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I don't regret it.
Even now when I look back and feel the weight of all things that were misunderstood, unsaid and wrongly managed I still feel that every choice I made was right. The happiness of my brief blissful times with her will feed my soul for the rest of my existence.
It's just that… never mind! You can't undo things only with mind power, can you?
As I think back, I have to ask myself why I hadn't noticed it in the beginning. Of course, it was the type of thing that slowly enters in your brain, you know?
Like when you have a scratch but only two days later you see the allergy marks on your skin… But it was there and every time I think about it I see all the things I've done wrong, all the words I could've said to make it different.
It started at Partmann High School, the first one we enrolled together.
She was so excited and happy. She finally would be able to interact with the "outsiders" – as we used to call the people that weren't in on the secret, like a private joke – and experiment "normal life".
Because nothing to us is normal, every tiny bit of our lives is an immense mess. My name is Jacob Black and I'm a werewolf – shape shifter actually, but saying werewolf make it more impressive – who used to live in a house with eight vampires, and a half breed.
Okay, it must not seem too unusual since it makes sense that mythical creatures that were supposed to be alive only in movies, comics or books lived together to protect each other.
But the case is that our kinds are natural enemies, like cats and rats.
My kind was first created to protect normal people, and destroy vampires to prevent them to kill innocents. As you might have figured out, life isn't always simple as being created for something, and that's the end of the story.
Let me tell a little fairy tale: the story of my life.
I once loved a girl, Isabella Swan. However, she was in love with one of those same vampires that were my enemies, Edward Cullen. Long story short, I tried to fight for her love, and had to watch defenselessly as she chose him over me, married him, and became pregnant to his child who we all – the Quileute's pack, and her family, including her husband – believed was a monster, an abomination that would kill Bella and all the town's population.
Turns out that the baby in no way had a murderous intent – in fact, she was the most perfect, beautiful, smart, and sweet child I ever saw, and I doubt that's going to exist some other that overcome her – but she did almost kill Bella at the delivery.
Edward had to change her mother into a vampire to save her. Bella is still alive in a way. Her death occurred because the baby was too strong, and had to practically be ripped out of her belly.
And that's where I came to the story again. When the pack's members found out about the baby they got terrified because they – as everybody else – didn't know what could result of this race mix. They thought about murdering the baby before she was even born.
Of course, the process would also murder her mother, but they thought that it would be a justified sacrifice. Casualties of war.
Being absolutely in love as I was, I tried to protect Bella, putting myself – and some other wolves – between them. It was a painful experience, something that I don't like to talk about even today, after ten years. So I was there when the baby had born. And that's when my fairy tale began, due to another particularly interesting thing about being a werewolf.
After the first time we phase, we are able to imprint, which is kind of like a magic that allow us wolves to recognize our soul mates in the instant we look into the eyes of our correspondent ones, no matter the difference between the wolf and his imprintee.
In my case I imprinted on a half human-half vampire infant. Bella's daughter.
Renesmee Carlie Cullen. My Nessie.
It might sound creepy to say that I knew I was bonded to love eternally this person in the first hour of her birth, but imprinting it's a beautiful process.
When the wolf find his mate, and both of them are adults, it turns out to be the same thing as love at first sight, but infinitely more potent.
When the girl is a child, though, the wolf's feelings are the ones of a big brother, protector and best friend. He would wait for years until his imprintee is old enough to understand the power of their connection, and he'd hope that, when the time comes, she chooses to be his lover.
Because unlike the wolf, the imprintee has a choice.
And that's where my fairy tale ended. Because in the end, she didn't choose me.