighting and you say 'ore wa homo desu', it would mean you are really skilled at fighting."
"Cool! I can't wait to use that in conversation! Arigatou Anji-san!"
The Japanese dancer cringes, though too subtly for Chipp to notice. Even when he uses the words right it sounds wrong!
"Hey now, let's see how your physical training has gone."
Chipp groans. He hates this part the most. Anji seems most intent on checking up on Chipp's body every time they meet. Sure, the Japanese fighter gives good advice on how to train his muscles, but the inspections just feels...weird.
"Oh come on now, we're both guys and we're good friends! Don't take this the wrong way," says Anji as he feels up Chipp's arms. "Hmm, firm and solid, very good."
"No homo?" asks the ninja nervously.
"No homo. Now, let's see your chest."
Anji gropes his way through Chipp's chest, pausing to flick his nipple at the end.
"It has both width and density. Good job."
"No homo?"
"No homo. How are those abs coming along?"
The dancer uses both hands to explore every curve of Chipp's stomach. His hands roams a bit lower than the ninja is comfortable with, but nothing private is touched, so he holds his concerns.
"Oh yes," Anji practically slobbers. "What about your lower body though? I need to investigate thoroughly. Could you take off your pants?"
"OKAY, LET'S STOP HERE," yells Chipp. "I'm here because I've developed a new technique that I want you to see. If there are any improvements I can make to it, please let me know. I think it's about time I struck back at the assassin's guild, and I want to be at my strongest!"
"Alright, let's see your new move." says Anji with disappointed puppy eyes.
"Great! I call it the Fujiyama Geisha!"
"The what?"
"Fujiyama Geisha."
"…"
"…"
"You have no idea what you're talking about again, don't you?"
"No, I know what Fujiyama Geisha means."
"OK, what does it mean?"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Hundred crack fist?"
Anji slaps himself with his folded fan. "First of all, don't go taking the name of copyrighted moves. Secondly, Hokuto Shinken has a 2000 year old history! It's not a martial art someone like you can master. And thirdly, THAT'S NOT EVEN WHAT FUJIYAMA GEISHA MEANS!"
"Oh."
"…"
"I knew that."
"…"
"I was just testing you."
"Just shut up and show me your moves."
"Yosh! Here I go!" With that cry, Chipp dashes forward, his arms moving in a flurry of rapid jabs. He then kicks upwards, launching his imaginary opponent into the air. Finally, the ninja jumps with a brutal uppercut with the blade attached to his wrist, which would surely have cut any real person in half.
"That's pretty good," comments Anji. "May I suggest a name? How about Banki Messai?"
"Dude, that sounds mad dope," gushes Chipp, stars practically falling out of his eyes. "Man that sounds so cool! Wow, Banki Messai. UNNNNGH! Gee that's great! Wicked! Awesome! Man I sound so Japanese! Banki Messai. AAAAAAAH-UGGH. Oh God yes."
While the weeaboo is busy obsessing over two words, Anji sneaks off. He can only handle so much wannabe in one day.
It is several hours before Chipp calms down enough to think straight. He is out of breath and lying spread eagle in a pool of his own fluids.
Wow, Banki—enough of that! I need to complete my training! Next person I need to see is Baiken nee-san. She should be able to critique my blade skills.