He entered the lab at his normal pace, that is, in a flash, went straight for one of the several chairs behind the computers and sat down heavily, making the chair slide several feet away on its wheels. Smiling goofily, he glanced at the only occupant of the lab, quickly opened the take-out box of sushi and dug in enthusiastically.
Several mouthfuls later, he looked up curiously at her, sitting one chair down, hair blown back with the gust of air he brought with her, lost deep in her thoughts. There were only two lights on in the room and it was more shadows than light. Her face was glowing with the light from the monitor screen, her eyes slightly wide. He was sure she wasn't even aware of his arrival, so deep in her mind she was. It was something pleasant, he could tell. There was this slight uplift of her lips, a dazed smile that gave her thoughts away. He could not help smiling himself.
Looking at her now, who would have believed she was the girl from a year earlier, with grim expressions and melancholic eyes, someone who felt like her responsibility to protect everything and everyone ever since she was not able to save that one person. Someone who had been blaming herself for the death of that person and for whom getting out of bed each morning, defeating the crippling grief and fighting to make space for others was a daily challenge.
Not anymore, he thought with happy satisfaction.
She changed. She overcame all her fears and nightmares and they have only made her stronger. She started smiling more, cracking jokes, trying to come up with meta nicknames, even did karaoke. She started living her life again instead of bearing it. And he liked this Caitlin, this open, sensitive and caring person with her intelligence and bursting ideas that never cease to amaze him with their brilliance.
He cleared his throat loudly to get her attention. It didn't work. She kept staring at the base of the screen, with that same little smile. He pushed his chair closer to hers.
"Caitlin?" he called softly.
Nothing. She was too deep in her thoughts.
"Caitlin!" he said loudly. It worked. She jumped violently, a shudder passing through her body as her chair slipped from under her before she barely caught it with her fingertips.
"Barry!" she smiled in surprise, "Hey."
He grinned at her clumsy response, "Hi, Caitlin."
"What are you doing here? Aren't these your police hours?" she asked, sitting back in her chair firmly and brushing her hair back from her face.
"Yeah, well, today is a slow day crime-wise," he shrugged as he dug in his sushi again, "Besides, two days and no meta activity. I missed you . . . guys."
He colored slightly as he added the last word almost as a second thought. He noticed Caitlin rubbing her arm, her face pink with the sudden awkward confession. He cursed himself internally. Ever since the day he lost his speed and she told him that he will always be Barry even without his powers, and that moment of breathless expectation before Cisco interrupted, things haven't been entirely platonic between them. Wrong sentences, spoken when there are only two of them, had the tendency to create an air of awkwardness.
She overcame her embarrassment soon enough and she stood up, "Well, Cisco is not here so nothing fun is going on. You're not missing on anything good, honestly."
He frowned, "First of all, I like spending time with you which is a different sort of fun," he said firmly, ignoring the increasing warmth in his neck, "Secondly, where is Cisco?"
Caitlin smiled, "First of all, thanks for saying that even though I can only play Operation with you, which is a complete bore," she flicked on few lights and the lab suddenly got much brighter, "And secondly, Cisco is visiting his family. He'll probably stay with them for a week. He told me to call him if any meta activities come calling. But there are none so far." She walked back to her chair and swivel it around to face Barry.
He shook his head in denial, "So, what? You are gonna spend your whole day in here? By yourself?"
Caitlin shrugged, sitting down on the chair, "It's either by myself at my apartment or by myself here," she noticed the appearance of protest in Barry's eyes and continued hastily, "I don't mind. Besides, someone has to keep a check in case any metahuman activities appear," she nodded towards the city map on the screen and hacked CCTV footage appearing on another.
It always hit him harder each time; the thought of her being constantly alone. Ever since the day they spent time together at the bar and he took her to her home, drunk and throwing up, he had been haunted by the memory of her small voice asking him to stay until she fall asleep. Odd moments, like him having dinner with Joe, or the two of them watching TV together, have a strange way of making him wonder what she was doing at that moment. She had a very short list of things-to-do, one that she recited for him defiantly several weeks ago.
I cook, and I eat, and I . . . read.
And he would find himself smiling at the mental image of her curled up in her bed, reading in the stillness of her surroundings, a cup of something hot on her bedside table. It made him agitated to know that she was so alone, impatient to do something about it, but he still find that image of hers comforting.
He chewed on the last mouthful of sushi and stood up. Caitlin's eyes followed him.
"You know what? That's not fair," he announced as he flashed over to the dustbin and came back.
"Barry, it -"
"No, you can't sit here alone all day. I won't let that happen," he said decisively. Caitlin sighed.
He looked around the room, searching for something that could occupy both of them for some hours, his eyes flitting over everything until they came to rest on her again, now thoughtful and curious, "What were you thinking when I came in?" he asked unexpectedly.
"Huh?" Caitlin was taken aback by the question.
"You were thinking about something when I came. What was it?"
Caitlin smiled with the memory of the thought, "I was just remembering the time you took me to Ronnie to fix him with the quantum splicer."
Something dropped in Barry's stomach, an unexpected feeling of hollowness came. He gulped his disappointment down, "Oh. So you were remembering Ronnie?"
Caitlin shook her head, "Actually, no, I was just thinking about how great it felt to run at that speed," her smile faltered for a second, "Of course, at that time, I was more concerned about Ronnie. But recalling it now . . . " she looked up at Barry and he noticed the sudden stars of her eyes, "I finally understand why you love being the Flash."
He breathed deeply, looking down at his hands, partly to stop himself from staring at her who looked so beautiful in that moment, and partly to hide the rush of pride and elation expressed on his face from her. She understood the speed force, she understood the part of him that was a secret from the world. It was a phenomenal realization.
Breathing deeply to control his emotions, he pulled his chair close to hers and sat on it, all in a blur of motion, and leaned forward, "How did it feel, Cait?" he asked excitedly, his hands shaking slightly with the excitement of sharing his enthusiasm with someone, "Was it good?"
Her smile turned into an ecstatic grin as she stared back at him, "It was . . . amazing. . . Fast. Well, of course, it was fast" she shook her head slightly to gather her thoughts, "I wanted to see where we are going but not wanted to see it, too. I was scared of hitting something but . . . so excited to feel so much at once. There was wind and energy . . . blasts of it . . . all coming at me. I was not the streak but everybody else was. It was hard to keep my eyes open but it was impossible not to look. Everything was flattened around us. No shapes. Just streaks of colors. It was euphoric," she closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened again, the feeling was gone, "It lasted for few seconds only, all of that . . . but in those few seconds I forgot about the world. I forgot about Ronnie, S.T.A.R labs, metahumans. It felt like I could move like that, with that speed, forever. And nothing would touch me. No one would hurt me. I wouldn't feel the pain of people dying or leaving me," she bit her lower lip, "It was a way to leave all emotions behind and live in the physical word of so many colors. So, of course, it felt good. It felt great," her voice had lost all the excitement and rush of moments before.
He noticed the shimmer of tears in her dark eyes and it pained him. All those things she felt, all those emotions, all the power of speed she explained, it was what he had always felt but had been unable to express it. But she told it right, in a way that it touched him deep within, her words resonating with reality, making him feel her pain and loneliness as well as let his affection for her growing even more.
He stood up from his chair to stand over her. She leaned back to look up at him curiously.
"You know you only have to ask," he said softly, smiling, "And I will take you wherever you want. And not just for few seconds, either."
She smiled back, tilting her head sideways, "Thanks for the offer but I weigh a little more than a take-out sushi lunch."
He rolled his eyes, "That's not the problem, Dr. Snow."
She sighed, "Okay, but you are not a roller coaster," he chuckled, "You can't carry me around running just because I like it."
"I don't mind," he shrugged, "It does get lonely to run that fast but have no one to talk to."
"For few seconds?" she quirked her eyebrow skeptically, smiling all the while.
"I get bored easily," he countered.
She laughed, shaking her head at his lame excuses as she stood up and started to walk away, "Well, I will forever feel ashamed for using your speed on a city-wide tour, so I can't do that."
He sighed as he bent down and, in one swooping motion, picked her up. She let out a small squeal of surprise.
"Looks like you no longer have an option, Dr. Snow," he said smugly.
"Barry, put -"
But he was already running, out of the room, the building, down a road in one blinding second. She clutched at the front of his jacket as her eyes strained to stay open, to make sense of colors and streaks.
"We are going to have fun, today," he said loudly over the noise of the air.
"I'm being kidnapped to have fun?" she accused as she hid her face in his jacket, air stinging her eyes. He laughed, jubiliant at the idea of talking to her all day while running at such speed.
"You wouldn't have it any other way," he countered.
"That's right. Someone need to make sure the metahumans don't get excited," she reasoned even though feeling the similar rush of euphoria from moving at such speed.
Barry rolled his eyes, "You need to calm down, Dr. Snow."
She gave up, unable to resist the temptation of running at that speed. She saw the surroundings become parallel streaks of lights and knew for Barry, it was slightly different. For him, everything else becomes slow and he was able to see the objects as clearly as walking down the path. But apart from that, they shared the same rush of wind and power all around them.
Seconds later, he came to a halt at the back entrance of a shop. She breathed the stolen air hungrily as he put her down.
"Just a quick stop," he explained as he fingered his hair back in place, "Don't go anywhere."
She nodded breathlessly, unable to ask any questions. He was gone in the next instant.
Merely ten seconds later, he was back, a small box in his hand.
"What's that?" she asked, eyeing the box with confusion. He pulled out something from it and showed her. She laughed.
"Really?" she pushed her hair back as he stepped closer and placed the black goggles over her head and on her eyes.
"You said you couldn't keep your eyes open," he said, smiling, "I thought these will help."
"Well, good for you, I don't have motion sickness," she teased.
"I can always get you a paper bag," he shrugged nonchalantly.
She chuckled, adjusted the goggles more firmly over her eyes and nodded, "They are perfect," she looked up at him and smiled cheekily, a rare act for her, "Thank you, Mr. Allen."
"You are very welcome, Dr. Snow," he chuckled, closing the distance between them, "Shall we, then?"
She grinned, putting her arm around his neck as he picked her up again, "We shall."
x-x-x
The apartment building was quiet, being on a rather less populated side of the city, and that late at night, everyone was safely tucked away in their homes. Hardly any vehicle passed by on the road in front of it and so it was mostly peacefully silent.
Suddenly a red blur appeared on the road and before anyone could make the sense of it, entered the building, up the stairs and halted to a stop in front of an apartment.
Barry put Caitlin down on the door mat, who teetered slightly on her feet before regaining her balance. She pulled off her goggles and took a deep breath, pushing her windblown hair back.
"Here we are," Barry announced, smiling.
Caitlin chuckled breathlessly, "Yeah, wow," she murmured as she bent down to unlock the door and let herself in, signalling for him to enter, "I can't believe today happened. I don't think, in my entire life, I have laughed half as much in a single day."
He laughed, walking in and standing in her living room, "Perks of having a superhero friend," he stretched his arms tiredly and let out a satisfied sigh, "I never ran this much in a single day, either."
"I never saw someone eating twelve Big Belly Burgers for one meal," Caitlin teased as she went over to the kitchen. He followed her, his smile seemingly plastered on his face, never fading, never going away.
"I never took someone running to the top of a mountain only to have them shivering so much that I have to give them my jacket," he teased back. She was putting two cups on the counter. He reached forward to touch her fingers, "Wow, you are still cold."
She rolled her eyes, "I'm always cold, Barry."
"I can't imagine being that cold all the time," he murmured apprehensively, "Are you really okay?"
Caitlin placed a hand on his shoulder and looked straight at him, "I'm fine, Barry. In fact, I'm great. I had one amazing day today. Thanks to you."
It was, in all reality, the most incredible day of her life. Barry took her all around Central City to Starling City, on a high snowy mountainside to an amusement park, on a roller coaster ride to lunch . . . well, lunch for her, lunches for him. They had dinner at a small restaurant, where Barry once again made the staff nervous by ordering a lot of food. She laughed so much that her sides still hurt. It felt like a whirlwind of a day, the last thirteen hours of her life swept in a tornado of speed and colors.
And this morning I thought today was going to be another day spent alone, she thought in disbelief.
Barry stared at her flushed face as she busily pour hot chocolate in two cups, her brown curls twirling around her face, windswept yet still beautiful.
"Like I said this morning, I like spending time with you. It's a different sort of fun."
She raised her eyebrows playfully as she handed him a mug and followed him out of the kitchen back to the living room. They both settled down on opposite ends of the couch, still smiling as they sipped the hot chocolate.
"Mmm, this is good," Barry exclaimed.
"I thought you might need some extra calories after burning so many today."
He grinned, "Always a pleasure."
There was a moment of silence as they both enjoyed the comfortable quiet and hot beverage. Caitlin stared thoughtfully at the center table, her eyes fixed at some invisible point. Barry could not help smiling a little. She was so often in deep thoughts that he had learned to enjoy her "thinking face".
When she finally spoke up, her expressions were much sober, "You know I told you that with or without your speed, you are still Barry," he nodded, sitting up straighter now that she was finally out of that moment of lull, "And while it's true, I don't want you to lose your powers. Ever. Again." she gazed at him with the brilliance of determination, "I realized only today how much being Flash means to you. I always knew it was an important part of you, but today I realized that it was not only because it enables you to save people," she looked away, "It was because you are as much part of the speed force as it's a part of you. And living without your speed, after you have a taste of it, will be painful. Not for what other people need, but for you. And I don't want anything . . . to hurt you. I don't want you to lose anything on top of what you already have,"
She looked back at him and he saw in the hardened gaze of her eyes the sincerity of her words. It left him speechless and stunned.
"Being the Flash, being able to feel so much energy and speed rushing through you . . . I could not imagine how it must feels. But after today, after having just a glimpse of it, I think I can understand what did you mean by not being the best version of yourself without being the Flash," she rotated the cup in her hands absentmindedly, "And I don't know how strong I am, or how much of it is possible, but if anything . . . or anyone, ever becomes a danger for the Flash, I want you to know that I will not let them take it away from you."
He felt his fingers going numb with the determination of her resolve. She meant it, every word of it. It was written all over her face, in her eyes, in the set of her mouth, in the firm grip of her fingers on the cup. It was both heartwarming and bone-chilling.
For a long moment he just stared back, unsure how to respond to something so profound, so real and powerful. It had never crossed his mind that she wanted to protect him just as much as he wanted to protect her. He had no idea how willing she was to protect him at any cost. And that realization came with a price. A heart-racing, breathless price.
"There were times," he finally broke the silence, "When I hated being the Flash. Times like Snart killing that man with his cold gun. Or when he kidnapped you. Or when anyone close to me got hurt because someone was trying to get to the Flash. All those times when I was not fast enough. It felt like such an impossible responsibility. To try to keep everyone safe and failing at it. I hated that red suit then. I hated that instead of living a normal life, I have to live with the constant fear of someone satisfying their vendetta against Flash by hurting the people I care for. I hated knowing that I could have saved a life if I was only a second earlier. And that one second always overcomes my life, make me hate this life, make me forget how much I love being the Flash, how much good I have done because of it" he smiled slightly, a quiet, sideways smile, "But today, when you were telling me how it felt to move at that speed, and how you felt lost in that, I realized that from now on, no matter how late I am, no matter who gets hurt because of the Flash, I can never . . . not ever,want to not be the Flash. Because what has to happen, will happen. But I have gained so much from being the Flash, I can't hope there will not be a loss, a balance to good. And if I could do that all over again," he looked at her and smiled, "If I have to choose between getting hit by the lightening and having to live with this responsibility, or to live a normal life, I will always choose the lightening. I will always choose to be the Flash," he looked down at his fingers holding the cup, feeling suddenly warm all over, "And not just because of the speed. But also because that way I get to meet you, Dr. Snow," he said in a teasing tone, looking up at her again.
She stared back at him, her eyes shining, her mind repeating his words over and over again. Breathing deeply, her face split in a brilliant smile, her face flushed with the sleepy warmth of the moment, like a drunken fantasy. It felt surreal to not be alone at this time of the night, to have someone say to her that they would choose their lives differently to have her in their life. And when he said it, Barry Allen, the person colsest to her in this phase of her life, it suddenly felt like moving on the right path.
"And Cisco," she reminded him softly.
"And, yes, Cisco," he nodded, "How could I have forgotten him?" he chuckled slightly.
They both stared at each other or a moment. Then Barry extended his hand towards her.
She stared at it, her mind replaying the entire day in front of her eyes. For the first time, the possibility of him being anything more than circumstancial friend presented itself to her. Maybe they were not ready right then, maybe it will take months, years even, for them to get to that point, but if it was possible, and she felt like it was, then she should let it begin.
Smiling at the open warmth in his eyes, she reached over and placed her hand in his.
x-x-x
A/N: I swear this was supposed to end at "We shall", supposed to be just a happy fun story of the two, but I don't have any idea how this happened. Just tell me if it's any good, okay?
