A/N : Just something I came up with at work the other night. I wanted to do some writing so here it is. It got a little long but I hope you'll enjoy.

"You go backwards but then you go forwards again."
Twisted Logic by Coldplay

1991

"He wants another baby so badly, Jimmy. And I can't give it to him."

Jimmy Cooper held back a scowl as Kirsten Cohen cried, drunkenly, on his shoulder. He hated when she did this. Came to him with the problems. The tiny problems in her marriage with Sandy. He never shared his and Julie's problems with Kirsten. It was not fair. He could not share them with Kirsten; she was the root of their problems.

Jimmy could not count the fights they had over the years about his relationship with Kirsten. Jimmy could not admit it but Julie was right most of the time. He still loved Kirsten, just as much as he did when they were dating, maybe more.

But she made it difficult when she cried on his shoulder about Sandy and his happiness. Why should Sandy get to be happy when Jimmy could not?

However, Jimmy stoically withstood her tears. He would rather her cry on his shoulder with his arm around her than her never be in his arms again.

"We try and we try. But nothing." Jimmy handed her a tissue while he trying not to gag at the thought of Kirsten, his Kirsten, wrapped around Sanford Cohen.

But she's not your Kirsten, anymore. The logical part of his brain reminded him.

They left the charity event that night. Neither of their spouses knowing of their talk.

Jimmy sat in his bathroom, thinking of what Kirsten had said. Away from her golden hair and baby blue eyes, he found it easier to get angry with her.

Why did she do this? She knew that he still had feelings for her. He had heard Sandy arguing with her about it plenty of times. She knew that he loathed Sandy. Hated him for getting to be Kirsten's husband, lover, best friend. That used to be him. He used to make her happy. He used to be the only one in Newport who she could really be herself with.

But she wasn't even really herself then. He remembered back to when he first saw Kirsten with her new boyfriend from Berkeley. He watched them dance at Rose Nichol's birthday party. He had never seen her smile so much. Never seen her so attached to someone, not even him. He had clearly been kidding himself by thinking that she was miserable in Berkeley. He had thought that she would spend a semester there and realize the mistake she had made and come back to him. He realized at that very moment that he had been wrong, so very wrong. She wasn't his anymore. She never truly was in the first place.

Jimmy hit the counter with his fist, feeling some relief in the noise that resounded through the bathroom.

"James, you okay?"

"Stubbed my toe." He lied. Jimmy looked up into his own eyes in the mirror, getting angrier by the moment.

Sandy Cohen had the world. But there was one thing he wanted but could not have.

Jimmy entered his bedroom and sat on the bed beside Julie who was rubbing vanilla lotion over her tanned skin. He kissed her shoulder before running his nose up her neck, his mouth coming to hover by her ear.

"Hi," he breathed.

"Mmm. Hey," she breathed back.

"Let's have another baby."

Julie pulled away from him, searching for his eyes. "Marissa's only three."

"Yeah. Well, there are just a few years different between my brother and me and the same for you and your sister."

"Yeah and look how well we get along with our siblings."

"Well, Kirsten and Hailey have around 15 years difference and they fought like cats and dogs."

Julie narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth to say something. Before she could, Jimmy placed a single finger over her lips.

"But this isn't about her. This is about you and me. Our family."

Julie searched Jimmy's eyes for a moment. He seemed sincere.

"You really want this?"

"Yes. I really do." Jimmy stated quietly. "For us."

Jimmy later realized what a fool he had been. Of course, Julie was going to tell all her friends, including Kirsten, that Jimmy had just persuaded her to try for another child. Kirsten would see right through it.

But Jimmy waited and waited for the confrontation but it never came. Apparently, a freak event had occurred. Conveniently, Kirsten was either not in attendance at all or not present whenever the girls spoke of the attempted pregnancy. It was something out of a sitcom.

He was also surprised that none of the ladies had been spiteful and simply brought it up to Kirsten to hurt her. Most surprisingly, Julie had not mentioned it to Kirsten. None of them knew that Kirsten was also trying to get pregnant but no one could put it past them to bring it up simply because they thought of Jimmy as being superior to Sandy.

Julie conceived while Kirsten remained barren. At a charity event for Newport's homeless, Julie had asked for everyone's attention, thanked them for their generous donations, and also broke the happy news. Jimmy searched the room and found Kirsten. He watched her as Julie broke the news. She wore an expression that he could not read. But Sandy could. He approached her from the other end of the room. He put a strong arm around her, pulled her close long enough to drop a kiss on the top of her head. He leaned down to whisper into her ear.

Jimmy watched Kirsten gather strength from her husband and walk away from Sandy toward him. She had a big smile on her face as she approached Jimmy.

"Congratulations!" Her voice sounded excited but he could tell she was not as excited as she looked. He accepted her hug. They pulled away and he tried to look into her eyes but she was looking down.

"Hey. I didn't mean for this to…." He tried to explain. "I mean, I know you and Sandy…"

"Just another pregnant woman I get to look at." She tried to joke. "It is funny. The thing you want the most, it seems like everyone else has it."

"So Sandy is still pressing you for another?"

"No, actually." She sniffled, trying to control herself. "He says maybe we should stop for a while and try in a few years. But I want one so badly."

Jimmy felt like the world stopped.

"Well, I better get going. I just wanted to say congratulations."

As he watched her walk away, Jimmy let her words sink in. This whole time he thought that she was only doing this for Sandy. He knew Sandy loved children and wanted more. But somehow he had forgotten that when he and Kirsten had planned their future together, they had names for three children. She wanted a second child maybe more than Sandy even did.

What had he wanted to accomplish? Had he honestly thought that if Sandy saw Julie pregnant again and Kirsten couldn't conceive that Sandy would leave her? And Kirsten would run back to him and he would leave Julie and they could pick up where they left off?

Jimmy suddenly felt sick. He felt horrible. He had hurt his beautiful, perfect Kirsten. His heart ached for the pain it had caused her. He wanted to go to her, wrap his arms around her, apologize and then tell her that everything was going to be okay. But Sandy beat him to it. Jimmy watched Sandy envelop her and walk her out of the building. Suddenly, Jimmy did not feel so bad anymore.

Jimmy sat on a boat in 2007 thinking of 1991. It felt like so long ago, another lifetime. He could not believe how his life had changed since then. Marissa was just three. Already showing hints of her mother. He smiled at the thought, tears running down his cheeks as they always did. He drank some whiskey straight from the bottle.

He looked down at the photo he had stolen from Julie. It pictured Kirsten, Sandy, Seth, Ryan, and little Sophie. He took a swig of whiskey. Jimmy really hated irony.

His daughter was dead, buried, six feet under. Meanwhile, Kirsten's daughter, Sandy's daughter was just beginning her life. It was not fair.

He looked at Sandy in the picture. He was smiling and looking down at his wife as she held their perfect child. God, he hated this man. This man who had everything, perfect wife, perfect family, perfect life. But that was not what Jimmy hated the most. He hated that Sandy deserved it. Sandy worked for a good life. Sandy earned it. Jimmy had everything handed to him and still could not make it work. He hated Sandy for that.

Then he looked to Kirsten. His beautiful Kirsten. Almost more gorgeous as the time had passed. She was looking down at the angel in her arms. Blonde like her. Baby blue eyes like her. Smile like hers. Kirsten had everything. She wasn't missing him at all. He was sitting here on this boat, miserable as a dog, and he could tell that he was not even a thought to her anymore.

He laughed as he drank again. Kirsten had finally made him hate her.