Write Your Soul Down

Rifiuto: Non Mirena

Summary: Marriage is difficult, pregnancy and parenthood is difficult. Now multiply that tenfold thanks to a wiped memory, and marriage, pregnancy and parenthood just got a hell of a lot harder. AU, Established McGiva.

A/N: I'm gonna kill my sister-in-law. I find all these started stories, and yet, somehow, she's hidden the folder with all her currently continued stories in it. Oh well, I'll keep looking.- Licia

Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend
Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be

Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine

- Matchbox Twenty,

You Won't Be Mine,

Mad Season album,

2000

His eyes snapped open; the never-ending silence that had once enveloped him was now gone... the noises that greeted him were too loud, the colors too bright, the smells too intense.

The hand that held his squeezed hard, the short, blunt nails cutting into his skin, the voice was soft, comforting, not that he noticed. No, he was too focused on struggling to swallow, to breathe, to speak... and doctors were too focused on getting him to relax long enough so they could remove the tube from his throat.

Finally, he was free, able to breathe and swallow and speak-

"Do you know where you are?"

He winced as the doctor, a Jeanne Beniot, shone a small circle of light into his eyes. "H.. pital..."

"Good. And can you tell me your name?" She asked, shutting off the light and holding a finger up, slowly moving it back and forth, watching as his green eyes followed.

"T... Timothy McGee..."

"Okay. And what year is it?"

He swallowed, wincing at the rawness of his throat. "Ah... two... two-thousand-seven."

"That's good. And... do you know these men?" His gaze followed as she turned, gesturing to the three men standing at the foot of the bed. All three were dressed in nice suits, all waiting anxiously for him to speak.

"G... Gibbs..." He nodded to the Team Leader on the far left; a small smile of relief flitted across the older man's face. "And... Ducky..."

"We're glad you're awake, Timothy."

"And... T... To... Tony."

"Good." Dr. Beniot glanced to the side, and slowly, Tim followed her. "And do you know who she is?"

He furrowed a brow, drinking in everything about her- her dark curls were held back with a black cloth headband, and she wore a long, loose, blue plaid blouse on over a pair of black leggings. A gold Star of David hung around her neck, and she gave him a small smile as she squeezed his hand; perched on the edge of the chair, she watched him anxiously with misty dark eyes. She looked to be a year or two younger than he himself. "Hi sweetheart." She quickly reached up, brushing a wayward tear off her cheek; the flash of a gold wedding ring sparked in the light. "I am so glad you are awake. You scared me."

"I..." He turned back to Dr. Beniot, confusion in his green gaze. "I'm sorry, but... I'm draw... drawing a blank. Can... can you remind me? Please?" The doctor gave him a quick, soft smile.

"This is-"

"Ziva." The woman rested a hand to her chest. "My name is Ziva." He turned back to the woman sitting by his side.

"Okay. And... we're... what, exactly? Neighbors? Roommates? Coworkers? Friends?"

She chuckled softly. "All of the above, Tim." She held up the hand on which her wedding ring rested. "We are husband and wife."

He didn't hear Ducky and Tony excuse themselves, offering their congrats that he was okay. Gibbs, however, stayed. After a few quick checks were run, Dr. Beniot excused herself, leaving only the couple and their boss. Gibbs made his way to the window, giving the couple privacy, though he listened carefully.

"Married? You... you and I?" She nodded, lifting his hand to show an identical white gold wedding band.

"Yes... four years this... this May sixteenth. It was..." She glanced at Gibbs before turning back to him. "a small ceremony in Gibbs's backyard... our honeymoon was in... we went to Fiji for two weeks." She stopped, glancing down at his hand. "I thought... I thought I was going to lose you, and I... I can't lose you, Tim."

"Why?"

But she just stood, leaning over the bed. Her small fingers brushed through his hair as their eyes locked. A tiny smile graced her lips, and she leaned down, brushing a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you, Timothy." He met her gaze, struggling to figure out where he'd met her before, but kept drawing a blank. Her teeth slid out to grasp her lower lip, and slowly she took a seat beside him on the bed, pulling his hand back into her lap. She played with his fingers, lost in thought.

"Are you okay?"

Gibbs glanced over his shoulder, catching Ziva's eye; she was pale, shaky- clearly this three month ordeal was taking its toll on her-

She felt sick, though managed to keep the bile rising in her throat down. How did she tell him? How did she even manage to broach the subject now? It was evident he didn't remember her; though Dr. Beniot had said that tests would need to be done to determine the extent of the damage, it didn't look, to Ziva, as though he was going to remember her. And the word the doctor had used kept tangling in her stomach, pushing her worst fears to light- fears that now might becoming true.

Amnesia.

There was a chance Tim could have amnesia from the accident, that it might be anterograde amnesia- the loss of the ability to recall memories from the recent past. She hoped to God it wasn't true.

"Fine." Her free hand moved up, resting over her shirt; his gaze followed, brow furrowing in confusion.

"Are you sure? You... you don't look well. I'm sorry if I upset you because I don't remember you-"

But Ziva shook her head, giving him a tiny smile; it was the kind of smile a woman wore when she was hiding something from her husband, something she wasn't exactly ready to reveal just yet. "I am fine, Tim, I just... the last three months have been hard. Harder than they should be. Because you have not been here; you have not been able to watch me grow. And especially since... since you were so excited when we found out."

"Found out what?"

She glanced back at Gibbs, who shrugged softly and returned his gaze to the window, though he could watch their reflections in the darkness of the glass, the lights of D.C., at night warping them just slightly. Slowly, Ziva swallowed, turning back to her husband. She took a deep breath, gently pressing his hand against her stomach, before she met his gaze. "About... the baby, Tim."

"What baby?"

Tears filled her eyes as she smiled softly at him, whispering,

"I... we... I'm pregnant."