Fudanshi = a boy who enjoys reading yaoi.
Fujoshi = a girl who enjoys reading yaoi.
Parings: SasuNaru, GaaNaru. Slight KakaIru.
Disclaimer: It is vox populi that I don't own Naruto.
Fudanshi
Chapter One, otherwise named as 'The beginning'
"Hikaru knew that Jin was in love with him but… both of them were boys," read Naruto with teary eyes. Naruto was aware of Kakashi-sensei's dull voice playing in the background but… how could he not keep on reading this new and fascinating recent yaoi manga he'd bought? If he stopped reading Hikaru to kimi he would regret it forever! If he did, then all those insufferable queues and all those stares people would cast his way while he waited for his copy would just go to waste!
"Hikaru was a pretty little blonde who, until very recently, thought only of his childhood crush, Kaoru, but then…HE came and changed everything!" Naruto couldn't help but blush. This was gold, pure gold I tell you!
SMACK!
The sound of Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise hitting his unsuspecting head echoed in the room. Naruto let out a cry in frustration.
"What was that for?" he whined, feeling every pair of eyes upon him. He quickly hid his brand new manga under his Biology book and looked at Kakashi with an angry face. His teacher glared back at him with such intensity that Naruto decided it was best to leave it at that…for now.
Man, I can't catch a break!
"Now, now, be quiet and tell me what, exactly, mitosis is," said a very frightening (and apparently calmed) Kakashi, displaying a very eerie smile.
Naruto just sat there, trying to think, in search for the answer. Alright, Naruto, you can do it, just calm down and think…think mitosis…think….
Wow, thinking about something that actually wasn't yaoi was real hard, huh? But he was sure they've seen mitosis the last semester! Yeah, they had a class on that the very same day he'd acquired a very cute BL dating game…yeah…that's it!
Naruto opened his eyes with determination, and just when he opened his mouth to speak…
"Time's up! You hear that sound Naruto?" asked Kakashi while playing an air violin, "It's spelled D-E-T-E-N-T-I-O-N!"
"But…" Naruto started but, as always, Kakashi would have none of it.
"Alright, class, pair up in teams of three and…" he trailed off when he caught a glimpse of Iruka running through the hall just outside the class. Apparently, he was in a hurry.
"Never mind, kids, you're on your own!" and Kakashi was about to leave as he intended to when a very manly voice stopped him.
"Kakashi, you can't leave the class unless you have a proper replacement." The very manly and husky voice said from the back of the classroom.
Teme, Naruto thought in annoyance.
Sasuke! Thought the entire female population.
Kakashi tsk-ed. This kid surely knew more about school rules than he did. But, alas, he had to leave his dearest class alone. C'est domage! But…a man had to do what a man had to do. And so he made a very irresponsible and rushed decision.
"Okay, Shikamaru, you're in charge!" and he was off to chase poor Iruka to wherever he was heading to.
"Troublesome…" was Shikamaru's whispered response to no one. Then he proceeded to carry on with his nap and everyone, or almost everyone, celebrated.
So, Naruto tried to muffle the sound of people shouting and screaming, and talking…and then, yes, he proceeded to pick up his previously camouflaged manga and resumed his reading.
"Oh, even if Jin looked like he had a stick up his ass; Hikaru soon found out this new kid, extremely rich and handsome, wasn't as unnerving as he thought…" Naruto read and instantly shivered with delight.
And he was so impossibly immersed in his reading he didn't, couldn't possibly realize, a certain someone was quietly staring at him, and quite longingly too.
Yes, Naruto is a fudanshi. Quite like a fujoshi, only male. Oh, but don't blame him, if you ask him it was all Ino's fault. It happened like this:
Naruto was getting ready for his date with Sakura. Alright, alright, it wasn't a date, properly speaking, but close enough! Ino, the most popular girl at Konoha High, was having a party at her house. Well…not a party, properly speaking… it was more like a get-together with her friends, but I digress.
Obviously, she'd invited her all-time favorite enemy, former best friend, and wickedly called "Forehead", Sakura Haruno.
Why was Sakura invited? Naruto had no idea. He figured it was some kind of girl thing to do, to invite your rival over just to brag about…girly things? Yeah, he had no idea, whatsoever. But! Sakura got to choose someone to go with her to the party, and she chose him.
Well, it wasn't like Naruto was her first choice, but Sasuke wasn't on speaking terms with her. Actually, no, Sasuke wasn't on speaking terms with anyone, period.
So, Sakura got stuck with Naruto, and so, Naruto's finally got his date. His first date ever!
"Are you ready yet or do I have to bring you down so we can GO?" asked Sakura, down from the staircase. Naruto gulped. He knew the pink-haired girl wasn't precisely known for her patience, so he hurried down the stairs almost tripping on the last step.
"I'm ready!" he shouted in a very bob-spongy way. Sakura rolled her eyes in response.
"Very funny, now let's go, I swear I want nothing but to get this over with!" Sakura took his arm and dragged him out of the house.
Get this over with? Then why are we going to Ino's place! Honestly…
"Oi, stop right there!" Oh, noes…that voice, and those steps that went "click click click". It was her! It was….
"Tsunade-sama!" Sakura bowed and promptly greeted her friend's mom while Naruto suppressed the urge to bang his head against the nearest wall.
"Let me take a picture of you two!" Tsunade grinned like a mad-man, or more like a mad-woman, being the case. Naruto bit his lip and Tsunade knew, she just knew this time she had him!
"A polaroid? Really, mom, really?" Naruto mocked her in a vain attempt to ease his nerves. Tsunade twitched.
"What was that?" she glared at her son. The brat, how dare he call her old! She was not old! She was in her best years, damn it!
"Nothing, nothing," was his murmured response. Sakura only stood there, slightly amused at the power she evidently had over Naruto.
"Now, smile!" and she got her picture, or, as you may call it, blackmail material.
"Ok, can we go now?" Tsunade nodded and Sakura and Naruto both ran towards Ino's house, which was only a few blocks away from Tsunade's.
When they got there, Ino Yamanaka opened the door and ushered them in. "Alright, guys, two new additions to the party have just arrived!" she said as she did the proper introductions. "Everyone, this is Forehead," Sakura frowned but just when she was about to correct her she spotted a very bored-out-of-his-mind Sasuke and forgot about it.
"…and this, this is…" Ino eyed him from head to toe. "What was your name?" she asked, and everyone's eyes turned to look at Naruto.
"Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki…" he said sheepishly, while rubbing the back of his neck. Ino nodded impatiently, and pushed him aside as she went directly to where a now very annoyed-by-pink-haired Sasuke was.
So Naruto was pretty much left on his own.
Jeez…so much for Sakura not leaving my side.
"Hmm…hey…H-hey, Naru…Naru…"
Naruto turned around, only to find a timid girl with short hair, trying to start a conversation with him. "Naru…Naru…"
"Naruto, and you are?" he held his hand and she stretched it, then, as if realizing she touched his hand, she blushed and shook her head so fast, Naruto thought it might just snap off.
"Hinata…I…I..I'm Hinata," she said slowly, and then turned around on her toes and ran as far away from him as she could. Leaving, of course, a very confused Naruto behind.
"What was that all about?"
"Everybody, gather up!" Ino shouted at some point of the evening. Naruto, who was at the moment talking to Kiba, a canine-like boy he'd seen at school before, turned his head to the source of the noise.
All of Ino's guests sat around in a big great circle. Naruto sat in between Sakura and a boy called Shino (rumor has it, he barely speaks!)
"Right, so, now what?" asked Neji Hyuuga. Naruto opened his mouth forming an O. After all, Neji's look were a lot like Hinata's, but his attitude was a lot like Sasuke's if you think about it. Yeah, maybe he was a hybrid? At that thought, Naruto chuckled.
"Now we play truth or dare, Neji," she answered, unaware of the boy's anger beginning to rise.
Oh, dear…of course it had to be truth or dare! Naruto cocked his head to the side. This was gonna be so humiliating.
"Who wants to start?"
A few minutes later, Ino had successfully managed to make Lee drink a whole bottle of her mother's whisky and weird out Sasuke by asking him who he liked, getting no response.
Hinata had to do a weird dance, Neji had to do a perfect backflip (which he did without even sweating) and Shikamaru…well, he had to attach to his hair a pink ribbon.
Now, it was Gaara's turn to ask. Everybody was thinking so hard "let it not be me" trusting that, somehow, Kami-sama would hear them.
"Naruto…" Gaara's husky voice made itself heard.
Well, obviously Kami-sama didn't hear him plead!
Gaara slit his eyes and then…
"I want you to read this…" and he gave him a seemingly innocent manga. Ha! Piece of cake! thought Naruto, quite content with his own dare.
But then… then it happened. His whole world unraveled.
"Oh, please, let me cum!" alright! So this was THAT kind of manga. Yeah, the kind of manga that old pervert at his former school would like. Naruto shuddered. No problem, he could still do it, right? He was Naruto, after all!
Right, so he turned over the following page.
"Yeahhhh…you like it when I do this to you, don't you?" that's when Naruto's face experienced the FCC syndrome: Fast Color Changes. First his face turned white (Is that a boy?), then his face turned red (Oh, my…it is!), then his face turned a darker shade of red (And they are both doing it?) and then… he passed out.
Everybody eyed Gaara just a little frightened as he grabbed the manga, which was lying next to an unconscious Naruto, and then proceeded to put it into Naruto's bag.
His eyes clearly stated that should Naruto ever find out before he…obviously had to find out, then, well…let's just say Gaara would personally see to it that whoever did it would be crushed.
Back home, Naruto found the book hiding in his bag soon enough and, since he never ever backed out on his word, he got on with the reading.
Ok, so the manga went on and on about these two high school students, studying abroad at an all-boys boarding school. One of them, Hikaru, he was all girly like, but strangely, he had a strong character and never backed out on his promises.
So, yeah, he liked Hikaru. The guy seemed like a really nice, down-to-earth dude, so yeah, he'd have to give the authoress of the manga credit for that.
He kept on reading.
Oh, nice one Hikaru! Yeah, tell the bastard who's the boss! Wait. No! Don't kiss him! Can't you see he'll break you in two! Huh? ... Oh, well, apparently, the bastard's into it. Go figure.
And Hikaru has an enemy, the student council's president, Jin, who was, much to Naruto's dismay, a complete jerk. Sure, sure, he was athletic; he had long, dark hair, and his body…what a body! But! He was, indeed, a jerk.
Kind of like Sasuke-teme…except Sasuke wasn't the least bit interested in boys, or in girls? Ok, now Naruto was guessing, but still!
"Naruto! Either you come down to dinner or I'll make you!" Tsunade yelled.
"Just a second!" Naruto yelled back at her. Like hell he would just come down to dinner without finishing his reading first!
Wait, what? Book before food? Who am I?
"It's not a book, it's a manga, so it's ok!" he reassured himself and finally, yes, finally finished the story. A quick glance at the clock and… It was eleven o'clock already? No! It couldn't be right!
Whatever…he'd come down and grab something later. Now, back to the manga!
He read it all over again. Maybe, because he was trying to make some sense out of it, he didn't know. I mean, first Hikaru hates Jin's guts and, apparently, Jin feels the same way about Hikaru. Then, somehow, Jin saves Hikaru from a fight and Hikaru falls head over heels for him! That was… that was wrong!
So, Naruto read it yet another time. This time, he picked up on something else… Hikaru's long-lost friend, Akira was also attending the same school and he was smitten with Hikaru!
But then, Naruto realized, there wasn't much more to the first volume of Hikaru to kimi. A little bit disappointed, he promised himself he'd eventually buy the following volumes...Just for the sake of knowing what happened next!
And thus, Naruto became engaged in the complicated world of yaoi.
So…yeah, this is the first chapter! I promise I'll make the next ones more interesting than this one, I promise! Also, reviews are gold. Make me rich.